A/N: Your eyes do not decieve you. This is, in fact, AN UPDATE. I'm actually a little shocked myself. xD Okay, so yeah, basically in this chapter Malfoy is really creepy and Ron is a bit homicidal, but yeah, bear with me. I had fun writing this in various airports and on planes and stuff, so if it's a little disjointed, blame lack of sleep.

Oh yeah, I've also been on this huge Supernatural kick lately so without even realizing it I slipped one of Meg's lines from the "Devil's Trap" ep in here. Next chapter dedicated to the first person who can find it, just because I feel like it. Now, read, review, and enjoy. D

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Chapter Four:

Bargains and Betrayal

Key:

Text like this is Ron.

Text like this is Harry.

Text like this is Hermione.

Text like this is Professor Sprout.

Text like this is Malfoy or Dean Thomas.

oooo

Thursday

HERBOLOGY

I'm so glad to be rid of Lavender.

Yes, I can see this.

It was brilliant. Did you see the way she looked at me this morning? It was as though I were vile, worse than vile even! She'll never want to speak to me again!

Only YOU would be this thrilled about a pretty girl hating your guts.

Yeah, she's decent looking, I'll give you that—but she's not, well…you know…

Yeah, about Hermione, I've been meaning to tell you—

You do realize we're supposed to be pruning the Dragon's Breath now, don't you?

Sprout finished with the notes, then? What'd we miss?

I'm not telling you.

Hey, I gave you Herbology notes last time!

Well, I had to blackmail you first. It doesn't count, and besides, I've let you copy lots of times.

Remember our little agreement yesterday, Hermione?

Um…maybe.

If you expect me to keep my end of the bargain, you might want to think about letting me see your notes then, wouldn't you?

Harry, exactly how closely have you been shadowing Malfoy? Because you really are starting to sound an awful lot like him.

WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT?!

Maybe 'cause it's true. OUCH! DON'T HIT ME!

And hey, why are we writing notes? Won't it look more suspicious to Sprout if we're sitting here shoving a piece of parchment back and forth at each other then if we're whispering like we usually do?

Excellent reasoning, Weasley. Forty-five points to Gryffindor, I say, for sheer cleverness.

And that's forty-four points from Gryffindor for passing notes in my class. Next time it'll be detention, do I make myself clear?

Lovely. Carry on, then.

oooo

POTIONS

Okay, so remind me to always pay attention in Herbology from now on, especially during notes.

Yeah, good job Madam Pomfrey was by the greenhouses. Those third-degree burns of yours were horrible.

If you were a Muggle you certainly would have died.

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Well, no, I expect not. I still think it's fascinating, though, at some level—a particularly hardy Muggle might have managed to survive but would definitely be in a coma. But you, a mediocre wizard—

OI!

—have a fire-breathing plant absolutely torch you, set every bit of your body on fire, and a) you don't feel the pain because Professor Sprout was so quick with that numbing/dousing charm, and b) instead of spending months in the hospital, Madam Pomfrey simply waves her wand, rubs a bit of salve on your face, and poof! You're absolutely fine and right on time for your next class!

Yes, lucky me.

Well, she has a point, mate. Don't look so sour about it. You're, y'know, alive. After being set on fire.

I've survived worse. I don't see what the big fuss is all about.

I have an uncle who's a firefighter and he's always landing in the hospital for minor burns and things. You just have to understand, it can still seem strange to me.

Yeah, I know what you mean. I knew this kid in grade school whose cousin's friend's grandfather died when he fell asleep with a lit cigarette and set his bed on fire.

How horrible!

I know! Imagine being stupid enough to forget to put out a cigarette. That's borderline pathetic, that is.

I meant that he DIED, Harry, not that he was an idiot.

...For the love of Merlin. Muggle-borns.

I'm not Muggle-born!

You're as good as.

There's nothing WRONG with being Muggle-born, Harry!

I never said there was. My Mum was Muggle-born, wasn't she?

You got defensive about it though.

Well, wouldn't you get defensive if someone called you pureblood?

Hm, I suppose that's a fair point, but—

Okay, I'll leave you two to it. I'm off to make a potion Slughorn will actually grade. D'you know he didn't even attempt to give me a mark last time? He just handed it back to me with this disgusted expression on his face and told me I'd have to start applying myself if I even expected to get a FAILING grade from him.

Wonderful, Ron. Get cracking.

…Uh, righto.

We'd better start too, Harry, but first I'd like to see those notes from yesterday. I assume you saved them?

Isn't this kind of risky? I mean, Ron is sitting right there.

He won't care so much if I know who he fancies!

He won't, will he? How would you know?

You don't seem to be all that perturbed I know about Ginny. Aren't you pleased she and Dean broke it off?

That's different. (And yes, I am.)

No, it isn't.

Yes, TRUST ME, it is.

Is not.

Is too.

IS NOT.

IS TOO.

This is far too childish a conversation, Harry. I just don't understand what the big deal is.

Oh, I'm sick of you and Ron playing stupid about this!

About what?

I…I…ugh. I'm going to do my potion now, Hermione. We'll talk later.

Harry.

Haaaarry.

HARRY!

Good Merlin, FINE then. But don't think you've heard the last of this!

oooo

(STILL POTIONS)

Oi, Potter.

#$! off, you slimy little &!#head.

Gasp, Potter! You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Oh wait, I forgot. You don't.

How's your daddy doing in Azkaban? Enjoying rotting away in a dank, cold cell, is he?

Touché.

Fortunately Daddy won't be stuck there too much longer. Your sainted parents, however, remain irreversibly…dead. Heard about your godfather, too. Shame really. People just seem to keep kicking the bucket left and right around you, don't they?

...ooh, nice try, Potter. Too bad that amusing little hex of yours hit Goyle instead.

We'll settle this later, Malfoy, when you don't have your human shields to shove in front of you at a moment's notice. Maybe then we'll see if you can actually duel. Now leave me the hell alone.

Tempting, but unfortunately I contacted you for a reason.

What's this I hear about you fancying someone?

...And why do YOU care?

Curiosity. Weasley mentioned it last class and I got to wondering.

Leave. Me. Alone.

Is it the Weaslette?

Just shut up Malfoy. You've been my enemy since day one and even I have not stooped to the level of asking you questions about your personal life. Wanna know why? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, and you shouldn't give one about me either.

So bugger off.

Now.

You understand, Potter, that the more you insult me, the more I am motivated to use what little knowledge I do possess to my advantage.

What are you implying, ferret?

I think you know exactly what I'm implying, Potty.

Care to tell me what you've been up to lately when you're skiving off Quidditch matches?

We've discussed how that knowledge pertains to you.

Exactly. Now you understand why you don't need to know who I fancy. Like you'd do anything but mock me about it.

Newsflash, Malfoy: I'm not scared of you.

No, that I do not doubt Potter. But you should be.

Well, cheerio. We'll continue this conversation later.

Like hell we will.

oooo

TRANSFIGURATION

I just had the strangest thing happen to me in Ancient Runes.

Whoa, YOU'RE starting the notes this time?

Well, I have something to tell you and I can't very well start whispering in front of McGonagall, can I? That would be rude.

Isn't it sort of rude for you to be passing notes?

That's beside the point, Ronald. ANYWAYS, as I was saying, the strangest thing just happened in Runes!

Which was…?

Oh, well, Dean showed me this article he found in The Daily Prophet. It was an advice column!

…

An advice column??

Yes. It was very strange, he seemed to think I'd get something out of it, though honestly—the letters were all from these pathetic people who have nothing better to do than whine to someone they've never met.

Hahaha, yeah, those people sure are stupid. Don't waste your time reading anymore of that useless waffle.

I don't intend to. I just don't see why Dean thought it was so funny; maybe he was playing a prank on me.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Our pal Dean's a bit touched in the head.

All right. If you say so.

0000

(STILL TRANSFIGURATION)

I am going to KILL Dean Thomas.

Uh…any particular reason or is this just a whim?

Well, one: he broke my baby sister's heart.

Ginny was the one who broke it off and she seems fine to me.

A mere triviality! And two: HE SHOWED HERMIONE THE ADVICE COLUIMN.

Ah.

AH does not begin to cover it, mate. What was Thomas playing at?!

Don't ask me, ask him.

…

Uh, I didn't mean tha—

Why Harry, what a brilliant idea. Why you weren't Ravenclaw I haven't the faintest idea!

I'm off to slam my head against my desk fifty thousand times.

oooo

(STILL TRANSFIGURATION)

You're dead, Thomas.

Aw, c'mon Ron, it was just a little harmless fun.

HARMLESS FUN? You do realize that HARMLESS FUN could ruin my entire life?

Don't see how. After all, hell if you two are ever gonna do anything about that sexual tension of yours without a little prodding.

…Sexual tension?

Merlin, your ears sure do go a funny shade of red.

SEXUAL tension?

…

SEXUAL TENSION?!?!

Uh…hey, Ron, put down that wand, now. I promise I won't say anything to Hermione ever again, I—RON! RON WHAT ARE YOU DOI—

oooo

DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS

So what'd you get, detention 'til you're 90?

HE DESERVED IT.

It probably would have helped if you'd transfigured him properly. Makes McGonagall look bad if you can't even turn him into a donkey properly—what was that a toad/fly/donkey combo or something??

C'mon, I was pissed off.

Anyways, Madam Pomfrey fixed him quick enough.

You know Ron, you needn't have been so…erm…tetchy with Dean. The advice column wasn't that bad. Speaking of that, why do people keep making me copies? I mean, I must have been handed at least ten when I nipped into the loo in between class and Lavender pelted me with a few balled up copies. What in the world is that all about?

…I'm going to need a list of names, Hermione. NOW.

Damn—Ron, you don't need anymore detention. Ron! RON!

Where did he stomp off to? Snape is going to give him even more detention than McGonagall!

…

You know, I think I'm going to go pound my head into the desk fifty billion more times. You two are ridiculous.

Harry, about who Ron fancies and those notes from yesterday—

HERE, TAKE THEM! DEAN IS RIGHT, YOU TWO AREN'T GOING TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS SOMEBODY SHOVES THE PAIR OF YOU AT EACH OTHER AND FORCE FEEDS YOU VERITASERUM!

Perhaps you should see Madam Pomfrey for a Calming Potion, Harry. You're getting very hysterical these days and you very rarely make any sense anymore.

$!#!&

And that language is atrocious.

Hm, anyway, thanks for these notes! I'll read them later. Well, I suppose I ought to pay attention to Snape, that diagram looks quite complicated.

…

Hermione wait! Give me the notes back! I didn't mean it, I just got a little excitable!!

Hermione.

HERMIONE.

Oh bugger.

I am SO incredibly dead.