Don't Let Your Guard Down
chapter 13

i am soooooo sorry that this is a week after i posted the last one! I had two tests on thursday and then I visited my friend at college...even though it was snowing really hard...and i ended up driving my car into the side of the mountain after hitting a patch of ice. i'm fine, the car is fine... but its been a hectic weekend. so i hope you can forgive me for not updating sooner.

Disclaimer: is there any point to even putting this here anymore? you know i'm not JK Rowling and you know what belongs to her and what belongs to me

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Lily walked into the room where the prefect meeting was to be held but jumped at what she saw. "Oh…hi."

James glanced up but didn't say anything and went back to what he was doing.

"You're here early," Lily noted.

"Strange huh?" James mumbled sarcastically.

"Very," Lily muttered back. James and Lily didn't talk for a few seconds while they were gathering their stuff.

"So…why exactly are you here early?" Lily wondered.

"What do you mean?"

"You're never early," Lily said. "In fact, you're usually here after the prefects."

"That's not true," James snapped. "I'm always in the room at least a few seconds before them."

"Yeah, if you push them out of the way to get into the door first," Lily snickered.

"What's your problem?" James asked, turning to face her. "Either I'm not here early and you yell at me, or I'm here before you and you yell at me."

"I'm not yelling at you!" Lily cried out.

James gave her a look.

"That doesn't count," Lily argued. She looked at him and shrugged. "It's just surprising to see you here this early."

"What does it matter the time I get here?" James sneered. "As long as I'm here before the others, does it really matter if I'm here thirty minutes before or thirty seconds before them?"

"It's setting a bad example when you're not here early," Lily said.

"God Evans, we've had this fight before!" James exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. 'How the hell can they tell when I'm here? All they see is me here when they arrive. Do you want me to camp out here at night? Maybe I should come to the meetings three days early. Is that enough time for you?"

"Okay, now you're just being stupid," Lily muttered.

"You're the one yelling at me about what time I get here!" James exclaimed.

"If I recall, you started yelling first!" Lily sneered, facing James.

"Are you guys fighting…again?" a prefect asked as he walked into the room.

"No!" Lily shouted as James yelled, "Yes!"

James turned to Lily. "Yes we are."

"We are not fighting," Lily insisted.

"Yes we are."

"It's just a small debate," Lily noted.

"Fight."

"Small debate."

"Fight!"

"This could possibly be the stupidest argument ever…" the prefect said. "You're fighting over whether you're fighting or not. Does anyone else see a problem with that?"

"And these are the people in charge…" another prefect muttered.

"Sit down," both James and Lily said in unison.

"Well that was…" James trailed off trying to find a good word. "…productive."

"You threw a book at me!" Lily exclaimed, gathering her stuff together.

"Because you wouldn't shut up!" James cried out.

"I'm supposed to talk. It's how you run a meeting," Lily retorted.

"Yeah I know…but I can't remember the last time you let me talk and run the meeting!"

"Because you'd ruin it!"

"How so?" James demanded to know.

"You'd offer them all free cake or trips to Hogsmeade every weekend or something stupid like that," Lily pointed out.

"I would not!" James said and then paused. "Can we get free cake?"

Lily clenched her fists. "You are impossible," she said through gritted teeth.

"What?" James asked, surprised by the hatred in her voice.

"You make it impossible for anyone to be nice to you, for anyone to actually like you. You're an egotistical prat who could be perfectly happy living life as if girls are just objects or toys," Lily burst out. "And I'm tired of it. I'm tired if this."

"So why don't you just leave Hogwarts?" James spat out.

"Because I'm not gonna run away from it…that's what you do," Lily said and then sauntered off.

"Does anyone else see a problem with us sitting around doing nothing?" Remus asked a few days later.

Sirius looked up from his bed. "We're not doing nothing…we're talking about girls and drinking butterbeer."

"Which by the way isn't allowed in here," Remus noted.

"Obviously that hasn't stopped us," James said who was lying on his stomach on the floor.

"I'm waiting for the day you guys get caught," Peter said from his desk chair.

"You're drinking it too," Sirius noted.

Peter looked down guiltily at his mug. "Oh yeah."

"So you never answered the question Moony," James said, averting his attention back to Remus.

"That's because it was a very inappropriate question."

"Asking when the last time you were with a girl is not an inappropriate question," Sirius argued.

"But you didn't ask me that…you asked me when the last time I got laid was," Remus said.

Sirius paused. "I'm not seeing the difference."

Remus rolled his eyes and went back to throwing hisquill up in the air and catching it.

"Frankly, I don't see the reason why you haven't had a girl for awhile," Sirius said.

"I'll name three of them," Remus said. "I howl at the moon, I'm hairy, and I would bite their heads off once a month."

"So?" James asked. "Sirius does all that stuff too."

Sirius threw a pillow at James but was laughing. Sirius said, "But you're clearly the nice one. You're sweet and innocent and don't use girls. I'm surprised every girl doesn't swoon at the sight of you."

"Swoon?" Peter asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, swoon. It kind of sounds like spoon and swan mixed," Sirius explained.

"Yes Si, we know what it sounds like. But what we didn't know was that you use the word swoon," James noted.

"I don't use it very often…just when it's needed. Like the word irk and humble," Sirius said with a shrug.

"And homework," James snickered.

Remus shook his head back and forth and turned to Sirius. "It amazes me how you get up in the morning without falling over."

"Speaking of swan, how's Lori Byrd?" Peter asked.

Sirius looked blankly at him. "Are you calling Lori a swan?"

Peter rolled his eyes. "Her last name is Byrd, which sounds like bird, and a swan is a type of bird."

Sirius gave him another blank stare. "I don't get it."

"Oh sure, he can come with that swoon sounds like a cross between swan and spoon, but he can't figure out that a swan is a type of bird," James said, rolling his eyes.

"Well Lori and I aren't together anymore," Sirius said with a shrug.

"Why not?" James asked.

"It started off with those most horrifying four words," Sirius said with a shutter.

"Watch out, a monster?" James asked.

"No…we need to talk. But watch out, a monster runs a close second," Sirius said with a laugh.

"So why aren't you together anymore?" Peter asked.

Sirius shrugged. "For some reason, she doesn't think I'm smart enough. She thinks I won't go anywhere with my life after Hogwarts. But look at me…you know I'm gonna marry well."

"And often," James snickered.

"So what girl have you moved on to?" Peter wondered.

Sirius gave him a surprised look. "I am shocked at that question. Lori and I just broke up and you think I have another girl already?"

Peter, Remus, and James exchanged looks. "Yes."

"Well I haven't even looked at another girl since—oooh, looking good Amber!" Sirius called out.

"Uh Sirius?" James said. "That's a chair."

Sirius looked over and pouted. "It's been a whole 14 hours since I've been with a girl and I'm already delirious!"

"Oh how hard it must be to be you," Remus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm glad someone understands me," Sirius said to Remus.

Remus shook his head in disbelief and turned to James. "So how's your love life?"

"Oh you know," James said with a shrug. "…not as bad as Sirius's."

"I don't think it can get much worse than being without a girl for 14 straight hours," Sirius noted.

"I don't know…having the girl you're totally in love with hate you because you had sex with her and then left her stranded without any explanation seems pretty bad to me," Remus said.

James glared at him. "Did I hurt you in someway?"

"Huh?" Remus asked.

"Well obviously I did something to hurt you that made you bring that up…again," James said.

"We just like pointing it out," Remus said with a grin.

"My love life seems perfect compared to it," Peter noted.

"Sure makes 14 hours seem like nothing," Sirius said.

"Look, how many times do I have to tell you," James said, sitting straight up. "I'm not in love with Lily, I didn't leave her stranded, and it's really not that big of a deal."

It grew quiet for a second.

"Oh, you so love her," Sirius said.

"You definitely left her stranded," Remus added.

"And it's a huge deal," Peter finished.

James just stared at them. "No matter what I say, you won't believe me huh?"

"Not at all," was the unanimous answer.

James sighed and took a huge swig of butterbeer. "There's more to life than girls. And there's definitely more to life then Lily."

Sirius gasped and threw a pillow at James. "How dare you say there's more to life than girls! If that was true, I'd have nothing."

"Sirius…you still have nothing," Remus pointed out.

"Except a great sex life," Sirius said with a wink.

Remus groaned and made a retching noise.

"So how's Gigi these days?" James teased.

"Oh come on," Sirius groaned. "We don't have to talk about Evans but can we not bring up Giliba."

"So you had sex with her and then went and had sex with someone else…could you be any more of an idiot?" James asked.

Sirius's mouth dropped wide open. "Who told you?"

James looked up at Remus and Peter. "Who do you think told me?"

"No one in this damn group can keep a secret," Sirius muttered.

"And you're the biggest blabbermouth of all," Remus noted.

"Am not!" Sirius cried out.

"Sirius…if someone has a story, they come to you. Then they'll know it will be all over the school in 2.5 seconds," Peter said.

"Not true!" Sirius argued. "…but what story have you heard?"

All three of his friends rolled their eyes. "Nothing big…just the gossip about you and Giliba."

Sirius jerked up from the bed. "There's gossip going around?"

"No…amazingly enough, you were able to keep that secret," James said. "But dude, seriously, what were you thinking?"

"I don't want to talk about Giliba," Sirius mumbled.

"Why did you have sex with another girl right after her? I mean, she wasn't just some girl. She was one of your good friends…"

"Probably the same reason you ran away after having sex with Lily," Sirius said harshly.

"I didn't leave because of her!" James exclaimed for the hundredth time.

"Oh right, because you never run when you're scared," Sirius said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "I mean, after you discovered you liked Lily, you went and got with another girl. When you and Lily kissed, you made out with Nancie the next day. So you leaving the school I'm sure had nothing do with Lily."

"I am tired of telling you guys this: I did not leave because of Lily!" James shouted. "I wanted more than anything to just lay by her side, but I couldn't. Okay? So can we drop this damn subject!" James got up and stormed out of the room.

Gigi slumped down into the couch in Lily and James's common room. "I'm bored. It's a Friday night and all we're doing is sitting here."

"Oh what, is this your first Friday without a date Gi?" Kacie teased, rolling her eyes.

Gigi thought about it for a few seconds. "Pretty much, yeah."

Kacie stopped smiling and turned to her. "Are you kidding?"

"Well, were you?" Gigi asked.

"Yes…but not really," Kacie said, looking up at her from the floor.

"Yes but no?" Gigi said.

Lily shook her head in confusion. "Alright, I am thoroughly confused."

"I second that," Kacie said.

The three girls laughed and put the conversation past them. "So Kace, when's the last time you had a date?"

"The last time a guy even liked me, he was paid to ditch me," Kacie muttered.

"Yeah, but technically he didn't like you. He just liked the idea of getting you into bed,"Gigi noted.

Kacie sighed and leaned back on the side of the couch. "Since when did guys only care about sex?"

"Since the Marauders got to them," Gigi mumbled. "I'm sure they started a club and are telling all the guys at Hogwarts that sex is the only important thing in life."

"You're in that club, aren't you Gi?" Lily teased.

Gigi threw a pillow at Lily and laughed. "Nah, there's a girl club too…but I'm the only one in it."

Lily laughed as Kacie said, "There should be a club of all the girls who have slept with a Marauder."

"That would be the whole school…except you Kacie," Gigi teased.

"I'll start my own club," Kacie said. "The smart girl at Hogwarts."

"Well I agree with you on that one…" Lily murmured.

"How is it that those boys are all the same?" Kacie asked. "I mean, who would have thought that both Sirius and James would have sex with you two and both of them would ditch you the very next day."

Lily and Gigi took a slight second to think of it and then both of them threw a pillow hard at Kacie. "And who knew that both of you would be so angry," Kacie teased.

"Can we ever have a conversation that doesn't involve the Marauders?" Lily groaned.

Gigi sighed. "Either we see them everywhere, or they end up in our conversations. It's like they're the only people who exist."

"Let's forget about them," Lily said. "And let's talk about how hot Tyler Brewer is."

"I think something happened to him over winter break because he got ten times hotter," Gigi noted.

"He's also Ravenclaw Quidditch captain and he trains like twenty hours a day," Kacie said. "I don't think his body could get any better."

Lily burst out laughing just then. Gigi and Kacie turned to her. "What?"

"We are the epitomé of a girl. Sitting here on a Friday night talking about boys and braiding each other hair."

"Uh…we're not braiding each other's hair," Gigi noted.

"Give it five minutes," Lily said with a laugh.

"Mr. Black," a voice called out. Sirius turned around to see Dumbledore talking to him.

"Hi Professor Dumbledore," Sirius said, slowing down so Dumbledore could reach him.

"I haven't had a chance to talk to you about everything. I have already discussed everything with Mr. Potter, but haven't had a chance to confront you," Dumbledore said. "And I just wanted to make sure that you are okay."

"Oh yeah, I'm perfectly okay. Wonderful in fact," Sirius said and then paused. "Okay about what?"

Dumbledore gave him a heartwarming smile. "About Mr. and Mrs. Potter."

Sirius gave him a blank stare. "What about them?"

Dumbledore smiled sadly. "I don't think denying it is a good way to go Mr. Black. I know that the Potters were like your parents too. I know how close you all were. The Potters death was tragic, and I hope you're okay. But I am mostly making sure that you are taking care of James."

Sirius stood there silent. No words came to his mouth. Finally he swallowed the lump in his throat. "The…the Potters death?" he squeaked out.

"How is Mr. Potter holding up?" Dumbledore asked.

"I don't know," Sirius whispered.

"Excuse me?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "I mean, he's fine. Took it pretty hard. He was gone for three weeks of the winter break because of it…" Sirius paused. "…right?"

"Of course," Dumbledore said. "That's why he left so urgently."

Sirius looked off into the empty hallway. "It all makes sense," he murmured.

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing…in fact, I'm about to go find James. Make sure he's okay and…yeah. So, thank you," Sirius said quickly.

Dumbledore gave him a wary look but then nodded. "Good day Mr. Black."

Sirius just gave him a wave to show he acknowledged his words, and then sped off into the direction of his room, knowing James was doing homework with Remus. But at the last moment, he switched directions and ran to the Head room.

"Lily?" Sirius called out, zooming into the common room. "LILY!"

Lily sped into the common room from her room. "What? What is it? What do you—" Lily asked worriedly until she saw who it was. "What?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

Sirius gasped for breath. "You…can't…hate…him."

"Who?" Lily asked, obviously not wanting to talk to Sirius.

Sirius took another few quick breaths. "James."

"I think you've interfered with my life enough Sirius," Lily said stubbornly. "Now if you excuse me, I was doing hom-"

"No," Sirius persisted.

"What?"

"It wasn't his fault."

"What wasn't?"

"He didn't have a choice."

"Who didn't?"

"He had to leave," Sirius claimed.

"Why?"

"Look Lily-"

"Is it possible for you to form sentences with more than four words in them?" Lily asked, obviously annoyed.

"Yes it is definitely possible," Sirius said. "See? That was a five word sentence."

"Get out," Lily said.

"Lily, you can't ha-"

"I know, I know. I can't hate him," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "You said that. And if you're gonna run all the way here and give me this bullshit about how I can't hate him, why don't you tell me why the hell not or do us both a favor and get out."

"How did you feel when your parents died?" Sirius asked.

Lily looked at him in shock. "Excuse me?"

"How did you feel-" Sirius started to repeat.

"That is totally none of you business!" Lily cried out. "What the hell is going on with you Sirius? I am really not in the mood to make small talk with you so can you either leave me the hell alone or tell me what's going on."

"James's parents died over winter break," Sirius said.

Lily stood there, her mouth wide open.

"Hello? Lily?" Sirius asked.

Lily shook out of it. "Um…what?" Lily asked.

"I don't know why he just left suddenly and didn't tell anyone and I don't know why he hasn't told anyone since he's been back but-"

"I do," Lily muttered.

"Huh?"

"I know why," Lily said.

"What?"

Lily sighed and sat down on the arm of the couch. "I didn't tell anyone my parents died until three months after it happened."

"But why?"

"It was too shocking, it was too upsetting, I never wanted to talk about it," Lily said with a shrug. "I was afraid that I was going to breakdown if I even attempted to mention it."

"Well that's why he left the day after you guys…you know," Sirius said. Lily rolled her eyes at the way Sirius put it. "He wasn't afraid nor does he hate you."

Lily looked down at her hands. "Okay."

Sirius looked at her, waiting for her to say more but Lily kept quiet. "Well…I'm going to go find him. I'll-"

"Don't tell him I know," Lily said quietly, not bothering to look up.

"Why not?"

"Just don't," Lily insisted.

Sirius shrugged. "Okay," and then he turned to leave.

"And Sirius?"

"Yeah?" Sirius asked, turning around to look her in the eyes.

"I'm sorry…for everything."

Sirius gave her a warm smile. "I know."

Lily returned the smile and then got up and went into her room.

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will Lily tell James that she knows? Will Sirius tell James he knows? How will James reactif he finds out that his friends know about his parents? Will Remus, Kacie, Peter, and Gigi ever find out? review to find out!