Chapter 7

The Misgivings

Kodi's head lifted as his breathing started to return to normal. He was bushed; his lungs no longer burned with each respiration, but his heart was still beating relatively fast within the confines of his chest all the same. His eyes followed suit, and his tired but triumphant gaze was met with that of his parents, who beamed and looked upon him with pride blazing from every aspect of their being. In fact, so much pride could he see in their regard, that it made him feel a little embarrassed. Still, he would not shun them simply because he felt somewhat conspicuous, and so he moved forward on the hard-packed snow and met them halfway. He smiled with contentment as they each nuzzled him in turn. "Hi Mom, Hi Dad," he said, not without enthusiasm, returning their shared nuzzle of affection and feeling his embarrassment slip away.

"Good to have you back son." Balto said, pulling back and taking in Kodi's state of weak-kneed exhaustion, his face growing distorted with surprise as he did so. "My goodness Kodi," he said, staring at the way his son's muscles were all but thrumming beneath his fur (so tired was the red Husky in fact, it was a wonder he could stand upright at all). "You certainly made it here in record time…but I think you might've pushed yourself a bit too much," he concluded, voice laced with concern.

Jenna's own smile faded somewhat as she too took in Kodi's (forgive the expression if you will) dog-tired condition. "You shouldn't push yourself so hard, Kodiak." She said her voice edged too with worry. "I know you're proud of your job and you've probably set a new record for the fastest delivery time, but still…" she chanced a glance over Kodi's shoulder to observe Kirby and Ralph, who were, of course, at it again and messing with each other. "That's a good way to get yourself hurt…"

"Oh Mom, stop worrying so much all the time!" Kodi replied, helpless to say otherwise and unable to suppress the smile that formed on his lips even as he spoke. He just couldn't help himself; she was just so overly concerned sometimes… "We're all fine." He assured her, his smile broadening into what could almost be called a grin. Jenna still seemed a bit worried but her thoughts regarding his physical state of well being – whatever they may've been – were assuaged (or more accurately, interrupted) with the arrival of Dusty, who, despite her no doubt painful circumstances, looked as happy and chipper as ever she had in the good old days.

She walked over, smiling almost as broadly as Kodi himself was. He noted the slight limp in her gate, cause being the right hind leg, but other than that, she gave absolutely no indication that she was in any kind of pain whatsoever. Did he think she was the toughest female sled-dog he'd ever met? Brother, you'd better believe it.

He admired her strength and…well, it was the truth wasn't it? Yes indeed, can't deny it now. He admired her strength…and he loved her all the more for her spirit, which burned deep inside her heart with such a fiery passion that not even the direst of situations could faze her. The fact that she just happened to the most beautiful dog he'd ever laid eyes upon – Husky or otherwise – wasn't bad either.

Wait.

Scratch that. Dusty was not merely beautiful; she was a vision, a queen who made canines whom before he'd viewed as red hot angels from Heaven look like nothing more than shabby posers by comparison. In short, she was absolutely gorgeous now that he finally took the opportunity to observe her properly…which was to say, in a romantic light.

"Hi…Kodi." She said, her voice sounding beautiful beyond description.

He blinked, and then suddenly realized that he must've been staring at her for a space of at least a minute or so, and his cheeks flared up and he tried to tear his gaze away from the sight of her. He found the action to be amazingly difficult, but he somehow managed it and then simply stood there looking at the snow for perhaps five seconds before remembering how to form words and thereby communicate. "Hi…Dusty," he said, his voice sounding lame even to his own ears, knowing he must be making himself look like the world's biggest fool right about now but helpless to do anything about it. He risked stealing a glance at her…and saw a curious thing; Dusty's face was as red as his own must've been, judging from the amount of warmth he could feel baking out from his fur. Her eyes were likewise distracted with something of apparent interest, for she only met his gaze for that single instant when he had chosen to look upon her before hurriedly averting her eyes once more.

'Hello, what's this I spy?' Kodi thought dimly in a small section of his mind, the only part left that wasn't currently engaged in resisting the urge to simply stand there, ogling Dusty like the goddess she was; that was something an idiotic pervert like Forest would do, and he wasn't about to sink that low – not that he ever had, as far as he could remember. Something was up…but what?

'Oh comeon' That annoying voice exploded in his head again, momentarily destroying any and all coherent thought. 'Don't tell me you're such a dullard that you can't figure it out for yourself!'

A curious thought occurred to Kodi just then. Well, it couldn't really be classified as a thought if you stopped to consider it really; it was too brief. A more accurate description would be that what Kodi experienced was more a flash of misguided intuition. How unfortunate for him… His mind suddenly concocted a – at least to us – ludicrous idea, summoning a mental flash of images from his half-remembered dream-fantasy with his Love in the field. He saw himself on top of Dusty again, saw himself leaning down to kiss her, but this time, instead of meeting his furry lips with her own, Dusty promptly jerked her head violently to the right. At the same time, he saw her pivoting her body, struggling and succeeding in wrenching herself out from where she'd lain beneath him, her body having been pinned between himself and the ground. She shook herself, trying to rid her fur of the reeking musk that had been Kodi's. She then promptly trotted out of the clearing, pausing only once at the summit of the hill they'd rolled down only moments before. There, she looked back, and Kodi imagined seeing a mixed look that was part regret and part shame. Their eyes met for only a second and then she turned and was gone from view.

The feeling – or rather fear – that Kodi was imagining was one shared by most if not all who have ever experienced the insistent prod of Cupid's arrow in the hollow of their breast. Not for the first time in his life, the fear of rejection, of being turned away, gripped Kodi's tender young heart like a vise. The fear of feelings left unrequited and being shunned to forever dwell upon what could've been but was not destined to be. Simply put, Kodi's newly acknowledged fear was that Dusty, having realized his romantic intentions, did not return his feelings and was therefore made uncomfortable due to what he was trying to press her with.

"Kodi?" she asked suddenly, causing him to blink in slight shock – for he had been in deep thought before roused by the melody of her voice. He risked looking into her face, and saw her eyes were alight and shining with some indescribable emotion, ears turned to face him and pointing to the sky, eyebrows slightly raised. Disillusion turned her look of concern into one that said, 'What's wrong with you? Don't you get it yet? I. Don't. Love. You. What are you still doing here?'

Misreading her facial expression and the love and hope burning behind her eyes for a look of embarrassed pity and discomfort, Kodi thought, 'She's right; what AM I still doing here, staring at her and drooling like an idiot? I'd don't stand a snowball's chance in Hell with Dusty.' Accepting this false realization, Kodi's face fell slightly, and his head lowered as if in placation. "Yeah…Dusty?" he replied in a low rasp, striving to make himself sound uncaring but only succeeded in making himself sound slightly exasperated at her query.

"How did it go?" She asked. Kodi couldn't see her face because he was currently concentrating with all his might on the snow-covered ground before him, but she sounded slightly hurt…close to tears in fact. 'She's upset because she didn't want me to take it this way,' he thought and felt guilt settle into his bowels like a lead weight. 'I'm causing her to feel this way. I'm responsible, me. She deserves better than this…She deserves better then me...'

Still in that low, now slightly depressed-sounding voice, Kodi replied, "We…we had a good run. Made it back in record time…." He drifted off, uncertain and then went on, "I'm…kinda tired and…I don't want…to keep you out here longer then necessary; you're…still hurt." With that, he turned his back on her and walked off, oblivious to the shared look of concern that flashed between his parents as he passed them. Dusty's face crumpled into a look of utter shock mingled with deep sorrow, a few tears trailing their way down her cheeks as she watched her beloved depart. But Kodi, with his head lowered, his own tears of anguish slipping from his eyes did not see…He merely plodded on aimlessly down Main Street…

He passed by his teammates, who noted his condition with shock. Ralph moved as if to try and console his young leader, but Kirby barred his way with a forepaw, raising it against the dark gray husky's chest like a tollgate. When Ralph gave him a look that asked 'What in the name of all that's Holy is wrong with you? We've got to help him!' Kirby merely replied with a slow shake of the head, his wise brown eyes stony; 'No. It's not our place. It's something Kodi has to deal with on his own. It'd be wrong to interfere.' For a minute, Ralph looked as if he was considering just saying to hell with what was and what wasn't their place, but then realized the wisdom in Kirby's simple statement, and he subsided.

So, left unhampered by family and friends, the russet husky continued on, deaf to the semi-indignant calls roused by those he bumped into on his blind path. He knew not where he was headed, nor did he care. He was oblivious to everything except the pain he felt inside himself, beating with a steady rhythmic pulse in his heart …

((()-()))

Kodi's newfound emotions may've being roiling within him, vying at once for control and immediate attention due to his idiotic fear that one wrong move would leave him with his undying love forever unrequited, but the same could be said for Dusty, in a way.

((()-()))

As she continued down the street from Our Lady of Serenity, Dusty tried to contemplate what she would say to Kodi…and then quit; just thinking about it made her feel slightly nauseated. Her face clouded as she tried to work out possible scenarios based upon her words nonetheless. She saw herself met with acceptance, flushed embarrassment and shock (maybe – and somewhat hopefully – all three). As she neared the main road, her resolve faltered, and for a brief instant, she considered blowing the whole thing off, just leaving everything the way it was. After all, what she was about to confide in him had the slight – but nonetheless disastrous – off chance of destroying the bond of friendship she shared with Kodi. Above all else, her worst fear was that she would somehow severe their bond of friendship, all for the sake of love.

Just think…all connections between the two of them might be lost by the mere utterance of the four simple words 'I love you, Kodi.' Her heart shuddered at the thought and she once again considered the easy way of simply turning around now and slinking back to her Master's cabin, thereby forfeiting all hope of Kodi's love.

She shook her head violently, trying to clear her mind of these stupid and useless thoughts. She was only partially successful as a nugget of unease still clung to her heart like a booger you can't flick off the end of your finger. Reminding herself that nothing worthwhile was obtainable without some element of risk, she straightened herself, wincing slightly at the pain now spreading through her leg. It was getting worse, and she knew it, but sometimes you just had to grin and bear it, as she knew from her experiences pulling the line with the others.

Pausing only long enough to take a few steadying deep breaths, she strode out into the street which was currently flooded by both human and canine alike; it was what passed for Rush Hour in Nome. Walking though the mass of bodies – most headed in the opposite direction – Dusty moved steadily towards where she knew Kodi to be, hailing those who shouted cheerful greetings and adding a thanks to any who also wished her a speedy recovery. She finally emerged to stand just a few feet from where Kodi and the rest were gasping and laboring for oxygen, chests and sides heaving like of bellows.

Trying to ignore the suddenly consuming pain that flared in her right hind leg, Dusty winced and tried to bear it as she forced herself to move forward, all the while desperately trying not to let on about the amount of pain this was causing her; by the time she reached Kodi her grime determination was the only thing keeping her from simply collapsing in a heap. 'I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up,' she thought, in a slightly shaky voice that didn't sound like her own in the least. 'My legs feel like rubber.' Kodi hadn't noticed her yet. Maybe she really should wait for him back at the house…. It would be better for her, she knew that; she'd already used the leg far more than was healthy in her condition and Kodi would be so pleased to see she'd been taking care of herself…. This idea was so powerfully persuasive that she nearly turned and limped away but then she suddenly though of how Kodi's face became that of an angel's when he smiled, and her strength was multiplied tenfold. The pain would be worth it, if only for just one of those heart-melting smiles of his…

She felt a smile of her own creep over her face as Kodi turned to her and she had to work mightily in order to control an emotion she couldn't quite put a name to as Kodi turned to regard her, that angelic smile she remembered blazing out at her, despite his obvious exhaustion. She felt as though she could've suddenly confessed her love for him right there and then, regardless of the crowd of spectators that would've been present. But, luckily – or perhaps it is not so luckily; you will have to form your own opinions on that subject when all is said and done – she managed to suppress this compulsion and instead searched for something to say. Anything would do, even the most mundane, the most idiotic query would suffice.

But she couldn't; her mind temporarily short-circuited as she grasped what her eyes were telling her.

She was not blind; never think it. She saw how the mere sight of her smiling face brightened Kodi's countenance, and her heart immediately flared with hope. Dusty, it is fair to say, was elated and yet at the same time still plagued by self-doubt, even then. She told herself that she was fine; she was whole and pure, and not tainted and spoiled. She heard Kavik's voice saying, 'Go on Dusty; go get your man. Show him how you feel'. Yet…she hesitated. It wasn't as though she doubted her uncle's words – her trust in his judgment was absolute (he was, after all, family). The true cause of her uneasiness was caused by the reoccurring thought that, not matter how much she might try to console herself, Kodi would never find a dog so plain and unattractive as she to be even remotely interesting. But Kodi's attitude seemed to suggest otherwise…didn't it?

Still slightly unsure, she decided that enough was enough; if she was going to act, there had never been a better time. "Hi…Kodi." She said, trying to sound smooth and melodious, but feared her voice came off as one of a person who was reduced to utter helpless when confronted by someone as cute as Kodi was. Horribly flustered, she felt her cheeks flare up and she found herself unable to meet his eyes.

"Hi…Dusty." he replied, also sounding somewhat embarrassed. Dusty's heart soared and she felt light-headed. God…if just the sound of his voice was enough to cause her to feel like this, then there was absolutely no point in denying her feelings for him (not that she had been, anyway). She realized she had been staring and quickly averted her eyes to the white powder beneath her paws, feeling her face light up like a bonfire all the same. What was wrong with her, why was she acting like such a love-struck pup? 'Don't be so hard on yourself,' Triksey's voice reprimanded her in the midst of her self-accusations. 'You're not very far removed from puphood yourself, you know; you're only three…' Okay, so she was…no, don't start that up again. It's not helping anyone. She risked a glance up at Kodi to check and see if he'd seen the way her face had rapid undergone it's rapid change in color.

"Kodi?" she asked, and felt her heart stop as their eyes met…and then felt strangely wilted as Kodi looked away…almost guiltily, it seemed.

That was really all it took to start those troublesome wheels turning in her head; she saw Kodi, late at night, crack open an eye to see if anyone was watching. She watched as he crept around their sleeping forms to slip out the doggie door and once clear, run off down the road at a full-on sprint. She kept pace with him and soon they stopped at an alley. She watched as Kodi stuck his head in and called softly out to someone, and a figure began to materialize from the shadows thrown by the two buildings. Her jaw fell open as she saw a female Husky with radiant black and white fur come stepping gracefully out to meet him. They nuzzled and licked each other…and Dusty watched it all.

((()-()))

She suddenly knew that this vision of their midnight lovemaking was infallibly and inarguably true and her spirit simply crumbled and fell with the crash of a china cabinet that has been tossed from a sixth story window to shatter on the concrete below. Mustering what was left of her willpower, she tried to force her voice into sounding chipper and carefree as she asked; "How did it go?" meaning, of course, the mail run. She succeed only in part, for though her tone sounded convincing enough to her own ears, it could not stop the slight treble she detected in her voice, nor could it banish the tears that wanted to fill her eyes and go streaming down her cheeks.

She hoped and prayed with all her might for what her heart told her not to be true…but in the end, it seemed to be of no avail. Still in that low, now slightly depressed-sounding voice, Kodi replied, "We…we had a good run. Made it back in record time…." He drifted off, looking uncertain and then went on, "I'm…kinda tired and…I don't want…to keep you out here longer then necessary; you're…still hurt." His tone had gone from depressed to guilt-ridden in the span of only a single sentence.

Then, the single most devastating that could've happened at that moment did; Kodi, with ears and tail still lowered, turned…and began to plod slowly away. 'He…he…he turned his back on me…' she thought and though she tried to fight her tears, she could no longer hold them back, and a few slipped down her cheeks as she watched her one chance at happiness – one chance for love – reject her, practically in front of the whole town.

And suddenly, just like that, she didn't care anymore. Not just in regards to Kodi but everything, even herself. Nothing mattered. She didn't even twitch as her Master, who having recognized his dog came forward to whisk her off back to the house. What was the point anyway? Weary, heartbroken and now in a lot of pain, Dusty allowed herself to be snagged tenderly by the collar and lead back to the house under her Master's alert gaze. Her tears fell in rapid succession, staining her beautiful coat but she no longer minded. After all…what would be the point?

((()-()))

Balto watched with a sort of shocked fascination as Kodiak, his son, Lead Dog of the Mail Team walked past. His expression – which had, up until that fateful moment, been one of boundless joy on Kodi's behalf – abruptly changed to one of perplexed concern. Something wasn't right about this…and it was a big something. Instead of the proud and content young dog he had been expecting, he saw a young dog who looked as if he'd just been told he had what the vet called 'cancer' and had only three days to live. His once broad smile had been replaced by a grimace of pained anguish and his head and tail sagged limply, as if in defeat or placation. What struck his father most, however, were the tears he saw trailing down Kodi's cheeks. Kodiak had almost never cried in his life; even when he was a pup and crying had so often been a response from his siblings in certain situations, he himself had only stood or sat with downcast eyes and ears whenever he had needed to be scolded or – worse – punished. Yet now…here he was, shedding tears as if he'd been doing it all his life.

Whatever – or whoever – had hurt Kodi enough to cause him to revert to such an extremely advanced state of misery must've been very near to his heart. In fact, it would almost certainly have to deal with someone he cared for deeply or even…

Balto's eyes widened in shock as the realization hit him like pure dead weight in the pit of his stomach. Yesterday evening…at the Trawler…he had run into Dusty and she had had a good playful romp in the snow with the two 'special' polar bear brothers, Muk and Luk. They had been playing leapfrog and one of the two bears had forgotten himself and let something slip about what Kodi thought of a certain young female on his team…

'Dusty…' he thought with rising trepidation, his heart sinking even lower as he turned to scan the crowd for her. 'I don't get it,' he thought, mind working, brows knitting together in confusion. 'I thought Kodi loved her…well at least that's what Kavik and Jenna said…' he thought and then his mind suddenly went from a confused jumble to an utter blank as his found Dusty. He saw her being led away back to the house by her Master… And her face was almost a mirror of Kodi's own. Their feelings could've – heck, probably were – identical for he saw that she too had her head and tail submissively lowered and, although he couldn't get a good enough look at her face to be able to see if she was crying, he had no need to; he could smell her tears from here…which could only mean that she wallowing in the deepest depths of sorrow.

Utterly flabbergasted and temporarily out of sorts, he looked towards Jenna, intending to explain the situation and ask her opinion on what they should do – if anything at all – about what had transpired. But, as their eyes met, he saw that his words would be in vain; he could not tell her anything she herself did not already know from the looks she saw on both his face and Kodi's.

"Oh Balto…" she sighed and he could tell she herself was close to tears, which was a rarity even for her these days, "what are we going to do?" her eyes shone with love and sympathy for her forlorn son as she watched him depart. "I don't understand…why would Kodi…?" She trailed off, seemingly unable to find the words to finish.

The Hero of Nome offered his condolences with a comforting nuzzle. "I'm not exactly sure…" he replied, stealing his own glance at Kodi's retreating figure. "But…I think it might be best…if I talk to him after he's had some time alone to think."

"But how will you know where to find him?" she asked.

"Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea where he's headed…" Balto said with a sympathetic of his own for the emotionally traumatized canine. "…He is my son after all…" he concluded. With a comforting lick and nuzzle from Jenna he set out with a heavy heart towards the Old Trawler…

((()-()))

Author's Note:

Ohhhhh! Bet none of you even dreamed you'd see something like THAT come up! I'm so twisted! Sorry if you're miffed about the whole thing, but we all know it'll work out in the end (and besides, the whole 'Kodi comes back, busts Forest and Co. and Dusty melts into his arms just like that with nothing else happening' just isn't me). As I said before to Eagle205, I am and probably always will be a bit of a romantic…

I'm in the process of working on Chapter 8: The Lovers at this time – about ½ way done, maybe – and I've a bit of bad news; the story is beginning to draw near its end. There are probably only two or three more chapters after this one! I really hope you guys liked this! Don't forget to REVIEW PLEASE!

LoL

BaltoLuver63