The Animated Chaperone
"Ah, hello, how are you today?" Asked Skarr, former general. It was a rainy day, and he was spending the day in his New York Apartment. "Me? I'm just feeling a little anxious. A little uneasy for no apparent reason. It's a state I call 'blue'. So whenever I feel blue, I like to listen to music." Skarr began rummaging through a shelf near the chair he was sitting in. "I was going through my collection of records- that's right, records." He glared. "Some people still use them, ya know. Anyway, I was going through them when I found this little wonder from the 1920s, The Drowsy Chaperone, by Gable and Stein. Remember? Music by Jule Gable and lyrics by Sidney Stein. Remember? It's about- here, let me read the back of the album." Skarr flipped the album over and began to read, "It says, 'Music, Mix-ups and a gay wedding!'" He paused, "Well, Gay means something entirely different now, but back then it just meant fun."
Taking the record out of the album, Skarr placed it into the record player and started it up.
"Now let's visualize," Skarr began, easing into his chair as the record played the overture, "Imagine it's 1928. You're at the Morosco Theatre in New York. There's heavy sleet falling outside, but you don't care, because you're going to see a Broadway show!"
And so, as the music began, the atmosphere began to change, from a middle-clase apartment to the main hall of a glorious estate. Granny, wearing a fancy dress and standing in the middle next to here butler(or underling) Alfred, began to sing;
"My dress! My dress!
My fancy dress
I don't know why I'm wearing it
I must confess
My dress! My dress!
I love my dress
Would someone tell me why I put it on?"
Alfred: "Yes, yes! Your dress
Your fancy dress
Twas such a pleasure airing it
Re-stitching and repairing
God bless your dress!
It's one fine dress!
And I will tell you why you put it one"
Alfred began to dance.
Alfred: "Wedding bells will ring
Wedding bells will chime
Madame you're the hostess
And it's happy wedding time
Getting into the beat, Granny began to sing along with Alfred.
Granny & Alfred: "Wedding bells will ding
Wedding bells will dong
Wedding bells will ding-a-ling
And we will ding along"
As Granny and Alfred danced, the estates staff of Swatbots came out and began to decorate the house for the wedding. They too began to sing;
"Your dress! Your dress!
Your fancy dress
We're very very glad you put it on"
Ding-Dong! The doorbell rang, signaling someone's arrival.
Alfred: "Wedding guests have come"
All: "Wedding guests are here
Wedding guests are at the door
And soon they will appear"
At these words, numerous people entered the house(as if on cue) one of them is a guy in red vest, short pants, sandles and a straw hat. It's Luffy D, the grandson of a Vice-Admiral and one of the people to be married.
Luffy: "I'm Luffy, the bridegroom
I'm here to marry Nami
That star of Vladdy's Follies
Who I love a lot"
In next is a white rabbit with floppy ears, wearing red overalls and a bow tie, Roger Rabbit, the best man.
Roger: "I'm Roger! That's Roger!
His Best Man Roger
"I'm honored to be doing what a best man ought"
Looking around, Roger spied Granny talking to Luffy. He quickly ran up to her, talking excitedly.
"Ah, Granny Tottendale." Roger said, shaking her hand. "Now don't you worry. I'll take care of everything." Roger whipped off one of his gloves to show several strings tied around his fingers. "Each string represents a task I need to do. When it's done, I'll take that string off! This whole wedding's going to run like clockwork."
"Oh, is there going to be a wedding?" Granny asked eagerly. Both Roger and Luffy exchanged looks.
Meanwhile, man with white hair tied in a pony tail at the back of his head in a black suit. It was Vlad Masters, producer of Vladdy's Follies, the show Nami used to star in before accepting Luffy's proposal.
Vlad: "I'm Masters, producer
I lost my leading lady
I got to stop this wedding
Or I'm not worth squat"
As Vlad went off to consider his options on how to stop the impending nuptials, in popped a bright, cheerful-but none too intelligent-looking- tan-skinned woman with blond hair. This is Mihoshi Kuramitsu, a chorine in Vladdy's Follies. But she wants a bigger role.
Mihoshi: "I'm Mihoshi! Or Mimi!
I came with Mr. Masters
I'll be a leading lady
If I get my shot"
Mihoshi ran off, completely ignoring two Zako Soldiers in chef hats. One has a eggbeater while the other has a ladle.
Zako 1: "We're pastry chefs"
Zako 2: "We're pastry chefs"
Zakos: "We cross our hearts we're pastry chefs"
Zako 1: "No fakery!"
Zako 2: "A bakery"
Zakos: "Is what we got"
The Zakos quickly scurried off to make way for a dashing, debonair man. His name's Tatewaki Kuno, a self-proclaimed ladies man.
Kuno: "Lord Kuno! Lord Kuno!
My name it is Lord Kuno!
I am the king of romance
So I kiss a lot"
All: "You are the king of romance
So you kiss a lot
Wedding bells will ring!
Wedding bells will chime!
Wedding bells will celebrate
A happy wedding time"
Suddenly, everyone present noticed that someone wasn't present.
All: "Someone hasn't come
Someone isn't here
Where is Nami Belle-Mere
And when will she appear?
Suddenly, the lights dimmed. A spot light focused on the doorway. Suddenly, in walked in a cute, cat-like ladie with short orange hair. Nami, the bride, has arrived!
All: "It's Nami! It's Nami!
It's Nami Belle-Mere"
Nami: "I'm Nami, Nami Belle-Mere
Here to marry Luffy D
Giving up a life of glamour
To tie the knot
Suddenly, the door slammed open, squashing the Zakos against the wall. In walked Megara, the chaperone, looking somewhat…off-kilter, to say the least.
"Am I late?" Asked Meg.
"I'm the Chaperone
Chaperone of Nami Belle-Mere
Maid of Honor, friend and confidante
And all that rot"
Meg gave the area a quick look-around. "Where's the bar?
Undettered by this unorthodox arrival, everyone else started dancing.
All minus Meg: "A wedding! A wedding!
Hooray!"
Alfred, meanwhile, gave Meg some bad news. "It's Prohibation, Madam." He explained.
All: "A wedding! A wedding!
How gay!"
Meg wasn't worried. She whipped out a bottle and glass from behind. "Good thing I brought my own." She replied.
All: "A wedding! A wedding!
Today!"
Taking a quick sip, Meg began to sway. "Champagne makes me drowsy!" She commented.
All: "It's really happening!
Truly happening
Almost happening
What is happening?
Suddenly, everything froze. In walked a black-skinned girl dressed up like Amelia Earhart. She's Trixie Carter, or just, Trix.
Trix: "I'm Trix the aviatrix
Queen of the sky
I circle through the stratus
In my modern apparatus
I'm Trix the aviatrix
I've gotta fly
I'll see ya when they tie the
Knot"
Trix exited the scene via stage left, and everything returned to normal. Not missing a beat, the cast got back to singing.
All: A wedding, a wedding
Hooray!
Women: "Ding-a-ling"
Tenors: "Ding-a-ling"
Basses: "Ding-a-ling"
All: "A wedding, a wedding
A wedding's coming our way
A wedding, a wedding, today
Ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling
Ding-a-ling
A wedding, a wedding
It's really happening
Truly happening
Almost happening
Surely happening"
In his chair, Skarr grinned eagerly as the music played on.
"Well, there you have it, all the main players have arrived," Skarr explained, "We have a Broadway starlet who's giving up showbiz for marriage, her husband to be, a scheming producer, robots disguised as chefs, a ditzy chorine, a latin lothario- who happens to be Japanese- and my favorite character, the Drowsy Chaperone!" Skarr laughed, "What better way to spend your afternoon? True, the plot is a bit stale," Skarr admitted after a thought, "And the characters are 2-dimensional, but who cares? The plot's just needed to string the songs together, it doesn't matter!" He then shut up as the song went into its final verse.
All: "Wedding bells will ring!
Wedding bells will chime!
Wedding bells will celebrate
A happy wedding time
Wedding bells will ding
Wedding bells will dong
Wedding bells will ding-a-ling
And we will ding
Along!"
Zakozakozakozako
In One Piece, Nami has no known last name, so I used the name of her foster mother from the series, Belle-Mere.