"Absolutely disgraceful!"
Kommandant Klink whirled to face the black-eyed American officers and searched their faces for any trace of remorse. None. Instead, Colonel Hogan had that cheeky smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Anderson was solemn but not the least bit rueful. Exasperated, Klink cast a glance towards Major Hochstetter, who was observing from the corner. The major was uncharacteristically silent- offering no help or hindrance in the matter. Klink turned his attention back to the senior prisoner of war.
"Now, what caused all of this?" He was answered with a thoughtless shrug from Hogan and steady silence from Anderson. "Humph. Disgraceful, you Americans. You would never see German officers acting like that. We have much more civilized ways of dealing with disputes."
"Unfortunately, I'm not in the position to send Anderson to the Russian front," Hogan quipped, a dark humour tinting his words.
"Hogan, I'll get to the bottom of this! Now, both you and Captain Anderson will be punished severely! 30 days in the cooler for both of you!"
"Not 30 days!" It was Hochstetter who protested. Startled by the sudden outburst, Klink turned to the major.
"But Major Hochstetter-"
"Hogan you can keep in the cooler! But I will be taking Captain Anderson with me when I leave!"
"Very well. Hogan, you will be sent to the cooler for 30 days. Captain Anderson, you will be there until Major Hochstetter comes for you."
"Hey, wait a minute! I'm the one with the bloody nose!" Hogan cried in semi-mock indignation.
Klink ignored him. "Schultz!" A moment later, Schultz popped his head into the office. "Schultz, take Colonel Hogan and Captain Anderson to the cooler."
"Jawohl, Herr Kommandant!" Schultz said with a quick salute. He marched up to the wayward officers and led them out the door and into the compound. Hogan strolled along as slowly as he could, keeping an eye out for one of his men. There they were, pretending to play ball near their hut. It was quite obvious that they had been waiting for him, because as soon as he came out, Kinch was already on his way over.
"Cooler?"
"Yup." He glanced at Schultz, who either hadn't noticed Kinch's presence, or didn't care. Probably the former. In a low voice he continued. "Unless I'm stuck in the same cell as Anderson, I'll meet you guys in the tunnel tonight after roll call. In the mean time, I want you to talk to the bomber crew and see what you can piece together. I figure since Anderson was the pilot, he was behind it all, but I want to know why."
"No problem Colonel. I'll see you-"
"Was ist los? Kinch, go away, I must take the Colonel to the cooler!"
"Aw come on Shultz, I just wanted to give the Colonel this baseball!"
"Nein, it is verboten!"
"Well, what do you expect me to do in there for 30 days?!" Hogan objected as he took the offered glove and ball from Kinch. Schultz began to protest but thought better of it- after all, how would he explain it if Hogan ended up with the baseball after he'd been placed in the cooler (and there was no doubt in Schultz's mind that it could happen). Instead, he shooed Kinch away and quickly escorted his prisoners to the cooler. Placing each in their own adjoining cell, Schultz locked them in and left.
Hogan couldn't help but smile as he slid against the wall and sat down. Good ol' Schultz. The sergeant had taken him to one of the cells with a tunnel entrance. Hogan didn't exactly mind the cooler- in small doses. It gave him a chance to think without constant interruptions. But after a day, it got boring, not to mention a little uncomfortable, and it was nice to know that he could sneak out whenever the small space got a little too tight.
Hogan studied the well worn ball in his hand, tossing it up a few times. With a wicked grin, he changed directions and threw it against the opposite wall.
"Would you stop that… sir?" An angry voice hollered from the next cell.
Hogan caught the ball and let it slip onto the floor. Rising to his feet, he paced for a moment, before moving to the door and poking his face out of the tiny window near the top. "Anderson?"
"Who else?" the other man spat.
Hogan rolled his eyes. "Listen Captain, I think it's time we had a little talk about your situation."
"Yeah, that went really well the last time."
"Well, unless one of us can punch through concrete, I think we're both safe." That was met with a soft snort from Anderson. "Listen. I know exactly how you got here. You landed your plane in a field not far from here the other night."
"Mind telling me how you know that?"
Hogan shrugged. "Klink told me," he lied. "He likes to make a point of telling me when the allies do something incredibly stupid." Silence. "Why'd you do it, Anderson? What on earth would possess you to surrender to the Nazis?"
From his cell, Anderson shifted uneasily but remained quiet. He hated being thought of as a traitor, by both sides. But, even if he told the colonel what had happened, he hardly doubt that Hogan would believe him. Besides, even though he hadn't been the one to land the plane, he was still responsible for what had happened. He was the pilot and the captain. There were a hundred things he could've done to stop it- but he hadn't. His guts twisted when he thought of the strange relief he had felt as they landed. No, he was just as much to blame as his men. But that didn't answer the colonel's question. What had made Dawson and the others turn against him? And why had he felt that relief?
Unable to come up with an answer, Anderson remained prudently silent even when he heard the thumping of Colonel Hogan's ball against the wall.
Ah, the tunnels. It was nice to get away from the claustrophobia of the concrete cell above and escape into the claustrophobia of the dirt tunnels below. Hogan hated them but they were an essential part of his organization. And so for that purpose, he'd always ignored his very irrational and very stupid, but very real, fears.
His men were waiting for him in the radio room.
"All right, what have you guys got?"
"Klink and Hochstetter told everyone about Anderson and his crew's surrender at roll call, guv'nor," was the first bit of information brought to him by Newkirk.
"Guess they're not afraid of anyone 'offing' them in their sleep," Hogan surmised, using the Englishman's earlier terminology.
"Eh, no, Hochstetter made it clear that if anything happened to them, we'd all be to blame and suffer the consequences," Kinch informed him distastefully.
"Okay, well make sure everyone in camp knows that I don't want anything to happen to them either. At least not until we figure out what's going on. Did you manage to talk to the crew?"
"Oui, we all did. I spoke with a Lieutenant Richards, but he did not say very much," LeBeau reported quietly, feeling he had somehow let the colonel down.
"I talk to three of 'em, but they didn't say anything either. But I don't think they really wanted us to know what they'd done."
"Would you? You might have better luck tomorrow, now that Klink and Hochstetter spilt the news for them. Kinch, Carter?" They both shook their heads. Hogan let out a frustrated growl. "All right, like I said, better luck tomorrow. Kinch, the Krauts say anything about the radio?"
A small smirk tugged at Kinch's mouth. "Yeah, Klink was really steamed about it." He held his hand up to his eye as if holding an invisible monocle. "Because of your Colonel Hogan's foolish behaviour," he recited, his voice imitating Klink's, "the radio in the rec hall was damaged! There will be no more broadcasts until it is repaired. You can thank your commander in 30 days when he comes out of the cooler! Humph! Diiiiissss-missed!" The men burst out laughing at Kinch's impersonation. But suddenly, Kinch grew very serious. "About those broadcasts sir…"
Hogan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what's going on. It's like every time I listen to that dame, I feel…"
"Guilty," Newkirk said quietly. "I feel like we should just leave the ruddy Germans alone- give up."
"Oui," LeBeau confirmed uncomfortably. "Whenever I listen to her, I feel as though I am a…" he struggled to put his feelings into words. He didn't want to admit it, none of them did. "I just think of all the people we have killed along to way," he finally finished quietly.
Hogan shifted uncomfortably. He could remember thinking, when all this started happening, of all the civilians that would die in the munitions factory. He could remember the absolute dread he felt when he thought about how those people had lives, loved ones- wait a minute!
The pieces were starting to fall into place. He couldn't see the entire picture yet, but maybe this explained Anderson…
"That's it," Hogan snapped his fingers. How could he be so dense?
"What's it?" Carter asked, not sure where his commander's mind had led him.
"Listen, a lot of strange things have been happening around here. First, we all start thinking crazy things when we first listen to Berlin Betty. Then Klink gets an order from Berlin telling him we have to listen to it. Then we get Anderson- a man up for promotion, who's flown over 30 missions- surrendering by landing his plane in the middle of Germany. Maybe I'm stretching here, but it certainly sounds like they're all connected."
"It sure does. But I don't get how listening to the radio can make us think all those things."
Hogan furrowed his brow. Carter had a point- how could a radio broadcast affect them like that? "Kinch, Newkirk, I want you to make a call to Berlin."
"Berlin?"
"Yeah. 'Kommandant Klink' is going to report that the camp's radio is out of service and that we won't be listening to Berlin Betty. Maybe they'll be good enough to tell you why those broadcasts are so important."
"Then what?" LeBeau asked anxiously.
"Well, let's assume for a second that the Krauts are up to something-"
"They usually are!" Newkirk quipped.
"Right. So, whatever it is, we find out what it is and put a stop to it. Simple!" His men groaned and rolled their eyes.
"Nothing to it… 'Ow do you propose we stop it?"
"Details, details. First, we need to find out what's up. Get to it Kinch."
Kinch threw Hogan a quick salute and parked himself in front of his radio. He fiddled with the knobs and switches until he got hold of an operator. He motioned to Newkirk- arguably, the best Klink impersonator- who took over, using his best 'Klink' voice. "This is Kommandant Klink of Stalag 13. Get me General Burkhalter in Berlin right away!" There was a pause before he started speaking again.
"General Burkhalter?… I'm sorry General, I didn't mean to… Why did I phone sir?" The men had a hard time keeping themselves from laughing. Newkirk's performance was brilliant- spot on. Klink was so easy to imitate, his cowardice towards the brass was so predictable. "Well sir, heh, heh you remember that little order you gave me… of course sir, your orders are never little… I mean the one about Berlin Betty… Well sir, the radio broke, they can't… but sir, I don't understand… yes sir, right away sir!… Who sir?… Of course, I will be delighted to have you both here!… Heil Hitler!" Newkirk tossed down the transmitter and shrugged.
"Well?"
"Didn't tell me a bleedin' thing. Just said to get a radio up and working and to resume broadcasts ASAP."
"Wait, you said that he was coming here with someone!"
"Oh, right. 'E said 'e was coming tomorrow afternoon with a Doctor Kunze."
Hogan frowned. "Great, just great. How are we going to explain this all to Klink?"
Newkirk winced. "I 'adn't thought about that colonel."
It would be a different story if he was out of the cooler. He could manipulate Klink into thinking he had forgotten. But he was stuck in the cooler and none of his men were in the position to talk to the Kommandant like he could. He needed to get out of the cooler before Burkhalter arrived.
"All right! Tomorrow after roll call, get a hold of Anderson's crew and squeeze them. Be sure to mention Berlin Betty, see if they've ever listened to her. Meet me back here at 0900." He checked his watch. "I better get going- the guards will be checking the cooler in a few minutes. I need to try to figure how to get out of there before tomorrow afternoon."
"Good luck Colonel," Kinch grimaced.
"Don't worry, I'll think of something; I always do." And with that, Hogan turned and made his way back to the cooler.
As quietly as he could he pushed aside the tile that covered the entrance to the tunnel and hoisted himself up into his cell. He waited until the guard peered in through the small window in the door and he heard him walk down the hall.
"Anderson, you awake?" Hogan called.
"Yeah. Where you disappear to? You haven't been throwing that ball around for over an hour."
"Oh, my mitt was getting a hole in it. I thought I'd take a stroll outside," Hogan answered sarcastically.
"Whaddya want Colonel, sir?" came the cold reply.
Hogan took a deep breath a pushed on. "Captain, have you ever listened to Berlin Betty?"
There was a surprised silence from the other cell. "I did today in the rec hall… before you came up and punched me." Anderson wasn't going to give the colonel an inch.
"Before that. It's important Captain."
"Yeah. I've listened to her, unfortunately. Wished I never did."
"Why's that?"
"Never cared for her propaganda. My corporal, Dawson, he likes to listen to her a lot."
"You ever feel… strange when you listen to her?" Anderson remained quiet. "Listen Anderson, I have a theory-"
"Yeehaw…" Anderson interrupted with a unimpressed tone.
Hogan clenched his fist. Anderson was lucky he was on the other side of a thick concrete wall. "Let's have a truce, Anderson. We don't have to like each other, but maybe we can help each other. I have to get out of here by tomorrow-"
"Hot date?" Anderson said sarcastically.
"Something like that. But in order to do that, I need your help."
"What exactly do you want me to do Colonel? I'm sort of stuck here."
"Convert me."
From his cell, Anderson blinked. "Convert you?"
"Yeah. I want to be a traitor too."