October 1994
New York City
Dear Mom,
Just a short note as I am working a double and the traumas are coming in fast and furiously tonight. There is a gang war somewhere. One shooting after another. Teenagers. Children with guns. Lives seem to be worth so little at times.
Zadro has met a girl that is finally making him think seriously. She is from Pittsburg, Pennsylvania and he met her at a cast party. She is giving up on her stage career and wants him to think about moving back to Pittsburg with her. Imagine. Zadro has been an actor since he was a little, little boy. He loves his life. And she is asking him to stop and get a job selling cars or something. I don't think Danijela would ever have asked me to give up being a doctor. I wonder where our lives would have been if she had? Would we have been in Vukovar during the war? Would they have died? I have thought about that a lot since Zadro has been going out with this girl. And I think she doesn't like me sharing the apartment with him any more. Maybe it is time that I looked for a place of my own. I like this place though. It's close to my hospital and the park I like to visit. Sometime soon I will have a day off so I can look for a new place.
My love to Tata and my brothers and their families.
Your son,
Luka
-----------------------------------
October 1994
Sibenik, Croatia
Dearest Luka,
How frightening to think that young people have so little regard for life. They haven't seen enough to know that every single moment is a precious thing. So very sad.
The sun came out this afternoon and warmed things up a bit. I was able to sit on the balcony with Natasya sleeping in my lap for most of the afternoon. Jelena comes over with her on the days after I have received my chemotherapy. They are a sight for sore eyes and it relieves your Tata to know that I am not alone. Jelena cleans for me and does the shopping when it needs to be done as well. Valerija stops by for tea in the afternoon as well. She never comes empty handed. She always has some treat from the bakery or the market to entice me to eat. Your poor Mati is nothing but skin and bones these days. Nothing seems to taste good to me. It's hard to eat. But, I have been so very lucky with my daughters in law. First Danijela and now Valerija and Jelena. Friends as well as my sons' wives. Sometimes it's easier to eat when you have good company. Not that your Tata isn't good company. He spends a lot of time in that spare room he calls his 'studio' these days. Did I tell you that he has been asked to have a showing at the Art Festival in Dubrovnik next summer? It is very exciting. He is very proud.
Poor, poor Zadro to have a girl that doesn't enjoy his life with him. I shall have to ring up his mother and have a long talk with her. Jelena and I looked Pittsburg up on the map. It doesn't look so very far from New York. Will you be able to visit him?
Love,
Your Mati
-----------------------------------------
November 1994
New York City
Dearest Mati,
Not to worry. Zadro has seperated from the girl he was dating. She has gone back home to Pittsburgh alone after all. We are back to four of us sharing the apartment again. Two are out of work right now and we always seem to have a card game going. The stakes on the table are usually the bills that have to be paid. I have been lucky in cards lately but have thrown a hand here and there. I am the one with the steadiest income after all.
I am sending a Christmas box early this year. I want it to be there on time. I am sending some toys for Javor, and Viktor and some trinkets for Natasya. I have sent gifts for you and Tata as well. I had hoped to be able to come home but the hospital is very short handed and cannot spare me at the moment. Maybe after the holidays.
I have put some hats for you in the box, Mama. Zoran sent me a picture of you and Natasya. Why didn't you tell me you had lost your hair because of the chemotherapy?
Love,
Luka
---------------------------------
December 1994
Sibenik, Croatia
Dear Son,
Oh, how we laughed and laughed when we opened your box and found the hats. My favorite is the soft green one that looks like the Lady Liberty statue. Tata likes the chef's hat. He plans to wear it himself when ever he is forced to do the cooking!
We will miss you at Christmas but understand about your new life. Please do one thing for me though. Please take time and go to church on Christmas eve. We have always gone and that is the only gift I want from you.
Love,
Mama
-------------------------------
January 1995
New York City
Dear Mati,
I wish I could have done that for you. I still cannot bring myself to go to church. Some day...
Love,
Your son Luka