Chapter 2 - The Cup

And now we move to a blagger, possibly an undiagnosed kleptomaniac by the name of Mundungus Fletcher. Dear Fletcher just couldn't seem to help himself when he stumbled upon the fine looking teacup. Well, maybe not so much stumbled upon…more like peering through a window in a rich London neighborhood and deciding that he could probably get a lot of money for it. So, after another breaking and entering account was added to his already long rap sheet, he not so gracefully took the cup from its immaculate setting amongst other not so cheap looking collectables. He broke a few and took a few, but he knew he'd be getting the most from the lovely little teacup.

"I'll give you twenty US dollars for it." A tourist said to him about the teacup on a street corner.
"Are you kidding me?! It's worth at least fifty!" Fletcher was trying to negotiate. "Look at the intricate work on the badger."
"It's ugly."
"Ugly?!"
The tourist rolled his eyes. "Fine, twenty-five."
Insulted on the cup's behalf, Fletcher brought down the price. "Forty-five."
"Thirty."
"Forty."
"Thirty-two."
"Thirty-eight."
"Oh will you just give him the damn money, my mother is going to love this thing!" The tourist's wife whined.
The man begrudgingly handed him two twenty US dollar bills. He obviously didn't have any singles. "You're as bad as the peddlers in New York."
"T'was a pleasure doing business with you, sir." Fletcher tipped his hat and waited for the next dumb tourist to pass by.

So alas, the precious little cup made its way overseas, coming to a rest in the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Oh how the tourist's wife's mother loved the little teacup. In fact, the dubbed ugly badger was now referred to as 'the darling little thing painted on it'. The cup was loved by all and the mother of the tourist's wife decided to pass it down to one of her children in her will.

The woman keeled over one day and all siblings were anxious for the will reading. The cup went to her youngest daughter…who didn't happen to be the one that gave it to her. A bitter custody battle began immediately, but ultimately the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife retained all rights to it. The family feuded for years to come.

The daughter of the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife hated the fighting. In fact she hated that damn thing. But she would never dare speak those unfathomable words, for she would probably be lynched sight on scene. One day she met a man at New School, the name of the school she attended. The name was lame and so was the reason behind naming it so. The founders were probably smoking some weed at the time, which was probably why the school was still known for its student population of stoners.

The man proposed to the daughter of the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife, and she accepted. He was a Jewish man and she was not. She wasn't surprised that she was ending up marrying a Jewish man considering that the majority of the people of New York are. In fact, she was delighted to be participating in a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony…glass needed to be broken.

And what better way to get rid of that damnable, home wrecking cup than to sneak it into the bag and step on it.

The wedding date couldn't come soon enough for the daughter of the youngest daughter of the mother of the tourist's wife. Like clockwork, she stole the cup out of the china set it was adorning without being caught and replaced the glass she was supposed to step on with the cup. When the time finally came, the bride was beaming. She stomped and stomped and stomped some more. Her new husband actually had to stop her when she started jumping up and down with joy on it.

Upon discovery the feuding family members came together and tried to glue it back together, but it wouldn't hold. Superglue seemed to work, but the cup looked deformed and the badger didn't line up quite right. The family decided the once darling, beautiful cup was the unsightly thing the tourist had originally saw it to be. They all made a mends and lived happily ever after…except for the new bride and groom who divorced a year later.

The viewer hit pause while choking on a piece of popcorn. "I knew that bastard was a klepto! I knew it!"

The disappointment that accompanied the fact that To Catch a Predator was not being aired was beginning to lessen. Absolutely delighted by the show's enlightenment to the viewer's knowledge, the play button was pressed and the next segment began….