Shuddup Hill 4: The Retard Version

Chapter 15: Of Pees and Shits

As they were halfway walking down the long spiral stairway, Eylne suddenly let out a loud moan.

"What is it, now… bitch?" Henri groaned, stopping in his track as he rolled his eyes over.

"Henri… I'm tired… can we take a rest or something?" Elyne said, clutching at her bandages as she struggled down the stairs.

"Rest? At this time? What's wrong with you anyway?" Henri said. "I haven't got all day, you know… we've got to get the fuck out of this place as fast as possible…"

"I know… but I'm really tired, Henri…" She said. "… I-I, I think its probably the after-effect from all the disgusting pills I'd taken back at the hospital…"

"Pills? What pills?" He asked. "I don't remember seeing any pills in that filthy hospital room you were in…"

"Yes there is… its those tiny brown pills by my bedside…" She replied.

Henri paused and pondered for a while. Suddenly, his eyes widened. "GAH! Elyne, those were NOT pills, you idiot! Those were rat droppings! I can't believe you swallowed them…" Henri gasped, in horror. "Eewwwww…"

Elyne stood frozen for two seconds before she went into a state of realization and started to go into a state of frenzy. She wanted to puke. She retched at the thought that she had mistook those rat droppings for pills.

"Elyne… you okay? W-what are you doing?" Henri asked, as he saw her retched in agony. "Wait… are you going to…? No… no, wait… don't puke on me, you bitch!" Henri screamed, in terror as he saw Elyne approaching him, gagging at her own saliva. "Look, we are going to find you a bathroom or something, okay?"

And so, Henri quickly pulled Elyne all the way down the remaining spiral stairway.

(Later…)

The duo entered through the door located at the end of the annoying spiral stairway and found themselves arriving at the roof of the Water Jail. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Tinky Winky appeared.

"Hehehehehehehehe…" The purple creature gave an irritating high-pitched giggled.

"GAH!" Henri screamed.

Elyne was turning blue in the face from the controlling of her urge to vomit.

"Wahahahahahahahaha…" The Teletubby continued to giggle, as it moved closer to them. Elyne could no longer hold her stuff any more. She suddenly gave a loud burp and vomited all over the Teletubby.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…" Tinky Winky screamed, over the enormous amount of gross vomits on his body. The purple creature stumbled a few steps backwards, and tripped over the concrete railing, falling off from the top of the Water Jail roof. "… AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Henri sweatdrop.

(Moments later…)

The two of them had entered into the third floor of the Water Jail premise.

"Henri, I-I, I feel like vomiting some more…" She retched and gagged, covering her mouth with her hand.

"What? A-again?" Henri asked.

Flashback…

Elyne could no longer hold her stuff any more. She suddenly gave a loud burp and vomited all over the Teletubby.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…" Tinky Winky screamed, over the enormous amount of gross vomits on his body before he stumbled a few steps backwards, tripped over the concrete railing, and fell off the top of the roof. "… AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

End of Flashback…

The thought of Elyne's vomit made Henri shuddered. He immediately pulled her along the circular corridor, and grabbed upon the first door they came to. Henri opened it. Inside the cell was a huge gapping hole on the ground with a urine-stained bed next to it. Henri quickly kicked Elyne inside, and slammed the door shut after her.

"W-what are you doing, H-henri?" Elyne shouted at Henri through the tiny opening on the door, from the inside of the cell.

"Look, I don't want you to go vomiting all over me like that sickass Teletubby…" Henri said. "… in the meantime, I think its better that you clear your fucking vomits in that hole on the ground." He told her, pointing to the big gapping hole on the ground next to the urine-stained bed in the cell.

"B-but, Henri I-" But before she could even finish her sentence, Elyne began to vomit.

"Eewww…" Henri groaned, peeping through the opening on the door from outside. "Uh, Elyne… I guess I'd go explore the place first… I'll come back for you once you've finished puking."

"O-okay-" She stammered, before she started vomiting again.

And so, Henri left the bitch and continued to walk down the circular corridor when he spotted a creature with two heads slowly approaching him.

"What the fuck?" He exclaimed. "Get away from me, you freak!"

"BollyBolly…" One of the heads said, with an idiotic look on his face.

"Will you just stop that Bolly Bolly imitation?" The other head shouted. "Oh, hi there… This is my brother, Bolly, and I'm Milly. We are the Lokanes." The head turned to Henri and introduced herself.

"Um… why do you have a tail?" Henri asked, staring wearily at the lower torso of the creature before him.

"Oh this?" The female head said, pointing to the long object sticking down from its body to the ground. "Its not a tail… its Bolly's penis."

Henri jawdrop. "What the fuck? Penis? But how can it be that long?" Henri asked.

"BollyBolly…"

"Shut up, Bolly…" Milly shouted, before turning her head to Henri. "Anyway, Bolly's penis used to be even longer… but you see, my papa and mama were poor, so we had to cut some of it for our dinner…" Milly replied, as-a-matter-of-factly.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Wait… you freaks have parents?" Henri asked.

"We are not freaks, you moron. We used to be normal children…" Milly replied.

"So, what the fuck happened?" He asked, again. "How'd the two of you become like this?"

"You see, ever since our parents had choked themselves dead eating Bolly's penis, we were adopted by a purple Teletubby. And he had been feeding us real food." Milly said. "Finally! I'm rid of eating Bolly's fucking penis…" She heaved a sigh of relief.

"BollyBolly…"

Milly slapped Bolly hard on his face. "Shut up, you idiot!" She scowled.

"W-wait… purple Teletubby? You were adopted by the purple Teletubby?" Henri gasped. "But what the fuck does that got to do with you two children becoming a one-body-two-headed freak like this? Its gross, you know… and its definitely not the most fashionable thing this summer…" Henri complained.

Milly sweatdrop.

"The Teletubby had a slave… a girly guy with blond hair and colorful ribbons…" Milly continued.

"Wolter?" Henri thought.

"This fruity-looking guy killed me and my brother, chopping us to pieces with an axe and minced us up with a blending machine…" Milly said. "… afterwhich, our souls were then being sucked up by a vacuum and were then being further processed and compressed at one of Umbrella Corporation Branch Laboratories located at the outskirts of Shuddup Hill to become what we are today."

Henri sweatdrop.

"Uh, t-that's interesting…" Henri blabbered. "What the fuck does this gotta do with Umbrella Corporation?" He thought.

"BollyBolly…" Bolly continued to chant, in a silly manner.

"So, why the fuck are you freaks here, anyway?" Henri asked Milly, as he looked away from Bolly, in disgust.

"You see, we were told to haunt your ass down." Milly told him.

"BollyBolly…"

"SHUT UP!" Both Henri and Milly screamed at the other head.

Bolly sweatdrop.

"Now, where was I… hmmm… oh yes, Bolly and myself are suppose to haunt your cute little ass down and-" Milly said.

"Hunt my ass? Wait… did that fucktart gay Teletubby asked you to do this?" Henri interrupted.

Bolly kept nodding his head in a silly way.

"Yes." Milly said. "Now, meet your doom!"

The two-head creature immediately charged at Henri. Henri screamed like a girl and ran round the circular corridor while the two-headed creature gave chase after him.

"ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Milly screamed.

"BollyBollyBollyBolly…" Bolly chanted, annoyingly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri screamed.

Then, in the middle of all the running, the two-headed creature accidentally bumped into a sewage pipe hanging down from the ceiling above and they fell to the wet ground, unconscious, from severe double head concussion.

"Ha-ha!" Henri turned and laughed at the unconscious creature.

(CRUSH!)

The lower connection of the sewage pipe cracked opened, and loads of smelly shit and other wastes came gushing out. Henri stopped and gagged as the smelly water began to fill the corridor. Henri panicked. "Elyne!" He thought, and he quickly rushed over to the cell, where he left Elyne.

"Elyne…" He shouted, as he opened the cell door. "You finished with your sickening vomiting?"

"Wha-?" She looked up from her pool of her fresh vomits. "I-I… I think so…"

"We've gotta get the fuck outta here… NOW!" He said.

"Why?" She asked. "And what the fuck is that smell? I-it seemed to be coming from your body… Henri, did you just fart?"

"Shut up, you fool… the sewage pipe has broke and the place is flooded with shit water!" He told her.

Soon, the brownish smelly sewage water began to seep into the cell. Elyne gasped while Henri whined like a big pussy.

"Hurry up, Elyne… MOVE!" He screamed, pushing her towards the big hole on the ground in the middle of the cell and attempted to jump in.

"N-no… wait, Henri… we can't jump in there… I-I, I've just vomited into-" Elyne stammered.

"Shut up, Elyne and jump!" Henri screamed, pushing her into the hole and jumping in after her.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The two of them screamed.

(Second Floor…)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(First Floor…)

"Henri, are we there yet?" Elyne asked, while they were still falling in midair.

"I-I… I don't know." He replied.

"What do you mean you don't know? We've been like falling for a long time already and my throat is getting hoarse from all the screaming but nothing is happening…" She said, in the middle of their free-fall.

"Elyne…"

"What?"

"Just scream…" Henri told her.

"Oh, alright… AHHHHHHHHHHH…" She mumbled, as she faked an emotion-less scream.

(Basement kitchen…)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(THUD!)

"I'm alive!" Henri cheered. "I'M FUCKING ALIVE!"

"Ack… Henri, you are… ack… sitting on top… ack… of me!" Elyne mumbled, as she struggled to get up.

"Oops…" Henri smiled apologetically, and stood up when suddenly, his foot slipped on something slimy on the floor and he fell back onto Elyne.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! My back! MY BACK!" Elyne squawked. "Pain… pain…"

"Holy fuck! What the hell is this slimy mess? Henri cried, staring at the disgusting milky stuff everywhere.

"Ack… get off of… ack… me, you … idiot!" Elyne cried.

"Oh, right…" Henri said, as he quickly rolled over to the side and got to his feet.

"These are my vomits, you asshole!" She said, when she finally managed to get herself up from the floor.

"GAH! Y-your vomits?" He screamed, scraping away the slimy chunks of disgusting stuff from his body. "Eeeewwwww…" He thought.

"Like duh! I wanted to tell you that I had vomited through the hole on the ground just now, but you just kept pushing me down the hole and-" She explained. However, before Elyne could finish her sentence, a tremendous gush of brown sewage water came flushing down from the hole above them.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" They screamed, as the smelly shit water splashed down. Henri swiftly scanned around the kitchen, when he spotted the Die Room at the far corner.

The door to the Die Room was opened.

"QUICK, INTO THE DIE ROOM… HURRY!" Henri shouted.

The two of them hurriedly dashed inside the Die Room and closed the door behind them.

"What should we do, Henri?" Elyne asked, as soon as they'd entered into the Die Room.

Henri's throat felt dry. He looked at the frightened look on Elyne's face. He, too, was scared like shit but he knew that this was not the time to be scared. Henri knew that there must be a way out. He stared at the gap under the door. The familiar smelly brown water was beginning to seep into the room. Henri's heart dropped when he saw the gross liquid filling the room in a horrifying speed. The water level started to rise. He wished for a miracle but somehow, Elyne was not helping as she was constantly yelping like a crazy woman beside him.

"HEELLLPPPP!" She screamed, as she waded around the smelly water, like a fool.

Henri sweatdrop.

The shit water level soon rose to their knee level.

"What should we do, Henri? What should we do? WHHAAATTTT?" Elyne screamed, like a mad woman.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Henri croaked, punching her in the face.

"GAH!" Elyne fell onto the dirty water. "Henri… h-help… I-I, I can't swim…" She croaked, splattering at the water around her.

"Elyne?" Henri shouted.

"W-what?" She asked, as she continued to splatter furiously at the water.

"The water is only knee-level…" Henri muttered, in disgust.

The splattering stopped.

"Oh…" She said, and stood up.

"Look, this isn't the best place to hang around… and I seriously think that there won't be any other way out from here. I personally think that if we were to stay here any longer, we'll die…" Henri informed her.

"What are you talking about?" She asked.

"Don't you see? If there's a way out, that fatass AnDrool wouldn't have drowned in this room…" Henri replied.

"Who the fuck is AnDrool? Is he cute?" She asked.

"Not if you considered serving him, roasted, on the dinner table... wahahahaha…" Henri laughed, picturing AnDrool as a roasted pig.

Elyne sweatdrop.

(Moments later…)

Henri and Elyne finally managed to get themselves onto some dry lands. Elyne said she wanted to pee at a nearby corner and asked Henri to turn away.

"Do not peep, Henri… or your eyes will rot!" Elyne threatened.

"Not even if you pay me a million bucks, bitch!" Henri groaned, and turned away, when he saw a familiar hole on the wall next to him. "Eh? A hole…" Henri whispered, as he slowly walked over and he clumsily climbed through the hole on the wall.

(ZAP!)

Henri woke up in his bed, wetting his pants as usual. And after he has made a quick change of pants, he hurriedly exited his bedroom.

Just as he has stepped into the living room, Henri saw another piece of paper stuck underneath the door and he walked over to pick it up.

"I'm going to blog about that weirdo Wolter Salivaman. Wolter was born right here in Room 302 of North AssFeeld Heights. His parents had always thought that they would give birth to some burgers or pancakes… but when they saw a baby coming out from the vagina, they groaned and abandoned him as they had thought that the baby had eaten their food.

Soon, Wolter was adopted by a Teletubby. The Teletubby was the director of the local research facility, also known as the Dorky House. When he was six, the Teletubby brought him back to Room 302, where he tried to re-create more clones of Wolter.

And so, Wolter began to believe that the Room 302 was his mother.

July 28"

"Huh? So, that's why that midget Wolter thought that his dad was a test tube while his mom's a fucking room…" Henri thought.

Nonetheless, with nothing else to do in his apartment, Henri decided to head back into the hole in his bathroom.

(ZAP!)

Henri flew out of the forsaken hole on the wall and he landed onto Elyne, who was still peeing at one corner with her skirt flipped up and her ass exposed. Henri squashed his face directly onto her naked butt.

"AHHHHHH! RAPE! RAAPPPEEEE!" Elyne screamed.

"N-no Elyne… its not what you think…" Henri explained, as he quickly pushed his face away from her ass.

"Shut up Henri…" She shouted, standing up as she adjusted at her skirt. "YOU PERVERT!"

"Elyne, I can explain everything…" Henri blabbred.

Elyne looked at him in disgust. "Okay, talk!"

"Look, I went back to my apartment through that hole on the wall just now and when I tried to return here, it simply spat me out… that's why I landed onto you." Henri flabbergasted.

"Wait… what thing spat you out?" Elyne asked.

"The hole, Elyne… the hole on the wall spat me out!" He replied, pointing to the enormous hole on the wall behind him.

Elyne took a peep over his shoulder.

"Fuck you, Henri! I don't see any hole on the wall!" She shouted.

"Huh? You blind or something?" Henri said, turning around. "Look, its right there!"

"Henri, what fucking gibberish nonsense are you talking about? I don't see any fucking hole? Not at the hospital. Not here." She said. "Look, I know I'm all pretty and sexy… if you really wanna hit on me, say so…"

"WHAT?" Henri screamed, in disbelief. "I'd rather kill myself."

"I know what you've been hinting at, Henri… of the talk about holes and going through them…" She continued.

"Huh?"

"You want MY HOLE, isn't it?" Elyne giggled.

Henri sweatdrop.

"Whatever, you delusional bitch!" He said, walking away in disgust.

"Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne…" Elyne sang, as she followed behind him.

"SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Henri screamed.

Silence.

(Two seconds later…)

"Henri love Elyne… Henri love Elyne… tra-la-la-la…" Elyne continued.

Henri sweatdrop.

(Later…)

The two of them were walking down some flights of stairs when suddenly, Henri saw a shadow flashing pass them.

"Wha-?" He gasped, and stopped.

"Henri love Elyne… tra-la-la-la… Henr-" Elyne slammed into him from behind. "Ouch! Dammit! Why'd you stop?"

"Something's wrong…" He told her.

"Yeah… and that is, you are not singing along with me!" She said.

"No, you shit bitch… its not that…" Henri said. "Something is really wrong here and-"

But before Henri could even complete his sentence, a fat mass of a ghost suddenly appeared before them.

"BOO!" The ghost said, floating towards them with at least a million tiny spiders crawling out of his mouth.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Henri and Elyne screamed.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Silent Hill, the Teletubbies, Resident Evil, Umbrella Corporation, Konami, and Capcom.

A/N: Finally, a new chapter. I'm sorry the update's a little slow… I've been suffering from some chest pain since yesterday and I'm feeling kinda terrible now. I guess I'll probably pay a visit to the doctor later… hope its nothing serious. Anyway, appreciate you kind readers out there for your support and I look forward to your reviews. TTFN.