The silence in the room was broken by an incessant phone ring. All eyes were directed at the sheepish redhead who was quickly getting out of the room after mumbling a quick apology to the class and the teacher. Normalcy settled into the interrupted class again once the cause of distraction was out.
"Hi, mom."
Sakuragi leaned on the wall as he talked to his mother. He waved absent mindedly at some of his acquaintances who were walking by the corridor.
"Yeah, yeah, I received it. Thanks."
The man broke into a guffaw over what his mother said on the other line. Those who were passing by the hall looked at him curiously but they themselves broke into small smiles at Sakuragi's infectious laughter.
"She gave you that? Why would she – Oh…she definitely mixed up our gifts. That explains the scarf I received in Christmas and why she's always asking me about you!"
Sakuragi brushed back stray bangs that fell in his eyes. He checked his watch and found that he was talking to his mother for five minutes already.
"Ok, mom. I gotta go, still have class. Yeah, thanks again. Love you."
The phone was set into silent before Sakuragi tucked the phone back into his pocket. He slowly opened the door and quietly returned to his seat. His professor, however, saw it fit to reprimand him a bit for the disturbance earlier.
"Mr. Sakuragi, next time please turn your phone off or set it to silent. I'm sure no one here wanted to be reminded about the Macarena."
While the whole class laughed, Sakuragi had the decency to blush.
After class, Sakuragi hurried to a popular coffee shop outside the university. He promised someone that he'll meet her there.
On his way to the meeting place, he passed by a newspaper stand and saw a particular magazine there. He saw a very familiar face on its cover. The man in the picture was staring at him; steel blue eyes still impassive; lips turned up a bit in what could pass for a smile; pale skin glistening with sweat; unruly black hair swept sideways.
Sakuragi's heart felt a familiar ache.
"Hey, can I have this? How much?"
A pair of blue eyes was crinkled in self-conscious happiness. Boisterous laughter was spilling out from such a dainty mouth.
"Oh, god! I prayed your mom would never tell you!"
Sakuragi watched her as she tried to control the laughter that was racking her body. He looked as she tightens the ribbon that came undone around her black hair. She sipped from her drink and daintily dabbed her mouth with tissues to remove a non-existent speck of food on her flawless creamy skin. She noticed him staring so he smiled at her.
"White boxers with red hearts?"
She stuck her tongue out at him before responding. "Hey, it was very difficult to find that. I was so mortified when I found out that I switched your gift with your mother!" she nearly screamed. "And here I thought I might see you wear that one day…" A mischievous grin crept into her face at the last sentence. Sakuragi got the idea and returned the naughtiness in her voice.
"What's the point of wearing that when you much want to see me without it?"
A bemused smile graced her lips. She leaned over the table and claimed Sakuragi's lips with her own. Inspite of the crowded place, Sakuragi faintly moan on her lips. She sat back down with a self-satisfied smirk. "True, true…"
Her eyes scanned the table and found the magazine that Sakuragi brought earlier. "Hey, isn't that Rukawa Kaede?"
Sakuragi felt a weight dropped down on his heart. "Yes," Sakuragi's terse reply.
"He's your teammate in high school, right? Saw you two played in the Interhigh," she said as she flipped the pages to Rukawa's section.
A grunt was the only thing heard from Sakuragi.
"Says here he's going to play for the NBA. Baby, did you know this?"
She noticed that Sakuragi's face was getting darker. She finally remembered. Reaching out to him, she apologized, "Oh, baby…I'm so sorry. I forgot."
She took his hand and cupped it on her cheek. He gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry. I'm fine."
"No, you're not. I can see it. You want to play basketball again, right? But your back…"
"I'm leaving tomorrow for America."
That's the first time they had a conversation after their little tryst. Despite the non-surprised announcement, Sakuragi willed himself not to look at his bedmate.
"I'm going to play college basketball there."
Sakuragi clutched the bed sheet to control his slight trembling. Rukawa was silent. Sakuragi opened his mouth to speak.
"Ok."
He felt the bed moved. Seconds later, Rukawa's face was looming over his. Sakuragi drew his face towards him until they were so closed. Hot breaths were mingling with each other. Lips came into contact. Bodies were pressed together. The bed sheet slowly fell to the floor.
Somehow, she completely missed the point.
"Don't worry, baby. Even if he got the ball, you're in the best university in Japan – Tokyo University!"
Sakuragi could not help but laughed at her childish antics. However, he's still hurting inside. But she did not need to know that.
"Ok, ok. I'm better than him!"
"You know what's better?" she whispered in his ear.
Feigning ignorance, he indulged her evil scheme. "What?"
"Why not get out of the boxers you're wearing now?"
Faint sounds of rushing water were heard in the small, cramped room. Inside the bath room, Sakuragi was dousing his face with the cold liquid. He looked at the mirror and saw beads of water dropping of his chin. Brown eyes were staring back at him.
Blue eyes searching his face for something intangible.
Sakuragi leaned his head on the mirror, shivering a bit on the coldness of its surface. He's doing something wrong and the picture was a reminder of it. He wiped off the sweat that was building on his brows.
Calloused hands wandering over his body.
His heart was beating fast. Blood was pounding on his ear. Dizziness was rushing on his head. His mouth was getting parched.
Lips trailing fire from his mouth downward.
Sakuragi took deep breaths to control the pounding of his heart. It finally settled on to its normal pace. Pushing himself off the mirror, Sakuragi wiped the fog that accumulated there. He could see faint scratches on his chest and on his shoulders. He bet something similar was on his back, too.
Bodies shaking after each release. No noise was ever made after they were done. Questions were building up and they could not do anything about it.
He stepped out of the bathroom and walked towards the sleeping form of his girlfriend. He went near the bed and just looked at her. He sat beside her gingerly to not wake her up. Brushing her hair away from her face, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. A small sigh escaped his lips.
He often wondered if something's wrong with him. He had the company of an exceptional woman and yet, that's not enough to forget a blue-eyed man in a foreign land. Gazing at her, he knew that he picked someone that was so similar to Rukawa. How can two people look utterly the same but be totally complete opposite? She was everything he saw in the other guy except that nothing's the same. He belonged to her but Rukawa owned him.
Was he cursed? Was he ga-? No. Sakuragi was pretty sure he wasn't. Rukawa's the only one. No other man came after him.
Rukawa. They never talked about what to call their screwed-up relationship – if ever you can call that a relationship. No one knew that something was going on between them. No one guessed that many nights had been spent with them locked up in bed. But when they're alone each time, Sakuragi believed that they're making a grave mistake. That somehow, he wasn't supposed to be with Rukawa. But his touch and kisses made Sakuragi forgot.
When he left, there were no goodbyes. So many things were left undefined. Him and him. What were they? Why did they do things with each other when no one's looking? Questions were left hanging in the air and guilt settled into Sakuragi's heart. It never went away.
"Hanamichi…come back to bed."
As he slid between the cover - her head under his chin, his arm over her body, her leg on top of his - the guilt intensified. It always did when he's with her because he's committing a reprehensible sin.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. She did not hear the tender apology.
Why were people inclined to cover up their mistake with another? Sakuragi wondered.