Straight Path on Sidewinder: Chapter 2.
While the red leader was passed out in his own vomit, the reds decided to see which one could make the biggest fart.
What does this have to do with the introduction of the blue team? Nothing.
The blue leader had just awoken in his own vomit, and noticed his underlings were doing the same.
"Holy sheeeeeet commander, what did you put in that beer?" said one of the blues.
"Enough tranquilizer to kill a bull elephant, you lightweights" scowled the blue leader.
"But you were drunk after the first bee-" the blue tried to reason, but was promptly pistol-whipped into unconsciousness.
The commander, standing over the bloodied blue, proceeded to call his men into assembly.
The commander simply pointed his finger at the first man in line and dubbed him as Earl 1. The second was dubbed as Earl 2 and so on. The unconscious blue was named Pansy-McPanserson. The blue leader dubbed himself as Chick Magnet.
Could this method of naming have something to do with the author being lazy? Quite possibly so.
The blues had already taken combat positions while the reds were lighting farts.
Sidewinder, May 23rd, 2555
9:45 AM
"Earl 1, this is Earl 3, I have taken the sniper position and-"
"JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND I DON'T CARE-"
"GET OFF THE LINE, PANSY!"
"JIMMY GOT HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH A WATERMELON AND I STILL DON'T CARE!"
"Commander-"
"CRACKS CORN!"
"SHAAAAATAAAAAP!"
"…"
"Commander-"
"That's chick magnet to you."
"Fine. Chick Magnet, I think you hit Pansy a little too hard on the head."
"Heh. Damn right I did."
"JIMMY CORN CRACKER WILL CAUSE GRIEF AND DAMNATION TO YOU ALL!"
"You've created a monster, sir."
"Damn right I have."
"Earl 4, what do you have to say about this?"
"Jimmy cracks corn and I don't care…"
"Damnit! Not you too!"
"It's a catchy song."
"Sir?"
"…"
"Sir?"
"Jimmy cracks-"
"GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"No-one likes Earl 2. :("
The red commander had been awake long enough to hear someone singing, "Jimmy cracked Corn" on the his radio.
He remembered advice his sensei had given long ago.
FLASHBACK
A tiny Asian man had been training the red commander for years, and was laying on his death bed. The red leader had come for the last bit of advice that his sensei could give him before he passed on.
"What? What is the advice I need to become a great warrior?" asked a much-younger-looking but still as much of an asshole red leader.
"Weemembuur dees wuurds." Said the Asian man.
Red leader picked him up and shook him violently.
"WHAT? WHAT ADVICE?"
"Jimmy Cwack Cone good song. Sung by good soldiers. Make spirit stwong." Replied the Asain man.
"Jimmy crack this." Said red leader as he chucked the man out the window, who was then promptly eaten by a squirrel.
END FLASHBACK
"I hated him." Was the last thought before a scorching blaze of heat hit him in the face.