Chapter Six

"I distinctly remember forgetting that."

--Clara Barton (1821 – 1912)

Stumbling over the campgrounds, passing the snores coming from troupe members' tents, especially that of Koutetsu's, Youko headed toward the brook with a washcloth. Some cold water for her forehead and face would help with her fever. The light from the stars and the silver gleam of the half moon was bright enough to illuminate her path. When she reached the softly bubbling brook, she stretched, yawned and dipped the cloth into the water. She watched as the little currents twisted and turned until it disappeared into the darkness. Youko felt internally conflicted and cheerless. If she could remember who she was, she might regret it afterward. If she did not remember, she feared this would bring grief to all who knew her and cared for her.

From across the way on the other side of the bank, Youko suddenly gasped when she thought she saw the hint of blue fur. Now I'm hallucinating about that blue monkey even when awake? she asked herself. Walking alongside the brook over the smooth gray stones lining the ground she tried to get a better look. Youko heard nothing but the sound of the babbling water. She walked out into a clearing where the water poured into freshwater pool. There was nothing there.

"Either I'm going crazy, or you're really out there! Come out!" she called. A moment of silence followed, with no response.

"Stupid monkey," sighed Youko.

But when she glanced over into the pool, Youko thought she saw the reflection of something white and glowing. It was not the moon. It had four legs and a beautiful mane of white-blond hair and a flowing tail of wispy waves of the same color. Youko suddenly looked up and saw a tall man in black with beautiful features and similar blond hair flowing down his back. Standing atop a large cluster of rocks, he was staring at her as if in disbelief that he should find her there. He had followed the sound of her memorable voice as he was searching for her in the forest. When she saw him, his presence was so familiar to her that she thought her heart would burst with happiness.

"Do I--," she started as she got up. She didn't even notice that the washcloth had fallen to the ground. "--know you?" she breathed. He gracefully jumped down from the rocky ledge and walked soundlessly over the pebbled bank toward her. The sight of him was so beautiful to her that she felt as though she would start to weep.

"Shu-jou," he said. His face was filled with relief and worry. "Do you not know who I am?" There was something about his soft voice his features that warmed her spirit. She walked closer to him and touched his silky hair. Leaning closer toward him, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of ocean breeze.

"I cannot recall your name, but I feel as though we are bound to one another," she whispered. "Yours is the scent that that lingers in the morning right before I wake." There was a slight, uncomfortable pause.

"Were we lovers?" she asked timidly as she gazed into his violet eyes. His eyes went wide and he blushed deeply. "No, that's not it," she continued, thinking aloud. "That was some other dream I had, with other people in it…It was beautiful though…a sad dream." She looked down at her feet, "To tell the truth, I'm really quite confused. I have no idea who you are."

"Shu-jou," had said quietly. She looked up and saw pity in his eyes. Youko smiled reassuringly.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" she asked.

"Because that is who you are," he responded wistfully.

"You know," she began, sensing his remorse and guilt almost intuitively, and wanting to make it better. "There is no need to feel sorry for me. I've enjoyed myself since I've forgotten who I am. I am confused but I also feel free of some overwhelming burden that lies just beyond the horizon--something that threatens to catch up with me soon. If I stay with you long enough, I know you will help me remember everything. I remember dreaming about you every night, though I don't remember what you were trying to tell me."

"It would not be the first time you did not heed me," he said wryly. "Forgive me, Shu-jou, but we must hasten. My shirei have told me that youman are still searching for you nearby. We will fight them if necessary but you should return to where Kantai and the others in your personal guard are waiting. I will tell Jyuusaku and Hankyou to retrieve Suzu and Shoukei to attend to you," said Keiki gently. He offered her his hand. She looked back at him and could not hide her disappointment fast enough as she looked down again. It was almost painful to look at his beautiful face with such an expression.

"I guess I can't stay here and remain a laundress then, eh?" she smiled weakly. "I rather enjoyed it." Keiki gently placed a hand to her face and made her look at him again, shaking his head with a faint trace of a smile came and left his lips. He then bent down to touch his forehead to hers.

"You must remember your destiny," he replied. His eyes and forehead began to glow.

Youko's eyes went wide as Keiki undid the bonds that held her memory. In an whirlwind of pictures and images that played through her mind like a fast forwarding movie, she was again aware of who she was, and what had transpired since she came to the land of the Twelve Kingdoms from Wa. Her head was spinning so fast, she thought that she was going to faint. For a brief moment, Keiki also saw what had happened to her since she disappeared. It pained him deeply to know that his Queen had been treated so miserably. But Youko pulled away before he could see anymore of her thoughts.

"Shu-jou," he whispered in a trembling voice. "Forgive me for being so useless to you when you needed me most." She felt tears in her eyes and started to fall towards him as her balance failed her. Keiki caught her as she began losing consciousness.

"Tadaima," she whispered in her native tongue, and began a deep, restful sleep.

"Onee-san! What's the matter?" cried Gyoukuyou suddenly, rushing over to the sleeping queen who was carried by Keiki's winged Nyoukai.

"She is only sleeping, little one," responded Keiki. He transformed into his kirin form and then carried his queen on his back.

"Are you taking her home?" she asked hopefully.

"Yes," responded Keiki. "We thank you for your hospitality on behalf of our Queen." The other troupe members, faltering between sleep and reality, also came to the brook after hearing Gyoukuyou's voice.

"Chu-Yoshi san?" asked Koutetsu, rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times to realize that their adopted laundress was surrounded by three very large youman. Before they knew what was happening, they saw the beautiful kirin and his shirei take away their sleeping Queen. The members of the troupe knelt down in respect and prayed to Tentei to bless their "Chu-Yoshi."

000

Youko awoke to the familiar surroundings of the inside of her royal tent. A fresh bowl of rose scented water was set beside her on a sitting stool. A washcloth hanging over the side of the bowl told her that someone had been tending to her fever. She sat up, pushing the heavy silken quilts away from her and realized that her peasant's clothing had been exchanged with clean, white sleeping garments of the softest spun cotton. Youko got out of bed and pulled off a heavily embroidered royal outer robe hanging on a tack nailed into a tent post at her bedside and to drape over her shoulders and keep away the night chill. She looked around and saw Suiguu and Hekisouju sitting on a nearby table, waiting for her.

Youko took up the sword and removed it from the scabbard. The image of Aozaru wavered across the surface of the blade.

"Stupid monkey," smiled Youko. "You finally made yourself useful." The monkey shrugged and disappeared.

Also on the table was a cup of brownish liquid that smelled of boiled medicinal roots. A note, scribbled in Suzu's handwriting ordered that she, "Drink this!" Next to the bowl was a small pot of delicious smelling soup with a note in Shoukei's elegant hand, telling her to "Eat this first." Youko smiled and was warmed to know that her friends had been taking prodigious care of her.

As she sheathed her sword, the tent flap was pushed aside and Keiki came in with an earthenware jar and a small wooden box in his hands. He looked surprised to see her up and about.

"Shu-jou," he said shyly in greeting. Had he known she was awake, he would not have imposed upon her so rudely.

"It's okay, Miyoushi-chan," she smiled and put her blade back in her scabbard. He looked at her strangely and set the pot down on the table.

"Mi..you..shi…chan?" he asked, with slight indignation at the suffix she used. Youko looked up at him and beamed.

"It finally came to me while I was sleeping," she said. He continued to look at her in a puzzled manner.

"My nickname for you, Keiki," explained Youko. "Mi means 'beauty' since you obviously are quite beautiful in your kirin form, but it can also mean 'plum blossom' since you're as pale as its petals; and 'you' means wandering, since you have that faraway look about you sometimes, and you wandered very far to find me; and "shi" can mean man or it can mean child--of which you are both because of your kirin nature. It's not very flattering, I admit, but it's rather pretty." The queen sat down and poured herself and her kirin a cup of tea and gestured for him to sit down.

"Besides, it matches the pronunciation of my name as well. What better way to express that you are my kirin?" she smirked. He sat down with a sigh and began sipping his tea.

"You weren't even given a name before you met me and this had bothered me for a while," said Youko, slipping back into the memory of her stay as Yin's guest.

"Shu-jou?" asked her kirin tentatively. She snapped back to where and when she was and smiled a little.

"Anyway, back in Yin's tower, I promised that if I ever saw you again the first thing I'd do was give you a name," she laughed at herself. "But it's a name that only I can use," she concluded after a pause. "That's really is an odd thing to think about when chained in a dungeon, isn't it?"

Keiki remained silent but his facial features looked rather guilty and despondent.

"I had a lot of experiences when I forgot who I was," said Youko, trying to change the subject. "I'm surprised I can still remember it, but I spent a lot of time doing laundry and thinking about the songs that the troupe were practicing for their performances. I even composed some of my own songs in my native tongue. It was sort of fun. But at night, I kept dreaming about a beautiful white deer and that horrid blue monkey. All roads lead back to you, Keiki. I suppose that's the Will of Tentei?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," he replied. "A kirin and its master will always be drawn towards one another, and both are necessary to uphold the kingdom."

"I did make you a promise, didn't I?" said Youko quietly, rolling the ceramic cup between her palms and spreading its warmth to her hands.

"A promise?" he asked.

"When we crossed the threshold of the sacred circle on Mt. Hou. Do you remember?" she asked.

Keiki thought back to the day of her coronation on Mt. Hou. They were both dressed in their most exquisite of royal robes with the Kei kingdom seal embroidered in gold everywhere. He noticed that Youko had not smiled the entire journey on the flying tortoise Genbu, and her face was constantly reflecting serious thought underneath her elaborate, and heavy, gold head dress. Keiki had wondered if she was regretting her decision already. But when she took the first step toward the dais in the center of the mountain to receive the sacred blessing and the sacred rites from Tentei, she turned back toward him and smiled, offering her hand to him. When he took her hand he remembered feeling very warm and elated. Her emerald gaze met his violet eyes and she had whispered, "I'll do my best."

But something seemed to be troubling the Queen now as he sat across from her in the lamplight.

"Is something the matter, Shu-jou?" he asked tentatively. When she didn't respond immediately, he looked down and stared at his tea cup.

"I'm not sure that I can live up to that title by which you always call me," she replied sullenly. "There is nothing 'excellent' or 'majestic' about me. Yin showed me a part of my heart of which I was ashamed. She told me that my fear of this would be my undoing."

Keiki looked at her for a moment quizzically.

"It's all right, Keiki, I'm just thinking aloud. I'm glad to be back with you and the others again. My fear is something I have to battle alone, but I thank you for listening to me," she said with a warm smile. "You may go now. I'd like to rest."

Keiki obediently bowed and got up to leave, but not before he shot a worried glance towards his mistress once, and exited the tent.

Now alone, the queen opened up the wooden box Keiki had brought and saw neatly folded strips of linen. The edges were so clean that she guessed that Keiki had carefully cut each of them for her. Youko took a peek into the earthenware jar on the table and the pungent smell of healing salve filled her nostrils.

"Blech," exclaimed Youko as she took off the bandages on her hands. Her thumbs still felt a little stiff, but some of the salve along with Hekisouju would make her right again by tomorrow. She applied the smelly potion to her thumbs and wrapped them in clean linens from the box. Taking Hekisouju from the hilt of Suiguu, she rolled the orb between her palms, using its warmth to massage and heal the joints in her hands.

"daisuki na hito dakara ne sobani iru mamotteru
(Because I have someone whom I love so much, I'm here by your side, protecting you)

anata he tsunagaru daichi ni umerete yokatta"
(I'm so glad that I was born on this earth that connects me to you)

The song flowed from her heart absently as she let Hekisouju do its work. She decided that whatever was in store for her and her kirin, whatever it was that she felt for her kirin, it would have to remain dormant if she was ever to fulfill her promise to him. The thought of disappointing him was abhorrent to her. She couldn't stand the thought of Keiki being sad or alone anymore and she wanted to protect his innocence. Youko knew that if she accomplished what was expected of her, her kirin would always be by her side, never be lonely, and perhaps someday, she could coach him to smile more and have him call her by her name. The more she thought about it, the warmer she felt. It would have to be enough.

Keiki had suffered a great deal of guilt when You-Ou resigned and chose to end her life to free him of the Shitsudou. He felt that if he somehow could have connected with her on another level, she might have come out of her shell and done better for the country. He felt that he had failed as a kirin, and deserved the Shitsudou. But at the same time he also knew that You-Ou was a foolish woman.

When he first compared the two, they were very much alike. But upon closer acquaintance with the present Queen, he saw that Jyokaku was nothing like Youko, who was strong willed, independent and very intelligent. This Queen possessed a willingness to learn from her mistakes that Jyokaku never had, and therein lay the greatest difference.

Keiki often wondered why Tentei had insisted on his choosing Jyokaku. It would have been more efficient for him to merely wait for Youko. He could only conclude that the experience with Jyokaku prepared him for Youko's arrival. It was Jyokaku after all who had taught him to be more sympathetic to the plight of others. After years of oppression under You-Ou and the previous king, Kei Koku would finally see peaceful times. It was his hope and the hope of the people that this reign would be as prosperous as En Koku and the people would live happily under this Queen who cared so much about them.

As time passed, he realized that he was beginning think of his former mistress less. The present Queen demanded all of his time, whether it was forcing him to read aloud for hours on end all the documents that she couldn't decipher for herself, or whether it was constantly keeping on his toes whenever she gave him a look that made his stony countenance whither.

He could never tell immediately if he had somehow offended her or made her angry with something he said until after she had stormed off and slammed a door in his face. She was lively and restless; more vibrant and visibly brighter than anyone he had ever encountered and a complete handful because of it. On many occasions, the Queen never let him in on when she was going to sneak out of the palace until he saw that she already had one foot out of the gate. Still, regardless of her unorthodox ways, his devotion towards her had grown significantly, without his awareness.

All of these thoughts went through his mind as he stood on the other side of the Queen's tent, listening to the sound of her voice. The words from her song both haunted and moved him as he quietly walked away.

Author's Notes:

When Youko utters the phrase "stupid monkey," I was wearing a Futurama t-shirt that said, "Stoopid monkey," an inside joke on Gunther. That's how I thought of Aozaru helping out for once.

"Chu Yoshi" is the archaic pronunciation of Youko Nakajima, using Japanese to interpret traditional Chinese characters, or kanji. It rhymes with "Miyoushi." (That was unintentional but kind of worked out that way)

Tadaima means, "I'm home/I've returned" in Japanese.

Last verses are from Sayonara Solitaire, sung by Chiba Saeko, ED theme for Chr'no Crusade.