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Chapter 22: Hopes and Dreams

Marissa smiled when Seth opened the door.

"Hey Seth."

"Hey. Come on in."

"Thanks."

"I'm guessing Ryan's in the pool house."

"Umm, actually no," Seth said looking at the floor.

"Oh ok. Where is he then?" Seth rested his hand on her shoulder and led her through the house.

"Uh, Seth, what's going on?" Marissa looked at him confused.

"Well…" he looked out over the living area where everyone was sitting – Ryan, Summer, Kirsten, Sandy, Julie and Jimmy. Marissa followed his gaze.

"Okay, what's going on?" she said confused though she had an idea of what was happening.

"Marissa, honey, why don't you come and sit down?" Marissa glared at her mom.

"I'm not sitting down until someone tells me what's going on here!" She wished they wouldn't all just sit there staring at her. She couldn't stand all the sympathy in their eyes. Jimmy stood up and walked towards her.

"Kiddo, I know you've been through so much recently," Marissa folded her arms and glared at her dad as he walked over to her, "but keeping it all to yourself isn't going to help. I don't know why you can't tell me, or anyone else here, what happened. We're on your side, we're here to help, but we can't help if you don't let us in." He looked into her deep eyes and tried to read her emotions. He used to always be able to tell when she was sad, scared, happy, anything. He always knew when she needed a hug or when she needed to be left alone, but recently he never seemed to know what to do.

"What're you saying?" she asked calmly but angrily.

"I'm saying that I think, we all think, that you need to see someone. Someone who can help you better than we can."

"I am not going to see another therapist!" she shouted suddenly, unfolding her arms. Julie stood up.

"After Tijuana it was part of our agreement."

"Yeah, and look how well that turned out," she threw back, sarcastically. "Those places are full of kids whose parents can't be bothered dealing with what's really going on!"

"Well what is really going on?" Marissa looked over at Ryan who was standing up.

"I…I…" Marissa felt her eyes start to brim with tears.

"Here's your chance. Clear the air," Ryan said seriously.

"I…" she stammered again. She suddenly sobbed and turned around, running back to the door.

"Marissa!" Jimmy shouted to her. He was about to go after her when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned round to see Ryan.

"Don't. Let me."

He ran past Jimmy as Marissa ran out the front door, slamming it after her. Jimmy turned to everyone. The only thing they all wanted was for her to get help and to move on with her life.

Marissa ran down the driveway as her hair blew into her face, sticking to her wet cheeks. Ryan ran out the front door as Marissa reached the bottom of the driveway. He knew he would easily be able to catch her. He followed her as she turned left out onto the street. He grabbed onto the top of her arm.

"Ryan! Let go of me!" she cried, struggling to get out of his grip. He drew her to him as she flailed her arms around. Her hand accidentally collided with his mouth as she continued to struggle with him. He just held on to her tighter as he felt blood on his lip.

"Ryan! I mean it! Get off me!" she shouted through sobs. "Get off me!" she said slighter weaker. "Ryan…" she said quietly through a sob as she started to give in. "What's happening to me?" she cried weakly, slowly giving in and letting Ryan wrap his arms around her. He didn't say anything. He knew that if he did he would probably just say something to upset her even more. He just held on to her tightly as her sobs gradually slowed down.

He didn't know how long they had been standing there just holding on to each other. He was suddenly aware of how quiet it was.

"Hey, it's getting cold. We should go back in."

"It was like it was happening all over again," Marissa whispered quietly.

"Hey, it's ok. You don't have…"

"I was just going to my locker, when he appeared with a gun. He was coming for me so I ran….and…and…"

Ryan released his arms from around her so he could see her properly. She was about to say something again, but it became too much as she leaned against the wall and sunk to the ground. Ryan sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry Ryan," she said as a tear slid down her cheek. Ryan grabbed her hand and held it tight.

"You don't have anything to be sorry about."

"Yes I do. I was so stupid. I feel like I've let everyone down."

"Look just promise me one thing." Marissa looked at him.

"Promise me that you'll get help."

"Okay," she whispered, nodding her head slightly, as she got lost in his eyes. He leaned forward and gently kissed her on the lips. He started to be taken over with passion as his lips met hers but he knew that now wasn't the time.

She could never understand how whenever Ryan kissed her everything was perfect. Just for those few seconds. Nothing like that had ever happened with Luke.

"Come on let's go inside. You look a wreck," he added lightly.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically, smiling. "You're not looking too good yourself," she said wiping a bit of blood off his lip.

"I think that's the first time I've ever been punched by a girl," he laughed putting his hand up to his lip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," she said suddenly feeling guilty, looking at the ring on her finger which had collided with his face.

"I'll forgive you. I think I might just manage to live."

Marissa hit him playfully on the arm as he stood up. He held out his hand as he helped her to her feet. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and took her back inside.

Seth walked over and flopped onto the couch beside Summer. He rested his hand on her thigh.

"You ok?"

"I don't think I'm the one you should be worried about right now."

"She's been through this sort of thing before."

"That just makes it worse not better," Summer sighed loudly.

"I know what will make you feel better."

"Cohen I'm not going to make out with you. Your parents are in the kitchen."

"Not that. Though if you want…." He started to slide his hand up her thigh. Summer slapped it off.

"Ooww!"

"Get your pervy hand off me. What were you going to say?"

"Well I was going to say strawberry milk, but now I think I need some ice," he said clutching his hand.

"God Cohen. You're such a wimp."

"Be that as it may, my hand does look kind of blue."

"Umm, that's your veins," Summer said patting his knee. She stood up and walked to the kitchen. Seth lifted his hand up and studied it, frowning.

"Did you really expect her to run up to you and hug you and say "Sure daddy! I'd love to go and see a therapist!"?" Julie asked Jimmy angrily.

"Look, I don't feel good about this but we agreed it's for the best."

"Guys just give her some time," Kirsten said.

They all looked over as the front door shut. Kirsten couldn't help but smile when she noticed how Ryan had his arm protectively around Marissa. Julie rushed over and hugged Marissa.

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry for dumping all this on you. But I really do just want what's best for you," Jimmy cleared his throat and Julie rolled her eyes. "We want what's best for you."

"I know. And that's why I'm going to get help."

"You are?" Jimmy asked in surprise.

"Yeah. I mean what have I got to lose."

Ryan stepped back to let Jimmy hug her. Kirsten smiled at Ryan proudly. Marissa was lucky to have him. She walked over to Marissa and handed her a tissue when she noticed her tear stained face.

"Here."

"Thanks," she said smiling at Kirsten.

Seth walked over to Summer and put his arm around her waist.

"Hey Ryan. How've you got blood on your lip?" Seth asked smirking. Ryan looked at Marissa who looked down blushing.

"Seriously!" Seth laughed in disbelief.

"It was an accident," Ryan replied seriously.

"Uh huh," Seth said with a grin on his face. "Did you hear that Summer? Chino got hit by a girl!" Seth nudged Summer and looked over at her still grinning. Summer folded her arms and looked back at him, not amused.

"Come on kiddo let's get you home," Jimmy said putting his arm around his shoulder.

"You gonna be okay?" Ryan asked Marissa quietly. She gently nodded her head. He quickly leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Go out to the car. I'll be there in a minute," Jimmy said gently to Marissa. He turned to Ryan as Marissa walked out to the car.

"I really can't thank you enough. Getting her to agree. I just…"

"It's fine. Really."

"Thanks for letting me do this," Jimmy said to Sandy and Kirsten.

"Whatever you or Marissa need we're here to help," Sandy replied reassuringly.

Jimmy nodded and walked out the door to the car. Jimmy smiled to himself. He knew it wasn't over yet but hopefully this was the beginning of the end of a long struggle. Though he knew only too well that it doesn't do to dwell on hopes and dreams.