Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version
Chapter 7: Attack of the Clones
The little boy was scared. He squirmed and whined like a scared puppy. Sitting by the corner of the room, he could feel the familiar wet sensation inside his pants.
"Mommy?" He cried out. "Mommy… where are you?"
The dark shadow was coming nearer. The pungent smell of shit was getting stronger every minute.
"Mommmmmmmy!" He cried.
The shadow then came to the light. It was the purple Teletubby.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" The boy screamed.
"Now Henri, stop crying like a big wussy." The Teletubby said, with a wicked grin on its purple face.
"Huh? H-how'd you k-know my name?" Little Henri asked, between sobs.
"That, you don't have to know about… For you have sinned, my child… and I'm here to haunt you…" The purple blob said, as it giggled like a retard.
"What s-sins?" Little Henri asked again.
"Remember your sins, and your true self, you little rascal!" The Teletubby replied. "Because, its payback time!"
The purple freak then went crazy and giggled in a very gay way as it began to strip dance its way towards the frightened little child sitting at the far end of the room, in a corner peeing and crapping himself like hell.
"Ooh… look-it this!" The pervert Teletubby happily announced, as it pulls down its underpants and pointed to a disgusting-looking wrinkled organ between his legs. "Its my little purple penis!"
The Teletubby then peed at him.
Little Henri screamed.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed, as he jerked himself up from the dream.
He had had that stupid dream for every single night since his childhood days, but somehow, the dreams had disappeared mysteriously when he reached his puberty age. Henri began to feel his childhood fear coming back to him as his worst nightmare has once again returned to haunt him. He tried hard to figure out the true meaning the dream but to no avail. After thinking for a long while, he decided to put the matter aside for he had a much more urgent issue to handle at the moment.
Henri looked around the deserted place and scratched at his head. "What the hell happened? How long have I been unconscious?" He asked himself. He suddenly remembered about his horrible fall. About that fucking moron AnDrool DeSickman. And about that pesky little nose-digging-feeding-shit Wolter kid. Henri then looked at his entire body for any visible broken bones or bruises, but there were none. "Eh? What the fuck? Maybe this IS a dream after all…"
Henri suddenly found the thought that all of this was just a dream vaguely familiar. Then he remembered. It was Sinthia. That dead chick. Henri could still remember her non-stop gibberish about all that had happened were just a dream. Now, he was beginning to understand what she really mean.
He clumsily pushed himself up from the dirty floor and stare at the filthy room. It somewhat resembled a kitchen of some sort. Henri slowly walked across the room towards the far end of the kitchen where a door could be seen, with a strong beam of white light illuminating it.
"Hmm… this must be the door to the Die Room…" He thought. "Eh, what's this on the door?"
Upon closer observation, he came to realize that it was another placard with the ugly words "Peeping Placard" written on it.
However, just as he had managed to peel the placard off from the door, he heard some noise coming from inside the room.
"Eh? Is somebody inside? Hello?" He asked.
AnDrool found himself staring in astonishment at the interior of the Die Room. "So this is the Die Room everybody's talking about…" He said.
Suddenly, he heard a voice shouting from behind the door.
"Is somebody inside? Hello?" The voice asked.
"GAH!" AnDrool jumped. "W-who's that?"
"Huh? Is that you, fatguy?" The voice asked.
"HEY! Stop calling me names… it hurts." AnDrool replied. "I'm not fat… I'm j-just… just stubby!"
"Yeah, right… tell me about it, fatass." The voice replied with sarcasm.
"Who the hell are you anyway?" AnDrool asked.
"Its me, Henri!" Henri said.
"Henri?" AnDrool repeated.
"Yes, Henri."
"Oh, so you are Henri?"
"Yes, now stop repeating like a parrot and open this fucking door and let me in, you selfish bastard…" Henri commanded. "… you don't own the Die Room, dammit!"
"I-I… I can't…" AnDrool said.
"Oh yeah? And why is that so?" Henri asked, sounding a little impatient.
"There's no knob on this side of the door." AnDrool replied.
"There's no WHAT?" Henri screamed.
"Knob. You know, it's a little handle-like thing that is attached to the door so that you could ope-" AnDrool said.
"I KNOW WHAT A FUCKING KNOB IS, YOU MORON!" Henri interrupted.
"Alright, fine. So what you need to do now in order to come in would be via the pin code, retina scan and finally the fingerprint authentication process... you do have the pin number, don't you?" AnDrool asked.
"Yes, I have the pin code with me…" Henri said. "… but how the fuck am I going to proceed with the retina scan and fingerprint authentication process? I mean, I'm not even from this place, let alone having my retina and fingerprint records for the authentication…"
"Oh, that... " AnDrool said. "Its actually quite simple. This system was written in such a way that the retina scan and fingerprint authentication process may be overwritten if you enter the correct code ten times in a row."
"WHAT? THIS PIN CODE IS SO FUCKING LONG… ITS GONNA TAKE ME YEARS BEFORE I COULD EVEN GET IT CORRECT TEN TIMES IN A ROW!" Henri scowled.
AnDrool sweatdrop.
(Moments later…)
Henri activated a red flip switch next to the door to initiate the security locking system.
"Please deposit all metallic items into the security box." A female computer voice buzzed.
"Huh? What the-" Henri quizzed.
"Please deposit all metallic items into the- oops! Sorry, wrong message... please hold while system re-initiates." A female computer voice buzzed again. "Shuddup Hill data loading in progress, please hold on…"
(Crappy music playing through the speaker)
Henri crossed his arms and tapped at his foot impatiently while he waited for the system to reboot.
"Data loaded successfully." The irritating female computer voice echoed. "Please enter the pin number."
Henri then attempted to enter the series of numbers at the number pad in front of him. However, thanks to the extremely long pin number,and Henri's clumsy fingers, he failed to get the set of numbers right.
"Wrong pin number. Access denied." The female computer voice announced.
He continued pressing furiously at the numbers on the number pad.
"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied."
"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied."
"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied."
AnDrool slowly walked around the metal walkway as he stared at the gruesome excretion-smeared walls inside the Die Room. The horrid stench coming from the excretion pool with lotsa floating shits underneath the walkway was making his stomach churn.
He continued to advance further into the room when all of a sudden, he heard some scratching sound and he turned around.
It was another freaky-looking spider.
AnDrool shrieked and he began to hyperventilate. He slowly backed himself away from the spider. "Stay away from me… please…"
"Wrong pin number, again. Access denied, you moron…" The female computer voice said. "… and for the 136,559,237th time, stop trying already… you are so stupid, I don't think you'll ever get the pin correct, dumbass!"
Henri felt hurt. His feelings soon turned into anger and he immediately took out the pipe and started smashing at the computerized system.
"Die… you fucking computer… DIE… DIEEEEE! MUWAHAHAHA!" Henri laughed maniacally.
"System malfunction… malfunction…" The female computer voice said.
"MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Henri laughed crazily.
"… malfunction… fuck you… fuck you… FUCKK YOUU!"
The system then came to a complete halt.
(Click)
The lock on the door to the Die Room was released and Henri happily pushed the door open and entered.
"Hey, Fatass!" Henri called out, as he stepped inside the room. "Where the fuck are you?"
Silence.
Then, from a distance, Henri saw a little spider at the middle section of the metal walkway.
"Hello, little spider… have you seen AnDrool? He goes by the look of an enormous fudge of human mass…" Henri asked politely.
"?" The spider scratched its head with one of its legs, and scuttle away.
"Stupid spider." Henri retorted, with a spat. He then continued to explore around the stinky room with all the excretions and stuff everywhere when suddenly, he saw something blobbing in the excretion pool like a buoy.
"Holy gracious motherfucker! AnDrool's DEAD! His poor body's so badly bloated that…" He gasped in shock. "…um… no wait…" Henri paused, as he walked up to the corpse for a closer observation. "… oh, he's not bloated… he's just fat."
Nonetheless, he managed to see the numbers 18121 written on AnDrool's fat tummy.
A beam of bright light once again enveloped them.
"Not this stupid white light again…" Henri groaned.
Henri woke up all soaking with his own urination. He lazily changed to another identical set of clean clothes and went out into the living room.
As he had just about finish stuffing the Peeping Placard inside the storage box when he heard the buzzer to his apartment door rang once again.
Henri quickly walked over to the door and looked into the peep hole on the door.
It was his neighbor, Elyne and the Super.
"So, how's it going with Room 302, Crank?" Elyne finally asked the Super. "Did you manage to open it up?"
"No… I mean, I did try to open this fucking door just now but it seemed like the door is being locked from inside." Crank replied.
"Maybe you could try to break down the door with some dynamite sticks…" She suggested. "I happen to have some inside my apartment though."
"WHAT? DYNAMITE STICKS?" Crank screamed hysterically.
"Hey! Relax, old man." She replied in an as-a-matter-of-factly manner. "Watch out for your cholesterol level, man."
Crank sweatdrop.
"Look here bitch, clause number 2.6.6.7 of the apartment lease clearly states that no explosives and ammunitions shall be used within the apartment premise." Crank said.
"Ha-ha…" She giggled and looked away in a nervous manner. "Um… did I say dynamite sticks? I… uh, I-I… I meant bread sticks… ha-ha… um… you want some?" Elyne fluttered, looking around nervously.
"Okay…" He replied, still staring at her suspiciously. "… thanks but no thanks."
Silence.
"Anyway, this is not the first time already." The Super finally broke the silence.
"Oh, you mean someone else offered you some dyna-… um… bread sticks before?" Elyne asked.
"No, you dumb broad. Its this apartment I'm talking about…." Crank blabbered, pointing at Room 302. "… and the funny guy who lived here before."
"Huh? How's that?" Elyne quizzed.
"Yeah, I'd like to hear you explain, you son-of-a-bitch!" Henri shouted from inside the apartment.
"Well, that guy… um… he gave me… uh, this circumcised foreskin he found in the apartment for Christmas many years back." Crank hushed
"That's gross…" Elyne whined.
"He WHAT?" Henri shouted in disbelief, from behind the closed door.
"Anyway, the funny thing is that the… the, uh… the foreskin is starting to smell."
"What do you mean it smel-" She remarked. "Wait… you mean you still keep that disgusting stuff with you? Even after all these years?"
Crank nodded.
"Where the hell did you keep it?" Elyne questioned him.
"Under my pillow, of course." Crank said.
"That's super gross, Crank. Don't you even know anything about personal hygiene? "
"B-but I-I… I thought they said that there would be fairies who would drop by in the middle of the night to trade the foreskin with some gold coins or something…" Crank said.
"Who the fuck told you about that, Crank? Besides, only the Tooth-Fairy trade loose teeth for coins… I've never heard of any Foreskin Fairies before…" Elyne snickered.
"Huh? What the-? DAMN THAT RUDOLPH BRAINDEAD.! THAT PRICK… HOW DARE HE TRICK ME! I'M GONNA KILL THAT BASTARD!" Crank screamed.
With that he stormed down the hallway, with Elyne chasing after him. "Wait… wait up, Crank… so can I take a look at that foreskin? Can I? Huh? Huh? Come on… " Elyne pleaded.
Henri sweatdrop.
Henri once again went back inside the bathroom only to see that the mysterious hole on the wall had gotten even bigger than before.
And so, he did what other senseless people would have done. He climbed into the hole.
(Later…)
Henri woke up finding himself in a back alley. He then walked down the fairly dark alley and descended down some flight of stairs.
"Eh? This place looked like the outside of North AssFeeld… am I back already? Am I free at last?" He wondered, as he walked around the platform of the top of a building when suddenly, he heard a scream from above.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The voice screamed. "Catch me! CATCH MEEEEE!"
Henri looked up just in time to see a falling person above him and he immediately shrank away.
(SPLAT!)
"Ouch dammit!" The person cried.
"Hello." Henri said, grinning gleefully as he waved like an idiot.
The person quickly pushed himself up from the ground and shot him an unwelcoming glare.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU CATCH ME JUST NOW?" He said, angrily.
"Are you nuts? You could have squashed me flat with that fucking body of yours." Henri replied.
"Why you-!" He lunged forward and grabbed him by the shirt while he shoved his gun into Henri's mouth.
"Weaph ont heel mwe…" Henri mumbled, with the gun inside his mouth.
"Speak up, you punkass…" The person said. "… now, tell me who the fuck are you?"
"Umph henmwee."
"What?"
"Umphhh henmweeeee."
"Speak up, you sick fuck!" The person commanded.
Henri then pointed to the handgun in his mouth as he signalled to the person for him to remove the weapon away.
"Fine…" The person sulked, and removed his firearm away. "Now, speak up, you fool!"
"My name is Henri."
"Hmmm… why does that name sounded so damn familiar?" He paused as he scratched at his head with the tip of his gun. "Wait…" The person cocked his weapon and pointed the gun directly at Henri's head. "… are you that gay, loser neighbor who lived opposite my apartment?"
"I'm NOT gay!" Henri retorted.
"So, you really are that disgusting faggot from room 302…" He said, as he removed the gun from Henri's head. "I'm Braindead. Rudolph Braindead, from Room 207 of North AssFeeld Heights."
"I told you before, I'm not gay, dammit!" Henri argued.
"Sure you are…" The guy snickered, rolling his eyes over. "… anyway, if you are here, then there's something really wrong with the apartment… and this must be what had happened to the other journalist guy who lived in the apartment before you as well…"
"Huh? So, what happened to him?"
"Well, he just vanished one fine day. Evaporated. Gone. Disappeared…"
"Okay, I get it." Henri said. "So, what are you driving at?"
Rudolph told him. "Well, at first, I thought that he was just trying to elope with his other gay lovers. He even tried to bribe the Super with that flimsy little filthy foreskin. God knows where he had gotten it. I truly hope that its not his… or maybe its from one of his boyfriends. Anyway, I could still remember that he had gotten pretty much psychotic and perverted towards the end by locking himself up inside his own room… just like you, gayboy."
"I'M . NOT . GAY!" Henri sputtered.
"Whatever…" Rudolph said.
"By the way, there's this cute kid boy around here somewhere and just be caref-" Henri warned.
"Oh gross, don't tell me he's your imaginary gay friend or something… no wait, I-I… I don't wanna know anything about it, you sick fuck. The thought of you doing a little boy is just… EWWWWW!" Rudolph screamed in disgust. "THAT'S SICK, MAN!
Henri sweatdrop.
"You know what? I'm gonna just get the fuck out of this place." Rudolph continued, as he turned around and headed for the door behind him.
Henri started to follow him.
"Hold on!" Rudolph immediately stopped him. "I don't want other people to mistake us for a couple. That's sick! Now, stop following me and go find your own way out of here."
"B-but…"
"Now, run along… your mama's calling you behind you…" Rudolph said, as he whisked him away with his hand.
"Huh? My m-mama? Where?" Henri asked, turning his head around.
Rudolph quickly ran and exited through the nearby door.
"Where's m-" Henri asked again, when he suddenly turned back to find Rudolph long gone. He realized that he had been tricked by Rudolph.
"Damn that big, fat liar!" Henri cursed angrily.
"Yes. And so are you, Henri." A mysterious voice called out to him from behind.
"What the-?" Henri quickly whirled around. "GAH! TELETUBBY!"
"Hello, Henri." The purple creature waved at him, as it wriggled its chubby purple fingers in the air.
"W-why are you doing this to me? W-what do you want from me?" Henri writhed in agony.
"Tsk… tsk… tsk…" The purple creature snickered. "Don't you remember?"
Henri shook at his head.
"You have been having those recurring dreams again, haven't you?"
"You mean the dream about me as a child and you peeing on me?"
The Teletubby nodded.
"What the hell was that?" Henri asked.
"You tell me, Henri…" The creature said.
"But I… I-I, I don't know…" Henri cried.
"You ignorant fool! Well then, I guess you shall have to learn things the hard way… muwahahahaha…" The Teletubby giggled.
"What 'hard way' is this fucker talking about?" Henri thought in his mind. "Uh, is it gonna be like painful or something? Do I have to like kill somebody? Seriously, I've never even killed an ant and-" He asked innocently.
"SHUT UP!" The purple thing commanded, as it slowly walked up to him. "Stop being such a bitch."
"Who are you calling a bitch, bitch?" Henri retaliated back. "At least I'm not the gay one here!"
Henri did not know what the hell that gay Teletubby was referring to. In fact, he was so dense, he doesn't even know anything. He just knew that he had to get away from this lunatic gay freako in front of him. And fast. He had to think of something to distract the Teletubby.
"Um… I think your mama's calling behind you." Henri repeated the same trick from Rudolph.
"Where?" The Teletubby turned its head around.
Henri quickly made his way towards the door as fast as his legs could carry him.
(Somewhere inside the apartment building…)
Moaning sounds.
"Hello?" Henri asked.
Moaning sounds.
"Anyone there?" He continued asking.
Henri soon found himself inside an apartment. The interior of the place was beautifully decorated with confetti and balloons. In the centre of the room, Henri saw a half-eaten cake and lotsa nicely wrapped presents being laid on the table.
More moaning sounds.
"Huh? What the fuck was that?"
Henri slowly walked forward to find himself staring at the sickly sight of a purple Teletubby lying with its tummy facing up on the floor behind the table, with a gold arrow piercing through its groin. The purple creature was moaning erotically as it madly turned and tossed on the floor as though it was having the ultimate orgasm of its lifetime.
"What the fuck? How come this stupid thing looked exactly like that ass-face purple freak from outside just now? How many of these gay Teletubbies are there anyway?" Henri groaned.
Upon a closer look, Henri saw that the Teletubby had no belly button. "Huh? No belly button?" He wondered. "If this fucking freak doesn't have any belly button, then it must be… dun… dun… dun… dunnnnn… A CLONE!"
True enough, Henri somehow managed to discover a barcode around the pubic area with visible print that read, "Clone No. 3,199".
As the pathetic purple creature moaned erotically and turned and tossed itself around on the floor, it somehow revealed a key glistening brightly on the floor underneath its cholesterol-filled, fat ass.
"Ooh… bling bling! Henri loves bling bling!" Henri drooled. He quickly pulled out the gold arrow out of the Teletubby's groin and shoved the creature aside and grabbed the key from underneath its ass.
Just as he was trying to take out the key from under the Teletubby's ass, Rudolph suddenly popped out of nowhere.
"Uh, excuse me sir, may I know where is the washroo-" Rudolph asked, as he came out from a nearby bedroom door of the apartment. "GAH! HENRI! WHAT THE SICK FUCK ARE YOU DOING REACHING DOWN AT THE ASS OF THAT POOR LITTLE CREATURE?" He screamed in disgust.
"N-no… Rudolph, its not what you think… I-I… I, Rudolph, I was just trying to reach in-" Henri explained, as he reached out for him.
"You PERVERT! DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME WITH YOUR FILTHY HANDS!" Rudolph shouted like a crazy man. "TOUCH ME AND YOU DIE!" He threatened Henri with his gun as he slowly moved away from him before he ran and hid back inside the bedroom.
"… for the key." Henri's words came to a mere hush, with the shiny key still in his hand, as he saw Rudolph slamming the bedroom door in his face.
Unknown to him, with the arrow plucked out of the cloned Teletubby's groin, the purple creature was beginning to float towards him.
Henri managed to turn around just in time to see the creature approaching him and he gave out a girly scream.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Henri immediately banged on the bedroom door for Rudolph to open up. "Rudolph! Its me, Henri… open up this door!"
"I'm straight! Now, leave me alone, you pervert monster…" Rudolph shouted from inside.
"Rudolph! Hurry up… he's coming! HE'S COMING!" Henri screamed.
"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANY OF YOUR EXPLICIT SEXUAL STUFF ABOUT YOUR GAY LOVER COMING... OR, OR... YOU COMING! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Henri sweatdrop.
"That's not what I meant… I,I-" Henri stopped. "Oh nevermind."
He quickly ran for the apartment door and fed his hands on the knob. However, it was locked tight.
"GAH!" Henri squealed like a slaughtered pig.
Suddenly, he remembered about the shiny key he had taken from that freaky cloned Teletubby and looked at it. On the tag were the words, "Door Key!".
Henri was almost ecstatic. He immediately used the key on the door and opened it before he slammed it behind him.
"Damn those fucking Teletubbies! Damn Rudolph! Damn Konami!" Henri cursed. "Wait! Why am I cursing Konami?" He thought. He did not know why the bloody hell did he cursed Konami. He just felt like cursing everything at that moment in time and Konami seemed to be a catchy word that came across his mind. "Oh whatever…"
Just as he was about to walk away from the door, he realized that there was something else in his hand. "Oh yeah, what's about this stupid arrow thing-y anyway?"
Henri took a glance at the gold arrow in his hand to find the following words beautifully crafted in gold on the stem of the arrow.
"Arrow of Obesity".
DISCLAIMER: Silent Hill and its series are still owned by Konami. What? No. I don't own the Teletubbies. What a horrible thing to say.
A/N: Salutations, everyone. I'm really glad that you kind souls are enjoying my work. Thank you for those who have reviewed and those who have not. However, I'm still tremendously traumatized with the heavy loads of schoolwork I've been assigned. I can't breathe. I'm choking with all the reports and projects on hands. I hate school. And I know that the school hates me too. Ha-ha… okay, so finally, I've managed to put up yet another chapter for your viewing pleasure, and I hope its readable. Please do forgive me if it seemed sloppy. So, you know what to do… R&R.