A/N: In the flashbacks that Max experiences, the bits in italic are Erin's memories, while the text that remains normal are Max's memories. Just thought I should point that out in case anyone got confused.
The bits that AREN'T Max's memories and are in italics tend to be someone's thoughts.
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Chapter 4: I'm No Hero
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'It's a kick or be kicked in the ass world out there.'
-Logan (C.R.E.A.M.)
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'A Hero is someone who does what must be done and needs no other reason.'
-?
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Erin had made it to the large metal door before anyone else had so much as moved, appearing to be too shocked to take everything in at once.
"We'll help you." It wasn't Max who spoke this time. It was Alec.
"Why?" Erin refused to turn around, to hope. Her heart began to pound, "I've turned into God knows what and I have the cult hunting for me." Please say you want me to stay?
Alec said nothing, just turned back to the bar and picked up the bottle of alcohol again.
"We'll help you because we're your friends," Max replied calmly, surely. "You saved my life, Erin."
"I'm no hero," Erin replied as she turned slowly, her heart plummeting like it was made of lead. "Don't make me into something I'm not." It's not like I've got anything left.
"You could've just left me to die." Max met her eyes, "But you risked your life and saved me. You saved us all by disarming the bombs." Max started to walk towards her, "You turned into whatever it is you've become, yet you came to help us instead of freaking and bailing. The least we could do is the same." She stopped directly in front of the younger girl and smiled at her, "You don't have to do this alone and you don't have to leave."
But what if I don't want to stay? Erin looked up at the slightly taller transgenic, "I've been alone since I got here. S'not like I'm not used to it." Always alone in the end. Always alone and with nothing but bad memories and nightmares filled with screaming.
"Not anymore," Max smiled at her confidently, "I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to feel like you have to 'cause you don't- I want you to stay."
Why does my life have to be so hard? God, I'm so tired. Erin stared at Max intently, doubt, fear and hope battling each other until Erin didn't know what to feel, except tired in every single way. She felt a hundred years old. Why couldn't life ever be simple?
Her eyes moved to Alec as he stared intently at his bottle of alcohol, Why couldn't love ever be simple?
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Max saw her head move a fraction as Erin's gaze went to Alec's form again. Reaching out to touch Erin was what some transgenics would later say had been one of the most risky things Max had done to date, but 452 didn't care. She knew that Erin wouldn't hurt her, just like she knew that if she didn't help Erin, didn't trust her, then something bad would happen to her. Maybe even all of them. So, knowing it was right, she reached out and touched Erin's face gently, reaching out to push some of her soaked hair behind her ear and to wipe away some of the moisture on her cheeks- whether it was rain or tears, it was impossible to tell.
She smiled gently at her friend as Erin looked up at her, so lost but refusing to even show it on her face. It was experience that had taught Erin to hide her emotions so well, just like them in so many ways. And just like the others, Max couldn't leave her to her fate and let her suffer because no one would believe or trust her.
"You're not alone anymore," she repeated and pulled Erin gently towards her, wrapping her arms around the girl and holding her close. Her heart yelled out against the hand that Erin had been dealt.
She felt Erin remain stiff and unrelenting for a moment before relaxing in degrees, finally wrapping her own arms around her and returning the hug. "You don't have to do this on your own," she whispered to her friend as Erin rested her cheek on her shoulder, "We'll figure this bitch out together. No matter what- I promise."
"Thank you." Erin's reply was so quiet, if it weren't for Max's enhanced hearing, she might not have caught it.
Max smiled softly before she was shoved away so forcibly, she stumbled backwards several paces. The smile vanished as she looked up at Erin, hearing several guns being made ready once again.
"Erin?" What the hell was that!
"No, no, no, no!" Erin was shaking her head repeatedly as she backed away, "Not again, NOT AGAIN!"
"What is it? What's wrong?" Alec was by Max's side before she'd even finished her sentence, his serious gaze on Erin as she backed away.
Erin said nothing, only stared at her hands in fear as they began to shake.
"First comes the anger and the shakes," Zack stepped forward, remembering what Erin had said. He looked at both Alec and Max in what could only be described as dawning horror, "It's starting again!"
"Next came the tattoos," Jondy had moved up beside them before moving towards Erin, intent on helping her.
"No!" Zane grabbed her arm, "She shoved Max away for a reason- maybe she's dangerous when she's like this!"
Erin's arms began to shake now, becoming more intense as the tattoos began to fade. She staggered, reaching out to grab something, anything to hold her up as her legs began to give way.
"I don't care!" Max shoved them away and blurred to Erin's side, Alec right there with her. "I told her that she's not alone, and I meant it!" Max reached out to grab Erin's arm, and that's when all hell let loose. Both Erin and Max fell to the ground, shaking as if suffering from the worst seizures any transgenic had ever seen.
Swearing loudly, Alec tried to separate them.
It was as if by some unspoken agreement that the others moved forward. Unfortunately, Logan included himself in this number, and used the chaos that surrounded him to kneel beside Erin and rip her shades from her face. Her eyes were closed.
This time, it was Krit who stood up for the unconscious girl, grabbing Logan by his jacket and hauling him to his feet, furious. "What the hell are you doing!" Krit yelled in the older man's face, letting go of him and shoving him away with enough force, that Logan fell backwards to land painfully on his backside.
"I wanted to see her eyes!" Logan yelled back as he attempted to stand, "White was going on about them so much I wanted to see them for myself!"
Krit's boot was suddenly in his stomach, causing any other words to be cut off as he was slammed back down to the ground with the kick, the wind knocked out of him. "You ever think that you could've blinded her, moron!"
Logan once again attempted to stand as he wheezed, "Hardly. If she's such a predator, then her eyes would've adapted." He managed to gain his footing.
Krit's fist in his stomach made him land on his ass again as the X5 glared down at him, "Yeah? Well what about when she's changing, you shit! Her whole body is trying to adapt and you trying to assault her eyes with unnecessary light is not gonna help her!"
"You mean you guys want her to be able to see us when she slaughters us all in our beds?" Logan's jaw dropped, "You believe this shit!"
Krit looked down first at his sister, and then his friend before turning back to the man who'd been nothing but a pain in the ass ever since he'd met him, "Yeah, I do."
"Correction," Zane stood behind Krit, looking blank faced, "We all do."
"And you know what that means?" Logan spun around to glare up at Mole as the lizard smiled down at him. Mole's grin grew around his cigar, "You could've just blinded the kid."
There was a tap on his shoulder and Logan turned round, his mouth opening to give an angry retort but he never got the words out.
Krit's fist slammed into his face, breaking his glasses as well as his nose.
Logan was out for the count. Still, that didn't stop Zane from kicking him in the ribs.
"I've been wanting to do that for ages," he grinned maliciously down at the Ordinary on the floor, "still, would've been better if he'd been awake for it."
"Sorry 'bout that," Krit shrugged, unapologetically.
"Who gives a rats ass?" Mole looked up at the crowd of transgenics still watching, "I want two volunteers now!" Two X5 men stepped forward immediately and Mole grinned at them, "Stick this piece of garbage in one of the freezers in Sector D and stand guard- we don't want him somehow finding a way out to cause anymore trouble, do we?"
Smiling, one of the X5s picked Logan's dead weight up none too gently while the other led the way out of the warehouse.
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"I want two beds made ready in the infirmary STAT!" yelled Jondy as Alec and Zack wrestled with Max and Erin, trying to pull them apart as Max continued to grip Erin's arm with transgenic strength while they both shook violently. Lee was trying to hold Max's legs down while Brin was trying to do the same with Erin's, while both Sketchy and Cindy attempted to hold down Erin's shoulders and keep her head still. Joshua and Syl were trying to do the same with Max but none of it seemed to be working.
Alec looked up at Jondy and shook his head grimly. She gritted her teeth, "Cancel that order, make it one!"
One of the transgenics who had been given a job in the infirmary nodded and blurred away, intent on following her orders.
Jondy gently leaned over Erin, opening her mouth to see if she was in anyway close to swallowing her tongue before quickly doing the same with Max.
Besides seizing, nothing was different about Max. However, Erin was another story. The tattoos on her arms were almost gone, leaving gleaming pale skin except on her upper left bicep where what looked like a thin cut resided. Jondy, being who she was, knew it exactly for what it was- a bullet had grazed her. When the transgenic touched her skin, she had noticed the abnormally high temperature- possibly even higher than their own. But what scared her more was the fact that this temperature was dropping- rapidly.
Alec and Zack managed to get the two girls apart after prising Max's fingers loose. The seizing immediately stopped, both girls lying unnervingly still in the arms of the two men.
"Shit!" Zack swore quietly to himself as he sat Max up carefully, watching as her head rolled back.
Jondy immediately began to check both women out, frowning as she did so, "There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with either of them," she told them, "But Erin's temperature is continuing to drop." She turned to Zack, "Take Maxie to the infirmary so we can keep an eye on her." She turned to the still silent Alec and bit her lip, "What d'you want to do? We need to watch her- that's all I can think of. These restrictions are stopping me from doing my job, Alec."
The Second in Command of Terminal City looked down at Erin's face, his intent gaze taking in her pale skin and the dark circles under her eyes, "I'll take her to bed so she doesn't panic when she wakes up- I'll get someone to watch her."
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The pain was beyond imagining. Erin tried to scream, breathe, anything but couldn't. She couldn't move, couldn't feel any part of her body. All she felt was pain. It drove all thoughts from her mind as her body's senses were overloaded. It was worse than when she was changing before. The pain was never-ending, never fluctuating. There was nothing but total agony. It felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside. It felt like she was having all of her bones broken. It felt like she was being crushed, like she was being skinned. It felt like she was going to explode, like she was going to burn from the inside out. It felt like everything horribly painful anyone had ever heard of all at once. In effect, it felt like torture. Like dying a most agonizing death. Erin felt like she was going insane. Somewhere, sounding so far away and almost totally drowned out by the screaming in her head, she heard shouting.
Shouting was good, it meant that she had ears and that they were functioning. Too bad she couldn't remember what ears were. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember WHO she was. She couldn't remember anything.
Erin tried to shout back, but she couldn't remember how to shout, how to move her mouth, her tongue. She couldn't remember how to make a sound.
It was never-ending torture and there was no way for her to be able to stop it. Thankfully, it did on it's own.
The sudden return of feeling had the same effect of constant pain. Total overload. At least she could think now. At least she could hear the pounding in her head instead of silent screaming. At least she could see the blurry faces above her. They were familiar somehow and they were moving their lips… talking. She couldn't hear what they were saying. Everything was moving so slow. What was wrong with her? There was a face above her- someone important to her- someone who meant everything to her. Who was he?
The darkness and pain closed in on her and she couldn't think anymore.
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While Erin was experiencing nothing but pain, Max was feeling a mixture of it and many other things- though that didn't make it easier. What Max was feeling, seeing, hearing and smelling was Erin's memories. The only problem was, that Max being who she was and having experienced what she had as a child and as an adult- well, they were far too familiar for comfort.
Max was in pain or Erin was, it was hard to tell who was who. There was blood, so much blood it looked like there had been a massacre. Max felt sick but Erin was indifferent. She was used to it. Most of it was hers. Max couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't scream. There was nothing she could do to stop the images, to stop the feelings, the sounds.
The laser was a red hot pain that burned itself into her eye and into her brain. She couldn't blink, couldn't move, couldn't do anything as the images and mantra were burned into her skull. Pain is weakness. Weakness gets you killed. Weakness lets down your unit and gets THEM killed. Emotion will not be tolerated. She should be punished.
They all hit her at once, indecipherable, in no order. And it all felt so real. So terribly real. There was a flash of a needle and some horrible laughter. Pain, agony. "Suffering from shock… depression… Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…" The feel of ribs cracking and legs breaking. Blood trickling from multiple open wounds.
Lydecker stared down at her as she lay on a cold metal table, doctors surrounding her as they broke one of her arms to see how long it would take the bone to re-knit.
An official sympathetic sounding voice, "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do…" Bone numbing weariness. A child's voice, "Don't leave me!" More blood, more pain, more laughter. Overwhelming desperation that clogged up the senses and stopped the breath. A fist coming down to hit her again and again and again. Shouting- two children, one man. "Dad!" Sobbing. The taste of blood and salty tears so strong. There was screaming now, echoing loudly. "How much pain can you take?" Pain. Claustrophobia and darkness. "Don't worry, Jake," a child's whisper, "I'm here. I won't let you go." The glint of a knife, another flash of a needle. More beatings. Broken fingers, damaged knuckles from hitting the walls again and again. Steal capped boots. "You're never gonna see the light of day again and you'll die alone." Blood. Pain. Screaming. "This is where family gets you…" Torn nails, screams held inside tight enough to hurt the chest. Blood trickled down her lip where she bit it to hold the screams back. "Scream and we'll kill him." Pain. Darkness. Cold. Identical blue eyes filled with horror and hate. "They'll never find you…" The smell of vomit, of filth, of alcohol reeking breath in her face. "You're gonna beg me to kill you." Blood. Crying. "What did they do to you this time?" a boy's quiet voice. The reply, "It doesn't matter." "Hope you're not scared of the dark." Laughter. "…take it to a whole new level…" "No matter how much you think you can survive, think again." More pain, more beatings, more blood. A deafening gunshot and searing pain. Two more gunshots, "Erin!" Then silence.
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A/N: Next chapter- Max wakes up in an uncomfortable yet nice position and Erin wakes up in a not so nice one.
goldstranger: Haha, I haven't finished yet- there's loads of angst to come, and you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. Erin isn't from their world. They hadn't known that but for awhile and Erin had kinda forgotten that fact too- if only for a little while.
VampireBunny1: Um, breeders? You mean the cult? Ah, you mean with her being all kick-ass? I can't really say anything to that as it'd give stuff away from the sequel to this fic- sorry!
Angelofdarkness78: Weird? Only in a good way! I know what you mean about weird dreams, though sadly, I've never had one about Dark Angel. Last week I had a dream that seemed to be a crossover with the Rugrats and The Simpsons- talk about weird. I woke up very disturbed after that one! Heh.
Erin and Alec- gonna have to have a confrontation in the near future. Max and Zack- more subtle flirting on Zack's part with some more freaked out Max.