Chapter 15: Blurred Vision

"Marissa. Marissa. Marissa." The voice seemed to get louder and louder and louder. She heard her door open.

"If you're planning on going to school today you better get up."

Marissa groaned and tried to open her eyes. She managed to make out the shape of her dad standing in the doorway through her half shut eyes.

"I'll get your breakfast ready," he said shutting the door. Marissa sat up and swung her legs out of bed. She winced as she stood up too quickly. She had convinced everyone that it wasn't sore anymore but it was – she just couldn't stand their constant sympathy.

Jimmy put down his newspaper as Marissa walked in dressed for school.

"I put out some bagels and cereal."

"Thanks."

She picked the cereal and poured some in to a bowl. Jimmy watched Marissa start to eat. There seemed something odd about her.

"You alright?"

"Ye. Why?"

"I dunno, you're just very quiet, not yourself."

"Well it is practically the middle of the night," she said trying to sound cheerful. Jimmy smiled and went back to reading his paper. After a couple of minutes he put it down again.

"Remember, I'm always here if you need anyone to talk to."

"Ye, I know." She put her spoon in her half eaten bowl of cereal and stood up.

"Are you not going to eat that?"

"I'm not hungry," she shouted back, walking to the bathroom.

Jimmy finished reading the paper and stood up. He walked past the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar and something caught his eye. Marissa was standing in front of the mirror just staring at her reflection. Her face was full of sadness but there was something else there. Fear? He couldn't figure it out. But something wasn't right.

He watched as she lifted her hand up to her head.

He watched her pain as she gently touched the stitches and bruises – he felt her pain running through him. She tried to cover them over with her hair but she gave up.

He watched as she brought her hand back down and looked at her reflection.

He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek.

He watched as she wiped it away.

He watched as another tear escaped.

That was all he could seem to do.

Watch.

Even though there was only a door and a few steps separating them it felt like there was a whole ocean. He knew that the tears weren't because of what the stitches and bruises looked like. Underneath all that there was something much worse, scars inside her that would never heal. Ever since that night Marissa had changed and there wasn't anything he could do about it. He used to always comfort her if anything was wrong, so why could he not now? Why could he only watch as his daughter drifted away from him?

"Dad?"

Jimmy walked through and saw Marissa at the front door ready to leave.

"I can drive you if you want."

"No, it's fine."

"You sure?"

"Ye, I'm meeting Ryan, Seth and Summer out the front of school."

"Ok, well have a good day and if it's too much then just go to Dr Kim."

"Ok," she gave Jimmy a quick kiss on the cheek and went out the door.

He put his hand up to his cheek. He felt it burning from her kiss just like her tears burnt a trail through his heart.

Marissa pulled her car into a space at the front of the school. She looked over the school grounds, swarming with students. She took a deep breath and tried to stop her hands shaking. She picked up her bag from the passenger seat and got out the car. Her legs felt like jelly and she had to hold on to the car door for support. She slammed the door shut and made her way to the steps, gripping the handrail as she slowly made her way down. When she reached the bottom she noticed that everyone around her was stopping and staring at her. Nothing was ever kept quiet in Newport. She felt all their eyes burning holes in her body. She hung her head and tried to cover the bruises and stitches with her hair. People started to whisper to each other. She felt her throat close up and her eyes start to sting but she tried to ignore it all. She kept going until she reached her locker. She opened it and started fumbling around in her bag. She didn't even know what she was looking for she just had to do something. She tried to open a zip inside her bag but her hands were trembling too much. She just wanted to lean against the lockers and crumble to the ground.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and it all came flooding back

"all we want is your bag"

She turned around and crashed into the lockers, dropping her bag. She saw His face for a second but then it disappeared and it was just another student.

"Oh sorry I thought you were someone else."

She bent down trying to stuff everything back into her bag. Her breathing was shaky and she could feel tears falling from her eyes. She grabbed everything and stood up. There he was. Only a few metres away. He turned around holding the gun. She took a step backwards and pinned herself against the lockers.

"No, no," she whimpered. He started moving towards her. She could see the fire raging in his eyes. She crashed her locker shut and started running. She barged through everyone as they seemed to close in on her.

"always so difficult"

"let me break it to you honey"

"doesn't happen like that in the real world"

His voice was all around her.

"doesn't happen like that in the real world"

Except she wasn't in the real world. She was in a nightmare. One she had already lived through.

She ran up the steps shoving past people. She pulled her car door open and jumped in, slamming it shut. She tried to get her keys in the ignition but her hands were shaking and sweaty. She could feel tears falling down her face, blurring her vision. She forced the key in and reversed out at full speed. Cars beeped at her but she didn't care. She sped out of the car park. She ran her hand through her hair and sobbed. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't care where she was going. She just had to go. She tried to wipe away some tears but put her shaking hand straight back on the steering wheel as she swerved to avoid a car coming in the other direction. She kept her eyes glued to the road, flashes of everything that happened blurring her vision. Him. The gun. The ground. The car. The hospital. The station.

She slammed on the breaks and pulled in to the side of the road. She leant her head and arms on the steering wheel, her whole body shaking as she cried. She would do anything to wake up from the nightmare.