May 1997
Sibenik, Croatia
Dear Luka,
Ice hockey games? Basketball? Sports! Always with boys it is sports! I spent a good deal of my life dealing with sweaty jerseys and muddy socks. Remember when I made you start washing out your own? And Zoran has always said that he was such a good goalie because he spent the better part of his childhood and youth dodging and blocking the soccer balls you and Andro kicked at him. AT him, mind you, not to him. But that is also why he is a Teacher and a coach now. One of my favorite picture memories is of finding you snuggled with the foot ball in bed at night when you were a little boy. You played the game in your dreams. And you always seemed to have a game going somewhere in the neighborhood for a while.
Tata and I have been discussing things and think that maybe you should come home again. Maybe we were wrong in encouraging you to look for your life in America?
Love,
Mom
June 1997
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Toledo, Ohio
Dear Mom,
I am still playing foot ball - or soccer - as it is called in the US. Some of the guys from the hospital have formed a team and we play in a small adult league. We are pretty good actually. We have won most of our games. Soccer is becoming quite a big thing in the US actually. It's kind of fun to go early to the park where we practice and watch the little kids practicing and playing. They have real coaches and real uniforms...even little ones of five and six years old. And their parents sit and watch every little move they make. I wonder how many of them play just for fun? Like we did in the neighborhood?
I know that I am a source of worry for you and Tata, Mama. I know that you won't stop worrying about me until I have what you think I should have. I tried to find it at home. For four years I tried to find it again. But coming here was not a mistake...I know that it's not. I am enjoying my life here. I know that I will come home again some day. But not just now. It is easier to be in a place where there are no reminders. On the other hand, every where I look there are reminders of what I should have had in my life. I see little boys playing in the soccer field and I think that Marko should have been playing with them. Little girls come to the clinic and I think that Jasna would be their age. And I see Danijela everywhere... at the market...waiting for me at the hospital...walking in the park... everywhere. But it's different here than at home, Mom. I can't explain it. Just different.
I am sending you a box to keep for Tata's birthday. I finally found the brushes he was telling me about when I was in Dubrovnik. He said he didn't want to pay for them but he rarely ever tells me about something he really wants. I hope that he will be surprised.
Love,
Luka
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July 1997
Sibenik, Croatia
Dearest Luka,
I wish you could have seen your father's face when he opened the box with the brushes and paints you had sent him. He turned three shades of red before he managed to smile. He was speechless and so very pleased. I know that you have talked to him on the telephone since then but a conversation cannot give you a picture. How very sweet of you. You spoil both of us!
Tata's new 'career' is going very well. He is actually selling paintings. His agent has sent several of them to Paris and they were sold within a week! That gallery has asked for four more pieces. He has been eyeing the painting on our wall again. I think I shall have to take that one with me every time I leave the apartment in case he decides to sell it after all. I remind him over and over that it's mine and he painted it for me.
Zoran and Andro have given us a weekend cruise from Dubrovnik for a gift! Tata and I are very excited. We see so many ships and boats when we walk on the beach. We often talk about where they might be going and where they might have been. Just think...for three nights and four days we shall be on board a yacht and people will be wondering the same about us!
Love,
Mom
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September 1997
Mt. Clemens, MI
Dear Mati,
I have finally moved from the extended stay hotel to my new condo on the shores of Lake St. Clair. What a beautiful view I have of the lake! It is worth every penny to me because it reminds me of home. Well, Lake St. Clair is hardly the Adriatic Sea but there are boats and open water and a different country on the opposite shore. There are art fairs and concerts and it's closer to Red Wing hockey territory. The hospital is nice and big and I don't have to moonlight unless I choose to.
It was sad to leave Toledo and people were sorry to see me go. But, as you know, it wasn't 'home'. I like the feel of my new place and the hospital. I am feeling good about the moving.
I am sorry that Tata was seasick during your cruise. It's no fun to have to take pills to keep your stomach and head from rocking and rolling. I know that you enjoyed being on the water anyway. Maybe the next trip you take can be to visit me! Tell Tata that I promise I won't take him on any boat trips.
Love,
Luka
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October 1997
Sibenik, Croatia
Dearest Luka,
All of your talk about moving has but gotten Tata all excited. We have been looking for a new home as well. He wants something with a bigger second bedroom so he can expand his work space. I will be happy with a nicer kitchen. At first he talked about moving to Dubrovnik full time but we decided not to. Andro and Zoran are here...and their families...and I think your Tata realized that he would miss our time with Natasya, Javor and Viktor as they are growing up. Having lost Jasna and Marko makes us all realize how precious that time is when they are so young.
Andro and Valerija are traveling for his work again and we have the boys for the week. That Javor is a cheeky young man. He has Andro's dashing good looks and yet reminds me a lot of you. He is quite a jokester when his parents are not around. Perhaps this is because Tata and I encourage it? I don't know. I like his spirit and it brings you home to me for small moments, I think. Today he switched the salt for the sugar and your Tata had quite a surprise when he took a drink of his after dinner coffee. Both boys ran to hide in the bedroom closet when he let out that roar of his. I am afraid they aren't around him enough to know when Tata is really angry. It took a half hour and a plate of cookies to coax them out again. I only hope they settle down enough to want to stay with us again.
Love,
Mati
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October 1997
Mt. Clemens, MI
Dear Mati,
How I love to hear your Javor stories!! I shall have to huddle with him the next time I am home and give him to clues about REAL tricks to play on Tata! One thing though, Mama. You said Javor has Andro's dashing good looks. Does this mean that I am not dashing as well? Has Andro been your favorite all of these years instead of me? I am crushed.
I am going to New York in several weeks to visit with Zadro and Joanna. They have invited me for Thanksgiving again. I haven't seen their little Alexandra yet and she is already several months old. Zadro is a totally besotted first time father. When I call him all I hear about is burping and formulas and diapers. Was I like that when my children were born? I don't really remember. Danijela seemed to have everything in control and knew everything to do.
I am loving my new hospital. It is big and noisy and busy. Not like New York but Detroit has it's share of traumas too. Right away I had several offers of dates. People were asking ME out on dates. Women...and men. Imagine that! I was a little shocked.
Love,
Luka
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December 1997
Sibenik, Croatia
Dear Luka,
Still the same old, Luka, aren't you? Always fishing for a compliment. Of COURSE your Mati thinks you are dashing! ALL of my sons are dashing and handsome. They take after their Tata after all. And of course you were just as besotted with your first child as Zadro is. You were a medical student when Jasna was born and I can remember you coming home from working at the hospital and taking her out of her crib and just holding her for hours while she slept. And you would go on and on with Tata and I about how absolutely perfect and amazing her little hands were. Or her little feet. And since she was our very first grandchild we listened and marveled right along with you as we have done with every single one of our grandchildren. Be patient with Zadro, Luka. I am sure he will be listening to the same thing again from you one day.
We have found a new place near the harbor. It is beautiful and we will be moving right after the holidays. It is beautiful and simple. It is closer to Zoran and Jelena and just a bit farther from Andro and his family. There is a balcony that has doors from the bedroom. You can sit there and look out over the roof tops and see the boats in the bay. In the afternoon the sun pours in and warms the bed itself. There are two back rooms that your Tata is going to convert into a studio. We have been given permission to take down a wall and to add more windows. He is very excited. I am too. I shall miss this place though. We have lived here for a very long time.
I am so happy to hear that you are loving your new home and hospital. I wish we could come for a visit to see everything. Right now, with moving and renovating and all, it would be difficult. Someday, however. I promise.
Christmas is almost here again. We haven't mentioned it again in a long time but would you please find a church and go to Christmas mass??? Please? For your Mati?
I love you, Luka.
Mom