Thanks for the wonderful reviews, Everyone!
Seadragon68: I'm glad you finally unleashed Friars Who Run With Wolves! I just loved it! Naughty Beholder monster indeed! But can you blame him for what he just did? (snickers) Is the Mysterious Chicken's name- Gabriel? I've been meaning to ask him that myself. Hehe!
SilverFlover: Me? Being Mean? I actually thought I was being Evil! Hehe. Fear not, for the Great Artifact will be revealed. I wonder why people don't think that the Carl and Mysterious Chicken pairing is wrong… there must a be good reason for it. (sniggers knowingly). The Peeping-Tom Beholder was just utilizing the use of its tentacle eyes. Can't blame the practical and opportunistic bugger, yes? And I'm also glad you've updated Agnus Dei!
Kydasam: Please feel free to give the Beholder a lolly, a cookie, and a hug (winks). I'm glad you're having fun with this as much as I am having fun writing it. I had a blast reading your wonderfully indulgent review and I am extremely humbled and thankful. I was practically squeeing over your responses to those particular paragraphs. Hehe. Yay! Another story from Thee! Can't wait to see more!
Random-Battlecry: As you wish! Ah-haha! Sorry, it's definitely not Gerard Butler. I can only assure you that it's something more "perverted". (sniggers) No Scotsmen here, just more of the Not-So-Saintly-Friar.
EmeVHfan: I should be giving away a prize or something for every query on the Mysterious Chicken. Just kidding, of course! Lo and behold! The Answers that you seek will be revealed shortly. Feel free to join the club of Those-Who-Found-The- Peeping-Tom-Beholder-Scene-To-Be-Endearing! Heehee!
I do believe the Mysterious Chicken will need a hug after this. (cue for evil maniacal laughing)
A Splice of Life
Second Slice- The Semantics of Contracts (part 3 of 3)
As worded by: Nikoru Sanzo
"A freaking toe?" the Beholder shrieked.
Carl lowered his hand and looked at the Great Artifact with a touch of bewilderment. "Not just any freaking toe. It's a preserved freaking toe."
The creature averted its central eye towards the heavens as it remembered its master. "He mentioned that the relic was something that belonged to his body. I thought he was being poetic. I did not think it would have to be taken literally."
"Look here, the Great Artifact comes with a golden toe ring." Carl read the inscriptions on the ring, his lips moving silently. He spoke up, "It's in English. Fear Ye My Toe of Evil. That makes sense. I'm repulsed already!"
Carl continued to examine the artifact. His face brightened as he recalled the Cardinal's words. "I remember now! Though he wasn't sure what this was exactly, Cardinal Jinette did say that this relic has been infused with the power of the evil wizard who happened to be your master."
The Beholder snorted. "I know I should be aware of these things, being a creature of magic myself. But as an introvert, I kind of stayed out of circulation for a while."
Carl nodded. "Yes, well, you do need to get out more. You must know that relics such as these are often used to make medicines or potions."
"Like love potions?"
"And potions that could produce devastating plagues and such. But yes, love potions too…" Carl made a sour face at the thought of it. Now he knows why it was best not to ask what went in a concoction, be it helpful or not.
The friar took out a small pouch tied around his waist. He wrapped the preserved toe with a piece of cloth and gingerly tucked it in the pouch. Now that the Great Artifact has been taken care of, there was one more obstacle in their way.
He beckoned to the chicken who followed him, and started towards the stone bridge. The Beholder realized what Carl was going to do and quickly blocked the friar's path.
"If I could cast a spell and transmogrify you into a Beholder, I would turn you into one with eleven ears instead of eyes! Were you not listening to me a while ago? I must destroy you if you ever set foot upon that bridge!"
Carl only heaved a sigh and held up his forefinger. "I know your master told you not to let anyone cross this bridge to get to the Great Artifact. But what about vice-versa? You demonstrated a remarkable memory by recalling your master's exact words and from what I recall, he mentioned nothing about not letting anyone cross the bridge from this stone pillar to get to the main ground of this valley."
The Beholder chuckled. "I know. I was just humoring you, little human."
"Oh!" Carl smiled. He held out his hand to the creature. "Care to join us for a walk, then?"
The Beholder nodded and followed suit. It was strange procession, a human, a chicken, and a Beholder that floated around them in circles. Every now and then, it would position itself behind Carl and poke the friar with one of its eyestalks.
Carl would stop and turn around to face the monster, smiling in mock puzzlement as he did so. "Did someone just touch me? Now who on earth could've done that?"
The Beholder whistled innocently, its eyes darting in all directions before winking at the chicken.
Normally, chickens don't roll their eyes over childish pranks, but Carl was sure this one did. The friar grinned and continued with their trek across the stone bridge.
As each step brought them closer to main ground, a sad realization began to creep into Carl's mind. Apparently, the Beholder was thinking of the same thing.
"Now that you have taken the Great Artifact, I believe there is no more reason for me to detain you here. I will simply resign myself to guarding a useless stone bridge that no one will want to cross anymore."
Carl reached the end of the bridge while the creature floated ahead of him. The friar's mouth twitched at the depressing thought. "You have been very helpful. I wish there was some way we could repay you for your kindness."
The Beholder looked like it was on the verge of tears. "I only wish for my freedom. But a souvenir from you would suffice to remind me of this meeting. Nothing like a good memory to bring considerable comfort to a lifetime of isolation."
There was no way on earth Carl would part with the chicken and the Great Artifact. He didn't have anything else on him except for the small bottle of holy water in his pouch.
No offense to the Lord and all His saints but a lot of good it did to me, and a lot of good it will do for the poor monster!
With a heavy sigh, Carl took out the bottle of holy water. And frowned.
Normally, holy water comes in an opaque ceramic bottle, not in a thick, clear glass decanter tightly corked and wrapped with ten layers of bandages. Carl held up the small flask and inspected its contents.
Normally, holy water, being water itself, swishes when the bottle is shaken. Carl raised an eyebrow as he tilted the flask and watched the viscous liquid within slowly ooze to one side.
Oh, the benefits of packing your things in a hurry!
He looked up at the Beholder and beamed confidently. "I would make a deal with you, a contract that would release you from your bondage. But first, you'll promise me that you won't harm a single human being ever again. After all, you can always fly out of harm's way."
The Beholder considered that it wouldn't hurt to go along with the friar. "All right, I promise. What about self- defense? Am I allowed to maim them at least?"
Carl rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and then shook an admonishing finger. "Only if necessary, but nothing fatal and no killing! And nothing that will traumatize them for the rest of their lives."
The creature stuck out its tongue. "I guess that rules out transforming them into cockroaches. Hmph! There goes a lot of fun. I agree with your terms but I still do not see how I will be freed from my contract. You may appear to be a holy man, but you are certainly no magician."
Carl beamed with pride as he dispensed a drop of the liquid into his fingertip. "Ah, but I am better than a magician!"
He stood at the foot of the bridge and flicked his wrist forward, like a priest scattering holy water from his fingers. Only it wasn't holy water this time.
A small explosion shattered the part of the bridge a few feet away from Carl. The friar quickly stepped back, took another drop of the liquid and flicked his wrist once more. Another explosion completely severed the stone bridge from the main ground. Within a few seconds, the structure became unstable and it collapsed. All three of them watched in awe and silence as the rest of the stone bridge fell into the bottomless chasm.
The Beholder realized what had happened. "What have you done? Is this your way of freeing me? Destroying the object of my contract to have me fried to a crisp by a lightning bolt or hideously deformed by a wart the size of Mt. Vesuvius? What have you done?"
Carl snorted and crossed his arms. "If you were Van Helsing, I'd probably give you a good slap or two." Carl's face went pale at what he just said. "Or maybe not. Listen to what I have to say then you'll be the judge if what I did was right."
The Beholder had closed its eyes and hugged itself with all ten of its eyestalks as it waited for the inevitable lightning bolt. When nothing happened, the creature slowly stretched out its tentacles and opened its eyes (like a giant creepy blossoming flower, Carl thought with amusement) to find an impatient friar before it; arms still crossed and foot tapping.
"I don't see any lightning bolts or warts. Are you ready to listen to me now?" Carl sighed. He began his explaining when he saw the Beholder nod in submission.
The friar clasped his hands behind him as he paced around. "When an inventor is busy creating wonderfully ingenious tools that'll help mankind, he loses sight of time and the need for nourishment. But even so, the mind requires some form of respite and…"
Normally, chickens and Beholders don't cough in unison whenever they feel they are being drawn into one of Carl's longwinded lectures, but Carl was sure they did.
"Yes, yes, to the point, I understand. Anyway, one night I decided to rest my mind for a moment so I wandered into the Order's libraries and chanced upon this little book called Laws On Obligations and Contracts."
The Beholder perked up and floated closer. "And what did you find in the book?"
Carl put a forefinger on his lower lip as he raised his eyes towards the heavens. "Having been burned by a fellow friar's failed promise to deliver certain chemicals for my use in exchange for some drops of Glycerin48, I sought some comforting words that would validate my indignation over the whole fiasco."
The Beholder was becoming impatient. "And?"
Carl scratched his head. "Oh, sorry. Anyway, a particular passage caught my eye, and bless my unfailing memory, I managed to tuck it away in my mind for future reference. It said that whenever one is bound to perform a specific task or deliver a specific object, and yet a fortuitous event, that is not of the obligor and the obligee' s doing, happens…"
"Yes?" The Beholder urged the friar to continue.
Carl smiled. "… happens in such a way that the task can no longer be performed or the specific object cannot be replaced, then both parties are released from the deal for the contract is deemed null and void due to the fact that it can no longer be fulfilled."
"So?" The Beholder sulked.
Carl held out his palms. "So? I followed the same principle. By destroying this bridge, the one and only stone bridge you must guard, your contract is rendered impossible to perform. And since the destruction was not of your doing and couldn't have been predicted by you, then you are held unaccountable. Don't you get it? You are free!"
"Free? Free! Free at last!" The good news finally sunk in and the creature whirled and rolled midair in sheer joy, hooting and giggling in the most endearing way possible for a monster.
Carl watched the triumphant display of aerial acrobatics with a sense of pride and fulfillment.
"Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, eh?" He looked down at the chicken. The chicken looked up at him, the beady little eyes soft with emotion. But when Carl gave him a rather self- righteous grin, the flash of annoyance in the chicken's eyes gave him a start.
The kind of jolt that comes with having remembered something of utmost importance. Something that would've been extremely unfortunate had it actually been forgotten.
In near panic, Carl picked up the chicken and ran towards the Beholder. "Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt your dance of joy and all but aren't you forgetting someone?" Carl held up the chicken to the monster.
The Beholder floated down and drooped all ten eyestalks as it pouted like a rebellious child. "Aaaawwww! Do I have to?"
Carl looked incredulous. "Of course you have to! I can't take him back to the Order looking like this! What will the Cardinal say? No pets allowed in the Vatican!"
The Beholder groaned. "All right! But he must promise not to try and stick those ridiculous whirring pie cutters into my eyes again after I transmogrify him back to his old self. Did not his granny ever tell him that it is rude to cut off the eyestalks of strangers?"
Carl nodded and wagged a finger. "Yes, yes, he knows that and he's learned his lesson. Now could you just please turn him back into the way he should be?"
"If you insist. Put him down, then. I feel he might not want to be carried once more in a man's arms after he regains his true form," the Beholder ordered him.
The friar obeyed and gently placed the chicken on the ground. A wistful expression found its way onto Carl's face. He sighed and then whispered, "That would be a shame, indeed."
At first, the chicken flapped his wings in agitation, but having seen the reassuring look on Carl's face, the little creature calmed down and stood his ground.
The Beholder narrowed its central eye and began to chant a spell. The words that escaped the monster's lips struck Carl as an ancient and unknown tongue that was only spoken in realms beyond human existence.
The little chicken began to glow with unearthly light and was suddenly enveloped by a bright flash. The friar shielded his eyes for a moment and only after the brightness has been dispelled did Carl dare to look at the result.
"That wasn't funny," Van Helsing bitterly remarked. The monster hunter sat on the ground, unhurt but in no way dignified.
The Beholder sniggered, "If you had actually lain an egg, that would have been funny!"
The friar quickly made his way to his friend's side. "Are you all right? Nothing added that shouldn't be there?" Carl gulped anxiously. "And nothing missing, I hope?"
Van Helsing tried to get up. "I'm all right. Just a bit disoriented… Gah!" He lost his sense of balance and would've fallen back to the floor had not Carl held him by his arms.
"Now is that not the sweetest vision in the world?" The Beholder chirped at the sight of Van Helsing leaning against Carl for support.
The monster hunter looked somewhat flustered as he gently dislodged himself from his friend's arms. He growled at the creature, "Don't you be getting any ideas!"
The Beholder pursed its lips in an innocent grin. "Oh, no! No, sir! Us Beholders are exactly what our name suggests: just plain spectators of the many delightful quirks of the human race!"
"Sure. And I'm the Queen of England!" Van Helsing retorted. He noticed Carl giving him a peculiar stare.
"What?"
"If you had to ask, you'll never know." Carl crossed his arms and looked away with a huff.
Van Helsing rubbed his temples and walked over to the Beholder. "I guess it's only proper for me to apologize. I have misjudged you, creature, and I am forever indebted to you for helping us in our mission."
The monster hunter closed his eyes and when he opened them, they were filled with immense relief although there was an intimation of anxiety over what might have happened.
"And for not hurting Carl, I thank you."
The monster bowed and extended two of its eyestalks. "Think nothing of it. You know well that I am the one who should be doing the thanking here. A friendly erm- eye and handshake, then?"
Carl approached the two and nodded at Van Helsing. The monster hunter took hold of one tentacle eye and shook hands with it.
When it was the friar's turn, Carl took the eyestalk and hugged it. The lesser eye closed and rubbed itself against Carl's cheek.
Van Helsing clutched his belly. I think I'm going to be sick.
"Farewell, little human. This old Beholder is very much happy to have met you. If you ever need anything, just give me a hoot and I'll come fluttering by. Take good care of yourselves." The Beholder seemed almost tearful.
Carl looked equally pensive. "Don't forget our little agreement, yes? And we promise to be good to every other Beholder we meet, if we see any more of your wonderful kind and if they don't play rough first. And stay away from evil wizards and their severed toes, all right? Oh, just take care as well!"
The Beholder rose up into the air and waved at the two with its ten eyestalks. "Far be it from me not to honor my word and your wish. Farewell! Farewell! Goodness, I hate tearful goodbyes!"
And before Van Helsing could gag from the overwhelming waves of sentimentality, the Beholder turned around and straightway flew out of sight.
They stood there for several minutes, each one reflecting on the things that have happened. Both men started to walk through the narrow passageway that led them first into the small valley.
Van Helsing couldn't resist from speaking first. "All right, Carl. I know you're dying to say it. And in gratitude for what you've done, I'll let you speak what I know you want to speak of but only until we get out of this place."
"Whatever do you mean? Is there anything I should be blabbing about?" Carl asked sweetly.
Van Helsing chuckled and put an arm around the little friar. "Very well, if you insist on being humane with me, then I will say it for both of us. I should've listened to you before I pounced on the Beholder and I acknowledge that you were just being worried. There! Satisfied?"
Carl closed his eyes and nodded with a smile. "Yes, I am satisfied."
"But…" Van Helsing tightened his grip on Carl's shoulder.
Alarmed, the friar squirmed uneasily. "But what?"
The hunter's eyes narrowed and assumed the same chilling and threatening look that he reserved only for the most dire and dangerous situations. "I would greatly appreciate it if you tell no one of the chicken business. A simple 'he was rendered temporarily incapacitated' will suffice. I can do without the reminders."
Carl laughed nervously. "Of course! My lips are sealed. Not a cluck or a peep will you hear from me."
Van Helsing growled so menacingly that Carl felt chills running up and down his spine.
"Perhaps I have not stated my terms very clearly?"
End of The Second Slice
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A/N: I knew that back in college, taking the time (more like fifteen minutes) to study for my Business Law (Obligations and Contracts) instead of just playing Baldur' s Gate2 all day would come in handy. (sniggers)
And now you know why I never referred to the chicken as "it".
The Toe of Evil (because Evil was the wizard's name. Hehe) was inspired by a slew of Asian horror flicks that have uber-ominous titles like "The Ring" and "The Eye".
And so I quote myself: "What's next? The Toe?!"
Yep, will be serving more Slices soon. (whips out a Molotov cocktail and glares at Office Work of Doom)