Fractured

A Leader's Sorrow

Raphael approached the kitchen with quiet, nearly silent, footsteps when he heard the unmistakable sounds of hindered sniffles. The noise resounded softly within the small space, echoing and traveling towards his ears as he drew closer. He had intended to trot inside just to fetch a bottle of water from the fridge after pounding the dojo's punching bag into submission but the contained sounds of sadness caused him to change his long, noisy strides into cautious, careful treads.

At first, the red loving turtle thought it was Donatello that was responsible for the hushed noises. It did make sense after all; Don had been taken advantage of in one of the worst possible ways. Plus, there was the fact that the genius had been crying... well, whenever Raph caught a glimpse of him being transported between rooms by Leo or Leather... which was barely a handful of times.

It was then that Raph realized it couldn't be his brainy brother. Not only was Don having a hard time with walking for... obvious reasons, he would probably choose sleeping in the comfort of his own room rather than cry in an open space like the kitchen.

It couldn't be Mikey; if it had been, then his orange loving, trickster of a mate would probably be a bit more noticeable if was distraught- sniffling loudly, blowing his nose like a high powered wind tunnel into a flimsy napkin, or cutely hiccupping between incoherent words.

It couldn't be his father. Master Splinter rarely displayed that kind of emotion in front of him or his brothers. If he ever had the need to have a cleansing cry, he would more than likely do it in private.

So... that only left-

Raphael's warm amber eyes widened with disbelief as he stepped into the doorway of the kitchen. There, waiting for the heating tea kettle to start whistling, was his older brother, Leonardo. The turtle leader was leaning his hands against the counter, his shoulders hunched inward as he took up a reflective, standing posture.

At first glance, one would think that Leo was simply in deep thought about something- which was understandable, all things considered- but then Raphael noticed the other's form shaking. The leader's shoulders would jerk slightly in correspondence to the sound of a quiet series of hiccups. Although Raph couldn't see the other's bright green face all that well from where he was, he could still make out a faint trail of liquid streaming delicately down from the corner of Leo's closed eyes.

It took Raph several seconds of thoughtful silence before he cleared his throat lightly, trying to soften his usually gruff voice with little success, "Uh... Fearless, yer wata's boilin'."

Leo turned his head slightly but abruptly, his glistening, watery grey eyes locked onto Raph's amber ones for the briefest of moments before his eyes shifted down to his feet shamefully. On of his hands fluidly reached up to wipe away a particularly fat tear that was teetering at the brim of his eye, "Oh... h-hey Raph. I didn't know you were still up..."

Raph tilted his head, walking into the kitchen with mild hesitation as he approached his brother, the bottle of water forgotten. Just as the kettle began to whistle at an extremely high, annoying pitch, the red clad ninja reached around his distraught brother to twist the knob to the stove's eye to the off position, "Nah, couldn't sleep. All I can think about is killin' the sick son of a bitch responsible fer this mess."

Leo's posture stiffened at Raph words, as if something within the statement caused him great discomfort or offense. Raph swiftly noticed this, his frown deepening when his brother didn't respond back; only tighten his apple green hands into fist.

"Leo...," Raph said carefully, his darker emerald green hand reached over slowly to grasp the turtle leader's clenched fist with a demanding but gentle grip. It was then that Raph realized something, "Did Don say somethin' to ya? 'bout who did this ta him, I mean?"

Leo was silent for several seconds before he turn his glistening eyes, so vulnerable and open in their look, to the hot head's face, nodding briefly. They leaked extra tears at the motion, despite how hard the leader had tried to keep them contained. Raph had to contain a startled gasp; he had never seen his brother and leader look so defenseless, exposed, but, at the same time, he had never seen him look so... beautiful.

Of course Leo had nothing on Mikey, but back before him and the leader had chosen their current and- more than likely- eternal mates, they had started something. It had been purely experimental and there had been absolutely no love involved; only raging teenage hormones infused with animal instinct. It had happened in secrecy and they both knew that Michelangelo and Donatello knew nothing about it... which is exactly how they wanted to keep it. Raph didn't know how Leo felt about the whole thing but the hot head knew that there were instances- like now- where he had the hardly containable urge to kiss, to touch, to hold his older brother like he used to. The only thing that would stop him- again, like now- was his faithfulness and devotion to Mikey.

It took several seconds after the leader's nod for Raph to react, his grip tightened slightly around Leo's hand, "Did he say who it was?"

Leo shook his head, his eyes falling with shame as more tears began to well up in his eyes; the urge came back with a vengeance but Raph was able to contain himself yet again, "N-not their names... but he said he... he killed one of them."

"... One of them?" Raph growled out suddenly after the words sunk in, his hand withdrawing from Leo's as if the leader's hand was made of hot coals instead of flesh. He backed up from his brother slightly, his jaw tensed and his arms flexed, as if he were getting ready to hit something, "O-one of them? My brotha was fuckin' gang raped?"

His tone came out harsher than he intended but he couldn't help himself. Leo's body fully faced him, his arms crossed over his plastron in a vulnerable, saddened way. The tears were flowing freely now, his usually strong, fearless persona began to crumble and shatter before Raph very eyes, "... Y-yes... and it's all my fault."

"The fuck it is," Raphael denied automatically, not missing a beat, "Don't start that 'Fearless Leader' bullshit with me, Leo."

The turtle leader's grey eyes flashed to Raph's; they were tragic, saddened, but also determined. He was thoroughly convinced that this whole this was his fault, "But i-it was my fault, Raph. I-I was the one that yelled at him. I'm the one that drove him away that night. It was all me."

"No, it wasn't you," Raph roughly reinforced, his taller, muscular form stepped to his brother, as if challenging him to deny his words, "Ya know that Don is as stubborn as a mule. No one could've stopped him from walkin' out that door. He was gonna go out, whether ya yelled at 'em or not. Who is responsible fer all of this crazy, backwards bullshit is the person... are the people who did this ta Don. They're the ones that have to pay so... so stop blamin' yerself already would ya?"

Leo's wide, watery regarded his immediate younger brother with mild shock before his expression sobered, the tears still falling freely down his apple green cheeks, "But... it was my fault..."

Raph sighed with exasperation, "Leo-."

"No, Raph!" That's when Raph saw it; Leo finally broke. It was probably the first time in a long time he had seen his brother this way. It was like witnessing Halley's Comet after seventy-six long years of waiting- it was tragic but beautiful all at the same time. He knew he shouldn't be calling his older brother's breakdown beautiful but seeing another side of him like this... a side that rarely anyone else saw, was refreshing as well as heartbreaking.

Leo continued, his eyes narrowing through his tears, his body trembled with the strain of several unstable emotions and his low lip- although hard to catch- quivered slightly, "I'm... I'm the gone that's supposed to protect him, Raph! I'm the one that's suppose to steal his pain away; absorb it and live it so that he would never have to endure what he's enduring now! What was the point of leaving him to go out there alone? What did I have to prove? Why the hell didn't I just go with him?"

"Leo... calm down, bro," Raph tried to smooth over his rough voice but failed, his hands coming up to grip the leader's shoulders with a firm grip.

Leo shook his head vigorously, his eyes closed tightly as he did, "N-No! I-"

It was then that Raph abruptly pulled his brother into his chest, his emerald arms wrapping around the back of Leo's shell, keep him in place. Leo gasped, his trembling form began to struggle against the bindings that were his brother's arms but he stopped when the hot headed tucked his head underneath his emerald chin. Grey eyes blinked with bewilderment and confusion as his cheek was purposely pillowed against his younger brother's neck, a fast pulse drummed rhythmically against his ear.

"R-raphie?" The leader didn't mean to use his childhood nickname for his brother but he couldn't help it. He was feeling to vulnerable to care.

"Look... I... I know yer used ta Don bein' there fer ya when yer feelin' unstable or out-of-it, but... but he's too broken right now. We all have ta help him heal so that he can be our freakishly smart little weirdo again," Raph started, his arms tightened around Leo reassuringly, a thumb rubbing reassuring circles into the bright skin at the back of the leader's shoulder, "I have Mikey; Mikey has me.. but who do you have, Leo?"

"... I can handle myself," Leo mumbled against Raph's shoulder, his tears drying but still flowing

"Oh yeah, then what the hell do ya call this then, huh?" Raph retorted, "This ain't called 'handlin' it'. This is called 'wiggin' out'."

Leo remained silent so Raph continued, "Just let me be there fer ya, Fearless. I might not be the best person ta talk ta- I ain't no fuckin' therapist or anythin'- but what ya were doin' before I came in here, cryin' by yerself while no else is around? Yeah, that's gonna have ta stop. Ya got that Mr. Tightass?"

The turtle leader sniffled lightly, his head shifted slightly as he buried his face deeper into the side of his muscular brother's neck, wet, salty liquid automatically drenched the hothead's skin. His apple green arms slowly, hesitantly wrapped around Raph's shell, giving him a half-hearted hug in return; that was silent yes, "... H-hothead..."

That was a silent yes too. Raph smiled half-heartedly, kissing the side of his brother's temple as an innocent act of comfort, "Splinta Jr..."

A/N: Finally! Damn, why the hell does it take me so long to write a flippin' chapter all of the sudden? I had this thing planned out and everything; why did it take me three days to write this darn thing? Ugh!

Anyway, at least it's finished and posted (sigh). So yeah, Leo and Raph use to have a thing going on before they got together with Don and Mikey. What they had wasn't really love, like I had said in this chapter, but pure, physical gratification. Does Don and/or Mikey know about their previous relationship :3?

Kukuku, you'll have to find out in later chapters XD