A lot of detail is given at once; let me know if it's too much and I might re-work it! – Heather

Sleepless in Trenton

Chapter 4

I stared at the wall. I couldn't sleep, even with Ranger next to me; the fear was still too real, too vivid. My eyes ached and demanded sleep, but my tense body refused to comply.

I don't know how long I stared at the wall before I felt Ranger move next to me, reaching over to the bedside light and clicking it on. I blinked against the glare of the sudden light.

'Want to talk?' He asked.

'About the nightmares or in general?'

'Whichever.'

'How about we talk about you?' I asked.

'Me?'

'Yeah. You've been living with me for over a month now, but I still don't know anymore about you. Well…that's not actually true; I know you brush hair really well, I know you're a heater at night, I know what you like for breakfast and what Chinese dishes etc you prefer. I know you like rock and you listen to classical stuff to relax, I know you're very generous with yourself and your time, I know from a glance at your face if you've had a good or a bad day, even when it looks blank, I know you have great taste in movies, and I know you speak ghetto and Wall street.'

I paused, 'So, actually, I do know a lot about you. But I don't know anything about your past, or your family. But if you don't want to tell me, then it's fine. No pressure or anything, I'm just curious.'

Ranger patted the space between his legs and we assumed our usual position: my back to his front. I leaned back into his body and he wrapped his arms around me.

We sat in silence like that for ten minutes or so whilst Ranger worked out what, if anything, he was going to tell me.

'I'm the eldest of five.' Ranger started. 'I have three younger brothers and a sister. I'm 32, Dominic is 28, Michael is 26, and Andy and Katrina are 24. I had a very happy childhood, I was an A student, and I was captain of the football team.

'But when I was fourteen everything changed, and I had to grow up. My mother died in a hit and run accident; she was crossing the road and the car didn't stop.'

He paused. 'I walked home from school, I was at high school whereas the others were still too young, so they were at another school. When I got home, my dad's eyes were red rimmed, and my brothers and sister were crying. But it was Maria, our cook, that told me what happened.'

Ranger took a deep breath, 'We were all close to mom. She was the type of person that always found the positive in the negative. She was always smiling, laughing.'

Ranger paused, 'you remind me of her, you have the same heart.'

I smiled, 'thanks.'

'Sure.' He said, kissing me on my hair, and then he carried on talking, 'Every Saturday I would bring mom a flower from our garden, or I'd buy one with my pocket money. I'd tell her that a beautiful woman deserved a beautiful flower, and she'd smile at me, ruffle my hair, and tell me she loved me. My father was, is, a good man, but he's not very good with emotions. His way of letting you know he loved you was by clapping you on the shoulder and saying 'good job'.'

Ranger smiled, 'But one of my best memories was when I was nine and I snuck downstairs; there was music playing in the living room, the door was slightly ajar, and I could see my mom and dad dancing by candlelight. My dad said something and she laughed. I realised then, that I wanted that kind of love, that closeness they shared. But after my mom's death; my father was a broken man, he never smiled, never laughed; he threw himself into work, he was never home, he was always travelling. It was then that I decided that maybe that kind of love costs too much.'

My heart ached for him; for the child he hadn't been allowed to be, for the grief he'd had to live through, and the responsibility he'd had to shoulder.

Ranger continued, 'I made sure my brothers and sister did their homework, and I helped them if they were stuck. And when my brother got into a fight at school, it was me that went to talk to his teachers.

'But by the time I was sixteen, my grades had slipped from A to D. I didn't concentrate in class and I fell in with the wrong crowd. I started smoking and dropped out of the football team. The school sent a letter home to my dad; but he wasn't home, so I just threw it away. I'd go home after school, check they'd do their work, make sure they ate dinner, and wait until they were in bed; then I'd go out and hang with my friends on street corners.

'By the time I was seventeen I was in a gang and I was stealing cars, even some B&E, doing drugs. By now, my brothers knew I was off the rails, but I kept them on the straight and narrow, and every time they complained about my hypocrisy I'd tell them 'don't do as I do, do as I say.'

'By eighteen I was the head of my gang, and I hadn't seen my father for several months, I arranged to be out when he was home; I was angry with him for leaving me to raise them, I was angry with him for leaving. Wasn't it bad enough that I'd lost my mom? Why did he have to take my dad away too? I was stumbling through the world alone, trying to do the best I could for my family, but I was head deep in gang life.'

Ranger sighed, 'My gang, the Red Fights, didn't kill other gangs members, didn't physically hurt civilians, but we did other shit. We were enemies of the Black Hounds; who were another gang in our area, fights broke out between us all the time, but it was nothing more than a few broken bones.

'In every gang you have a blood brother: someone who watches your back, someone who would die for you. My brother, Hawk, he been seeing this girl for a few months. He refused to tell me who she was, but man, you only need look at his face and see his love for her.'

Ranger seamlessly slipped into ghetto speak, the language of his gang. 'He said she were it. All he needed. I wanted to meet the chick so I followed him one time; the girl was Crystal Falry, and she was the sister of Dog Falry – the leader of the Black Hounds. I burst in the door, yelling at Hawk – telling him this Romeo and Juliet shit would be a cluster fuck if Dog found out. But damn, she was looking at him the way he looked at her; fuck me if they weren't in love. I said I'd keep their secret, but they needed to get out of Miami before Dog found out.'

Ranger took another deep breath and let it out slowly, 'but they didn't.' He shook his head, 'My dad had come home without fore warning; he'd finally heard that I was in shit; that I was in a gang.

'He was furious. Maria, our cook, tried to calm him down and he snapped at her. I told him to treat her with respect because she'd been cooking and cleaning and being a parent to his children for years, unlike him. Before he could reply, my cell rang; it was Flight, my second in command; Hawk was dead. Dog had found out. I told Flight I was on my way and hung up. My dad told me not to walk out the front door or I wouldn't like the consequences; I went into my room and I heard him blew out a sigh of relief.'

'He shouldn't have been relieved; I put on my gang clothes, the ones I'd made sure my family didn't see. I pulled on a red leather jacket with Red Fights emblazoned across the back and jeans that were cut off below the knee on one leg, but not cut off on the right leg. I untied my hear, and tied a red bandana round my forehead. I put on my guns and my knives and I stepped back into the living room.

'One by one my brothers came up to me and hugged me and told me to be careful, I told them to 'work hard, play harder and be happy.' I hugged my little sister to me and told her the same; she was only ten and she didn't want her biggest brother to go. She asked when I was coming back, and I said I'd come back when I could look in her eyes and feel I deserved the love in them.'

He sighed, 'I hugged Maria, told her to look after them, and then I left. I didn't look at my dad. Over the next few weeks' gang violence exploded, no one else died, but it was a close run thing. Then I heard word on the street; I heard Crystal was pregnant with Hawk's child. So now the violence had a reason; we wanted to protect Hawk's baby and Crystal – Dog would kill the baby before he let the Fights and the Hounds mix like that.

'The violence increased, and the morgues began to fill up. Finally, I hunted down Farly, and then I killed him like the dog he was.'

Ranger's voice was flat and unemotional, but I knew his emotions were raging inside, so I kept silent and let him speak.

'Dog's second in command and I reached an agreement, and gang violence ceased. It was over. I took Crystal with me, her eyes were bloodshot with tears and she was far less talkative than she had been; the love of her life was gone, and she was alone, pregnant with his child. I married her, set her up with my savings and brought her a house in Florida. Then I joined the army; I figured if I was a killer already, I might as well kill for my country. I got leave when Crystal went into labour and I held her hand whilst she gave birth to my brother's daughter. We called her Danielle, because Hawk's real name was Daniel.'

'I lived with Danielle and Crys whenever I was on leave, I treated Danielle like my daughter, but I never treated Crys like my wife – I was married to her, but she was my brother's woman, not mine. When Danielle was four, Crys met someone else and asked for a divorce. Danielle still calls me dad, but now I'm more like an uncle. Richard is her dad now.'

'What about your family?' I asked.

'Even though I wasn't in Miami I still kept an eye on them. When my brother was graduating I went to his graduation ceremony, I snuck in at the back of the hall. He gave a speech to his year, and at the end he said, 'I don't really have any words of wisdom of my own, so I'm going to borrow my older brother's, 'play hard, work harder and be happy.'' Then everyone started cheering and clapping, and Dominic looked directly at me and smiled and nodded at me. I smiled and nodded back, and then I slipped out of the hall. I'd managed to invest my money quite wisely, so I when Dom came home he had a brand new car in the drive and a note that said, 'Good speech. Well done. Drive carefully. Ric.' Dom's always loved cars.

'Two years later, Michael was graduating; I hid at the back of the hall again. Just before Michael walked off the platform I could see he was looking for me, so I moved so he could find me, and I smiled and nodded at him too. I'd found out that Michael had come out as gay to my family, so he got a different graduating present. I wanted to let him know that I knew he was gay, and that I accepted him. So when Michael came home he had a big box on the porch and a note that said, 'Open in private. Well done. Enjoy. Ric.''

'What was in the box?' I asked curiously.

I felt Ranger's chest vibrate with laughter, 'Porn Babe.'

'Porn!'

'Gay porn. About a hundred video's with all different types of stuff, I left a note inside the box saying, 'wasn't sure what you liked exactly.''

I burst out laughing, 'you brought your brother porn?'

'Yeah.'

'Wait a sec, that means you had to go to the store and buy gay porn!'

'Yeah. That was kinda embarrassing, especially as I was buying so much.'

I carried on laughing, 'so what about your next brother?' I asked when I'd regained my breath.

'Fernando – Andy. He and Katrina are twins, so it was both of their graduations. Andy's was first up and I smiled at him, and then Trina was up and I smiled at her too. I was just about to do my disappearing act when my dad appeared next to me. 'That's all of them Ric.' He said, 'they've all graduated.' I nodded. 'You did a good job.' Dad said, clasping my shoulder, 'come home soon.' I nodded again, clasping his shoulder back, 'soon.' I agreed.

'I left Katrina a very expensive prom dress that she had been saving up to buy, but she still didn't have nearly enough money to get it, as well as a diamond necklace and a note which said, 'Well done. A beautiful woman deserves beautiful jewellery. Ric.' I left Andy a receipt that said that his entry into FBI training had been paid for, as well as the full training module. I left him a note saying, 'Well done. Go get the bad guys. Ric.' For as long as I can remember Andy wanted to yell 'Freeze FBI!' And kick the bad guys butts.'

'When did you go home?' I asked.

'I was 26 when Trina and Andy graduated, so I was about 27 when I came home. The whole family, including Maria, were having a picnic out on the lawn. I bypassed security and walked to my dad, 'need to get better security system' I said. Dad nodded and told me to sit down and have some chicken. So I did. It's been five years since then, and I've gotten to know my family again, as well as my dad. A year ago dad married Maria; I haven't seen him this happy in a while.'

'How often do you visit them?'

'Whenever I'm in Miami I stay at my parent's house, and as I have Rangeman Miami, it's at least a few times a year.'

I turned in Ranger's arms, 'Ranger?'

'Yeah?'

'Thanks for telling me.'

'Sure.'

I snuggled into him, resting my head on his shoulder briefly - I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds…

I didn't open my eyes until 8 o'clock the next morning.