GRAAAAA! Some bastard reported Ham-Ham Interviews, so I'm taking out all my anger by making this chapter extra funny! It's bad because my most popular and funny story is gone, but I guess I'll just have to handle it like my pal Tsubaki when his stories got deleted. I got rid of some of my other fics because I was worried they might get reported too. On with the fic, and I hope none of you ever forget Ham-Ham Interviews! Oh, and thanks to D. L. Lion for letting me use her character!
Chapter 5: The Horror of Ponies!
"Well Stan, we're finished!" cried Bijou, smirking happily.
Stan took a quick look in the mirror.
"AHHHHHHHHH! What have you done to my beautiful face!" Stan yelled, looking in the mirror.
Stan's lips were coated in several layers of pink gloss. His hair stood in curls and blue sparkly eye shadow shone on his eyelids. In fact, it was almost impossible to tell Stan from Sandy now!
"We just gave you a little makeover, Stanny-wanny!" said Sandy, pinching his cheek.
"Hey Maxwell?" Stan said. "How's about we give you a makeover too?"
"Great idea Stan!" said Pashmina.
"Yeah Maxy," Sandy smiled. "Let's do it!"
"Uh, err…" Maxwell looked worried. "Hey, what's that sound?"
"Oh yeah, like that one's gonna work on us." Said Stan harshly.
"No, listen!" insisted Maxwell.
Stan, Pashmina, Sandy and Bijou all perked up their ears. Indeed, there was a faint sound coming from the TV room.
"What is it?" asked Stan.
"I think it's the TV." Answered Maxwell. "What movie did you put on again, Bijou?"
"The happy ponies of something or other. It looked good for them so I didn't bother reading the rest of the title." Said Bijou.
"It doesn't look like happy ponies to me!" cried Pashmina from the door. They all followed her into the room. On the TV was the most graphic display of violence, swearing and inappropriate content they had ever seen!
"Go General Trots-a-lot!" shouted Pretzel to a pony on the television. "Pretzel is rooting for you!"
"No way!" Cinnamon argued. "Cin knows that Lieutenant Truffle Toes will win!"
Bijou looked in the TV guide.
"Let's see. The one hour premiere of the Happy Meadow Ponies of…Super Dangerous Nuclear Weapons of Doom! Oh crud!"
Bijou quickly switched off the TV, but the damage was done.
"That was best show ever!" shouted Pretzel.
"Yeah!" agreed Cinnamon. "Does Pret think that us could be super fighter ponies like that?"
"To save the planet from nuclear scourge, we must!" exclaimed Pretzel, saying the first complete sentence of the night.
Pretzel and Cinnamon raced into their rooms with a determined look on their faces.
"This doesn't look good." Gulped Pashmina.
"Come on, Pashy baby." Stan said. "What's the worst they could do?"
Stan's question was answered in a flash. Pretzel and Cinnamon chose that exact moment to jump out of the room. Pretzel was covered in what looked like cat litter and was wearing a pair of extremely ugly red overalls. Cinnamon stood next to him sporting her hair in seven ridiculous pigtails and wearing a tie and a lacy hat.
"I am Twinkle Dancer, pony of destruction!" shouted Cinnamon, taking out a staple gun from under her hat.
"And I am Sir Pony Punch, pony of chaos! Also blueberry pie!" raged Pretzel, also taking a staple gun from the pocket of his overalls.
"WE WILL DEFEAT YOU!" they both screamed, raising their staple guns at the five teenagers.
At this time, many of you may be wondering WHAT THE HECK two little kids are doing with a staple gun! However, if you were Sandy, Stan, Bijou, Pashmina or Maxwell, and knew Pretzel and Cinnamon, unfortunately, very well, you'd know that anything is possible with these children. You'd also know to ruuuuuuuuuuunnnnnn!
Sandy and Stan dodged behind a chair, Maxwell dived under the table, and Bijou and Pashmina hid behind the door.
"You shall not escape, Pony Force Four!" Pretzel yelled, launching a couple of staples across the room.
"Meow!" purred the cat, strolling into the room.
"Sir Pony Punch!" spoke Cinnamon to Pretzel. "It's our arch nemesis, Dr. Catty!"
The next thing they knew, the 'pony fighters' had stapled the little furball to the wall!
"Meeeroww!" hissed the cat, obviously complaining, as being stapled to the wall is probably not very comfortable.
"We have defeated you, Dr. Catty!" exclaimed Cinnamon.
"It's Professor Catty, not Dr." spoke the cat. "And I've had it with you two!"
A blinding light followed, and when the light cleared, the cat was gone, and in its place was w tall woman with gray hair and silver glasses perched high on her prominent nose. Atop her wispy gray ears sat a black witches hat.
"Pro…Professor Catty!" exclaimed Bijou, stepping out from her hiding place. "What's going on?"
"Quit simple really." Answered the witch. "I can transform into a cat, as you may as well know. I was wandering the streets as a cat, when these two brats seized me and brought me home as a pet! I've tried to escape, but I always get caught. And now I've come to the last straw!"
"I remember you!" said Stan, also arising from his hiding place. "You're that chick with the freaky wand thingy!"
"For lack of a better description, yes." Responded Catty.
"Can you cast a spell to get us out of this mess?" asked Maxwell.
"Of course I can!" Catty snapped. She raised her wand and cried, "Ameretto Bruchet-"
But Catty was stopped, for just at that moment, Pretzel and Cinnamon fired staples at her wand. The wand went flying out of her hands and attached itself to the wall, up extremely high.
"Oh great!" exclaimed Bijou. "This is just great! Now we're all going to be blasted to bits!"
"Don't give up just yet!" said Catty. "If there's anything I remember about these children, it's that they have extremely short attention spans!"
"You're right!" said Pashmina. "All we need to do is distract them!"
"Hey Pretzel!" said Stan randomly. "Wanna go on a treasure hunt?"
"Treasure hunt!" yelled Pretzel and Cinnamon, flailing their arms madly.
"Okay," Stan began, pulling out a piece of paper from his pocket. "The treasure map says, take four paces east."
Pretzel and Cinnamon took four steps and then said, "What next?"
"Then go into the closet and sit there for ten minutes." Stan told them.
The two children slipped happily into the door, and not a word was heard from them.
"Wow, smart idea Stan!" Pashmina complemented him. "It's too bad it's only for ten minutes though. What can we do to pass the time?"
"I have an idea." Said Stan, smiling naughtily at Pashmina.
"I should go check on Pretzel and Cinnamon now!" Pashmina said, running away from Stan and towards the closet.
"It's okay Stan," said Bijou, patting his shoulder. "I'm sure you'll find love someday."
"Hey Bijou babe," Stan asked, giving her the same smile. "How's about we-"
"Pashmina! Wait for me!" Bijou called, rushing towards Pashmina.
"So," said Stan, turning towards Professor Catty. "For a seventy five year old woman, you look only sixty nine."
"Excuse me Stanley," Said Catty looking disgusted. "But I have some business to attend to in Professor Elder Ham's office."
With a loud pop, Professor Catty had vanished.
"I cannot believe that you're so desperate to get a girl that you hit on an old lady!" Sandy said to Stan.
"It was a moment of weakness!" Stan said angrily. "But man, why is everyone running away from me today?"
"Well," said Maxwell. "It's either because A) you're a pervert or B) you still have makeup on."
Sandy laughed and she and Maxwell left the room, leaving Stan alone.
Stan washed the makeup off before saying to himself, "I'm so bored! What am I supposed to do now? I mean I'm in a house, all alone…with a full fridge, and tons of blueberry pie and…"
Stan stopped there and slapped himself in the face.
"Gosh I'm an idiot!" He said, and shortly after, ran into the kitchen.
-
-
"They haven't said anything in a while…" Pashmina said, leaning against the closet door.
"Yeah, maybe we should go check on them." Bijou agreed. Together, the girls pushed open the door.
Inside was a small, cramped closet, and on the floor sat Pretzel and Cinnamon who looked up as Bijou and Pashmina entered.
"You playing treasure hunter us with?" Pretzel asked.
"Err, not exactly." Bijou said. But she was unable to clarify because at that moment a huge shriek of horror came from Pashmina.
"EEEEEEKK!" she yelled, flailing her arms.
"What is it Pash?" asked Bijou.
"Sp-sp-SPIDER!" Pashmina shrieked, pointing at her head where a large, black, hairy spider sat.
"AHHHHH!" Bijou yelled. "I hate spiders! Help!"
"It okay." Pretzel reassured the girls. "That just Cinnamon's stuffed spider Oscar!"
Pashmina removed the stuffed toy from her hair and handed it to Cinnamon with an angry look on her face.
"Well, that was just-" began Pashmina, until she was interrupted.
This time it was Bijou who screamed.
Pashmina saw a spider on her head and said, "Relax Bij. It's another stuffed spider, right Pretzel?"
"No." he answered. "That Nami, Pretzel's pet spider. Come here Nami spider friend!"
The spider leapt from Bijou's hair and into Pretzel's arms.
"Okay, that's it!" screamed Bijou. "Pashmina, we're out of here!"
The two girls ran out of the closet.
"Man, I hope Stan's not having as bad a time as we are." Said Pashmina with a thoughtful expression.
"What? You actually feel sorry for that pervert?" Bijou said.
"Well…" Pashmina started. "I dunno. I mean, when he hits on me I feel…"
But Pashmina couldn't finish her sentence, for at that moment they crashed into a certain couple and fell to the ground.
"Maxwell! Sandy!" said Bijou. "Where've you guys been?"
"We were making ou- I mean reading Shakespeare!" Sandy cried.
"But Sandy, you told me you hated-"
But Sandy stopped Maxwell and whispered something into his ear.
"Oh right!" Maxwell said. "We were reading Shakespeare! To be or not to be!"
Pashmina and Bijou would have spoken up, if it weren't for a huge BUUUURRRRPPP coming from the kitchen!
"What the heck?" yelled Sandy.
The four teenagers ran into the kitchen. The fridge was hanging open and empty and Stan stood swooning up and down, barely staying on his feet, and blue goop hanging from his mouth.
"Oh, hi hic ladies." He said, swaying from side to side. Then, without warning, he toppled over onto the kitchen floor.
"What's wrong with him?" Pashmina asked.
Maxwell bent down and looked at Stan for a minute. Then he looked up again.
"Maxwell, what's happening to my brother?" Sandy asked with a look of horror.
"I've come to a conclusion." Maxwell said, avoiding eye contact with her. "But you won't like it at all…"
-
-
Dun dun dun! What's going to happen to Stanny-wanny? And I hope you noticed this, Ham-Kelly, but I snuck a teeny weeny bit of SP into this chapter, and there will also be some in the beginning of the next chapter. Thank you all for reading! I'd also like to say a late birthday greeting to Stan and Sandy! I don't know how old you guys are, but I sure love ya! Be sure to review and stay tuned for the next chapter!