Chapter 2: Jiraiya
Hey guys, I really appreciate your reviewing, and I'm also glad not to have gotten any flames as of yet.
To Revan the Sith Lord: Here is the Jiraiya chapter you requested. I hope you enjoy it.
To Blue Tiger-Chan: Thanks a lot, there aren't many things more rewarding for a writer than for people to like his work. Hope you like the rest as well.
To netbreaker0: Did I really do that well? I'd love to believe I did, and maybe I should. Thanks a bunch, I hope I can do better next time.
Warning: Slight plot change, and I'm not talking about Jiraiya being here instead of Sakura.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or its characters. If I did, the move Naruto did to finish Neji in episode 62 would be called Earth Style: Uzumaki Dragon.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tell me, why am I here again instead of doing research? Jiraiya, who was leaning against the village gate, thought. Oh yeah, because of what Naruto told me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Flashback
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oi, Ero-sennin... (A/N Pervy Sage)" said the number one hyperactive knucklehead ninja. "Ever see a mark that looks kinda like a Sharingan eye, except with skin-color background instead of red?"
"Huh?" grumbled the author of the Icha Icha (A/N Make-Out) Paradise series. "What is it now? I'm busy with my research, can't you see?"
"Hey, this is important!" Naruto screamed. The women Jiraiya was peeking on heard Naruto's yell, spotted the two of them, and scattered.
"See, now look what you've caused!" shouted Jiraiya. "This had better be good."
"A mark like this!" Naruto stuck a hand-drawn picture of Sasuke's curse mark in Jiraiya's face. "Seen one before?"
Ero-sennin snatched the drawing from him in irritation. "This better not be another one of your hair-brained..." He took a closer look. It was...that was impossible, completely impossible! "Naruto! Where did you see this?!"
"Well, uh..."
Jiraiya grabbed Naruto's collar and began to shake him. "Tell me! We don't have time to waste!"
Naruto yelled, "I saw a mark like that on Sasuke's shoulder!" Jiraiya let him go. "What's the meaning of shaking me like that, what gives!?" He was shouting into thin air though, for the Frog Sage was already gone.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another Flashback
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Jiraiya, just get in here, I know you're there, and I'm not giving you a free look." grumbled the Godaime. (A/N The fifth) She could sense Jiraiya hanging just outside her window and he'd been there at least five minutes
"Hmph. Who said I wanted a free look?" sneered Jiraiya, swinging in. "I like mine real, and anyone who's done any research at all can tell yours are artificially enhanced." He automatically sidestepped the punch that he knew was coming.
"Amazing how impolite you are when you're going to ask a favor."
"Oh! Sharp, are we. How'd you know I was going to ask a favor?"
"Simple. Because four-fifths of the time you come here, that's what you're doing, and the other fifth of the time is when I call you in. So spit it out."
"Oh, right! Ever seen this before?" Jiraiya placed the drawing of the curse mark on Tsunade's desk.
Tsunade gave it a quick look and her eyes widened. "Crap! I was hoping I'd never see this again! Where did you see it? Tell me!"
"Naruto told me Sasuke has a mark like this on his shoulder. And we all know how obsessed he is with getting stronger."
"So you're worried that he'll leave the village seeking Orochimaru?" Tsunade narrowed her eyes.
Jiraiya raised his eyebrow. "Aren't you?"
"Yeah, I am somewhat, now that you mention it. But what do you want me to do about it?"
"I've got the perfect plan..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
End Flashback
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Perfect plan, nothing. Jiraiya thought. There are so many things that could go wrong, it makes me sick just thinking about it. Hey, someone's coming. Maybe I won't be waiting here as long as as I thought. Hm, lemme see. Yeah, it's him. The duck-butt hairdo, the I'm-too-good-to-be seen-with-you attitude, it's definitely...
Poof! "Hey, Ero-Sennin! How was my henge?" (A/N transformation)
"Naruto, how many times have I told you not to call me...!"
"I'm not Naruto, I'm Konohamaru!"
Jiraiya flashed a cheeky grin. "Oh? My mistake. Hey, you know Naruto right?"
"You bet I do! We play ninja all the time!"
"Right..." Here's an opportunity I can't pass up! The mission can wait for the moment. "Hey, did Naruto, by any chance...teach you the Oiroke no jutsu?" (A/N Sexy jutsu)
"Yeah, but he also told me not to show it to you, Ero-Sennin!"
Jiraiya almost lost his temper, but he caught himself. "That's 'cause he didn't want you to find out I'm a better teacher than he is," he said, grinning. "Go ahead, show me. I'll help you improve it."
"A lesson from the Toad Sage!? All right! Oiroke no jutsu!" Konohamaru was immediately replaced with the image of a beautiful kunoichi. (A/N female ninja) Technically, he was fully clothed, but the outfit was very revealing. "Am I hot or what?" he exclaimed as he completed his performance with a wink.
The Toad Sage raised an eyebrow. "Not bad, but it looks like you were...kinda holding back. Try it again, but give it more...sexiness."
Konohamaru briefly resumed his normal form. "Alright, got it! Here we go! Oiroke no jutsu!" The self-proclaimed leader of the Konohamaru Corps transformed into the same woman again, but this time, she was dressed in a bikini. "How's that?" he cooed in his most charming feminine voice.
Jiraiya was now beginning to drool. "One more time, this time don't hold anything back at all! Give it everything you got!"
The prince of the leaves took his normal form again. "Ohhh, you want me to do it the way I'd do it in real combat, huh?"
"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!"
"Okay!" Konohamaru raised both arms into the air, then stretched them to both sides before forming the seal. "Ultimate transformation! True Oiroke no Jutsu!"
Due to the rating of this fanfic, I am not authorized to describe Konohamaru's True Oiroke no Jutsu. I shall instead hope it suffices to say that Jiraiya fainted as a result of blood loss from his nose and was out cold for at least three hours afterward.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day in Tsunade's office...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU HAD THE PERFECT PLAN!!!!!!!" screamed the Fifth Hokage loudly enough to break all the windows in her office. Yes, Sasuke was corfirmed missing. And yes, he had escaped while Jiraiya was unconscious.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Flashback (to right after Jiraiya fainted)
---------------------------------------------------------------
Konohamaru saw the effect his jutsu had had on the Toad Sage and grinned. "I must have put some real 'oomph' into that one! At this rate, becoming Hokage will be a snap!" At that moment, he spotted a somewhat familiar duck-butt hairdo walking past him. "Yo, you're not supposed to leave the village unless you're on a mission."
The owner of the duck-butt hairdo smirked, not affected in the least by Konohamaru's Oiroke. "I am on a mission, kid."
"The name's Konohamaru, not 'kid'!" he yelled, transforming back to his normal form.
"Whatever." He walked away without another word.
------------------------------------------------------
End Flashback
------------------------------------------------------
"Well, you see..." Jiraiya tried to begin, only to be interrupted.
"Can it, you stupid pervert! I bet you failed your mission because you couldn't resist peeping on the ladies!" There were at least a couple of veins showing on her forehead, and both her infamous fists were ready to launch should Jiraiya give a wrong answer.
"I wasn't peeping, I was openly ogling!"
The sound of knuckle meeting skull was loud enough to hear all over Konoha, even in the Forest of Death. Jiraiya could be seen flying out Tsunade's window at a speed about equal to Lee's movement with the first gate open.
Coincidentally enough, he landed within about five meters of Sasuke, who had ben travelling toward the Sound village all night. "Let me guess," Sasuke said without a hint of emotion. "You were supposed to stop me from leaving Konoha, but you shirked your duty, instead opting to watch that kid's Oiroke no Jutsu. You reported to Tsunade about five minutes ago, and she was so mad, she punched you all the way here."
Jiraiya groaned. "Yeah. And now let me guess. You don't give half a rip, do you?"
Sasuke merely smirked as he continued his journey to the Sound Village.
END
A/N: The plot change was that Naruto didn't tell Jiraiya anything about Sasuke's curse mark in the actual anime. Send me a personal message if you want to know what Jiraiya's actual "perfect plan" was supposed to be. To those of you disappointed by the imperfect ending, I'm sorry, but I'm not changing it. Hey, I never said every character would be successful in stopping Sasuke. Now, I would like to ask you to review. Helpful advice preferred, adulation or flames accepted. Also, tell me who you'd like to see next, though I have three possible ideas of my own.