Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version
Chapter 13: Die Harder
"Hello, Henri… we meet again." The person spoke in an eerie tone.
"GAH! Y-you… you FUCKING UGLY PIECE OF SHIT! Who the fuck are you?" Henri screamed, obviously grossed out at the disgusting sight of that rotting piece of shit before him.
"I'm Sinthia…" She moaned.
"S-sinthia?" Henri repeated.
"Who's Sinthia?" Elyne asked, in a trembling voice.
"Sinthia?" Henri asked.
"Yes, Sinthia." Elyne repeated.
"This Sinthia?" Henri asked again, pointing to Sinthia.
"Who? Me?" Sinthia asked. "Yes, I'm Sinthia."
"WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP REPEATING?" Elyne shouted, getting a little impatient. "AND YES, I'M REFERRING TO THIS FUCKED-UP LOOKING GHOST-BITCH BEFORE US! NOW WHO THE FUCK IS SHE?"
"Oh… she's just a slutty whore I've met earlier…" Henri said. "…WHO STILL OWED ME A SPECIAL FAVOR!" He growled, giving Sinthia an angry glare as he emphasized on the favor that she had promised.
"Shut up Henri… you left me to die in that office, remember?" Sinthia said.
"Oh yeah… " Henri mumbled. "So, why the hell are you back? Ooh… are you here to give me that special favor? Huh? Are you?" Henri shouted, in excitement. "Hey, maybe we could have a threesome or something..." He looked over at Elyne.
Silence.
"Why the hell are you looking at me for?" Elyne asked. "You sick pervert!"
Henri continued to give her the lusty, horny look.
"FUCK YOU, HENRI! I'm not gonna have sex with you and t-that… that ill-looking ghost!" Elyne cried. "Besides, I'm not even sure if any of you had gotten any STDs or something…"
Henri and Sinthia sweatdrop.
"Fine… suit yourself." Henri told Elyne. "You saucy bitch!"
"Whatever…" She replied back.
"Now, Sinthia…" Henri turned to the ghost. "… let's just get this special favor done and over with… just you and me!" Henri said, as he started to undress himself. "Tee-hee… I'm gonna do a ghost! This is so kinky!" He thought, with a sickening smile on his face.
Sinthia sweatdrop.
"Henri, I can hear your thoughts…" Sinthia moaned.
"Wha-? What are you talking about?" Henri gasped. "Wait a minute… you could hear my thoughts?"
"Duh! I'm a ghost, you dumb fuck! And I definitely could hear your kinky thoughts about doing a ghost…" She replied.
"SHHHHHHHHHH! Do you have to say that out loud?" Henri hushed, in an almost inaudible mutter.
"Eewww… Henri, you are so sick!" Elyne groaned, turning away in disgust.
"Now you've done it, you dead bitch!" Henri shouted.
"Shut up, Henri... I only promised to give you my necklace..." Sinthia said. "How dumb could he get?" She thought.
"Whatever, now strip, bitch!" Henri commanded.
Sinthia sweatdrop.
"Alright then, Henri… if you say so…" Sinthia said, as she started to remove her clothes.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed, seeing her badly decomposed body.
"What is it, Henr-" Elyne asked, turning around. "OH MY GOD! HENRI, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?" Elyne shouted, pointing to Sinthia's one-hell-of-a-mess body.
"I-I… I, I don't know…" Henri stammered, moving away from Sinthia.
Sinthia sweatdrop.
"She's one of them… one of those damned freaky creatures…" Elyne screamed. "Kill her, Henri!"
"B-but Henri…" Sinthia moaned, approaching the two of them.
Henri readily took out the Arrow of Obesity and pointed it at Sinthia. "Stay back!"
"GAH! Get that fucking arrow away from me! Get it away!" Sinthia hissed.
"Cool… so Sinthia is scared of the arrow… Meh! This is so fun!" Henri thought, enjoying the fact that Sinthia is afraid of the arrow. He played around with the arrow by bringing it nearer to Sinthia, just to see her freaked out.
"STOP IT, HENRI!" Sinthia pleaded.
"Hee-hee…" Henri giggled, like a complete moron.
Elyne gave him a smack on the head with her handbag.
"Ouch! It hurts… you fucking bitch!" He cried.
"Quit playing around, you sick bastard. Just kill her already!" Elyne said.
"B-but, what about the favor she'd owed me?" Henri said.
"Are you really sure you still want that favor?" Elyne asked, pointing to Sinthia's badly decomposed body. Henri took a glance at her and he immediately felt like vomiting. "Ewww... hell no!" He groaned.
"Then, what are you waiting for?" Elyne shouted, pushing Henri forward. Incidentally, the push caused him to trip over his own foot, making him fall forward, resulting in the plunging of the arrow into one of Sinthia's boobs.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! My implant… my precious breast implant!" Sinthia screamed.
(Poof!)
With that, Sinthia simply turned into a cloud of smelly fart and disappeared.
"Eewwww! That stinks!" Elyne thought, pinching at her nose at the smelly fart.
"Mmmm… nice smell…" Henri spoke aloud, sniffing at the unearthly air around them.
Elyne stared at him in disgust.
Realizing that Elyne was staring at him in a weird way, Henri quickly faked a disgusted look and said, "I-I… I mean... yeah, it stinks... it stinks... ha-ha…"
Elyne sweatdrop.
"Uh… so, let's make a move, eh?" Henri muttered.
"Whatever…" She mumbled.
(After going down the long escalator…)
Henri and Elyne were inside a room, located at the far end of the platform.
"Henri, what the fuck do you think you are doing?" Elyne asked.
"You stupid or something? I'm trying to climb down this ladder here…" He replied.
"I know that, you idiot! But can't you see that I cannot climb that stupid ladder? Look at me… my hands and legs are all bandaged up like a mummy!" She protested. "You insensitive pig!" She thought.
"Well, the ribbons are nicely tied though..." Henri said.
Elyne simply just stared at him.
"Fine! You can just hang around here and rot, if you want to… I'm going down." Henri told her.
"But why are we going down?" She asked, again.
"Here…" Henri said, fishing out a toy key. "… I found this fucking toy key to some train or something, and I strongly believed that it'd probably got something to do with the trains at the station."
"O-alright… I'm coming with you… but, could you help me out with the ladder?" She quacked.
"Okay!" Henri grabbed her by her arm and shoved her down the ladder.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed.
(THUD!)
Elyne landed onto the ground below with a heavy thud. "You jerk… I think my spine is broken…" Elyne cried.
"Shut up and get your fat ass moving, bitch!" Henri scolded, as he climbed down the ladder.
"Why are you doing this to me, Henri?" She cried.
"Because you are a downright milk-stealer!" Henri replied. "You are definitely gonna pay for all the milk you've stolen when we get back to the real world, bitch!" He thought.
"Oh… ha-ha… you knew all about the milk thing?"
Henri simply shot her an unwelcoming glare and walked away. Elyne gulped. "O-okay... okay… I'm moving already." She blabbered, as she squirmed herself up from the floor and followed after him.
(Later…)
The two of them arrived at the train compartment where the funny little box with the words, "1000$" was located, and Henri used the key to open it up. He managed to pick up a filthy-looking coin from inside the box. "What? That's it? All this walking just to get this fucking dirty shit?" Elyne shouted.
"Wait… something's seemed to be carved onto the coin… if only we could clean away the dirt…" Henri said, ignoring Elyne's irritating blabbering. And so, Henri coughed up a huge amount of phlegm and saliva, and he spat it on to the dirty coin.
"Eeewww…" Elyne groaned, seeing what Henri had done. "… I think I'm gonna be sick…"
Henri slowly worked the slimy fluid around the coin until it was clean.
"Hey! Look, Elyne… its a quarter!" Henri said.
"I-its okay, Henri… I-I don't wanna see it…" Elyne said, totally grossed out at his saliva-cleaning thing.
"Whatever… let's go. I know what we could do with it!" Henri said.
"Really?" Elyne gushed. "Wow! Henri, for once, you showed intelligence!"
Henri sweatdrop.
And so, the two of them got out of the train compartment and made their way to the platform.
"Henri, where are we going? What the hell are you gonna do with that coin?" Elyne asked.
"T-A-D-A!" Henri proudly presented. "HERE IT IS!"
"What the fuck? A vending machine?" Elyne asked.
"Yeah, I was getting kinda thirsty from all the walking around so I'd figured out maybe we could get some drinks with this coin." He replied. "Am I smart or am I smart?"
Elyne sweatdrop.
And so, Henri inserted the coin into the slot and pressed a button.
(Cling!)
Henri reached for the dispenser outlet, only to pick up another key. "WHAT? NO DRINKS?" He cried, throwing the key away. The key struck Elyne on her face. "OUCH!" She cried in pain.
"YOU CHEAT! GIMME MY FUCKING DRINK… Y-YOU EVIL MACHINE!" Henri screamed, as he terrorized the vending machine by kicking and pushing at it.
Elyne picked the key up to look at it. "Look Henri…" Elyne said, reading the tag on the key. "… the tag on the key read 'Dead Bitch Room'."
"YOU MOTHERFUCKING MACHIN- WHAT?" Henri asked, stopping his abuse on the broken machine.
"The Dead Bitch Room…" Henri repeated the words on the tag and turned his attention on Elyne.
"What are you looking at me for? I'm not yet dead!" She said. "This key is for Sinthi-"
"But you are a bitch, right?" Henri interrupted, before Elyne could even finish her sentence.
Elyne sweatdrop.
"Shut up, Henri… this key is meant for the room where that Sinthia bitch had died!" Elyne told him. "What a moron!" She thought.
"Oh right…" Henri mumbled.
(Moments later…)
Henri used the key on the door next to the turnstiles, where Sinthia was killed, and they entered the vomit-covered room.
"Look Henri! I've found a dildo!" Elyne shouted with joy.
"WHAT?" Henri walked over to her and looked at her discovery. "This is not a fucking dildo, you stupid bitch! It's a train handle, you peanut brain!" Henri screamed.
"Oh…" She apologized.
The dynamic duo then walked all the way back to the train to use the train handle. The train jerked a little and it slowly began to move.
"Woo-hoo… we are finally gonna get out of this place…" Henri said. "Its finally over…"
"Shut the fuck up, Henri… you sounded so… s-so… so Resident Evil." Elyne said.
"So?" He asked.
"You don't get it, do you?" She replied. "Whenever some fuckers in that game said something like 'Its finally over', something bad happens." She told him.
"Yeah… like I'm gonna believe you…" Henri giggled, rolling his eyes over.
Suddenly the train stopped.
"See what you did!" Elyne said.
The two of them looked at each other for a while before they proceeded to walk along the train compartments, only to see a new opening from one of the opened doors. The two of them then exited from the train and walked down the steps until they arrived at a door and entered the inter-connecting walkway.
(The walkway suddenly became dream-like and the place suddenly moved round and round…)
"Henri… why is this fucking place moving round and round?" Elyne asked.
"I-I… I don't know…" Henri replied. "I feel like I'm having a hang-over…"
"I feel like vomiting…" She continued.
"Me too…" Henri said, clutching at his stomach.
"Ha-ha…" A person was laughing.
Henri looked up and saw the purple Teletubby floating towards them, with an evil giggle that sent shivers down their spines.
"Hello, Henri… do you want to make lov-" Tinky Winky said, as he walked near them
But before he could even finish his sentence, Henri and Elyne vomited all over him.
"GAH!" The purple Teletubby screamed.
The two of them panicked and they immediately ran away and exited through the door at the other end of the walkway.
"FUCK! WHY DID THEY PUKE AT ME?" Tinky Winky cried. He then used his stubby finger to scoop up a disgusting portion of the slimy vomits from his body and licked at it. "Ooooh… that really turns me on! Tee-hee… I'll get you, Henri… you are mine! MINE! Muwahahahahaha…"
(Moments later, after the couple had ran down the many zillions of spiral steps…)
They came out from the door at the bottom of the long spiral stairs to find themselves in the forest graveyard.
"Ha-ha…" A familiar sound haunted them as soon as they had stepped into the graveyard.
"What the fuck?" Henri shouted. "My head hurts!"
Standing before them was Tinky Winky. "Heeeeeeeeee…" He giggled.
"What do you want?" Henri asked. "If its sex, then take her…" He said, pushing Elyne to him.
"You bastard!" Elyne shouted, hitting Henri with her handbag.
"Ouch… ouch!" Henri cried.
Henri screamed vulgarities and ran around the graveyard, while Elyne continued to limp after him and hitting him with her handbag.
"Hey! Wait up!" The purple Teletubby said, hopping like a little girl after the two of them. "Henri darling… I'm coming… you can run, but you cannot hide!" Tinky Winky laughed.
"SHUT UP!" Both Henri and Elyne shouted at him.
The purple Teletubby sweatdrop.
And before he knew it, Henri and Elyne had exited from the graveyard through the door on the other side. "Wait…" The Teletubby cried, as he ran for the door.
(SLAM!)
The door slammed directly onto the Teletubby's face. "OUCH! FUCK! FUCK! FUUCCCKKK! MY NOSE!" The gay creature cried. "GAH! BLOOD!" The Teletubby screamed, when he saw fresh blood oozing out from his nose.
The Teletubby groaned and fainted on the spot.
(Later, outside the graveyard…)
"What's the matter with you, Elyne?" Henri shouted, as he tried to hide behind a nearby well.
"What's wrong?" Elyne exclaimed. "You tried to pimp me away to a fucking gay freako just now, you psycho!" She continued to advance forward.
"Wait…" Henri pleaded. "Stay back, you horrible horrible bitch! Or I'll… I'll-" He stammered.
"You'll what?" Elyne challenged. "You big pussy!"
Henri looked around the place for something to throw at her. He could sense Elyne getting closer and closer by the minute. Henri knew that he had to act fast. Then, from the corner of his eyes, he saw something floating on the murky water inside the well and he quickly grabbed it. "Stay back, bitch! I'm warning you… stay back!" He threatened, with the object in his hand.
"GAH!" Elyne screamed, pointing to the object in his hand.
"What?" Henri blabbered.
"Henri! Your hand! Look at the thing in your hand!" Elyne screamed.
Henri briskly turned over to look at the object he had fished out from the well.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Resident Evil and Silent Hill.
A/N: First of all, I would like to extend my greatest appreciation to pooper scooper for his/her constructive criticism. But I'm sorry to inform you that my parody is, in fact, based on the game titled 'SH4 The Room' and not the movie. So, please get this straight, okay? Yes, my parody can get boring, funny, weird, disgusting, and etc., but that's how I write my parodies… read my other parody 'Shuddup Hill 2' and you'll know why. And yes, that is also based on the gameplay 'Silent Hill 2' and not the movie. And did I mention that my SH parodies were based on the gameplays and not the movie? Oh, I did? Okay…
I would like to also thank all the people who'd taken the effort and time to read and reviewed my works. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!