Author's Note: This is for my Akihito….my fire. May you continue burning and believing in me, the same way I believe in you.
Gravitation is not mine, this is an original story inspired by the novels and series by Murakami sempai, everything else is coincidental, everyone is out of character and got nothing to do with the original Gravitation. I do hope you enjoy this fiction and please pardon my poor grammar.
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I felt it the minute I got up that morning. Things had changed, between us. I don't know when it happened it just did. I tried to pretend that I didn't sense it but it hurts too much. Whenever he comes home and whenever he leaves, he doesn't do the usual things he usually does, he doesn't kiss me anymore, he doesn't touch me anymore. He stopped. Loving me. As if we're back to being strangers. He acts as if I'm not there, that he doesn't see me, that he was just alone in this house we have called our home for a number of years. I don't know how many times I have cried, how many times I drunk myself to sleep to keep myself numb. I wish he would just move out so I won't end up killing myself so I would stop feeling this pain, this excruciating pain.
One night, I couldn't breathe. He was still lying beside me, sleeping in the same bed, but when was the last time he touched me? He was at the very end of the bed I'm surprised he never fell off. I fell asleep drunk again and woke up in the middle of the night, choking. I clutched at my throat, I couldn't move, couldn't get up. I reached out for him, and tried to call to him. "Shui-chi." I croaked but the most hurtful thing he did was he brushed my hand away so hard he end up slapping me in the face.
I didn't know what happened next. I woke up but I couldn't open my eyes. I heard voices but I couldn't call out to them or move. I realized I was in a hospital.
"Where did he go?" Tohma asked, worriedly.
"I don't know, he just called me early this morning and told me to send an ambulance to their apartment that Yuki collapsed and hung up." Hiro replied.
"How did he sound?" Suguru asked.
"Calm. Very calm." Hiro said.
He was cold. He sounded cold, I thought, why don't you say it? Shuichi sounded cold as if he doesn't care if I died right then and there. I shouted at them in my head.
Why? What did I do? What did I do, Shui? How could you treat me this way? I wanted to ask but was too afraid of what he was going to say. So, I pretended that he is just tired that he was just pissed at me over something and he would be talking and loving me all over again. But that was a month ago. I held on that long because I didn't want to lose him…afraid to lose him. Because I didn't know if I will survive if Shuichi leaves. He is my life. My life. My Shuichi.
They were all there. Except for Shuichi. I heard that he wasn't there when the ambulance and Hiro arrived, the door was open and he left me on the floor where I fell from the bed.
Tohma watched his brother-in-law, he was crying. How could this happen? What happened between them that made Shuichi hate Yuki this much? "Oh, Eiri san. I wish I could help you. But until now, we don't know where Shuichi is, we don't know how to find him. Only you would know." He said.
Shuichi didn't say anything to anyone. He left everything behind. Wherever he was going he didn't need it. He would forget everything. Especially Yuki Eiri. Until now he couldn't bring himself to cry over him, not even a single tear. He was still mad. Furious. A figure stepped up to him, blocking his view. He was in a secluded beach somewhere and it was almost two in the morning, this is where he ended up after he left their house. The only thing he grabbed in the house is his pack with a few clothes and money. He left everything behind, his phone and beeper. He didn't tell a soul where he was going.
The minute he got at the train station, he walked in the rest room and dyed his hair black. And hopped in the train and went somewhere, he didn't care where just somewhere random away from everything. Away from Yuki Eiri…his lover…his former lover.
"Hey, are you from around here?" a voice asked. Shuichi looked up and saw a girl. He didn't reply and just continue looking. He was surprised. The girl looked like the female version of Yuki, if Yuki turn out to be a girl. A young girl.
She flopped down beside Shuichi. "Are you mute or something?" she teased, looking closely at the singer. Shuichi let out a strangled breathe, even her eyes are as light as Yuki's. He staggered back and was about to get up.
She grabbed him, "That was rude, I was just trying to be friendly." She said, a bit pissed.
"St-Stay away from me." Shuichi cried, and then the tears started pouring like rain.
Before he realized it, Shuichi found himself in somebody's house, drinking tea.
"Are you feeling alright now?" the girl asked, sitting across from him with her own cup of tea.
Shuichi looked up, he didn't want to, he didn't want to look at the striking resemblance of this girl to his lover. But she took him to her house after he burst out crying at the beach.
"Y-Yes, thank you." He replied.
"What's your name? I'm Kisa Asami." She said, looking at him with his lover's eyes
"Akihito." Shuichi said, the first name that came to mind when he remembered the writings on the wall while waiting for the dye to take effect.
"Well, Akihito kun, you are welcome to stay here if you got no place to go instead of sleeping at the beach." She said.
Shuichi was going to say he wasn't planning to but he changed his mind, too much explanation would have her finding out the truth so he just nodded, "Thank you, I would appreciate that." He said.
Kisa got up and rinse her cup, "This is my apartment, there's a spare room I don't use only for storage, you can take that room, the pillows and blankets are in the closet in the hallway. I'm not going to ask you anything what are you doing on the beach at three in the morning, it's none of my business." She said, turning around to face the singer.
She looked at her watch, "Right now, I need to get ready for work. I won't charge you for rent or anything, it's just me here but I got nothing much and that's all I can offer. You are welcome to stay as long as you like. Get some rest, I would be home tonight." She said, walking to the door.
Shuichi couldn't say anything just looked at her, "Th-Thank Kisa san, I appreciate this, I promise I won't be a bother." Shuichi said.
She patted him on the arm, "You're welcome Akihito kun." She said, and headed out.
After awhile, Shuichi got up and rinse his cup and walked to the room that Kisa told him about, he realized he was tired, so he got himself a blanket and a pillow and went in.
He took out everything in his pocket, checking his wallet if he's got all his cash, a picture fell out. It was their picture. It was their first date at the amusement park. He was going to crumple it and threw it away but he knew it would be useless, he is now staying at a girl's house who can pass off as Yuki's twin sister. He wanted to stay angry but he couldn't, he looked at their picture and began crying again. He has always been a cry baby.
"Yuki, I'm sorry." He croaked. At first, it was supposedly just a night. He wouldn't speak to him for a night, because he was hurt and pissed off. Yuki was kicking him out of the house again like he always does when Shuichi gets to be annoying and noisy. But this time, Yuki kicked a little harder than he used to, and he end up scraping his knee and Yuki didn't stop there, dragged him to the door and kick him out in the cold night.
He cried harder when he remembered what he did, he slapped him when he was choking and end up falling off the bed. He called Hiro and told him to send an ambulance at the apartment. He didn't check up on Yuki who was on the floor, out cold. He didn't even check if Yuki just passed out or something worse happened. What if he choked to death? It's going to be my fault. "Yuki…." He cried again, he didn't stop crying until he fell asleep.
When Shuichi woke up at noon, he got out of the house and walked to the store to buy newspaper, he is sure there would be news about Yuki on the paper. He was too embarrassed and ashamed to call anyone. He just want to know if he is okay.
Shuichi scanned every page from top to bottom, looking at the headlines, anything that would tell him something. There was nothing about Yuki. He was a little relieved, if Yuki did die it would be all over the papers. So he is okay and he is in the hospital. He began crying again. Please let him be okay. Shuichi prayed.
Shuichi decided to stay at the town for awhile he even got a job at the store as a clerk. So he asked Kisa if he could share some of the expenses since he got a job now. Kisa complied that he can share some of the grocery shopping.
It was a week after that he found any news about Yuki. He is being flown to New York for extensive treatment, it wasn't revealed what happened to him but it was reported that he is in ICU and in a coma state. Shuichi almost collapsed when he read that. OMG…Yuki…
He wanted to go home. Things had gone out of hand, it was a lovers' quarrel that gone overboard, it wasn't supposed to be this way, Yuki was going to say sorry and they will be okay again. How did he let things turn out to be this way?
He needed someone to talk to, so he decided to talk to Kisa. Somehow it made him feel better talking to her, because she looks like Yuki. He told her everything, who he is and who his lover is and what happened. She is not a rock band fanatic so she never heard of Bad Luck or even have time to read, so she doesn't know who Yuki Eiri is. But she listened, her hand on top of his all the while, and when he broke down, she took him in her arms and hugged him. Like Yuki.
"Go to him." She said.
Shuichi just looked at her for a moment, "But what if I'm too late, what if they already flown him to New York?" he asked.
"Do you love him?" she asked. He nodded, "Very much. He is my life."
"So what are you still doing here?" she said. So much like Yuki, brutally frank and cold as ice. Shuichi is like a smoldering fire for his love for Yuki.
He sat there looking at her, "So what are you waiting for, a kick in the butt?" she asked, but she was smiling. Shuichi got up and kissed her.
"I love you, too. So go before I kick you out." She said, with a laugh, shaking her head when Shuichi rushed to his room for two weeks and got his back pack.
Shuichi was too late when he got back. He called Hiro. His best friend knew him too well and didn't ask where he was and what happened.
"They couldn't tell what's wrong with him, they couldn't find anything." Hiro related, looking at his best friend, who is sporting a new hair color.
"One of the younger doctors said that Yuki is just in a deep sleep, escaping from reality." Hiro said.
"Then he can wake up." Shuichi said, hopefully.
Hiro sighed, "He also said that Yuki gave up on everything. That he was broken. He had lose his will to keep on living so his body slowed down and started collapsing that is why he is in a coma now."
Shuichi was silent for a moment, "I-I just wish that one day I would be able to stand alone without having to depend on you or Yuki."
"Shuichi, there's a big difference between living alone and being independent." Hiro said.
"If you ask me, even more strength to live alone, I would rather have the strength to protect the one I love."
"The strength…the will to continue loving them, that's what I wish I had. You have loved Yuki all this time, Shui. I envy for your fire to love someone as cold as Yuki. That you had the strength to look pass his façade and get to know the real Yuki behind the cold man."
I thought I wouldn't need anything else just as long as I get to sing and be with my idol Ryuichi. That's what I thought. But Yuki without you here, I had lost my voice…I had lost my lyrics.
"We have always have our dream to sing ever since high school, and we made that dream come true." Hiro said, turning to his best friend.
"But even though we stopped singing or we're too old to sing, our songs will live on, it would always be there, even though we are gone. But Yuki needs you now, go to him. I'm sure he regret whatever he did to make you changed on him." He said, and handed Shuichi a paper.
"Tohma knew it won't be long and you would come back, this is the hotel where Tohma is staying he is waiting for you, he would take you to Yuki. No matter how he hates you, he would do anything for Yuki." Hiro said.
Shuichi hugged his best friend, "Thank you, Hiro."
Tohma lectured him for a bit but he took him to Yuki.
Shuichi stood by the door, hesitant to enter further. Yuki looked as pale as the sheets he was lying on. Tubes and wires connected to his frail body. When did he grew so thin? He took a step and found his feet leading him to the one he loves most. He cried. He touched his pale and cold skin, "Y-Yuki…wake up." He whispered, his voice quivering.
He watched him, listening to the monitors beeping, watching his vital signs. No miracle happened, Yuki didn't wake up like he wish he would.
Shuichi stayed by his side, not leaving him, devoutly watching over his lover and swore to be there as soon as he opened his eyes.
As the days and weeks passed by, he was hopeful. The doctor says that his vitals are getting stable. And it would be soon that they would move him to a private room. But still there's no stirring from his cold sleep.
"Yuki…I need you. Please come back to me." Shuichi said, touching his pale face. Shuichi would read to him everyday or just talk to him like Yuki was there, listening to him. But one time Shuichi decided to write a song about what he was feeling right then, he wrote something for Yuki alone. It was going to be their song.
Shuichi finished the song but he was crying, because Yuki won't be able to hear it. But Hiro's words rang back to him, so, Shuichi sang. He sang for Yuki, like he never sang before in his entire life. Each word, coming from his heart, each word meant for the prone figure lying on the bed. Shuichi sang with tears running down his face. People gathered at the door at the sound of his heavenly voice but he wasn't singing for them, his song was for Yuki alone.
When his song ended, he leaned down and planted a kiss on his lover's lips, as the crowd gathered began to clap, the monitors began beeping uncontrollably, nurses and doctors rushed to the room and gently told Shuichi to let them do their job and save Yuki.
"What's going on?" he asked, crying. He was being held back but he wasn't asked to step out they knew he wouldn't leave anyway.
"He is having a seizure, let the doctors attend to him." One of the nurse said.
Shuichi looked at her, patted her hand, and she let him go, amidst the confusion, Shuichi walked towards the bed, as they were pumping back his heart back to life. The doctors looked at him but didn't stop him.
He touched his face, he knows that Yuki is clinically dead but his spirits could still be in the room and he could hear him.
"Come back to me, Yuki, I need you. I'm truly sorry, please come back. Let's go home." He said, to his lover and leaned down and kissed him.
A few seconds passed, they were all looking at him, and then, as if Yuki heard him…or a divine intervention, the monitor started again, the doctors frantically checked his vital signs, and it's either a miracle or Shuichi's voice that brought back his lover to life.
After a few minutes, Yuki opened his eyes, and the first person he saw was Shuichi with his still black hair. "Sh-Shuichi." He called weakly.
Shuichi cried and put his arms around him, "Yuki! Yuki! You heard me." He said, showering his face with kisses. The doctors asked him to give them room to check Yuki.
"I don't need you, all I need is Shuichi." He said, softly. The doctor stared at their ex-comatose patient and nodded grimly.
Yuki turned to face his lover again, reached out to him weakly, Shuichi took his hand and showered it with his kisses and tears. "I-I'm sorry if I hurt you." He said.
"Shhh….rest. We've got all the time to talk." Shuichi said.
"You won't leave me?" Yuki asked, holding on to him a little tighter but weakly.
"Never again." Shuichi said, and kissed him tenderly. Yuki closed his eyes and melted, this is the only remedy he needs, Shuichi.
"What happened to your hair?" Yuki asked, looking at his black hair, his lover looked weird with black hair, he reached out and touched it, he missed touching his lover's soft and pink hair.
Shuichi chortled, "Long story, I would tell you all about it, next time." He said.
"Change it back." Yuki said. Shuichi laughed.
"I love your pink hair." He said, drowsily.
"I promise I will." He said, kissing him again.
"Do that again." Yuki said. Shuichi looked at him quizzically.
"Kiss me, brat." He said, reaching out and tugging at his shirt.
And the singer leaned down and kiss him as tenderly as he could. Yuki looked at him, its not only his hair had changed. He had lost weight, his eyes are all red from crying. He wondered how much he had struggled for his sake. He could smile like that for me. I wish I was strong. Yuki said to himself.
"You should sleep, Yuki." He said.
"I wish I was strong enough and brave enough to tell you that I love you and admit to you when I'm wrong." Yuki said.
"You can." Shuichi said. "Because you are with me." Touching his face fondly, "The same way you gave me strength to endure everything and learn to be on my own. I know there are times that I would still need you. But I know your love would keep me strong when you are not there."
"I wish you would stay with me forever, no matter what happens between us." Yuki said.
"For you I will throw everything else away, I won't need anything else but you." Shuichi said.
"Liar." Yuki said, with a smirk.
"There's no lie what I feel about you, Yuki. Can't you feel the fire of my love for you?" he asked. Yuki nodded.
"You must sleep and rest so we can go home." Shuichi urged him.
"Sing to me, brat. Sing to me the song you wrote for me, sing me my lullaby."
And the angel sang again.
Shuichi kissed the sleeping brows of his lover. In the future they might fight again and cause each other intense pain and they might think they can't bear staying together, there are no guarantees, no alibis, no excuses. But no matter what, I think we would continue loving each other and live together, it may not be forever but we would be together as long as we live.
Owari