Chapter 8

Corinne came back right after work, even though she was pretty tired. She walked in just as Spike was eating 'breakfast'.

"Hey, luv," he greeted with a smile. "Come to check on the mental patient?"

"Something like that," she replied, returning the grin. "So, the antidote worked? No more hallucinations?"

"None whatsoever. I'm as sane as I ever was." He tossed back the last gulp and rinsed out the mug with water from a bottle.

"That's not saying much," she teased. "Are you patrolling tonight?"

Spike shook his head as he sat down in his favorite chair. "Nah. Think I'll have a night in. Don't feel much up for crowds."

"Fair enough. I imagine what you went through wasn't entirely pleasant?" she gently probed.

He shrugged. "Some bad memories and such. Nothin' worth sharin'. I'll be right back." Spike got up and dropped down to his bedroom level.

Corinne stayed put. She stayed out of his private space unless it was necessary.

Knock, knock.

"Could you get that, Doc? Clem's bringing pizza," Spike bellowed up the hole in the floor.

She got up and opened the door; only it wasn't whom they were expecting. "Uh, Spike? It's not Clem…"

"Oh, for the love of…" he muttered, climbing the ladder. Spike stopped short upon sight of the person standing in the doorway. "Slayer?"

"I, um, wanted to see if you were uncrazified." She looked at Corinne. "Does she live here now or something?" Buffy said in typical bitchy fashion.

"No." "None of your business." They answered in unison. The Slayer crossed her arms over her chest and gave him that look that said she wanted answers.

"What do you want, Buffy?" Spike finally sighed.

"I told you. I went to a lot of trouble getting that stinger last night, and I wanted to see if you were back to yourself. I see I shouldn't have bothered," she replied, turning to go.

"Buffy, wait!" Spike crossed the room in a blink to grab her arm and stop her. She turned back towards him, annoyed. "I appreciate you coming by. How's the Niblet? Gotten into anymore trouble lately?" Affection and concern were still apparent in his blue eyes.

She sighed an audible breath and relaxed. "She's fine. So are you, obviously. I…have patrol, so…" Buffy fidgeted, uncomfortable around him with company.

Spike immediately sensed that some things never change. "Right. Well, see you around…" He stepped back out of her space.

"Yep," Buffy agreed, a bit too peppily. "Uh, bye!" The Slayer darted off in a blur.

"Are you two always that awkward?" Corinne asked, as he shut the door.

"Except…well…yeah…ever since she came back…" Spike's eyes were haunted again with things she didn't know.

"It's also like it's only the two of you in the room," she observed.

He shrugged. "Just chemistry, Doc. She likes what I can do to her, but she'll never let me in. Never trust me enough. Against a Slayer's nature."

"But, she's known you for years, right? How can she not see that you're more than your average vampire?" Corinne persisted in asking, genuinely confused.

His face took on the look of experience belying his true years as Spike stepped up to the doctor, eyes scanning her expression. He lifted a hand to brush a stray lock of auburn hair behind her ear, sighing wistfully. "You truly are still innocent," he murmured to himself. "You judge each encounter as it comes, each person on their own merits…don't you?"

Mesmerized, she whispered. "It's…it's only fair…"

"Can you imagine what I've done to women just like you? Girls Dawn's age? And I don't regret it…not really. Can't take any of it back. I like being a vampire. Even my bastard of a grandsire with that bloody cursed soul likes being a vampire. You know why, Doc?"

She shook her head 'no'.

"Power. Becoming what we are elevated us beyond the useless excuses for human beings we used to be. The demon has just three requirements – food, fighting, and fucking. Could give arse all for anything else. That's why the Slayer will always see me as a monster. I'll always be a monster, 'til I'm dust."

Corinne faced him bravely, recognizing this was some sort of challenge he was making right now, even if he wasn't aware of it. "You're not just a monster, Spike. You couldn't be my friend, if that's all you are. Wouldn't love Dawn like a sister, and don't tell me you don't, because I have a little sister. I know what that looks like. And you wouldn't have stayed here, not harming a single human, if you were a monster. That chip in your head doesn't stop you from setting fire to the town, or blowing things up, or finding some mojo to wipe us all out. You're a vampire, but you're also a gentleman."

He barked a laugh. "Haven't been called that in a very long time, Doc. You're really that convinced of my virtue? You've only known me for 2 months, and you're not with me all the time…" Spike insinuated.

"Oh, stop it! You're not driving me away," she replied stubbornly.

"Why not! I'm going to mess up soon enough, pet. I don't have a moral compass. Sooner or later, I'm going to screw up and do something to disgust you, that should disgust you, and you'll come to your senses. Humans and vampires aren't meant to 'hang out' together. You're meant to be food!" he shouted.

Corinne stepped up into his space again. "Have you wanted to taste me, then? Has your mouth watered at the thought of my blood? You've had me alone here dozens of times, Spike. You could easily kill me before I could blink, with just one little headache before you enjoyed all this warm, pulsing blood. Has that been what you've really thought about?"

Spike gestured wildly, more than upset. "No! And that's what's so wrong about it! What kind of demon am I when I don't want to kill to eat? Nothing – is what that makes me. For 120 years, I knew my place, I had a reputation. What does this make me now? Am I still 'Spike, Slayer of Slayers'? Can't be a man, can't be a monster…where does that leave me?" He was breaking up before her eyes, and Corinne didn't know what the catalyst was, but she was going to find out.

She approached the sobbing vampire where he sat on a sarcophagus and slowly wrapped her arms around him. Spike buried his face in her neck and held on tight. Almost too tightly, but she wasn't going to complain while he obviously needed to release this. Corinne stroked his hair, his back, his shoulders, murmuring comforting sounds.

"It's okay. We'll figure it out," she whispered. He didn't answer, but the sobs were starting to lessen, as he breathed in her scent over and over. The air movement tickled her skin. "Want to tell me what brought this all up all at once?" she asked, just as gently.

"The hallucinations…from the demon…they aren't random. It's not like some psychedelic acid trip…" he muttered finally, not lifting his head yet. "They're personal. The venom…isn't just disorienting…it dredges up deep things…dark things…traps you in your own mind…either with your worst bloody nightmares, or…denial of reality…"

"And yours…?"

"Lots of history to draw from, obviously…" Spike drew back, trying to regain some composure and put up his usual 'mask of badness'. "Details are unimportant. I'm just getting my equilibrium back…Sorry."

Corinne drew his eyes back to hers with a gentle touch. "Hey, don't shut me out now. You're my friend. I care, okay? You're hurting and I want to help."

"Don't. I'm not worthy of it," the vampire snapped.

"Spike…"

"Please drop it, Corinne. I'm sorry I said anything." He pushed her away just as Clem came in with the pizza and beer. Swinging his legs around, Spike hopped off the sarcophagus and grabbed the alcohol. "Hey, mate! About time you showed up. Game's on in five." He popped the bottle cap off with his teeth and swallowed most of the beer in one pass.

"Sorry. It's busy tonight. Everybody was ordering out for March Madness basketball. Hey, Corinne! I didn't know you were joining us," Clem said.

One glance to Spike, who was now ignoring her in favor of the television, and she replied, "I'm not. I just stopped by on my way home. Nice seeing you, Clem." Corinne picked up her purse and left, firmly shutting the door in her wake. Spike flinched at the 'almost' slam.

"Fighting with another human female, Spike? I tell ya, you need to start broadening your horizons to other species…"

"Clem. Shut the hell up and watch the game, or leave. I'm not in the mood for a bleedin' lecture."

"Okay, okay…" Shaking his head, the demon grabbed two slices of pizza and turned his attention to the television.

--------------

A week later, and Corinne was still avoiding him. Dawn had started a part-time after school job, too, so she wasn't around anymore, either. Clem was spending more and more time with Elsa, a potential mate. And of course, Buffy never came over. Add it all up, and Spike was a lonely vampire. And bored. He'd stick around the crypt until it was too late for visitors, then go out patrolling. There were areas of town the Slayer didn't frequent much, so he stuck to those, rescuing hookers from smelly vamps and ridding the sewers of foul-planned demons. It made him feel useful, even though no one was handing out thanks.

Not much escaped the attention of Sunnydale's demons, so when Spike heard rumors a month later concerning the Slayer; he decided to check it out. First stop: find the Slayer and warn her about it. He checked The Magic Box first, but Demon Girl and her hubby were the only ones there. 'Revello Drive, it is, then.'

He knocked, knowing it had been too long since he could comfortable walk right in like he owned the place. Dawn answered the door.

"Hey, Spike. Sorry I haven't been by in a while. What's up?"

"Got some news to discuss with your sister. Is she in?"

"BUFFY!"

"Dawn…oh. Hi." She looked better, less haunted, maybe even eating better.

"Hey. Heard some rumors you might want to be aware of…" he replied.

She nodded, and directed him towards the kitchen. He followed, after mussing Dawn's hair.

"So, what's up?" Buffy asked, all Slayer-business-like.

"That trio of geeks you've had trouble with? Word's out that they have cameras all over town, watching your activities. It's just lame enough for those ponces to try, so I thought you should know."

"Thanks. So…it's, uh, been a while. How've you been?" she asked, hiding behind her lashes.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Same ol' unlife. Cleared out a nest of howlers last week."

She smiled. "I figured that was you. Spike?"

"Hmm, luv?"

Buffy took a breath of courage and stated her admission. "I…I've kinda missed you. Could we…um…like, get some coffee, or something…sometime? Only if you want, cuz you don't have to, if you don't want to be around me, I mean, I don't always want to be around me, so…"

He stopped her babbling with a finger on her lips. "Buffy…I'd love to."

"Really?" she blurted out, before remembering herself and schooling her features. "I mean, cool…I'll let you know after I get my work schedule?"

"That'll be fine, kitten. Well, I don't want to interrupt sister bonding time, so…" he gestured towards the door.

She nodded, not wanting to take the chance of screwing up the moment, either. "Okay. See you around, then."

"Right. Goodnight, Buffy." Spike took in her image, then headed for the door. "'Night, Niblet! Be good!"

"Yeah, yeah…"

Spike walked home, whistling a happy tune with a spring in his step, feeling hopeful for the first time in his unlife in months. Inside the house, Buffy was leaning against the door with an identical smile, finally feeling like she'd made the right choice for the first time in months.

-------------

A few days later, Spike found a card slipped under his door.

Spike,
Meet me at the Espresso Pump around 8pm?
Buffy

He grinned, lifted the card to his nose to catch any lingering trace of her scent, then tucked it in his back pocket. 'Don't get your hopes too high, mate. She's probably just looking for a friendly chat,' he reminded himself. Still, Spike couldn't help but be overjoyed that his Slayer had asked him out for coffee. That she missed his company. He peeked out a window and judged the time by the light. Blast! It was only 5 o'clock. How was he going to last trapped inside for three hours?

-------------

Buffy dropped off the note at Spike's crypt, then ran home to shower and primp for her 'meeting'. Seeing she had hours, still, she turned on the bath, instead, and soaked in fragrant bubbles of vanilla and spice. She wasn't taking any chances of still having that DMP smell! Buffy left her hair down, like he liked it, applied her make-up, then started looking for the perfect outfit.

"Getting ready for a date?" her sister asked, standing in the bedroom doorway.

"Why would you say that?" Buffy replied innocently.

"Your legs are shaved and you smell good. Kinda obvious. So?"

Buffy sighed, giving up. "It's just coffee, and chatting. Friendly chatting."

"Uh-huh. And would this 'friendly chatting' be with a certain vampire?" Dawn prodded.

"Maybe…"

"Ooo! I knew it! What are you gonna wear?"

"That's what I was trying to figure out before you interrupted. I want something that says 'I like you, but I'm not going home with you tonight.'"

"Are you finally admitting that you like-like Spike? Can I help?" the teen asked eagerly.

"Maybe, and yes."

"How about just a tank top and jeans? It's still warm out there, but not too hot, so you can get away with covering up a little," Dawn advised.

Buffy crossed over to her bureau and pulled a red tank out of a drawer. "This one?"

Her sister grinned knowingly. "Good choice. The dark blue jeans, too…no, not the super low-cut ones!"

"But they make my butt look good," the Slayer pouted.

"Yeah, and that's gonna blow your "I don't want to get laid tonight' impression right out of the water."

"Okay, fine, Miss Know-It-All. Help me find the other ones in this mess."

They dug around in the pile on Buffy's bed until they found the right jeans. While Buffy was getting dressed ("Make sure you wear a bra!" Dawn had bellowed.), Dawn found her sister's sneakers and a pair of clean socks.

"Here." She thrust them into her sister's hands once Buffy came out of the bathroom.

"Sneakers?"

"Yup. It's Spike. He notices details. Sneakers say you're just going to be casual about this, and are possibly up for a stroll. Trust me."

"Okaaaay…God, I'm nervous. I don't want to screw this up, Dawnie. We almost got the friends thing going once, and then I messed it all up…and there's a lot he should still be mad at me for," the Slayer confessed.

"Spike doesn't hold grudges, Buffy…well, not against people he loves. It'll be fine, you'll see. Just try being nice and honest, and not bitchy."

"Hey!"

"Well, it had to be said!"

"Yeah, yeah…you want Chinese before I go?"

"Okay."

-------------

Spike set out in the sewers at 20 'til, not that he needed that much time to travel. He just couldn't stand to wait in the crypt anymore pacing the room. To say he was nervous would be an understatement! He'd never forgive himself if he really screwed this up somehow. Buffy was giving their friendship a second chance, or at least it looked that way, and that had to mean she cared…right? She risked being seen with him by her friends in such a public place. He arrived with ten minutes to spare and ordered himself a hot chocolate and a scone, then picked a table in a corner, and waited.

She walked in at 8 o'clock, on the dot, looking adorable. Her hair was brushing her shoulders in slight waves, lips were glossed a soft rose, and she smelled heavenly. Buffy smiled when she spotted him and walked towards the table. Spike stood and pulled out her chair for her, to which she looked surprised and pleased. He signaled the girl roaming about for help, and Buffy had a frappaccino a minute later. She toyed with the straw, unsure how to start.

"How was work today?" Spike asked to break the silence.

"The usual. Dawn says that a lot of the stores will be hiring once the college kids leave in a couple weeks, so I'm going to put out applications at the mall. I'd much rather get a Gap discount than smell like fried pretend meat," she replied, grateful he had spoken first.

"Sounds good. Pay has to be better, right?"

"Couldn't be worse," she joked. 'This isn't too bad,' she mused.

"What else has been going on for you?"

"Well, we searched all around the house and found cameras all over outside. Anya found some at The Magic Box, too, which really peeved her. Apparently, she and Xander have had, um…anyway, she said that if they were going to watch, then she should get paid accordingly." Buffy blushed as she relayed the story, which still amazed him, knowing the things they had done. "They even had cameras pointed at our bedrooms! Thank God we have curtains, but still! Eww!" She visibly shuddered, and he chuckled.

"I'm sure it's only a matter of time until you find them, luv. Have Red pull some of her computer mojo."

"She's working on it. She and Tara seem to be doing better still. And I got Willow to start paying rent again, so we're not losing the house…yet. I'm still thinking about selling it. Maybe this summer, you know, when demon activity is light?"

"Are you okay with that? Selling your mum's house?"

"I waver back and forth," she replied, stirring her coffee. "On the one hand, she's still all over that house, you know? Everywhere we look has Mom's touch. But, on the other, we really can't afford to keep it. Not without a renter and any money leftover. I'm still catching up on back debts, but thankfully, the bank believed my illness story and worked something out for us. So, that was a relief. It's still hard…some days…doing all these necessary tasks. I try not to have too much time to think…" Buffy added. This was why she had started confiding in Spike in the first place. It was easier to tell him stuff because he didn't try to jump in with fixes and band-aids.

"I would have helped, you know…if things were really bad," he admitted quietly, looking down at his empty cup. Spike held his breath, unsure how she would take his comment.

"I know," Buffy said softly. "It's hard for me to accept help…even from Giles. I don't like needing it, you know? Admitting I'm failing…"

"It's not failure just because something is bigger than you, Buffy," Spike cut in adamantly. She looked up in surprise. "I don't know who originally got it in your head that you have to succeed at everything alone, but it's a bloody fallacy, pet. You could have all the power and money in the world, and still not have all the answers. You're just one girl, Slayer, and not even a big one, at that!"

"I…thanks, I guess. I get why Slayers were just supposed to focus on the mission, live outside of the world. Even if I was just me, I'd have a hard time picking up the pieces after Mom died. I wonder sometimes, if I'd been identified like I was supposed to, what my life would have been like…if Dawn would still have been sent to me, if Mom and Dad would have stayed together, if other people wouldn't have died…" Buffy shook off the depressing turn her thoughts were taking and changed the subject. "What about you? What's new?"

Spike swallowed nervously. "Well, there's the Doc…you've already met her. Uh, Clem…he's a poker chum…comes over often. Um, I finally caught the rat that kept snacking on my Weetabix…"

"Your friend, she's a doctor, right?"

"Yeah…"

"How on earth did you meet? I mean, no offense, but…you don't exactly need medical services…" she asked suspiciously.

"That's not entirely true, pet, when someone decides to beat my face in," he snapped, though his volume was still low enough not to attract attention from the surrounding customers.