A month later
"I am going to be so late." Santana complained as she sat in the passenger's side seat of Quinn's car. They had just done a 'single' job. Which meant only two or three people went to take a target out instead of the whole team. This man was easy and by his record they both had scammed through earlier made them glad they could rid the world of his evil presence. She was supposed to meet Brittany at their new therapist office at one it was now ten minutes till." I am going as fast as I can." Quinn shot back. Brittany was defiantly going to kill her. This was Santana's second time going to this woman. Brittany had been about six times and Brittany really thought talking to this woman was helping her. Brittany still had nightmares and panic attacks but they weren't as severe and easier for Brittany to get calmed down again without that much help. Santana wasn't as scared leaving Brittany alone for a little while. Family still was rotating to stay with Brittany because she didn't want to be alone on bad days. She had noticed she was clingier now but other than that Brittany had begun to smile a little again which everyone needed to see especially herself who had missed her wife's smile.
Brittany had gone down on her a couple of times now and they have had heavy make out sessions but Brittany would not let her touch her. It was irritating but Santana knew this was going to take time and patience. Her wife was raped and she needed to support her wife as she became comfortable with her making love to her again. She had spoken her concerned to the therapist last time and the therapist understood perfectly what she was talking about. Brittany didn't like to be naked anymore with Santana which made her sad because they use to go all day in nothing roaming around the house. Taken a shower with Brittany was an awkward experience now because Brittany didn't want her to look at her. Santana cried when she was alone at how much of a stranger she felt like to Brittany. They never hid from each other in the past and now Brittany was always hiding. She hoped this therapy helped and helped her fast to become comfortable with her again.
"We are here." Quinn announced making me shake all the thoughts out of my head my wife was upstairs in an office waiting on me." Thanks Q I'll talk to you afterwards." Quinn smiled then gave her a little wave as Santana made her way out of the car and running towards the building. When she arrived in the office waiting room Brittany was the only one sitting reading a magazine. Brittany looked up and smiled seeing her wife." She is talking to someone and will be out in a few." Brittany announced before she could ask. Santana gave her wife a quick peck on the lips then took her hand in hers as she sat down. "You look beautiful." I said noticing the blue top that I use to love seeing Brittany wear back in college. It showed her cleavage nicely. She also had a pair of blue leggings that showed her nice butt off. But she had her blue pea coat right beside her. That was her thing now she would wear a nice outfit but a big coat over it or she wore baggy clothes like she was hiding her body from the world which made me frown." thank you baby love that outfit you have on can see your nice hips perfectly." Brittany exclaimed squeezing my hand. I blush a little as she licked her lips. I winked before someone interrupted us. It was Missy Gaston. She was a short petite long browned haired woman in her early thirties. She was a very nice and dedicated to her profession that made Santana admire her more. "Brittany and Santana How are you ladies doing?" Missy asked stretching her hand out to Brittany who gladly accepted it." I am good." I answered taken her hand in mine and shaken it a little before grabbing Brittany's.
Brittany smiled but didn't answer but Missy never pushed it any further." ok we are going to have to meet in another room today. They decided to finally pull up that old carpet in my office and replace it perfect timing? Yeah I know it sucks but I would rather them fix it now then wait another three months." Missy rambled on as we walked through the hallway of the back office. As we passed people Brittany scooted closer to me. I noticed she would tense up if men would pass her." You're ok babe." Santana whispered to her wife.
"Finally we are here." Missy exclaimed allowing us to pass her before she shut the door. " Ok ladies we left off with Santana confessing some feelings last week do you want to continue Santana or do you want us to start with Brittany and return to you?" She really didn't care which way but she needed to ask Brittany some things." I will continue." Santana announced shooting Brittany a small reassuring smile." Ok you said last time in here before it was quitting time that intimacy was a big issue at the moment." Santana cringed at the thought of that. Their sex life had never been an 'issue.' they were like rabbits most the time and if it were possible to get each other pregnant they would have had more than a hundred children by now.
"I was just explaining I don't know what to do about the fact Brittany doesn't want me to touch her or for that see her naked. We have always been so open with each other and I understand she has been through this tremendous ordeal and I wish to god she never had to go through this but I don't want us to grow apart. Before that night Brittany and I had been fighting or arguing because I missed our anniversary because I was out of town for business. When she started speaking to me that day this all occurred she said she felt like we were growing apart." Santana was close to tears now." I am sorry San." Brittany apologized just feeling she should." No you don't have anything to be sorry about. It's me Brittany if I would have gotten there just sooner instead of freaking out he wouldn't have had a chance. I wish it would have been me and not you." Santana looked down to the floor finding her black heels very interesting at the moment. Brittany's eyes widened.
"Never Santana I would never want to see you go through this or have to go through these feelings and fear. I would never wish that. Santana we are not growing apart. Yes this terrible thing happened but that is why we are both here so we can get passed this. That is what I want I want to be able to have you touch me and I not flinch or have a stupid flash back. I want to be able to make love to you all day and night like we use to and we will. I just need time baby." Brittany explained." Look at me Santana." Brittany demanded. I tried to keep looking down as I cried but I couldn't I knew I had to look at her. I looked directly into those blue eyes I loved so much." I love you so much and I wish I could be normal again for you now." Santana shook her head" Brittany I just want you to be happy again and not have any more nightmares or flashbacks of that bastard." Missy nodded" We can help with that Brittany how is the medication working?" Brittany didn't like taken medicine but she had to admit they helped with the panic attacks and made her moods stable. "Good they are helping I believe." Both her wife and Missy smiled at that." Well Santana, Brittany and I have been discussing why she is having problems with being intimate with you." Santana looked over lovingly at her wife hoping she would feel comfortable with talking about it since Santana would really love to know what is going on in her blonde's head." Brittany it's your turn to talk." Brittany took a deep breath before she made eye contact with her wife again.
"San what we have what we had was just between you and I. we started dating so young I never wanted anybody else. You know every flaw every scar. You know me inside out and I know I do on you when he raped me." Brittany had turned to look away the words made this so real for her. She wanted to go to her safe place in her head before this time when everything was rainbows and unicorns." Look at me Britt this is me." Santana pleaded. Brittany turned and looked at those chocolate eyes she loved so much." I don't want you to hate me San." Brittany cried harder still looking in her wife's eyes.
"Baby, why would I hate you?" Santana took both of Brittany's hands in hers." He damaged me Santana. He took something that was just yours and mine and he ripped it away. He was inside me Santana how could you ever want to make love to me again? He went inside me." Brittany covered her mouth like she had said the dirtiest word in the world. Santana shook her head" I love you Brittany. I would never hate you and I want you so bad still baby. Believe me when I say what he did that was because he was sick and twisted. We should have taken him out last time we had a chance. I wished so much that we would have. And I hate him I hate that he has made you feel this way. You're not damaged baby. You are the perfect woman I fall in love with the moment I saw you when we were kids. That will never change. You don't have any diseases baby so it doesn't bother me at all. Even if you did that would never take away my attraction I have for you." Brittany listened trying to process everything her wife was saying in." I just want to be normal again. I want to be able to be naked with you and have you kiss me like you use too without seeing his face or hearing his voice." Santana looked over at Missy she really had no clue how to help her wife in that area." "Brittany now tell your wife what you told me yesterday." Brittany squeezed Santana's hand tighter grabbing her wife's attention again.
"I am willing to try San. I can't promise you it's going to be exciting or if we will be able to finish the first time but I am willing to try for you." Santana closed her eyes then reopened her eyes to make sure she wasn't dreaming. This woman was amazing after everything she had been through she was still worrying about her." I want it to be what you want Britt." The Latina whispered. Brittany nodded "I do want this baby." Santana couldn't contain the smile that was now plastered on her face at the moment her heart was melting." I love you San and anything I can do to get better and make our lives better than before this happen I will try." Santana nodded." I too baby." Santana knew she was not going to ruin her chance this time. The therapy session went better than any of them had anticipated it would.
Afterwards Santana drove them to Maxine's café. Maxine the owner had watched the two girls grow into beautiful women." Brittany, Santana!" Maxine greeted rushing from behind the counter to give each of them a hug." I prayed for you a speedy recovery dear." she whispered in Brittany's ear." Thank you Maxine." Brittany smiled in the older woman's shoulder. Santana was next she wrapped her arms around the older woman's waist as Maxine gave her a big hug." Ladies sit and eat. Of course lets order you some food first then sit and we can catch up." Maxine was very excited about this visit. Santana didn't know if Brittany was feeling company but if she didn't she had never said anything so Santana nodded. After they had order their usual foods Maxine gave them a moment to eat before pulling up an extra chair to their table and sitting down with coffee in hand." So what are your plans for the rest of the day?" Maxine asked as she got settled in her seat. Santana shrugged" That is certainly up to this one." she pointed over to her wife who smiled widely.
"I think I want to see the sun set at the beach." Santana bit her lip listening to her wife's plans." I think that absolutely sounds amazing." Maxine commented. "I do too." Santana added making sure Brittany knew she was all in. Brittany was relieved her wife thought her plan sounded nice. And that is just what they did after dinner they went straight to the nearest beach which was almost two hours away. "I love you so much." Brittany whispered while they walked on the abandoned beach hand in hand." I love you too Britt." Santana said giving her wife a kiss on the cheek before paying attention to the sky. It was almost sun set. Brittany made her stop at the house to grab a few things they would need for tonight. "How are you feeling babe?" Brittany shrugged and thought before she answered." Amazing at the moment I am with the most beautiful woman in the world at a nice beach waiting for a sun set I know will be amazing as well." Santana liked that answer." I agree with everything but I have to say I have the most beautiful woman in the world in front of me at the moment and the best part is she is all mine, I don't have to share her with anyone, never." Santana leaned over and gave Brittany a kiss on the lips. Before she could pull away Brittany added tongue.