September 1999
Chicago, IL
Dear Dad,
Well, I think that I have found a place to settle into for a while. Maybe at least for the winter. I enjoyed my summer on the boat...more than I ever thought I would. Being alone with the sun and the moon and the water gave me lots of time for reflection. It did nothing for my English however. My accent seems thicker than it ever was. All those weeks of thinking and writing and singing (very badly, I know) in Croatian.
I am very ready to go back to medicine again. I am working as a moonlighter in Chicago. That means I go in and sign on for a shift when they need me. It's easy. The medicine is the same everywhere. Some places are better equipped. Others have friendlier staffs. I have been to several hospitals here already. There is Mercy and Northwestern and Mt. Sinai and Cook County General. Those are the ones that I have been to the most...just a couple of times at each. And there are others I haven't been to at all. I think I am most intrigued with County. Today when I reported for work they were already in the middle of huge trauma. A van had crashed into a coffee shop not far away and the injured were being diverted there. I was walking into the ambulance bay and noticed a little girl sitting all alone in the back of one of the ambulances. It took me a few minutes to convince her that it was okay to talk to me and she let me carry her inside. It was crazy, Tata. Just as I was about to step into a corridor with little Michelle to find her Mom, an oxygen tank came careening down the hall and crashed into a closed door. No one seemed to be too surprised about it and everyone went back to the task they were doing before. It was a funny feeling, Tata. When I saw the confusion and the people, I felt like I was home at last. Not home in Croatia...but home in my head...somehow.
My boat is moored on a small private dock near a boat building and storage yard. In Chicago it's easy to get around. I can walk to the train. I can stay here until the weather gets bad and then I have to look for some place else. I can store my boat here until next spring as well. I have taken a post office box so that I can receive mail again. I know that writing is not something you enjoy doing but I hope that you will send something to me. Just so I don't feel so bad when my postal box is empty all the time.
Your Son,
Luka Kovac
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October 1999
Sibenik, Croatia
Dear Luka,
I am glad you have a new home. I am glad you have a postal box. Jelena tells me that she will not write to you for me. She says I will have to do that myself. There are some things a father and a son must say to one another that a daughter in law cannot share she says. I think Jelena is just plain lazy.
Your Father,
Josip Laurentis Kovac
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October 1999
Chicago, IL
Dear Dad,
I seem to have found my niche at County General. I was working there fairly regularly and then they hired a new attending and I didn't work there much at all. Now they are having me back again. Their ER is probably one of the busiest that I have ever seen. Because they are a county hospital and located in the heart of the city, they get a lot of the city's poor...or nearly poor. They are the people who cannot pay for private care. It is much like the hospital I worked for in New York. It is a teaching hospital so there are interns and residents where ever you turn. All are anxious to try out and learn procedures. They all make me laugh. Was I ever as anxious and as earnest as they are? But they are the most dedicated staff I have ever seen. Right down to the nurses.
There is one nurse named Carol. She is probably my very first actual friend in Chicago. She is tall, has dark curling hair and is very pretty. She is also pregnant with twins. I have been asking around and it seems that the father of her children was a doctor at the hospital and he moved away to Washington. Just left. She is beautiful, Tata. And she reminds me of Danijela…. strong…independent…and very, very capable. It makes it more fun to go to work when people actually call you by your first name. I had forgotten that.
Your son,
Luka Kovac
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October 1999
Chicago, IL
Dear Dad,
Today was a dark day for me. A patient was brought in with a head trauma. She was pregnant and the resident that was handling her case was working on the mother and forgetting all about the baby. I delivered the baby with a C section as the mother was dead. No one seemed to understand except Carol. The baby is beautiful. I couldn't bear the way people looked at me after that though.
It felt good to go back to my boat today. I was thinking about choices and reactions. I don't know that what I did today was so much a choice. The mother was dead. She was going to stay dead as long as they worked on her. It wasn't going to matter. For the baby, it did. Carol understood. She did everything I asked her to do. And the baby lived. And in a way….the mother lived as well, right?
Your son,
Luka Kovac
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November 1999
Chicago, IL
Dear Dad,
I have good news. I have been hired as an attending in the ER at Cook County General Hospital. I have decided to stay here. My first thought was to put my boat in storage but I thought to sell it instead. It didn't take long for it to sell. It is a good little boat. Now a family will enjoy it as much as I did. Where to live has become my problem. I have taken residence in a hotel for a while until I find something I think I would like. There are lots of places in Chicago but it costs so much money. I am not in a real hurry. It is just me after all.
Ah….very good news. My friend Carol has given birth to her twins. They are two very healthy little girls. She has named them Tess and Kate. Beautiful names for beautiful little girls. I saw them in the hospital nursery. Actually, I was very nearly there for their births…well…maybe the first one's. I was on the train coming in to work when I saw Carol sitting in a bench. I got off the train early to make sure she was fine and she was actually in labor. I wanted to call an ambulance but she didn't want all the fuss. She felt that she could take the train to the hospital station and walk in. Stubborn. Now who does THAT sound like? I wanted to laugh. Danijela would have done the very same thing. In fact, I helped Carol get through her labor just as I did Danijela…by humming. Remember, Tata? It was Mati that taught Danijela that little trick. Anyway, we were going down the steps of the train near the hospital and Carol passed out. I carried her to the ER entrance and then she was whisked away. My ER chief, Dr. Kerry Weaver, set me to work on other patients and took over Carol's care. She had the first baby right there in the ER. Then she was taken up to the OB unit and I didn't hear until later in my shift that she had had to girls. People forgot about me. But they are beautiful, Tata. They are fat and round and sweet. They made me think of Jasna and Marko. All babies do that to me however.
Your son,
Luka Kovac