Don't Let Your Guard Down
chapter 35
thanks to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it. i know a lot of you are upset that lily and james are still broken up and now that gigi and sirius have broken up for good (or have they?)
disclaimer: it's the 35th chapter...i think you know what goes here by now
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Lily twirled around and looked at herself in the mirror. She changed from the black top to the purple top to the pink tank top back to the black top. She sighed and took one more glance at herself. She smiled, satisfied with how she looked and happy that she was finally done getting ready. She looked around her empty room and grabbed a purse, deciding to wait in the common room. She sat down on the couch and glanced around, frowning at how quiet it was.
She nearly jumped out of her skin when a door flung open and in walked James from his room. James and Lily just sat (and stood) there staring at each other with nothing to say.
James cleared his throat. "Hi."
Lily waved nervously because she couldn't seem to find her voice. James glanced around the room awkwardly and turned around to walk into his room when the portrait hole flew open and in walked Radley.
Lily stood up and smiled at Radley. "Hey."
James winced when he heard Lily say 'hey' because he already knew who would be standing there when James whirled around. He sighed to himself and turned back around to see Radley give Lily a hug. Lily stole a glance at James and then looked back at Radley.
"You ready to go?" Radley asked Lily.
Lily glanced from Radley to James and back at Radley again. She stood there biting her lip trying to figure out just what she wanted to do. She refused to think about it all week because that meant she would have James on her mind and she was afraid if that happened, she'd never get him off her mind. What did she really want?
Lily glanced at James out of the corner of her and turned her attention back to Radley. Lily cleared her throat and looked up at him. "Actually-" she started, staring intensely over Radley's shoulder and right at James, who couldn't help but stare right back at her.
"Hey babe," a voice said, walking in from the portrait hole, walking around Lily and Radley as if they weren't standing there at all.
Lily closed her mouth and looked at Nancie walk past Radley and Lily and plant a kiss on James's cheek. She sighed, tore her eyes away from James, and smiled up at Radley. "Let me grab my purse." Lily took her purse from the couch, refused to look at James, and walked out behind Radley.
Nancie grabbed James's hand and led him into his room. James glanced over his shoulder at the spot where the portrait hole just closed before shutting the door to his room.
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Forty minutes later, Lily was saying the password to get into her common room and trudged in. She stopped abruptly when she saw James sitting on the couch…alone. She gave him a quizzical look, trying to comprehend what to do next.
James looked up, obviously startled by Lily's appearance. He closed the book he was reading slowly and said, "Back so soon?"
Lily shifted her weight a little and shrugged, not really sure what to say. She glanced around the room and awkwardly asked, "Where's Nancie?"
James didn't answer for a little bit until he opened his mouth to say, "Where's Radley?"
Once again, Lily shifted her weight nervously. "There is just one problem I have with him."
"What?" James asked curiously.
Lily stopped shifting anxiously and stood her ground, staring right into James's eyes. She said in a low whisper, "He isn't you."
James stopped and looked at her apprehensively, not sure if he heard her right. "What?"
Lily walked confidently over to the couch, placed her hands firmly on his shoulders and kissed him hard on the mouth. James was thrown off by this, but leaned back in the couch, wrapping his arms around Lily's neck. Lily melted into the kiss and leaned against his chest with her own chest, pushing him against the back of the couch. James's tongue entered her mouth, circling her tongue as she gently pressed on his shoulders to show how much she wanted it, a tiny moan escaping from her lips.
They broke apart and James grinned up at Lily. "I missed you."
"I haven't gone anywhere," Lily noted, settling down on the couch next to James and laying her head against his shoulder, smiling when James took her hand.
James smiled and kissed her forehead. "Yeah you did," he whispered before leaning in for another kiss. "I'm just glad you found your way back."
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"You did what?" Remus shrieked.
Sirius sighed and slumped down in his bed. "I don't know why I did it."
"I do," Remus noted.
"Why?"
"Because you're a moron," Remus said.
"Well I'm so glad we clarified that," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. He sat up and looked at Peter and Remus. "I just don't get it. I mean, I didn't want to break up with her. It just kind of came out. Whenever I'm around her, I act so stupid."
"That's not just when you're around her," Peter pointed out.
Sirius got up and started pacing. "Where's James?"
"I think he's with Nancie," Remus said.
"So while I'm sitting here fretting over breaking up with the only good thing to ever happen to me, he's having sex?" Sirius exclaimed.
"You don't know that they're having sex," Peter said.
Sirius glanced over and glared at Peter.
"You're right," Peter said. "They are totally doing it."
"Not helping," Remus hissed and then turned his attention back to Sirius. "Why don't you just talk to her?"
Sirius paced a few more times without saying anything. He sighed and sat down on the windowsill, staring out the window. Finally, without looking away from the window, he said, "Because," and then with another sigh, he added, "Because I don't want to."
"Huh?"
"I suddenly realize why James hasn't gotten back together with Lily," Sirius said. He finally looked away from the window and at his two best friends. "No matter what I do, Gigi will never trust me again. And I hate knowing that she never really will."
"Yeah, but unlike James, you gave Gigi a reason to not trust you," Remus said.
Sirius turned his attention back to looking at the pouring rain through the window. He was silent for several seconds before he opened his mouth to say, "I know. And now things will never be the same."
"And you're okay with that?" Peter asked.
Sirius got up and started pacing the room again. "Of course not. But there's nothing I can do. I have tried and tried to convince her that I've changed, that I'm different. But obviously, she doesn't want to believe it."
"Well I think she wants to believe it," Remus said. "It's just very hard to trust someone when you've spent a portion of your life not trusting them."
Sirius stopped pacing and glared at Remus. "Whose side are you on?"
Remus gave him a nervous look. "Well…I'd say I'm on nobody's side, but you're giving me a very evil look. So I'm gonna say I'm on your side."
"Good answer," Sirius said, sitting back down on the windowsill. He sighed and watched the rain trickle down the window while replaying the entire conversation with Gigi over and over in his head. He didn't mean to break up with her; it just slipped out of his mouth. But it was probably for the best. He couldn't be with someone who didn't completely forgive him for all his mistakes (even if it was a huge mistake) and couldn't even trust him to work on a simple project with another girl.
Remus looked at Sirius helplessly and glanced over at Peter who just shrugged at him. "I'm sure he's okay," Peter whispered naively.
Remus gazed back up at Sirius and reached into his trunk and took out his stash of chocolate. "Hey Padfoot," he said. Sirius sighed and slowly turned to look at Remus with sad eyes. "Want a chocolate?"
Sirius sighed again and just shook his head lamely. He glanced up at Peter and Remus and then turned back to staring out the window.
"Oh my god," Peter exclaimed. "He's not okay!"
"Hey guys," James said, barging into the room with a giant smile. "Are you—ooh, chocolate!"
Remus just rolled his eyes at James but passed the chocolate his way.
James swallowed an entire piece whole, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and looked up at his friends. "So guess what??"
Peter and Remus looked up from the floor. "What?"
James grinned and glanced over at his best friend to see his reaction but noticed that Sirius wasn't even paying attention. "What's wrong Padfoot?"
"Rain sucks," he muttered.
James looked to his other friends for help. "It's been raining for hundreds of thousands of years," James pointed out. "That can't possibly be what's wrong."
"That girl just fell into a deep puddle of water and she is now soaking wet," Sirius mumbled.
"So?" Peter asked.
"And she's wearing a white skirt," Sirius said.
"Move over!" Peter, Remus, and James all cried out. Sirius just scooted to the left and let them all look out the window.
"What idiot wears white when it's raining?" Sirius garbled.
"Okay, you are ruining this moment for us," James said, grinning as the girl attempted to get up and she ended up falling once again.
"You guys are awful," Sirius said. "That girl obviously just wants to get inside out of the pouring rain and you three are laughing at her and enjoying her pain."
James slowly turned and gave Sirius a confused look. "Normally, you'd be taking pictures of her and taking bets on what color her underwear is."
"It's a thong," Peter corrected.
Both Sirius and James glared at him.
"Carry on," Peter said sheepishly.
James rolled his eyes and turned to Sirius. "What's gotten into you?"
"Nothing," Sirius mumbled, turning away from James and staring out into the middle of the room.
James looked at Remus and Peter for answers. Peter and Remus exchanged looks and walked away from the window. "He got dumped."
"No I didn't!" Sirius cried out, getting up from the windowsill and pacing back and forth for the third time that night. "I broke up with her. If anyone got dumped, she was the one who was dumped! So therefore I am the dumper not the dumpee."
"Whoa, who'd you dump?" James asked.
Sirius, Remus, and Peter looked at him like he was crazy.
James shook his head frantically, finally understanding what was going on. "You dumped Gigi?" James hissed. He slapped Sirius on the shoulder. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why'd you do that?"
"Because she slapped me," Sirius said. "Watch out or I'll dump you next."
"Seriously, why'd you break up with her?" James asked, lying down on Sirius's bed, leaning against his pillow.
"Kinda why you didn't get back together with Lily," Sirius said. "Because I have a reputation of being a player and no matter what I do and no matter how much I try and show her that I care for her and only her, she will never trust me."
"But you guys will work it out," James said. "She wants to trust you. But once you do something, it's hard to gain trust back."
Sirius looked up at him. "Who the hell are you? A shrink?"
James rolled his eyes and ignored the comment. "Come on, you and Gigi can't break up. I just got used to you guys not yelling at each other."
"If she can't trust me, I'll just find a girl who can," Sirius mumbled.
"Well that rules out Lucie," Remus snickered.
"And the entire girl population of Hogwarts," Peter added.
Sirius slowly turned towards them and glared at them evilly.
"I don't think this is the time to joke," Remus whispered to Peter, not daring to take his eyes off of Sirius and giving him a sheepish grin.
Peter turned to look at James. "So what was your news?"
"What?"
"You came in here shouting guess what," Peter said. "What's so important?"
James glanced over at Sirius who was now lying down on his bed, propped up by his elbow. He sighed for the third time in twenty seconds and was pounding his pillow (supposedly to make it "fluffier"). James bit his lip nervously and then looked back at Peter with a shrug. "It's not important."
"You made it sound very exciting," Remus pointed out.
James stole another glance at Sirius. "No, it's-"
"Hey Sirius?" Lily asked, poking her head into the room. "Do you have the Transfiguration book I let you borrow?"
Sirius didn't even say anything, he just pointed at his desk, which James was sitting at right now. Lily glanced over, saw it, and walked over to pick it up. "By the way, it's your turn to do the rounds tonight," Lily said to James. "Don't forget."
"I won't," James said. "I'll do them later."
Lily gave him a look.
James got up. "Or I can do them right now…"
Lily laughed and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks," she said, and then left the room.
James turned to see the shocked looks on Remus, Peter, and Sirius. "Well, guess I should go now…see you guys later."
"You're not going anywhere," Remus warned.
"Not exciting?" Peter asked, raising his eyebrows, referring to James's previous comment about his news.
"Last time I checked, you and Lily were avoiding each other and not talking. Now you're kissing?" Remus asked and then he gasped. "Oh my gosh, you had make up sex tonight, didn't you!"
"Okay first of all," James started, "yes. And second of all, let's not talk about this now."
"Don't not talk about it on my account," Sirius mumbled. "I don't care."
"You know what you need," James said, getting over to sit beside Sirius on his bed.
"Strip club?" Remus suggested.
"Hm, I was gonna say brownies," James said and then broke up into a huge grin "But your idea is way better."
Sirius looked up, still having a miserable look on his face. "Can we do both?"
James slapped him playfully on the back. "That's the spirit!"
"Do we have any alcohol right now?" Sirius asked.
"It's a Thursday," Remus pointed out.
"What's your point?"
"That you'll be hungover tomorrow and not pay attention at all in your classes," Remus said.
"So?"
"So, teachers tend to not enjoy it when their students come in with a major hangover," Remus noted.
Sirius gave him a blank stare.
"Oh give him the alcohol," James said. "This conversation could go on all night."
"Yeah, and I never pay attention in class anyway!" Sirius exclaimed.
"But that's really irresponsible Padfoot," Remus pointed out.
Sirius stared at him. "And when was the last time I was responsible?"
Remus paused. "But the professors are going-"
"Oh, just give it to him!" James interrupted. "I don't want to hear Sirius' complaints the rest of the night."
"You just want the alcohol, too," Sirius snickered.
"Well yes, that too."
The four boys looked at each and burst out laughing. James glanced at Sirius who threw his head back and joined in on the laughter. James smiled and knew that no matter what happened, his best friend was going to be okay.
Sirius gazed over at his four friends and for the first time that night, smiled a little. He turned his attention to Peter and Remus who were leaning against the window on the windowsill with goofy grins on their faces and then turned his gaze to James who was sitting right next to Sirius. Sirius knew that with friends like these, he was going to be okay.
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Gigi sat in the corner of the Astronomy Tower, hugging her knees close to her chest. She wanted to say something to Sirius as he just walked away after telling her that because she didn't trust him, he couldn't be with her. She wanted to open her mouth; tell him she cared so much for him or tell him he meant everything to her. Just say something…anything. But instead she watched him walk away and say hi to Ronnie with a huge smile on his face.
She couldn't even cry about it. She felt that she wanted to, but no matter what she thought about, the tears didn't come. She just sat there in the dark corner thinking about him, hoping that it wasn't true. Maybe that's why she couldn't cry about it…because it didn't seem real to her.
She was so used to Sirius screwing up everything between them that even if she tried speaking to him, she wouldn't know what to say. She wanted to trust him; she tried so hard to believe everything he said, but it was hard not getting jealous and overprotective after everything that happened between them.
And he seems pretty pissed about her not being able to trust him. But she did trust him…or at least, she wanted to. Even if she tried going to talk to him, he would probably just slam the door in her face and she couldn't handle it. She hated that the one guy she cared so much for pretty much detested her. She didn't even know what she'd say to him because honestly, she wasn't sure she could trust him.
She glanced over at the Astronomy Tower stairs, frowned and quickly turned away, hugging her knees even closer to her chest.
&&& FLASHBACK &&&
"Go away," Gigi urged without looking up from her parchment.
"Why?" Sirius questioned.
"Because if I bite your head off, I'll go to jail," Gigi said, finally glancing up. "And I don't like jail."
"You've been there before?"
"GO!"
"Fine, fine," Sirius mumbled. "I can take a hint."
"Really? Because you've been standing there for ten minutes," Gigi said. "I'm pretty sure you can't take a hint."
"Wanna take a walk?" Sirius asked.
Gigi glared up at him.
"Bet my head is looking really good right about now?" Sirius asked with a smirk.
Gigi clenched her teeth at him.
"I'll go get you salt and pepper," Sirius said, but didn't make any motion to move.
Gigi finally slammed her paper down and looked up at Sirius. "What the hell do you want?"
"Why are you so hostile? I've hardly ever seen you like this," Sirius noted.
"Because you're an asshole!" Gigi cried out.
"Oh…as long as there's a good reason," Sirius said sarcastically. Sirius just stared at the hurt look on Gigi's face for the longest time. "I'm sorry," he said lamely, almost inaudible.
"What?"
"Look, I just came here to say happy anniversary," Sirius said with a shrug.
Gigi gave him a quizzical look, the angry and hurt look still in her eyes. "Anniversary of what?"
"Since the first day I laid eyes on you," Sirius said with a shrug, shifting his weight several times.
"What?"
"We've been friends for five years," Sirius said, shrugging again and not daring to look at Gigi.
"If we're such good friends, why'd you stand me up last night for some bimbo?" Gigi demanded to know.
"Because I'm an idiot," Sirius said, pulling a chair up and sitting next to Gigi. "And if it helps you any, I didn't do anything with that girl."
"I don't care," Gigi said a little too quickly.
"Really?" Sirius asked. "Because let's face it, I've stood you up before for some girl but all of a sudden, you're making a big deal about it."
"Yeah, you've stood me up before and now it's just getting annoying," Gigi argued. "If I'm your friend, you should want to hang out with me. Not ditch me for some slut. Not think about hanging out with m only if every girl in this damn school is busy."
Sirius didn't say anything. Mostly because he couldn't help but notice how vulnerable Gigi looked; her crystal blue eyes frowning along with her mouth. Sirius gave her a smile as she tucked some of her hair behind her ears. "I'm sorry," he repeated.
Gigi looked at him apprehensively, shivering a little bit from his hand gracing her cheek. "So…you really remember that it's been five years?"
"Since the first time I told the guys I was gonna get with you," Sirius said with a grin.
"Yeah and look how that turned out," Gigi said with a matching grin.
"One of these days you'll find me charming and not annoying," Sirius said looking up at Gigi as she got out of her chair.
Gigi nibbled on her lower lip, wanting to tell him that she's found him charming for quite some time now. She slowly turned to Sirius and murmured, "Wanna go to the Astronomy Tower?"
Sirius dropped his jaw and looked at her anxiously. "Wha-what?"
Gigi shrugged and left her parchment on the table. "Well I'm going up there. Maybe I'll see you there."
"You do know what happens when a boy and a girl go to the-"
"I'm well aware," Gigi cut him off firmly, not taking her eyes off of Sirius's eyes. She finally turned away and exited the room.
Sirius stood there in awe and didn't even notice the world around him until he leaned back against the table, tripped over it, and fell over on his ass. He gave a cheesy grin to everyone who turned their heads to look at him, and he slowly sat down in his chair to think.
He looked to the doorway where Gigi had just exited and quickly darted after her, not caring that in the process his chair fell backwards. Sirius practically ran out of the room but didn't notice Gigi anywhere so he raced up to the Astronomy Tower, skipping every other step. As he neared the top, he took a break to breathe and looked up to see Gigi standing at the top looking more gorgeous than anyone he's met in his entire life.
He slowly walked up the fifteen or so stairs that were left and caught her off guard as he kissed her. She nearly fell backwards and leaned against the doorway to keep her balance as she wrapped her arms around Sirius and deepened the mind-blowing kiss, a small moan escaping Sirius's mouth, as he reached for the edge of her shirt and slipped it off.
&&& FLASHBACK &&&
And with one more glance at the Astronomy Tower stairs, the tears finally started coming.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and swallowed the lump in her throat. She glanced up at the doorway once again and this time she saw James standing there. Without saying a word, he walked over to Gigi, sat down beside her, and put his arm around her as she cried harder, crumbling into his arms.
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"Hey Sirius?" Lily asked, poking her head into the room a few hours later. "Are you-" she stopped and looked at Sirius. "What are you doing?"
Remus looked at Lily with an innocent smile. "He's drinking water."
Lily gave him a look.
"From a firewhiskey bottle," Remus finished with a sheepish grin.
"Why is he drinking at ten o'clock at night?" Lily demanded to know.
"Because his teachers yell at him when he drinks in class," Peter noted.
Lily gave him a stern look.
Sirius got up from his bed and dumped the empty firewhiskey bottle in his trashcan. With a slightly goaded glance at Lily, he went into Remus's trunk, ripped open another bottle and went back to sit on his bed as he took a swig.
"You're starting another bottle?" Lily demanded, walking over to Sirius, reaching for the bottle.
Sirius snatched the bottle out of her reach and gave Lily an annoyed look. "Why do you even care?"
"Well, I don't want to have to explain why there's a passed out guy in this room," Lily said, giving him an equally annoyed look.
"You're not even doing the rounds," Sirius said and then shrugged. "So don't report it at all. Oh, actually I have a better idea."
"What?" Lily asked, annoyance sounding in her voice.
"Leave."
Remus let out a nervous laugh, trying to act as if Sirius was joking. "Ha! Good one Sirius. Really funny. Hilarious in fact."
"I'm being serious," Sirius said, not emotion in his voice.
Remus stopped laughing nervously. "Yeah, I know."
Lily put her hands on her hips and glared angrily at Sirius. "What the hell is your problem?"
"So I'm gonna take that as a no to my suggestion," Sirius said.
Lily turned to Peter and Remus. "I don't know what's going on here, but whatever the hell is the matter with Sirius…fix it." And with that said, she turned on her heels and strolled away angrily.
Sirius sat up and closed the firewhiskey bottle, placing it on his desk. "So…she has no idea?"
"I think if she knew that you and Gigi broke up, she'd be a little more sympathetic," Remus said.
"Or better yet," Peter continued, "she'd be with Gigi."
Sirius sighed and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the pitter patter of the rain hitting the roof. He glanced at the door and turned on his side, propping himself up by his elbow. "Where's James? He went to do the rounds like two hours ago."
"I'm sure he'll be back soon," Remus said with a shrug.
"He better have brownies with him," Sirius muttered, sitting up and crossing his arm across his chest.
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yay!! james and lily are back together!! but sirius and gigi aren't anymore :o( will they figure out that they are perfect for each other or stay broken up for the remainder of the story?
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