Disclaimer: I do not own Bones. Fox does. I'm tired of saying so, as I think it's fairly obvious. No one has turned into a superhero, right?
"If there isn't some sort of lung fungus leak in my apartment then I fail to see the point of you being here." Booth sighed in exasperation, but nonetheless stepped aside so that the squints filed one by one inside his house, led by Angela and Cam. The latter led them to the living room and they all sat down wherever they could as he stood facing them with his arms folded on his chest.
He was really not in the mood for company since the last couple of days had passed with him trying to call or meet with Bones, and her avoiding him like the black plague. He had been sure that after he had kissed her that everything would be fine, but after two days of calling and trying to see her without success the hope was starting to fade.
"We, squints extraordinaire, have decided that you, hard-ass G-man, need our help." Hodgins replied smugly, stretching his arms on the back of the sofa between Angela and Cam. Seconds later the arm behind Cam recoiled after a look from the entomologist's girlfriend.
"Okay, now this officially feels like the Twilight Zone," Booth muttered under his breath, even as he sat down on the armrest nearest to him.
"Apparently you do need help, you know," Zach stated from the armchair opposite Booth's.
"Yeah, thanks a lot, doc." Running a hand over his face in frustration, he exhaled slowly and looked over at Angela, the apparent mastermind behind all this.
"So what kind of help do all of you geniuses think I need?"
"Snappy! No matter, I can work with that too. You see, Booth, while I thought at first that my help is all you needed, I was wrong. After the last little show you put for us –and Dr. Harris of course- the results haven't exactly been ideal. So, here we are and I think we have the solution."
"And that would be…?"
"Well, even if some of us," Angela started with a pointed look towards the males of the team, "don't put much stock in psychology, we have all agreed on one thing. However inspired your move was two days ago, it didn't help your case at all, honey. It just made it worse."
"I must admit it, Seeley. I have never seen Dr. Brennan like that, and that includes my first days in the Jeffersonian when she didn't even like me." Cam added to Angela's comment and Booth winced. He had figured as much on his own, but refused to believe that the kiss they had shared, the mind-blowing once-in-a-lifetime experience first kiss, was a mistake.
"She's turned into Queen Bitch, dude," Hodgins smiled apologetically at Booth's glare, but didn't take it back. Maybe the timing of the kiss was wrong, Booth conceded, after hearing no protests on the title Hodgins had just given Bones.
"Okay, let's get to the help part of the whole thing. That's why you're here for at eleven am right?" Booth asked impatiently.
"Yeah, that's one reason. The other is that Bren hasn't let us leave the lab earlier than ten in the last two days." Angela sighed seriously as Booth looked over at Cam.
"She didn't let you? I thought you were the boss!" he exclaimed, chuckling slightly and then turning it into a cough, so as not to offend Cam.
Thankfully, even if she noticed, she ignored him and replied, "I'm the boss, but when an esteemed colleague," she emphasized the words and Booth knew that she was quoting Bones, "advises me that the findings, test results and whatnot are extremely significant to the work we do at the Jeffersonian, then I can't but agree with her. At least a couple of times. The point is, Seeley, you had better resolve this today, because if she continues to behave in the same manner I will have to take action." The tone of Cam's voice assured Booth that she would follow with her promise if nothing changed.
Hating the fact that not only his and Bones' personal life, but also her career depended on whether they could get through this, he hung his head on his chest, a newly manifested kind of desperation gripping him. He had no idea whether he was capable to manage reconciliation all on his own. Maybe the squints were there for a reason after all.
Raising his head he looked at each one in turn and then sighed. "Okay, what do you think went wrong?"
"Well, that's what we thought of at first. It was all Cam and I of course, because the men are useless in this sort of thing." She stopped to glare at Zach and Hodgins.
"Psychology is a soft science," protested Zach, from his seat.
"Yeah, and we're nothing but hard, baby. Hard-core scientists," Hodgins added, but stopped when once again Booth glared his way.
"The next time you use the word 'hard' referring to yourself while I'm in the room, I'll shoot you." Booth stared at Jack for a moment longer to make sure he had made his point and the turned to the man's girlfriend. "Go on, Angela."
"Thank you. So, after some observing we think we've got it figured out and as her best friend I really think that's what Bren would do. I think she knew, Booth. All this time, while we all thought that she didn't see what was between you, I think she just bid her time until you reciprocated."
"No, Angela. No way. Bones is blunt if anything else. She would have said so the moment she felt something different."
"She would have said or showed, Booth. Think! She's been closed off to everyone around her all her life and in two-years-time she has let every one of us in, she talks about her feelings, hugs me randomly. What else is there? Her sole focus was her science, and now it's her life."
Booth felt uncomfortable, grasping Angela's meaning. "Wow, Ange! I don't think I can take credit for that…besides it's been an emotional couple of years for her, and no matter if I was there or not, finding out about her family would probably have shaken her."
"That's crap and you know it." The tone of the artist's voice made his head snap up incredulously. "She wouldn't have found out anything about her parents if she hadn't trusted you to look over their file. She opened up to you first. She had feelings for you back then, Booth. That's my point. She wanted you back then and you didn't."
"That's not true…entirely," he added in the end when Angela raised her brow in challenge. "I wanted her, Ange. I just…thought it would be best if we kept it professional at that point."
"Crap session, number two." Seeing now four incredulous faces looking back at her, Angela went in for the kill. "You were afraid, weren't you? If I could see what was between you from the very first case, then I bet you knew it as well."
Booth stared silently back at her, not wanting to admit anything, but turning his eyes to Cam, he knew he had to explain this somehow or else Cam would think he had used her…and to some degree, he admitted to himself that he had. "Look, I knew Bones was different to me from the beginning and fine, I didn't want to deal with the whole thing…I just wasn't ready for her yet," he explained, trying to make Cam understand that he hadn't hurt her, at least not on purpose.
"That's understandable." Cam nodded in acceptance and Booth breathed a sigh of relief. "But, Seeley that's our point. She was ready and she waited until you were as well."
As his brain processed the words, Booth got up and started pacing. "No way. Bones is really slow on the uptake as far as feelings go," he denied, shaking his head.
"How else can you explain what's been happening, Booth?"
"Can I…?" Zach asked hesitantly and at Booth's nod he offered his two cents. "What Dr. Saroyan and Angela said is highly probable, which could very well explain the current situation. The procedure Dr. Brennan would follow in case she already consciously had feelings for you despite your awareness or lack thereof would be simple. She might have waited at first but then at some point her mind would start processing the data she has already been given: in this case your friendly conversation etc. Therefore, she'd reach the conclusion that you were just friends. Any feelings she may still have after that, she will try to disregard as they are unwanted variables at this point."
"What the…? Did he just make sense to everyone else too?" Booth stood gaping at the young doctor but quickly recovered. "Great, now I'm taking personal advise from the doc."
"We all happen to agree, man. It makes sense."
Frustrated Booth resumed pacing after Hodgins' statement considering the possibility the squints presented him with. Could it be that Bones all this time stood on the side and watched him having affairs and relationships even though she hurt? No, Bones wasn't like that. She was blunt and honest. She'd say so if she wanted him. He just had to convince her that they should be together.
"So, what's your advice? What do you think I should do?" Booth asked, intent on doing the exact opposite from what they told him. What Zach said might have made some sense, but he really thought the best way to deal with Bones' silence right now would be to get back to being offensive.
It was just after midnight when Temperance heard a knock on her door. Instantly knowing who it was, she cursed the low notes coming out of the speakers in her living room. She didn't want to talk to Booth, not now, or anytime soon. After he had kissed her in the lab she had thought long and hard about what happened. The anger still hadn't receded since she had reached her conclusion.
Booth wanted to get his way just by simply kissing her. Just one act to erase everything she had been through while hanging around waiting for him.
"Bones, I know you're in there. Please, just open the door so we can talk." The tone of his voice was so condescending her control snapped.
She stomped to the door and opened it forcefully, making Booth rock slightly forward on the balls of his feet. "I do not want to talk to you." She pronounced each word clearly, so that he knew she was serious about it.
He ignored her completely, smiled at her and walked into the apartment while she stood holding the door opened. "Yeah, that's gonna be a problem, Bones, 'cause we really need to talk. Not fight. Talk," he clarified and grabbed hold of the door and calmly closed it.
She refused to budge when he strode to the living room, choosing once again the safety of distance between them. Moments ticked by with neither of them speaking, as Temperance stood her ground and Booth paced thinking of a way to begin bridging the gap between them. Finally he stepped up to her and raised his hand to touch her, but stopped the motion when she flinched and moved away. Temperance's anger towards him increased tenfold. He was trying to get to her again but this time her strongest weapon against him were his own actions.
"Damn it, Bones! I'm not allowed to touch you now?" she heard him asked angrily and turned to face him mirroring his feelings.
"You're allowed to touch me as much as friends do. That was not friendly." She pointed to his hand, but he took it in stride and approached her once again, invading her personal space.
"The kiss we shared the other day wasn't exactly friendly either. Or maybe I imagined that too, huh?" His voice was low and seductive now, and Temperance forced herself not to fall into his spell once again.
"What you did was wildly out of line –and those are your words if I remember correctly from one of our discussions." She mocked, smirking.
"No, Bones, what I did was a very appropriate thing to do for a man in lo-"
"Don't you dare say that word!" she interrupted angrily, stepping closer and poking her finger in front of his chest.
"What, afraid of feelings again? Are you going to run away?" he snapped at her, realizing the cruelty of his words even as they left his lips. He was opening his mouth again to apologize when after a flash of movement his head turned forcefully and felt a sharp sting on his cheek. Complete shock kept him in place, his hand rising to the spot she had slapped him.
Feeling the emotions she had carefully hidden, brimming to the surface Temperance felt no remorse of what she had done. Those words went over the top and she couldn't stand hiding the pain inside any longer.
"A man in love? You claim to be a man in love? You have no idea what the word means!" she said harshly and suddenly the words she never wanted to say left her mouth in a rush. "Being in love means giving without taking. It mean you have to let every day go by hiding what you feel because just maybe the one you love will feel the same. It means that you have to pretend not to hurt when they judge your every move. It means you change because you want to be what they need. That you have to stand by idly and pretend not to care when they chose someone else over you to care for. Do you know how that feels? Do you know how it feels to try to fill your life with someone else only to fail and fall back to the same person? How it feels when the person you call family thinks of you as a simple bystander in their life?" She felt the tears streaming down her face, but she continued staring unblinkingly at Booth's face, though not seeing his stricken expression. All that matter was her rage now; the hurtful and awful time she had spent in her own limbo. "So, don't you ever dare tell me you are in love. I finally know what love is…and I wish I didn't."
She turned around and walked blindly to her bedroom feeling drained and uncaring whether Booth would leave or not. She had nothing left to say, nothing left to feel and for the rest of that sleepless night, that was all that mattered to her.
Booth was left staring at the spot she had been standing only minutes before. The vice that had been gripping his chest since she slapped him was now becoming unbearable. His mind churned with what she had said, going over parts of it over and over again, torturing him with their truth. Numbly he turned around and left her apartment, his head hung low, shoulders sagged.
How had they ended up like this? Oh, God what had he done? Why had he waited so long to tell her everything? A coward. He had been a coward in the one thing he had always claimed he was a master of. His heart and feelings. He guessed this now proved that he was only good with other people's feelings and not his own, he thought grimly.
He had no recollection of walking to his car and as e closed the door mechanically, he briefly wondered how he got there. It all felt unreal. How had he crossed the street? Had he even glanced to see if it was safe? He shrugged uncaringly to himself. It didn't matter. Maybe if he got hit by a car the past hour would prove to be a nightmare and not reality.
The drive to his house was nothing but a blur of lights and noises. He begged God that this was nightmare, but the minute he walked in his front door he understood it was reality. It hurt so much for it not to be, too much. He tried to wrap his mind around the fact that he had probably lost her. He had lost Bones and it was all his fault.
Once again Seeley Booth had missed his chance at forever.
And he knew it in his soul that this time was the only time that would ever matter.
AN2: The angst is back and will not budge for a while methinks. Did I overdo it? I suppose I did, but as I'm an emotional person, I guess this is what I think Bones has been through. Yeah, Sully was a reprieve but still...I can't help but think that she knows exactly what's going on...and in my fic she took her revenge. LOL