Chapter 2

Would You Have Loved Me Anyway

A/N:Song is by Brea. (If I'm Not Here)

Also: Italics (W/ no bold)-Tommy's memories

Italized w/ bold-everything else

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Tommy straightened his tie for the fifth time before Sadie approached him and fixed it herself.

"Sadie, stop!" He shoved her back lightly and turned back to the mirror, feeling a knot rise in his throat.

"Tom! Stop acting like you're okay..."

"I know I'm not, okay Sadie!? I KNOW I'M NOT!" He screamed, letting several tears escape his eyelids.

"I-"

"Go! Go away!!!"


"Tom-"

"Just go, Sadie!!!" He pointed towards the door, and she walked out, but not before looking back and speaking softly.

"It's fine to cry, Tom..."

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Tommy walked up to the stage. He sat down and grabbed a guitar.

"Jude...wrote this song, "If I'm Not Here", a while back...she wrote it for her eighteenth birthday. For those of you who don't know the story, Jude and I had been dating for about a year and 3 months. We'd had a really bad fight a few days before that, and she was planning to leave to London with Jamie Andrews, but I heard her rehearsing this song, and I knew I couldn't let her leave."

"If I'm not here, tomorrow...

Would you understand why i left this place
Cuz if i'm not here tomorrow

Babe, it doesn't mean I didn't want to stay..."

Tommy remembered this song...And it tore him apart, having to play it. He knew that Jude didn't want to leave. He knew it wasn't his fault. He even knew that there was no one to blame but Jamie. But then...

Cuz this life i have to follow

You gotta handle it day by day

so if i'm not here tomorrow

Baby would you love me anyway...

Why did it feel like he'd lost everything? Why didn't he fight Jamie? Why didn't he take the knife? Why didn't he do something more to protect Jude?

Just...Why?

Why wasn't hit him?

"It's a scary ride

To live by

But I'll make it anyway

So if I'm not here

If I'm not here

Baby, I've found my way..."

That was true. Jude was always one to fight for what she believed in. She also knew that if she didn't wake up in the same town she fell asleep in, there was probably a good reason (More than just someone deciding it was time to get to the next destination.)

"Living these days like a wanderer

Baby I'm so lost in this place

When I don't know what to do anymore

Is it okay if I lose my way?"

Tommy was asking himself this question many times within one single minute. Was it okay for him to fall apart? Was it okay for him to lose it all? To let it all go? And if it was, then why wouldn't he do it...

He felt tears roll down his cheeks.

"It's a scary ride

To live by

But I'll make it anyway

So if I'm not here

If I'm not here

Baby, I've found my way..."

Jude most certainly had. But Tommy hadn't. Everyone around him knew he was lost...Hell, he was beyond lost.

"ouuuu...These dreams I thought I'd never find

Well they'll never die...

Take what you want, and leave

the rest of me behind

because it's about the ride...

about the ride..."

It WAS all about the ride. And Tommy knew that. But he also knew that he had to find his way back first...He just didn't know how.

Not with out Jude, anyway...

"It's a scary ride

To live by

But I'll make it anyway

So if I'm not here

If I'm not here

Baby, would you love anyway...

Baby would you love me...

Oh, baby would you love me anyway..."

"Would you still love my, Jude?"

Tommy looked up at the sky, feeling a raindrop fall onto his face.

"I'm sorry baby..." He got up and walked off of the stage into the Quincy home. When he reached the kitchen, many people were gathered. He walked away, heading towards his office. As he approached it, he saw Porchia sitting there. "What're you doing here, Porchia?"

"Tommy, don't-"

"You won't stop me." He walked over to the liquor cabinet and opened it, grabbing the first thing that appealed to him: Bicardi 101.

"Tom-"

"Shut up, P..." She walked over and grabbed the bottle from him. He tightened his grip, so she let go, and then turned around. She walked to the liqour cabinette and shoved it over, watching all the bottles drop to the floor and shatter. Different shades of liquid began mixing and staining the hard-wood floor. "Porchia!" He thrust the bottle out, angrily. She walked over and slapped it out of his hand. As it flew out of his hand, it smashed against the wall, leaving a stain of Tommy's blood where it had cut into his hand. "GOD DAMN IT!!!"

"Tom-"

"GO AWAY!!! DON'T YOU GET IT!? THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO LIVE FOR!!! WHEN JUDE DIED, SHE TOOK ME WITH HER!!!!!" He shoved Porchia back as far as possible, which wasn't much, considering he was plastered.

"Damn it, Tom!? Why won't you let anyone in?!"

"BECAUSE I DID!!! REMEMBER PORCHIA!!!!???? I DID!!! AND SHE LEFT ME!!!! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW!?!!??!?!?!?!?!? THE ONLY PERSON I EVER LET IN, IS GONE!!!! GONE!!!!!! DON'T YOU GET IT!!!????"

"Yeah, Tom! I do actually! Remember Zoie!?"

"Don't you DARE! Zoie has nothing to do with this!!!"

"Oh come on, Tom! You right back where you were 7 years ago!!! Let the damn pain in already!!! It's the only way you'll ever get past it!!!!"

"NO!" He walked out of the room, but she followed.

"Why!? What're you so afraid of!? What's so wrong about letting you guard down!?"

"Because that would show everyone I know that I'm NOT okay! And I can't handle that right now!"

"Why!? Because it'd prove that you're human!?"

"NO! BECAUSE IT'D PROVE THAT EVERYONE IS RIGHT!!!! That I'm NOT okay! And I can't handle not being okay!!!!"

Porchia calmed, hearing his voice become raw and cracked as he spoke.

"If I'm not okay, then...I..." He tried to fight his emotions, but each passing second was making it harder to keep them in check. "I..."

He dropped to his knees, feeling his chest tighten.

"Tom!?"

"I...Can't...Breathe..."


"TOM!?"

"I love Jude..." He spoke softly before dropping to the ground...