A/N: Welcome to the Reviewing Hall of Fame, now paying homage to the wonderful fluffy2001, Dr. Rebecca Chase, smilesbackwards, Rose12345, MusicalMemory, DeathtotheMarySue, Key Smith, Kalmeida, BeccyJose and Ivy 3, for being amazing and (that's right kids) REVIEWING! YAY.
Disclaimer: It's posted on FF. Do you really think it's mine? Don't sue.
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It used to be Breakfast at Tiffany's. It used to be her favorite movie. She used to love how Audrey Hepburn flipped her hair and smiled like the world was okay even though she knew better than anyone that it wasn't. She used to pray that someday she'd be able to do that, smile and make the darkness disappear. She never could.
Lisa Cuddy wasn't Audrey Hepburn. She wasn't skinny or flighty or a flirt. She was too damn smart to let herself be. No, instead she was a hard-assed supervisor who spent all day keeping House from killing his patient and everybody else from killing House, not to mention the nonstop ass kissing for all those high-and-mighty corporate sponsors. She kept the hospital, her baby, running smoothly and spoiled as hell. It was her job. It was her life.
Because having a separate life away from work was just crazy.
She needed it to be one life. She didn't have enough time to divvy it up. Every second needed to be filled and filled productively. It's how she made it to the top, the first woman dean of medicine, the second youngest on record. She had once heard a young med student refer to her as 'the brilliant power-hungry, dragon-lady bitch that she wanted to be in ten years.' She might have been a bit insulted if she hadn't been so incredibly flattered.
Cuddy smiled inwardly, eyelashes sticky from mascara slightly past its expiration date. She tilted her head back slightly, allowing her tight muscles to relax as the sound of soft-falling rain soaked through her skin. Too bad, it was soaking through her roof too.
People disapproved of her, her uptight lifestyle and high power role. The medical world was truly a man's world, and you had to have balls if you were going to survive, more balls than your male coworkers if you were going to succeed. Everything came at a price. You had to be willing to pay with your life to win all that she had won; you had to be willing to live with no regrets.
Yet she did have regrets.
She regretted not getting married or having kids or becoming Audrey Hepburn. She loved her life, her friends, her job, and still she regretted all that her life was missing.
She was sick of paying with her life. She wanted life. She wanted not to scare the shit out of people as most women in power do. She wanted to have a piece of her (an inevitably, the man of her choice) to run around, to call her mom, to need her, to love her. She wanted someone to rely on her for reasons other than covering their asses and filing complaints. A part of her just wanted to be a real doctor again, instead of the wretch that made sure they didn't screw up.
There was one clear leak in the middle of her kitchen, sweet-smelling rainwater pooling beside her refrigerator. Its sound was therapeutic, soothing after a long day. She considered moving from her recently reupholstered La-Z-Boy in the next room over to go get a bucket, but didn't mind it enough to move. It was nice. Or maybe just sitting was, and the dripping wasn't annoying enough to keep it from being nice. Whatever. For the moment, the dragon lady was cool.
Cool.
She wasn't cool with everyone, her fifties housewife mother and three Barbie sisters. They were like clones. They each popped out another baby every chance they got, each one more Jewish than the next. Two were orthodox. Between the three of them, they had nineteen kids. Nineteen. It was like a testament to the Brady Bunch (only with more realistic hair.) She was the only one without a man, without a baby and without a prayer. She had something they didn't.
She had a career.
And she had balls of steel.
Lucky, lucky her.
Sometimes she wondered, wondered what her life would be like without all the sacrifices, without all the bullshit. She wondered what it would with like with a man in her bed, in her house, in her life. She was getting so sick of being alone, of being lonely.
How long?
How long could she last? She wanted, oh God, how she wanted! She wanted her mother's disappointment to disappear. She wanted to live! She wanted to be Audrey Hepburn! She wanted calories! Could she ever be anything other than safe?
What's so wrong with safe?
Safe was what kept the hospital running. Safe is what kept the lawyers at bay. Safe is what kept her from going out, getting plastered and picking up the man of her dreams (for one night at least.)
Cuddy sighed, running her long, elegant fingers through her now tangling hair. She couldn't remember what shade of brown it was this month. She would have to consult the box of overly pink hair dye sitting on her bathroom counter. Or maybe she would just ask House. He would know.
She felt so old, like her chances were gone and her year numbered. She had no real family, just her baby, the hospital. What would happen when she got too tired to run it? She would retire, no doubt, but then what? She would be alone, truly alone with nothing and no one to care for or about her. What would she do then? Write a book? Sit back and enjoy her loneliness? Live vicariously through the holiday photos of growing families her sisters occasionally bothered to send? That's what she did now. My God, she felt like a failure.
Cuddy sat bolt upright, her relaxation suddenly gone.
She would settle for a fling. My God, she would take anything, anyone. She needed sex! She needed her straight-laces undone, if just for one night.
Cuddy stood swiftly, wincing at the pain of putting weight on her sore feet. Damn shoes. They were two inches too high, but too stylish not to wear. She had always been good at dealing with pain.
It's the mistake you always made, Doc, trying to love a wild thing.
Was she wild, something worth taming?
Sometimes she wondered.
Oh God, how she wondered.
You mustn't give your heart to a wild thing.
Maybe Breakfast at Tiffany's was wrong. Maybe you should.
Did anyone dare?
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Drum role for the chapter everyone's been waiting for! House is up next! It probably won't be up until Friday, maybe Saturday. Sorry. I'm going to be pretty busy. I'll do my best to get it up soon. And since I already hit my 20-review goal (score!) there will definitely be the drunken bonus chapter. –crowds clap wildly-
Review anyway?