disclaimer: As everyone knows, I do not in any way own the X-Men. I expect to recieve no benefit from the use of these characters beyond the pleasure I recieve from writing the story and sharing it with others.

What Might Have Been
by Dizi

Chapter 5

His footsteps made no sound as he walked through the hall. He was a master at going unseen. Though in a hurry, he walked slowly, his mind lost in the past, his own mistakes. He could never totally fix them, but he wanted more than anything a second chance. This may not be that second chance, but he couldn't make the mistake in not seeing if it was or not.

Knowing the building and those in charge, he went to the security room, the lock on the door nothing for a man of his skills. Smaller than a walk-in closet it might be, but the room was filled to the brim. Some things never changed. Others would never be the same again.

Tense, he looked at the wall of monitors, carefully studying each one by one until he found what he was looking for, who he was looking for. Of all the places he had checked, he hadn't expected her to be in the Med-Lab.

Blind fury filled him as he saw, though it was undeniably her, her lovely face was almost unrecognizable due to swelling from cuts and bruises. Someone would pay for that, and pay dearly. His first choice was with their lives after they had suffered ten times worse, and much further down his list was like for like. Either way, they would pay.

Wanting more information, he rewound the digital recording and caught his breath. The children, her children, live and in person, again here in the mansion. Turning on the sound, he listened to their conversation, not caring if it was meant to be private. He almost laughed aloud at the way the young boy and girl acted. He rewound it again, this time just to hear her voice, closing his eyes against the painful memories it inspired, yet straining to hear every nuance. He wanted, needed, to hear it. He absorbed the love and affection that infused every word she spoke, no matter that it wasn't for him.

Finally, he allowed the recording to move further forward, watched her receive an injection to put her to sleep, then switched back to the live feed. The idea popped into his mind that he could go there to where she lay, touch her, hold her hand, offer his comfort. But after so long, he wanted their first true touch to be while she was awake. If he went to her now he would not be able to hold back. Such a moment should be special to more than only him.

Why was she here after so long? She had never come before. And what of the children? What were they up to?

He had thought of them often over the years, cherished every kernel of knowledge about them he had received. When he had gotten the phone call telling him she had come back, he had been grateful an impulse had already brought him into the nearby area. It had taken him a little time to get here, and he would have been in the same situation even if he had been farther away, but he was glad to have been close by, to be able to spend every moment near her that he could.

But he had questions. The phone call had not been very informative. He needed answers. Well, he was in the right place to get some of them, perhaps all.

Setting his hands to the controls, he digitally followed the children's journey through the mansion on another screen, leaving her image on the original - unwilling to let her out of his sight. There was no camera in Summers's office, so he couldn't find out what was said there without directly asking someone. Which he didn't want to do or he wouldn't be in this cramped little room in the first place.

Forwarding through, he watched them go to the kitchen, listened to their conversation. The Summers boys were interesting but what her son said to them was more so. The man came back, sending the boys on their way, and he almost fell over when he realized it was Zelig. He had grown taller and filled out since last he'd seen him. It was hard to believe the young man on the screen was the baby whose diapers he had changed, had gotten excited over his first words, had watched over him when he first discovered his mutant powers... had grieved with him at the death of his father and sister. So much time... wasted time...

Throwing off his melancholy, he once again rewound to listen to what they said. His breath hissed between his teeth as he got the general idea of what had happened. Their father, her husband, was responsible for this. It wasn't unheard of, even now when mutants had come so far, but the very wrongness of it bit at his heart. What kind of father rejected his son when he seemed to be 'sick'? From what the girl had said, that was what the boy had looked like at first. And what else had the man done or not done over all the years?

From time to time, in the deepest recesses of his mind, he had somewhat hoped she would be unhappy and leave her husband. But mostly he imagined her life the other way. Two beautiful children and a husband who loved her, even one that wasn't him, that's what he wanted for her. Apparently, she had gotten the first but not necessarily the second. It was possible he was wrong, he could be reading more into the few words said than he should. Possibly the man had loved her but not been able to accept his son was different.

Time would tell. He wasn't going to leave without finding out for sure. It might be better to wait to see her until he did know as he didn't want to interfere in her life selfishly. It was why he had never contacted her before. In many ways throughout his life he had been selfish, he had not been willing to disrupt the life she had created without him the same way.

He continued to watch as the girl was taken to the library and Zelig took the boy to a training room. He tried not to think of them by name. The names they had once said, if it had been possible, which they would have called their own children. The son and daughter they had dreamed of were hers, but not his. Ultimately, it didn't matter to him who their father was, only that they were hers.

So with a child each on two screens and the woman he still loved on a third, he continued to watch. And dream of what might have been... as he had for more than twelve years.

Propping her doll in a chair so she could watch, Elise went through the books page by page. She didn't want to color just any picture, she wanted a pretty one she could give to her Momma when she woke up. Momma liked that, she'd put all the pictures she'd done on the refrigerator with magnets. She said she looked at them all the time and thought of a precious little girl. Which was her, of course.

They didn't have a refrigerator here, but she was sure her Momma would still like it. Maybe they could put it by her bed so she could look at it whenever she wanted to.

There was one her Momma would like. It was from Elise's favorite movie, 'Sleeping Beauty', even from her favorite part. At the end where Prince Phillip and Princess Aurora danced while the fairies changed the color of her dress back and forth from blue to pink. She'd never been able to decide which she liked better. Neither had Momma.

Carefully, Elise looked for just the right colors of crayons. It wouldn't be right if the colors were wrong. They couldn't be just any shade of blue and pink, they had to be the right ones. Her Momma was going to have a pretty picture for when she woke up.

Not sure if they were the one's she wanted, she held the colors up for the doll to see through her glass eyes. "What do you think, Marianne?"

Marianne. He remembered the doll. She had kept it in a box for years, the only piece of her childhood she had brought with her when she first came to Charles Xavier for help. In happier times, Mystique had given it to her.

One day he had found her holding it, just holding it. When she had realized he was there, she quickly shoved it back into the box. She hadn't wanted to talk about it, he could tell. Though his curiosity was piqued, he understood everyone had some things they didn't like to talk about. At that point, there had been many things he hadn't wanted known. So he hadn't asked.

In a rare burst of openness, before he had truly earned such from her, she told him without his asking. "Mah mama gave her to me. Ah was really too old, but she said every girl should have a dollie. We named her Marianne and set her on mah dresser. Mystique may be our enemy but she could be a good mama when she tried."

Any time after that when they had an encounter with Mystique, she would disappear into the attic for a little while and he knew she was holding her doll.

Back then, it had looked almost brand new, but now it was worn from love. It was good Marianne had a little girl to love her and his love would have some good untainted memories involving the doll.

Still splitting his attention between three screens, he brought his mind back to the present.

Z gestured to a rather large black man, bald with an M tatooed on his face. "This is Bishop. He's able to absorb energy and fire it back out in kinetic form. That probably doesn't tell you much, does it?"

Rey swallowed. "Not really, sir."

"You'll learn more about stuff like that later, I have a feeling you might need to know." Z smiled at him reassuringly. "The thing is, Bishop can create a force strong enough to destroy a building or light enough to just knock over a glass. We think you absorb energy kinda like he does. From what you told Scott and what Elise said, you might need it to live off of, like other people do food. Are you with me so far?"

Releasing a shaky breath, not only from nervousness but also because he was feeling weak, Rey swallowed again. "I think so."

"Okay." Zelig eyed the boy critically. He didn't look bad off, but a person trained to look for it could see he was deteriorating. Rey might need to be watched carefully. "We don't want to electrocute you on a regular basis. Wouldn't look good for the school, you know?" It wasn't much of a joke but Rey did smile slightly. "So we want to try having Bishop release some of his energy to you and see if you can take it in. Don't worry now, I won't let him go gung-ho on you. You're lots tougher than a glass and that's the level he's going to use. If it doesn't work we'll try other forms of energy until we find one your system likes. Cool?"

"Yeah, sure. Cool." He tried to sound like he meant it, but it wasn't easy. They were going to shoot him? He needed energy? He wished his mother were here. In Mr. Summers office, he'd seen the man in one of the photographs but he'd had long hair. Mr. Summers said they could trust anyone in the picture. Momma had said to trust her friends. Rey would do his best.

"No need to worry, boy," Bishop said. "I know what I'm doing." Without a word of warning, he lifted his hand and fired a bright steam of power straight at Rey's chest.

Unprepared, he stumbled back a step. It was more with surprise since it didn't hurt. In fact, it felt... good. He wanted more.

Rey got more because Bishop didn't stop. As long as Rey stood there he kept up the stream of energy. More and more, long past where it would seriously harm someone of normal physiology.

A bead of sweat formed at the top of Bishop's head from the strain. Scott thought he felt old, and he was getting up in age, but Bishop was older. He could still use his mutant powers but carrying on in this manner was harder for him than knocking down a building, to use the same example Zelig had.

Knowing the strain he was under but also knowing Bishop had his pride, Z didn't interrupt. The man had helped teach him,and he trusted Bishop to know his limits. He would stop when he had to or when Rey showed any sign of distress. Which didn't look to be anytime soon. Either Rey was very drained or he had a large capacity.

He whistled softly between his teeth. Bishop hadn't stopped until he needed to and the boy had looked a bit disappointed. He might need the energy but it would be interesting to see what else he might do with it. Knowing the far range of mutant powers, it could be anything or nothing more than for his own well being. To be able to absorb that much power was impressive by itself.

First looking at the monitor showing the Med-Lab, he turned his attention back to the girl.

Marianne hadn't given an opinion, and Elise wasn't silly enough to expect one. She had just needed to talk to someone.

When her mother had given the doll to her, Elise had known she was special. Her Momma had told her Marianne had been her doll a long time ago, a gift from her mother. She had looked sad but Elise thought that made Marianne even more extra special. She didn't really have a grandma but it was like her grandma had, in a way, given Marianne to her. So Mariane was very special and became her favorite doll.

Deciding the crayons were good enough since she didn't see any better ones, Elise dilligently colored the picture. To make it even better, she made Princess Aurora's dress blue and pink to show it was going back and forth even though the fairies weren't on the page. Momma always laughed at that part.

Pausing in her singing of "Once Upon a Dream", Elise thought for a moment about what her Daddy had done. She loved Momma more than Daddy, but Momma had always told her Daddy loved them all. Momma wouldn't lie, she said that was the worst thing anyone could do. But she hadn't told everything, which was a distinction Elise had already learned. Not telling and lying were different. So maybe Momma had only thought Daddy loved them. Because he couldn't love Momma and Rey, so how could he love her?

Daddy had hurt Momma. People who hurt other people were 'bad people'. Police put bad people in jail. Daddy was police but he was one of the bad people 'cause he hurt Momma. If police put bad people in jail and Daddy was police, who was going to make him stop doing bad things?

Maybe Rey would know. But Rey wasn't here. She was all alone.

Suddenly, Elise wanted Rey or Momma with her very very much. But Momma was asleep because she was hurt and Rey had to get un-sick. Besides, she was a BIG girl. Big girls could be by themselves.

She put the crayon down and picked up Marianne. Adjusting the ragdoll until she was sitting up in front of the book, sorta, Elise said confidently, "Now you can watch. I'm almost done."

Watching the little girl was sweet agony.

Her high voice sang a song sweetly. Sometimes she smiled showing dimples in her cheeks. But she also stopped and frowned, got a scared look on her face. Such a small girl shouldn't have to be scared.

Unkempt hair and a crooked bow on her dress, she was adorable, charming. If she had been his would he have spoiled her? Kissed her good-night? Watched over her dreams and chased the monsters away? Her hair was the same color as her mother's, her face had similarities but was not a copy like her brother's. If she were his, how different would she look?

These were questions he had asked himself many times about both of them, but seeing her this way... He couldn't help thinking of those questions again.

Deliberately, he focussed on the boy.

Rey's eyes were closed. He was taking in the feelings throughout his body. He felt so good. Rey didn't remember when he had stopped feeling 'normal'. Thinking about it, he realized it had been gradual, over weeks. Very subtle, not simply happening, a little slower when he ran during P.E., his thinking processes a little off, everything not quite right. Not anymore, now he was... as he should be.

"Rey," Z called. "Hey, Rey? You okay there, bud?"

His eyes popped open as Rey finally heard him. Zelig didn't let his reaction show, but he could see a difference. There was more color to his cheeks, his eyes were brighter, more alert. Small changes one wouldn't recognize if they didn't know what he was supposed to look like. Vaguely, the thought came that if he had been so badly drained as to look ghostly Rey must have been very drained indeed. The electricity may have come just in time to save his life but not been enough to bring him to normal levels, only to the previous point before he became critical.

It was a good theory. They would need to test to see what Rey's full capacity was and how else he might change with more power. More testing to find out if some forms of energy had negative effects instead of positive. Many tests would need to be done, but this had been a good start.

"I'm thinking from your reaction you can feel a difference." Z said in amusement. He couldn't help it, the boy had looked ecstatic.

"Yeah, are we going to try something like that again?" The wonder of it all was there for anyone to hear as well as the eagerness.

"Not right now." Z held back a laugh. It was like this sometimes with new mutants. They were scared and unsure, then it clicked for them and it wasn't. Times like this was one of the things he loved about the mansion. "What's important right now is for you to learn to recognize when you need the energy. But we did take some readings, want a quick lesson?"

"This is definitely a school," Rey said wryly.

"That's the spirit! Learning regular stuff would get boring. You'll get that too, but most do need to know other things specific to them." Z explained, leading the way to the control booth. It hadn't been necessary for anyone to run a program for this initial session but the computers had been set to take readings. Personally, he didn't like to lean on technology for the first screenings anyway, his own observations could be important in the field when the technology wasn't available. Being right beside the newcomer also put them at ease. Growing up around this stuff, he had never been intimidated by it, but knew outsiders were. "Again, I don't expect you to understand most of this, just get a feel for it."

Seeing the monitors, buttons, switches, graphs, and so on, Rey didn't think he could ever understand it all. "That's good."

"It takes some getting used to." Gesturing to a chair, Z pressed a couple buttons. "This is the amount of power Bishop put out, and this some basic bio readings on you. See how your heart rate changed from the beginning to the end? It was slower than normal for your age and here much higher. We can safely say that's from your reaction..."

Having already accessed the information Zelig was showing the boy, he mentally tuned them out.

He found it highly amusing Bishop's exit had been entirely missed. The child had looked like he'd just had his first orgasm and been oblivious to everything else. Zelig had waited several minutes before attempting to talk to him and still he hadn't responded.

Zelig seemed very competent. Since as a child Zelig had followed Scott around like a puppy, absorbing all the man did, it wasn't a surprise. He just hadn't been around to see the end results until now. Something else he'd missed out on. But Zelig hadn't needed him.

He had wandered from place to place for most of the last twelve years. He'd visited often at first but for most of that time he had been closer to Jenny and those who had left the mansion rather than the ones who had stayed. Like Jenny, he had gotten so it was harder to come to the mansion itself. The longest he had stayed in any one place was Jenny's house.

Jenny had needed someone for a while after Kurt and Liese died. She had been devastated as would be expected, but she hadn't let even her son know she wasn't handling it well. Not right after, then everyone who had known them had come to comfort her. But later, after time had passed, their loss had hit her hard. His shoulder to cry on when she needed it for five months had helped.

He more than anyone understood. He lived with his loss every day. Time eased it, but it was always there.

As always for Jenny, work had eventually been her saving grace. She couldn't simply stop as she wanted to. The bar paid for the nursing home Harry was in since a stroke seven years ago. It seemed like Harry would live forever but if Jenny stopped working his quality of life would suffer. Jenny was very conscious of that.

His eyes were locked on the screen for the Med-Lab and the woman laying so still in the bed while all these thoughts streamed through his mind.

He realized suddenly he hadn't paid attention to the little girl for a while. She had to have finished her picture by now.

A quick glance at the library and he went into a panic. The coloring books were in a nice neat stack with the box of crayons on top, and there was evidence that she had then looked for a book to read. However, she either hadn't found one she liked or gotten bored because both she and Marianne were not there. She was gone!

She wasn't his responsibility, and he knew that. He could easily rewind the feed again to find her, and he knew that too. He also knew someone would - or should - realize she was missing and look for her, or she would turn up where she didn't belong and her presence would let those who were responsible know where she was.

However, he didn't stop to think of these things and only gave the other monitors a cursory look. Her daughter was gone, he had to find her.

She didn't like this big place. It was scarey and she was scared already.

"It's better out here than in the library," Elise murmured, holding the doll close. "Most of the books didn't have pictures and they had big words." Which was an excuse. She knew very well she was supposed to stay in the library. But she was lonely. There was nobody there. No one to talk to but Marianne. She missed Momma. Even Rey was better than no one, though he could be a booger.

Marianne as usual didn't answer. Someone else did.

"Yep, dem big words, dey be hard."

From her position on the bottom step of the front porch, Elise cringed and clutched the doll tighter. Slowly, she turned her head to look behind her. A tall man leaned casually against the opposite side near the doors. Wearing jeans and a black tshirt, he had a nice smile on his face. His hair was wild, but he didn't look like a 'bad man'. She knew the right response though, and whispered, "My Momma said I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"Your maman be smart," he nodded. "Dat de right t'ing to say so you smart too. Remy now, he not always dat smart or he not talk to pretty girls who be strangers."

Elise blinked in surprise. "I'm not a stranger. YOU are."

"Non, petite, to Remy you de stranger." He moved closer to sit on the same step but on the other end. "Remy stanger to you, you stranger to Remy. How we gon' fix dat, huh?"

"I don't know." She wrinkled her cute button nose. "You talk funny."

He chuckled. "Remy get dat a lot."

"You're still a stranger." Elise hadn't forgotten how the conversation had started and was pretty sure this counted as 'talking'. "You should go away now."

"But Remy like talkin' to pretty girls." He snapped his fingers as though getting an idea. "Remy know! We find somebody an' dey introduce us, den we not be strangers."

That sounded fine. "Who?"

"Hmm. You know de man in charge? Scott Summers?" He gave her an innocent look as though he didn't know very well she knew exactly who he was talking about.

"Yes, but he's busy." Her shoulders slumped. Then think about Mr. Summers reminded her of his office, and in his office was the pictures of her Momma, and in the picture had been her Momma's friends... "Wait! I do know you!"

"Ma petite, if Remy met you, he remember." He gave her a smile that had charmed women the world over.

"No, silly. You were in a picture with my Momma and Mr. Summers said everyone in the picture was her friends and we could trust them." She beamed at him and sidled over so she was right next to him, giving her own sweet smile that had warmed tough hearts and made people stop to say how pretty she was. "So you're not really a stranger and I can talk to you."

"Dat good. We introduce ourselves den." He took her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. "My name be Remy."

"I'm Elise and this is Marianne." She held up the ragdoll and giggled when he kissed it's cloth hand too. "Why do you do that?"

"Nice way to say hello, non?" Unable to resist, Remy touched her soft hair. "You forget somet'ing today, petite?"

"My Momma always does my hair, but my Daddy hurt her and she couldn't." She sighed pitifully. "And now I don't know what happened to my bookbag. It has my brush and ribbons in it."

"We be friends now. Maybe Remy help you? We go inside and Remy make your hair pretty like you." Standing, Remy held out his hand.

"Okay." Trustingly, Elise went into the building with her new friend. It didn't seem so scary anymore.

Torturing himself this way wasn't a good idea, Remy knew. Once he'd found Elise, he just hadn't been able to resist talking to her. He had intended to take her to Scott. How was he to know she would refuse to talk to him? Then he had only wanted her to trust him enough to get her to someone else. With only a few words though, she had charmed the charmer. People like them should stick together.

to be continued.

note: Now we've got the other half of our ROMY in the story! Be honest, wasn't it worth the wait? Uh, story wise not actual time wise. I was very happy with this chapter in a way I wasn't with a couple of the other ones. However, this is the last one I have finished at this time. All the elements for chapter 6 are written out in my notebook, but... it just doesn't feel right. I've set it aside and come back to it several times, each time it gets better, closer to what I want, but still not right. Perhaps the problem is that I know what I want it to be and I will not be satisfied until it is exactly that. So it might be a little while before we see a sixth chapter. Or it could be very soon. My muses are fickle.

But do not despair! Due to popular demand, I am going to start posting the other stories which I have begun but not finished. Next week (notice I've switched to posting on Sundays instead of Wednesdays) will see the first chapter of "The Three".

Thanks for reading and the support,
dizi