After dumping the truck a few miles from camp, and using Newkirk's explosives to destroy it, the Americans made their way back to Stalag 13 as fast as they possibly could with one man wounded and another gagged and hog-tied.
The camp was quiet- that was a good sign, wasn't it? Either they had gotten there before the news of what had happened, or Burkhalter had found out and had had all the prisoners shot. Hogan didn't even want to think about the latter, but it wouldn't leave his mind.
Finally, they reached the tunnel entrance. Everything looked normal.
Hogan let out a sigh of relief. "All right, Newkirk, you go first and tell Carter to get Wilson to meet us in the radio room."
"Right," Newkirk nodded. He waited until the camp's searchlight passed over before dodging to the tree stump and disappearing into the tunnel. Hogan waved the rest of the group in, starting with Anderson and his escorts, Jenkins and his and then finally, Hogan led Berlin Betty into the tunnels- no easy task when the woman was squirming so. The group made their way through the tunnel until they reached the radio room. Kinch , LeBeau and Newkirk were waiting for them.
"What happened?" Kinch asked as soon as he saw Hogan. "Newkirk's being pretty vague. Why did you send for Wilson? You all right?"
"Relax mother, I'm fine. He's not so great though," Hogan said, jerking his thumb towards Anderson who had lagged behind him. "Get him settled, would you?" LeBeau and Newkirk went about helping to get Anderson comfortable. Hogan sat Betty down in a corner. After a moment deliberation, he took the gag out of her mouth, ready to stuff it back in if it looked like she would scream. However, she kept silent, simply looking around the massive tunnels with wide eyes.
"Where's Kunze? And hey, isn't that-" Kinch asked, pointing to Jenkins.
"Jenkins. He's part of Anderson's crew. Or was. Turns out he was working with the Krauts."
Kinch raised an eyebrow and looked back at Dawson. "I guess you weren't the traitor after all."
Dawson ducked his head and ground his toe into the dirt. "I still am. This whole mess started because of me."
"There's enough blame to go around," Anderson muttered. "Geez this hurts. Hope that doc of yours has some morphine."
"He might have enough to keep you quiet," Hogan said lightly. Anderson replied with a sarcastic laugh. Hogan just grinned and turned to Kinch. "Anything happen while I was gone?"
"All quiet Colonel. And what happened to Kunze."
Hogan sighed and slowly began to change out of his German uniform. "I left him behind. He was hopefully killed in that blast." At Kinch's curious look he pressed on. "Listen, Kunze was important, no doubt. London would've been interested in him. But his experiment would more or less depend on the Germans listening to our radio shows."
"And the only Germans who do that are usually already on our side," Kinch picked up.
"Right. But Jenkins here went over to the Krauts a few months ago. He must have some contacts in England. I figured London could get more out of him than Kunze. I'll probably get into hot water over the whole thing but-" Hogan shrugged. He was too tired at the moment to really care.
"What now sir?" Dawson asked.
"Now?" Hogan rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Well, when Anderson is ready to travel, we'll get London to pick you up in a sub-"
"You can do that?" Berlin Betty said, hardly believing what she'd heard.
Hogan grinned a little. "Sure. We'll even send you along for the ride. I bet you know something about Kunze and his experiment."
Betty stuck her chin out and glared at him. "I know nothing!"
"Yeah, that'd be too good to be true, wouldn't it?" Hogan shrugged. "In that case, you get to sit out the rest of the war someplace cozy." The thought sounded extremely unfair to Hogan for a second as he looked up at the roof of the damp tunnel.
Even if he wanted to, Hogan had no time to think about that for a moment later, Carter came scrambling into the tunnel. "I think there's trouble up top sir," Carter announced. "Klink and Burkhalter just went into Klink's office."
"Oh boy. You get Wilson?"
"Yeah. But I thought maybe we should wait to bring him down here in case Klink orders a special roll call."
"All right, good. Everyone back up top. Dawson, keep Miss Berger company and make sure she doesn't wander off. Anderson, just hang tight." Anderson just grunted. Hogan gave him a quick smile and dashed down the tunnels towards the cooler, Newkirk one step behind him. When they reached the cooler, Hogan tapped on the exit. A moment later, the trap opened and Olsen stuck his head out.
"You're back? Good, I'm ready for a demotion."
"Anything wrong?" Hogan asked.
"No. Schultz was the guard. He poked his head in every once and a while to see if I was still here, but I pretended to be asleep," Olsen reported as he climbed down into the tunnel. A few feet away, Fuller had done the same and was now giving Newkirk his clothes back.
"Good," Hogan said as he took his jacket and crush cap from Olsen. "All right you two, good job. Now get back to the barracks posthaste." Olsen and Fuller saluted before disappearing down the tunnel. Hogan and Newkirk quickly scrambled into the cooler. Hogan had just closed the entrance when he heard heavy footsteps echoing in the hall. Dusting himself off, he dove onto the rock hard mattress on his cot and covered himself up with a blanket. A moment later, Burkhalter and Klink burst into the tiny cell.
"Hogan, you're here!" Klink said in delight.
Hogan pretended to stir himself awake and looked up at the intruders. "Mmm, been 30 days already?" he yawned, rubbing his eyes.
"Sergeant Schultz!" Burkhalter bellowed. A moment later, Schultz poked his head into the doorway.
"Yes Herr General?"
"Was Hogan in here the whole time?"
Schultz clicked his heels together and held his head up a little. "Of course! And the Englander too! I made sure I watched them every second. Nothing escaped my attention!"
"Oh shut up Schultz," Klink grumbled, shaking his fist a little. Burkhalter ignored both of them.
"Hogan do you know what has happened?" Burkhalter demanded.
Hogan grinned. "You guys surrendered?"
Klink stamped his foot on the ground. "Captain Anderson and his men have escaped!"
Hogan blinked in surprise and got up. "Really? And I thought he liked it here!"
"He didn't escape from here. No one ever escapes from Stalag 13-"
"Quiet Klink," Burkhalter growled before turning back to Hogan. "Captain Anderson and his men destroyed the radio station in Berlin."
"No," Hogan gasped.
"Yes!" Klink said. Burkhalter shot him a dirty look.
"And you think I had something to do with it? I'm hurt! How could I do anything when I've been stuck in here?"
"The question is, where did Anderson get those explosives," Burkhalter said, eyeing Hogan suspiciously. "And why would he surrender to us and then blow up our radio station?"
"It's quite simple sir," Hogan said with a small smile. "Anderson never surrendered to you, it was all a fake. Obviously the Allies found out about Kunze's scheme and sent Anderson and his men to destroy it."
Burkhalter looked thoughtful for a moment. "That must be it. Major Hochstetter must not have been thinking clearly when he phoned. He seemed to think you might have had something to do with all this."
Hogan raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Major Hochstetter sir?"
"Yes. He phoned us a few minutes ago to tell us what had happened," Klink explained. "Can you believe that Anderson shot him?"
"Hochstetter was shot? Gee that's too bad, I hope he's all right- he's such a nice guy." Klink just looked confused, but Burkhalter, who picked up on Hogan's sarcasm, just snorted.
"The Gestapo are the only people allowed to actually kill a Gestapo officer," Burkhalter grimaced. "I am sure Major Hochstetter will be back in no time, demanding an explanation for all this."
"Good thing you've already figured it out General," Hogan smiled, rocking on his heels ever so slightly.
Burkhalter nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, it is. I knew we couldn't trust Anderson."
"You're right General Burkhalter, I never trusted him either," Klink agreed.
"Oh, me neither. That's why I slugged him. Come to think about it, the whole reason I'm in the cooler is because I slugged him… Seeing as he turned against you guys I think I ought to be let out."
Klink thought about it for a moment and looked up at Burkhalter, who simply rolled his eyes. "Very well Hogan, your sentence is suspended. But the Englander stays here. Schultz take him back to his barracks." And with that, Klink and Burkhalter marched out of the cooler.
"Ruddy shame Hochstetter's all right," Newkirk said from behind his cell door.
"Eh, it's not too bad."
"You are joking, right Colonel Hogan," Schultz asked.
"Are you balmy, Colonel? Now Hochstetter's just going to be more ornery than ever."
Hogan shrugged with a little smile. "You know, when I was a kid, there was this big mean dog who used to chase me everyday on my way home from school. One day he was just- oh shoot." Hogan snapped his fingers. He was starting to sound like Carter- that couldn't be good. Anyway, he had no time to get side-tracked. "Never mind. I'll see about getting you out tomorrow Newkirk. Right now, I've got things to do."
"Wh-wh-what things? It is the middle of the night," Schultz asked uneasily.
"Do you really want to know?" Hogan asked with a cheeky grin.
Schultz scrunched his nose. "No. I don't want to know anything!"
"You're better off that way Schultzie. See you… when I get out Colonel."
"Right," Hogan said, knowing that Newkirk was at this moment lowering himself into the tunnels. "Come on Schultz, take me home."
"Ready to go home?" Hogan asked as his men prepared Anderson and his crew to travel.
"Am I ever. Not to knock your hospitality, but these tunnels aren't the nicest place to be when you're sick," Anderson remarked as he gingerly slipped into a civilian shirt and did up the buttons while Wilson hovered around him.
"Up top's even worse," Hogan remarked wryly.
"Now is that a nice thing to say?" Carter, who was close by setting Dawson up with some maps, asked, sounding a little hurt. "After all, this is practically our home."
"Sorry Andrew," Hogan apologized, rolling his eyes good naturedly. Carter looked consoled and went back to his task. Hogan shook his head and turned his attention to Jenkins, who was gagged and being held by two of his former comrades. "You're going to be heading out any minute now, Jenkins. I suggest you behave yourself or your old friends might just save London the trouble of executing you as a traitor." Jenkins paled and nodded. "Same rules roughly apply to you, Miss Berger," Hogan said to Berlin Betty, who just scowled back at him. Hogan turned back to Anderson. "Don't worry about them. Someone from the Underground is going to travel with you to make sure you all get to the sub safely."
"What's going to happen when we get back?" Dawson asked nervously.
"We've already told London about everything. You'll probably spend a million years in debriefing. After that, it's up to London what happens."
"Very reassuring," Dawson sighed.
"All ready to go, Colonel," Kinch said, coming up behind him. "I just radioed the Underground. They'll meet up at the usual place. I already gave Dawson the co-ordinates."
"Right. Coast clear outside LeBeau?"
LeBeau, who was looking through their periscope that showed them the woods outside the wire, nodded. "Oui mon colonel."
"Well, this is it. Good luck."
"Thanks. Good luck with all this," Anderson said, gesturing to the tunnel. He paused for a moment and after a moment of thought, he straightened himself as best he could and offered Hogan a salute.
Hogan grinned and returned the salute. Nodding, Anderson turned and made his way up the ladder. "Oh, wait. Anderson," Hogan said, stopping Anderson in his tracks. "If we ever see each other on the street someday, let's just pretend we don't know each other."
"Right," Anderson nodded before going up the ladder and disappearing up top. Hogan waited for the rest of the party to leave before leaning back against the wall and letting out a little sigh.
"Well, that's it then," Kinch said after a moment. "Back to the daily routine of Stalag 13."
"Yeah. Boy, am I beat. I think I'll sleep for a year," Carter remarked as he made his way back to the barracks, followed by Newkirk and LeBeau. Kinch went to follow them but stopped when he noticed Hogan looking off into space.
"Something wrong Colonel?" Kinch asked quietly.
Hogan shook himself out of his thoughts and looked at the sergeant. "No. Why?"
Kinch shrugged. "You looked a little worried. I thought something was bothering you."
Hogan gripped his elbows and thought for a moment. Usually he wouldn't let his men on his doubts, but this particular situation was bugging him more than anything before. Finally, he sighed and dropped his hands to his side. "It's this whole thing."
"What whole thing?" Kinch pressed.
Hogan scrunched his nose, trying to think of how to put it. "Kunze. All his messages… He was right. Bombing little old ladies, orphans, blowing up trains and factories- hurting people whose only crime is being on the wrong side. It's… wrong."
"Well, war's a dirty business." Hogan just looked up at him with a blank expression. He knew that when he made the army his career. But still, the answer was unsatisfying to the colonel. Kinch let out a slow sigh. "This is the way I figure it colonel: if we just stop and let the Nazis take over, a lot more civilians are going to get hurt, and it won't be unintentional."
There was a long silence. Finally, Hogan sighed and smiled. "You know Kinch, one of these days I'm gonna put you in for officer's training."
Kinch smiled back. "Colonel James I. Kinchloe. It has a nice ring."
Hogan slapped him on the back and led him to the barrack's entrance. "Let's not get cocky now."
The End
And now for the random snippet that inspired this whole story:
"Well, everyone knows war is Hell," Frank Burns sniped from his table.
"War isn't Hell," Hawkeye countered. "War is war and Hell is Hell and of the two of them, war is worse."
Father Mulcahy, who had been listening with interest, moved closer. "How do you figure?"
"Who goes to Hell?" Hawkeye demanded.
"Sinners, I believe," Mulcahy answered, not sure where this was going.
"Right. There are no innocent bystanders in Hell. But war is chalk full of them."
Excuse me folks while I jump off this incredibly high soapbox that I've built myself.
Well, that's it. My first story, now complete. Thanks everyone for your pointers- this was definitely a learning experience. I guess the biggest lesson I learned was to not shelve my projects for so long- it's hard to come back to them with the same sort of zip and zing. Next time I start an intentionally big story, I think I'll have it written out first, so if I get stuck, you guys won't be left hanging. Anyway… speaking of my next big story, here's a little preview!
"So, what does the Bald Eagle want now?" Hogan asked as he followed Schultz into the outer office. He winked at Fraulein Hilda, who giggled and blew him a kiss.
"I think he wants you to meet our new guard," Schultz explained. "I have not met him myself; he came in last night while I was sleeping."
"A new guard huh?" Hogan scratched his chin. It was a bit odd that Klink would call him in just to meet a new guard. And why hadn't Schultz met him yet?
Shrugging, Hogan brushed off his coat and pulled open the door to the Kommandant's office and strode in. He stopped dead in his tracks. Looking up, his jaw dropped and practically hit the ground.
In front of him was the biggest man he'd ever seen. Clad in a corporal's uniform, the great behemoth turned and looked back down at him. Hogan couldn't do anything but stare. The man was huge- his muscles' muscles had muscles. In fact, this guy made Superman look like Tiny Tim.
"Boy, what kind of Wheaties do they feed you?" Hogan finally managed.
He could hear Klink chuckle and a moment later, the Kommandant stepped out from behind the giant and clapped his hands together, rubbing them in delight. "Good morning Hogan," Klink said, barely containing his laugher at the look on Hogan's face. "May I introduce you to our new guard- Corporal Weiss. He's been assigned here temporarily." Temporarily? Hogan let out a sigh of relief. Good. No way did he want this guy around longer than he had to. Heck, he was probably so heavy, he'd fall right into their tunnels.
Hogan looked Weiss up and down. "Please to meet you corporal. Welcome to Stalag 13. It isn't much, but we like to call it home." Weiss just grunted. Hogan shot Klink a curious look. "Does it talk? Or did he trade all his brains in for brawn?" Weiss growled and clenched his fist. Hogan jumped back and held up his hands. "Down boy! Stay! Sit!… Play dead!"
"Enough of your insolence Hogan!" Klink demanded, though it was more for Hogan's safety than anything else. "I warn you Hogan, I will not have you insulting Corporal Weiss." More importantly, Corporal Weiss probably wouldn't have Hogan insult him. "From now on, security at Stalag 13 will be Weiss's duty. He will not be as forgiving as Schultz."
"Thanks for the warning," Hogan muttered. "May I go now? I gotta re-enforce all our tunnels before this guy steps outside."
Klink stomped his foot on the ground. "Diiiissss-missed!"
Throwing Klink a quick salute, Hogan gave Weiss one last glance before hightailing it out of the office.
Oh boy…
Übermenschen
Coming to a Theatre Near You
Sometime
Thanks everyone, it's been a real blast.
Tuttle