Difficult to say Goodbye
By:Blondenhot
The next morning started out as every other morning for the past two weeks had. We woke up early, around noon, and left to see Shelbey before we even had time to have a decent breakfast. We were tryting our hardest to savor our time with her--to have enough time to tell her how much we loved her and would miss her. Always.
I rolled out of bed that morning hesitantly, as if hung over by shock with the information I had learned the day before. I knew I had to make these last few hours, days, minutes last--have them etched into my head as if enscrolled into a scribe, unable to be forgotten. Make the best of a horrible situation that I couldn't do anything about. In all of fifteen minutes, I had showered, eatin and choked on a nasty granola bar and seated myself in that back of my mother's white 2006 Escalade beside Sloane.
I still don't know how the three year old bombshell will handle the news of her mothers passing. She was so young and fresh...so new and had so much to explore openily. She adored on her mother--doted on her everyday for help tying her shoes or checking her teeth to make sure she had brushed them well enough. She let no one else do that kind of stuff besides her mother. It was thier bond--thier forever hold on each other, that would last when they were apart until they joined again.
The ride to the hospital was painfully quiet--the silence over-powered us all except for Sloane who bounced giddily next to me, chattering about her mother and how we were only minutes from seeing her. Lying on an old, used hospital bed.
Her death bed.
The thought sent a harsh jolt through me. It had been taunting me since yesterday afternoon...how would I ever live without hearing my sister's musical laugh whenever I was around her. How had I lasted two years without speaking to her? How would I last the rest of my life? These kind of thoughts trailed behind me like a love sick puppy who couldn't catch a hint.
When we finally made it through the steel doors that blocked us all from her, we all started filtering in and out. Sloane first then my mother. I sat patiently, watching as the television replayed the mornings news. Then, I see Jude's head pop up, her cheeks tearstained as she stood in the middle of the road. SO they had gotten photographs of that night. I swear I felt my heart stop right there in mid pump as I watched her watch me drive off to come here. I started reading the captions as the beautiful Katie told me what was happening in the picture.
"...it seems our pop princess has had her young heart broken for the first time, by her producer and ex-boy-bander, Tom Quincy. He sped off a few weeks ago, leaving her to make a fool of herself in the middle of the road. The locals were terrified when they saw her banging on his windows, begging him not to leave. It seems he ignored her requests, and migrated down here into the good United States for awhile. It's taken her since the incident to recover...her first new single should be out soon. You Found Me. Hmm. Anyways, Miss Harrison's 18th birthday is coming up next month as well. Lets all wish her the best, and for all the girls out there who know what it feels like to have your heart broken, let's make sure she know exactly how much we feel for her. I know I already have. We chatted long and hard about the woes of a first love. Of course, she didn't name any names, but we all have known for about a year and a half now that she and Tom had feelings for each other. So good luck Jude, and you can always call me Sweetie. Here's To you. Bob." I watched in amazement as the screen filpped over to Bob as he told about the morning weather. Katie Couric knew? About me and Jude? What is the world coming to?
"Tom!" I heard my mother call out as she exited the room where Shelbey lay. My heart jumped once more, scared that my mother was coming to tell me some awful news. She walked over to me with glassy eyes and layed a hand on my arm. She gave me a sympathetic smile as I awaited dreadful news.
"It's your turn to see her. And she's asking about you." she said as I slowly raised myself out of the leather waiting chair and started and to make my way towards her room.
Once again, she looked fragile, broken. I knew in the pit of me that this was it for her. Her suffering would be over in less than 24 hours. It burned its way through my head like a lizard, creeping in a way that makes your skin crawl. Her eyes were closed and you could see every blue vein that ran across her green orbs of light. I knoced on the small marble table beside the door to be careful not to scare her. I didnt want to upset her in anyway. Her eyes flickered open as the corners of her mouth raised on both ends, sending me a small smile. Even dying, she was still my beautiful little sister. Unluckily, the television mounted on the wall across from her bed was on the same channel I had been watching only minutes before. The volume was on a lower volume, but it was still loud enough to hear.
"You watched?"I asked, knowing that if she had so did Mom. And my mother was not the slow type...she would fit the puzzle pieces together faster than I could. Then she would start asking about a wedding. I saw Shelb's head bob up and down in a nodding movement. SHe smiled at me then and patted a small place next to her on the bed.
"Tom...you had told me that you left her there. You never told me she had looked like that, so heartbroken and desperate. She would have given anything for you to stay with her. She's beautiful. And completely, totallyin love with you." she told me as hope swam through my veins for the first time in a long time. I had known it for a long time. But no one had ever told me before in those words.
"You think?"I asked her watching as my sisters lips parted and she grinned one of the brightest grins I had ever seen- despite the circumstances.
"I know. That look on her face as she watched you leave...if she would have been as happy as she was sad then you coulda stuck her in a lamp and use her for a light bulb she would have been glowing so much. It's uncany. She loves you. Definatly." she said with a laugh. I knew she was right. It was like someone had turned the sun on after a long night of no sleep.
"Thank you, Shelbey. Thank you so much." I said as I watched her grin widely at me. Then slowly but surely the grin started to fade as a wave of pain hit her hard in the gut. She squeezed her eyes shut in agony, as the back of her head pressed sharply into the soft, once fluffy pillow. I watched her, knowing I couldn't do anything about it, that I just had to let it pass and let her handle it her own way as if she was in labor or something and having fierce contractions. As the pain subsided, her face relaxed and she smiled at me again, tears shining in her eyes as she struggled not to let them fall.
"Tom. I want you to have something." She said, as soon as she had finally regained the ability to talk again. She reached into the little drawer that was in the bedside table beside the bed. She pulled out a white envolope that wasn't stuffed but was puffed up enough that you knew something was inside. My insides tensed up at the thoughts of all that was in there.
"Shelbs. What..."I said suggestively, holding my hands out waiting for the envolope. Curiousity is the worst. She laughed at me and held the envelope as far away as possible, as if in a game of Cat and Mouse.
"Tom. I'm not as stupid and blonde as some of the guys I went to high school with once thought I was. I know that this is the end--that after this I have another life waiting for me with Him. And so I've been smart. In here,"she held up the envelope and waved it in front of my face, moving it away right before my hands grabbed it."-is something that is very important to me and to Sloane. My will. I've left everything up to someone and told what I want to be done with my body after I pass. Then there's Sloane." We both looked thoughtfully out of the window at the little girl who was sitting in mom's lap pointing at something in a magazine."She's beautiful isn't she? After I'm gone...after I'm gone, I want you to care for her. Mom and Dad are getting older and they don't have time to care for a three year old. I know she will be trouble at first Tom, but I can see the way you look at her already. You're beginning to love her. Jude will help. She seems like a wonderful girl...and she loves you so. I can tell." she said again, looking at her older brother with an adoring smile and a thankful gaze.
"Shelbs." I said, overwhelmed already. She left me Sloane. Me, who for the first time at 23 is in love. ME. I couldn't say no to her though. Not now, not ever. She crooked a finger towards me and the look on her face told me she was in pain again.
"Tell her...how you...feel..."she whispered, as she put the envelope into my right hand, squeezing it gently. As I went to disagree I watched as she shut her eyes and her face relaxed. This time, it was a chilling, final still, unlike I had never seen before. I had time to think that one thought, before I heard an awful sound.
The machine that controlled all the wires attached to her made an awful beeping sound, never pausing, never hesitating.
-No One's POV-
Doctors ran in and out of the room hurridly, tring to revive the beautiful 21 year old. She had gone completely pale and was just lying there as if she was through the tough part. And she was. After 10 minutes of unresponsive attempts the doctor looked at his watch and read off the time.
"Time of Death, 2:36. She's gone." he said, his face pitiing the family of this young beauty, for thier loss. If you were paying close enough attention, you saw in the background, behind all the doctors and plugs a tiny toddler looking scared and holding onto the leg of a handsome young man who's tears were pouring down his cheeks, and who's eyes were bloodshot.
This man is standing there, leaned against the door frame, his left hand in his pocket the other holding on tightly to a white envelope, and a look of total confusion and disbelief at what was happening to his baby sister displayed on his features. It broke your heart to look at him and the child--the looks they played with hurt you. Made you feel something like they were feeling. You're heart goes out to them--forgives them for everything if anything you had against them.
They watched quietly as thier beloved family member had the wires taken off of her and she was laying there with both hands folded neatly into her lap as if preparing for somethig as simple as a walk down to the park. Maybe that's the way it feels when you're on your way to heaven--as if you're strolling down a paved side walk to the gates of heaven and the enterance to something greater then we had ever experienced in this lifetime. The man at the door way was watching them-the doctors- as if he was waiting on them to do some extroadinary trick that would bring his sister back to him.
"Uncle Tommy?" the small child asked in a shaky voice, as she looked up at him with glassy eyes. "Those men just unplugged Mommy. She won't like that when she wakes up! Not at all."The man looked down at the girl then, trying to conceal his feelings but failing terribly. His face crumpled in agony as he took the little girl's hand into his and they left, hand in hand, to go face the rest of thier family.
Tom's POV:
The funeral was goin to be today. Shelbey's passing had occured three days ago and ever since then Sloane had been inconsolable--hysterical beyond normal. Seeing her mother pass like that had torn her up inside...hurt her so badly. It had killed me as well to watch them un plug her from those machines--the machines that had been keeping her alive. The funeral was supposed to in an hour but I wasn't sure if I was goin to be able to make it that long without breaking down in front of everyone--in front of Sloane.
I was sitting on my bed right now, preparing for a long day of sorrow and pain. I noticed the corner of a white envelope poking out from under the pile of clothes that were in my floor. I reached down and grabbed it out from under it, sending a avalanche down into the floor. I looked at it for a second before tearing up at the sight of the handwriting on the front of it. Shelbey's handwriting. I tore open the top and grabbed the first piece of paper out of three. The first was an official looking paper. Her will. I already knew I had the biggest, most important part of the will so I went on to the other pieces of document. The next piece had my name written on the top of it and was just on a sheet of white notebook paper. I unfolded it quickly and started to read.
My dear older brother,
If you're reading this, I'm gone. I don't know if I've been gone for a day, a week, a year. I just don't know. But I do know that you are most likely still grieving over me, everyone is. My darling daughter especially. I hope you have been taking good care of her, watching over her and raising her as I would. I know you are Tom. You are the closest thing to a father she has ever known. And the best she will ever see. I want you to know something, Tommy.Please know that I loved her father deeply. Sloane's father was Kwest. Remember when we dated all those years ago? We were so completely in love...then mom and dad made me come here and leave him there. We had sex right before I had to come back home...and it was my choice. I went to find him to say goodbye and I got so much more. So much more wonderful stuff. I loved Kwest, Tom. I told you all it was just a one night stand to get you off my case...and for you not to hate Kwest. He was always your best friend...and he always will be. Don't let this ruin your friendship. Kwest doesn't even know. He doesn't even know. I wanted you to know so that one day when Sloane is older and more mature and wants to know who her real father is you can tell her. And one day in the near future when your face isnt red with frustration after hearing of the news of your best friend and your sister "gettin it on" together, you will be able to understand. Because I felt for Kwest the way you feel for Jude.
This girl is the girl God made for you. I never met her. If your reading this, I most likely never met her. But I would have loved her, because you love her. And I need you to do me a favor,Tommy boy. Tell her how you feel right now--or as soon as you can. Because you never know if you'll ever get the chance to again. And love is worth it. Love is always worth it. She seems to be the girl of your dreams and you seem to be her knight in shining armour. Are you gonna keep her waiting? Are you gonna sit back here, moping over me, while the love of you life could be mending her heart and moving on? Trying to forget about you? I don't think so! If you truly love her, you should tell her. But if you don't love her or won't let yourself love her for some unknown reason, don't you dare lead her on. NO girl deserves that. NONE. Oooh I better calm down...the machines aren't gonna like it to much if I get to much madder. Tommy, I wrote you this for you to keep or throw away or put it some where and forget about it being there. I wrote it for you to listen to my words...to take my advice on Jude. Because I will never get to meet her. Because I want you to end up marrying this girl--to be happy for the rest of your life. For me.
I once read in a book a line that meant a lot to me--touched me to the core with the sweetness of it, even though the words are quite simple. "If it's possible to send a message from heaven, I'll get one to you." If there is anyway in these connected universes, I will get you a message, brother. If you will tell Jude about your feelings for her. In person. It'll all work out Tom. I promise.
And last of all, when you are old and wrinkly and can't read or write and barely have enough energy to think, still don't forget about me. Keep me in your thoughts forever and ever and make sure everone else does to. My body may not walk around with you anymore, but my soul will play with yours, just as it did twelve years ago, forever. I need to be remembered, if not for who I am, but for what I did. At the end of this letter is my bank account pin number. I want you to take all the money out of my accounts and donate it to cancer societies. For all of those women and men and children who need help fighting cancer--who have a chance at living a bright full life. I trust you to do that for me. So I'm going to end this right now, saying I love you, and wishing you the best in your life. May you be the kind of dad you were as a brother and love to the fullest.
Oh and you're probably still wondering what the other note is...I can't say, but please don't read it. Send it to the correct address which I'm sure you know by heart. The name on the front of the piece of taped printing paper tells you who it's to. Please don't read it, Nosy. Please. I'll see you one day...and never forget of me. Tell Sloane that her mother will always be there for her.
I love you, Lil Tommy Q,
Shelbey
9836
I wiped the tears from my eyes hurridly trying not to let them fall onto the page. This was to much to handle at one time. I had to find out who the other letter was to though. I grabbed the envelope up from beside me and dug around for the other letter. When I found it, I stared in shock at the name on the front.
Jude Harrison
Hey everyone! I know it's taken me forever...review me please! I love u all! Can we try40 reviews? This chapters really long...let me know what you think! Love ya'll! Caroline