Dead Knight Walking
By: oONekomataOo
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights, Halloween, chupacabras and for better or worse, I don't own Thatz's wide assortment of old Valentines candy.
Warnings: Some OOCness
Lykouleon: (walks into a very gloomy room of other characters putting decorations away) Why does everyone look so down?
Rath: The Cat. She lives…
Neko: Surprise!
Lykouleon: Wow.
Thatz: Sucks, huh? Still eight months is a really long time…makes me wonder if Neko really is alive…
Rath: (sacastically) No, Thatz, she's a vampire.
Thatz: She is?! Seriously?!
Rath: (sighs, shakes head)
Neko: Sorry to disappoint you, Thatz, but I'm still among the Living. See, I can prove it. I have a pulse. (tries to find it on neck) Um, at least I think I do…hang on. (still can't find it) C'mon, pulse, pulse, pulse…
Rath: I always knew there was something deeply wrong with that girl.
Rune: Besides mentally?
Neko: Ahhh!! I know I have a pulse somewhere! I've gotta have one! (frantically searches neck) Damned pulse!!
Rune: (warily watches Neko run around trying to find her pulse) Um, on with the fic?
---------Response to Reviewers--------
Neko: A special thanks to those who kept reminding me to get off my ass to update this thing! Let's hope it doesn't take me half the time it did last time to update this thing!
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Chapter 3: Razzle Dazzle 'Em
Cesia had just finished gathering the items on her list for the Haunted House when she noticed the trio of Dragon Knights walk over towards her.
Well, okay. Maybe 'walking' isn't really the word. One Knight was practically skipping and humming a song about disemboweling demons, another was contently strolling along with a suspicious knapsack filled with Dusis knows what, and the third was literally being dragged along by the overly happy one.
"Should I even ask?" questioned the wind witch.
"No, no you shouldn't," a gloomy Rune answered. "You should also turn down this guy's request."
Rune pointed to Rath at his side, who was now practically giggling. In one hand, the Fire Dragon Knight held his gigantic sword, recently polished and ready for some demon-slaying action. In the other, he had a firm grip on the Elf's wrist to keep him from changing his mind and getting Alfeegi to forbid Cesia from sending them to Kainaldia.
"Cesia, my favorite witch ever! Would you be a good little girl and magic us away to Kainaldia so I can stabbity all the demons there, please?" Rath beamed sugar-coatedly.
"And if I say no?" she replied, eying the insane youkai hunter in front of her.
"Aw, come on!" Thatz pleaded. "We wanted to pull a prank on Nadil and his little minions for Halloween!"
"Really?" Cesia asked skeptically. The way Rath had started dancing to a song only he could hear didn't really help the theif's case.
"Yeah, it's called Operation Razzle Dazzle and involves decapitation, sociopathic tactics, and many, many sparklers," explained the Earth Dragon Knight.
Now Cesia was unsure. While she usually didn't support Rath's obsessive killing habits or Thatz's crazy ideas, she was all for making Nadil, Shydeman, and the others look like complete dumbasses. Then again, she really didn't want to make an enemy of Rune while both his nutty fangirls where hovering about and she definitely didn't trust any "operation" that the brunette came up with on his own. Especially after "Operation Fishfry" caused Rath to burn all of her fishnet stockings. Those things were expensive, dammit!
"You're calling it…Operation Razzle Dazzle?"
"Yep!"
"WHY?!"
"Thought it sounded cute. So will you help us, Cesia?"
"Pleeeeeease, Cesia?!" begged Rath.
"Nooooooo, Cesia!" mimicked Rune.
"Well, this does kinda go against my better judgement…." Cesia started. "….But sure, I'll help you guys out."
There were two cheers and one very disappointed sigh.
"On one condition."
"Eh?"
"I want you to get something back for me," stated the witch. "That's your specialty, right?"
"I guess so," Thatz agreed. "What is it?"
"When I was kidnapped, Nadil stole my yellow fur scarf from me! Then that jerk has the gall to wear it around the castle like he owns it!" Cesia fumed. "I want you to steal it back!"
"You want us to find your scarf?" the thief asked in disbelief.
"Wait, you mean that Yellow Fluffy Thing you bought in Emphaza?" asked Rath.
"You remember it?" smiled Cesia.
"Hard to forget something so hideous."
"Do you want my help or not?"
"Not really, but it would be nice if you--"
"—Of course we still want your help, Cesia!" Thatz interrupted, cupping his hand around the half-demon's mouth. "And we'll make sure we get your Yellow Fluffy Thing back, too!"
"Good," the long-haired girl smirked. "But I'm only leaving the portal open for two hours."
"You're only giving us two hours?!" Rath shouted, angry that he'd only get to kill half the youkai he had planned to in that timeslot.
"That's right. One hour to find my scarf and one hour to pull off your prank," Cesia stated. "Besides, that way it's a little fairer to Rune."
'So don't send Lim and Tintlett on me,' she added mentally, taking in his appreciative smile.
"Alright, fair's fair, let's go!" grinned Thatz.
"DEMON HUNTING TIME!!!"
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Not twenty minutes later, the Dragon Knights stood upon a hill overlooking Casa de Nadil y Homies.
"Hey, this was surprisingly easy to get to this time," the brunette noted.
"I would hope so," replied Rune. "Cesia sent us to a clearing so Nadil's castle would be in plain sight the moment we got here."
"Then how come we still got lost for a while?"
"Because your sense of directions is about as dependable as Rath's patience for demon hunting."
"Is not! Right, Rath?"
"……Rath?"
"Deeeeeeeeeeemons!!!" screamed Rath, who was currently halfway down the steep slope and only gaining speed.
"Rath! Get back here!" Rune yelled, taking off after him.
"So much for stealth…" sighed Thatz.
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Naturally, deep inside Nadil's impenetrable fortress, the Demon Lord and his minions were always prepared for and expecting any attacks the Dragon Tribe might make. The army had gone through countless hours of training and lied in wait for their hated foe's useless assaults. It was rumored that during times of celebration they feasted off of the bodies of any Dragon clansmen that had gotten even a footstep into their territory. The powerful military's complete confidence in their castle's defense was outmatched only by their superiors, Shydeman and Shyrendora. The twins never stopped anticipating an attack by the Dragon Tribe and were always ready to fight for their Lord.
"Got any 3's?"
"Go Fish."
Frowning, Shyrendora picked up a card from the 'Pond.'
"How can you two sit around and play card games all day?" snorted Nadil from his throne. "It's disgraceful."
"Got any Queen's?"
"Go Fish."
"Why do you guys keep ignoring me like that?" the Demon Lord whined. "I'm your boss, remember?!"
"Got any 6's?"
"Go Fish."
"Heeeey! I'm talking to you! Listen to me!"
"Got any 8's?"
"Go Fish."
This time Shydeman scowled and picked up the last card in the pile on the table. The pond was empty.
"Fine! Screw you guys, I'm gonna go take a nap!" exclaimed Nadil, like it was some important task that only he could complete. Sticking his tongue out at his oblivious generals, the Demon Lord stormed off to his bed chambers.
"……Got any 2's?"
"Go Fish."
"Dammit, Shyrendora! You have to have some 2's in your hand, I've already gone through the entire pond!" Shydeman gestured angrily to the area previously inhabited by a pile of cards. "You always cheat at this game!"
The female general looked at the cards in her hand. A 7, a King, a Jack, and five 2's. Considering 2 cards to be a sign of good luck, Shyrendora always liked to hold on to them until the end of the game. Don't ask me why. Crazy demons.
"I do not!" she growled. "You're just a sore loser!"
"Only because you cheat!" retorted her brother. "You, and your stupid habit of hoarding all the 2's!"
That had done it. Nobody, but possibly Nadil insulted her hobby of holding onto the 2's. Didn't Shydeman know that they brought good luck and were a natural defense against hobgoblins and cavities?! The sorceress sighed in frustration. Obviously her twin brother required more disciplining. Shyrendora's eyes flared open with a mind control spell in full effect.
"S-Suddenly I have the strangest urge to do your laundry and re-alphabetize your library…" Shydeman said with a dazed look on his face.
The man stood up and walked over to the door, but Shyrendora waved him back.
"Got any 2's?"
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Likewise the Dragon Castle was ready for any attack made by their enemies be them Demon, Human, or Telemarketer. After the raid on their castle by Nadil's Army several months ago, Lykouleon had personally seen to it that the capital of Dusis would increase its defense as well as offense. Cesia had been given a shiny new crystal ball to help her foresee possible attacks. The Darnas were put on steroids. Tetheus had been granted permission to train the Dragon Fighters as he saw fit, and the term "Spartan" had become a household term.
All in all, Draqueen had become practically Demon-proof and Lykouleon had been given more power than most military dictators.
"I'm boooooored," pouted the Dragon Lord over a stack of paperwork. "Can I go now?"
"Oh, no you don't," scolded the White Dragon Officer. "It took me forever to track you down once today and you're not leaving until you're done with that stack of documents. Now finish the rest of your chocolate milk like a good boy or I'll be very upset."
"Yes, 'Feegi." Lykouleon sniffled and slurped the rest of his chocolaty drink down with a blue Krazy-Straw.
The question of who was really in charge still went unanswered.
"Lord Lykouleon! Lord Lykouleon!" Ruwalk shouted as he burst through the elegant wooden doors. "We have a problem!"
"Rath broke another sword?" growled Alfeegi.
"You've been selected to represent Draqueen in the national beauty contest?" Lykouleon asked. "Congratulations, I know it's always been your dream, Ruwalk…"
"Er…no," the brunette shook his head. "Kai-Stern says we're under attack!"
"Oh, really?" a skeptical 'Feegi said with raised eyebrows. "And what does Tetheus have to say about that?"
"Um…I haven't asked him yet."
"And why isn't Kai-Stern telling us this himself?"
"Because he's too busy running around the wine cellar trying to save all the rum or something."
"YOU IDIOT!" Alfeegi raged. "Now we have to waste more time stopping that drunken fool before he drinks twice his weight in alcohol!"
"Oh, boy! A mystery!" the Dragon Lord cried happily, racing down the hall before either secretary could get a word in edgewise. "Let's go, Scooby-doo and Jesus!"
"You didn't...…put anything in his chocolate milk did you?"
Alfeegi whacked him on the head.
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Because it seems to be a reoccurring theme in this chapter, Kitchel was wandering around the courtyard bored out of her freaking skull. Having already found most of the items on her list, the pink-haired thief decided she had earned a break. There was still plenty of time before Halloween anyway.
"Well, this is exciting…" she sighed, slumping down unto a bench. Her little tour had found her somewhere between the western entrance to the castle and the stables. "Tetheus is out training the Dragon Fighters, the other secretaries are either hiding from ol' Periwinkle or pretending to be doing work, and the boys are out running errands for the haunted house…"
"Hey, Kitchel!" called a voice from above her.
"Rigleys! Hey, what's up?"
"Not much, I was helping Lady Tintlett with her hair when one of the maids passing by said the 'R' Word and caused her to go running off somewhere," the tiny Faerie shrugged.
"What's the 'R' Word?"
Rigleys whispered something into her ear.
"Rune?"
"RUUUUUUUUUUUNE!!!!!" roared Tintlet and Lim Kaana, tearing down everything blocking their path in their race to get over to the unfortunate speaker of the 'R' Word.
The Royal Landscaper would later see the expensive marble statues reduced to rubble alongside several uprooted trees and have a seizure.
"YOU'VE SEEN RUNE?! WHERE IS RUNE?!" demanded the two in unison.
"I-I don't know!" Kitchel answered quickly. "I was just talking to Rigley's and……Rigleys?"
The Faerie had vanished.
"Get the hell back here, you little bastard!" the thief shouted angrily.
"Kitchel, my dear, dear friend, have you seen my beloved Rune lately?" the Faerie Princess asked her in a kind and caring voice.
"N-No I haven't," replied the pink-haired girl, trying to ignore the insane gleam reflected in Tintlett's eyes.
"Ha, ha, that's right! You don't gotta tell that bitch anything!" Lim cheered, then pulled Kitchel down to her own level. "But you have seen Rune, right? You can tell me."
"How dare you use such rude language when addressing me!" Tintlett yelled to Lim.
"Still can't handle the truth?" the reformed Faerie sneered.
"I can handle you!"
And yet another fight broke out between the Elfin girls over the current Elfin squeeze-toy. Not that Kitchel stuck around long enough to watch.
"Those two are so fricking scary sometimes!" she grumbled aloud.
"Hurry, this way!" instructed a voice from above.
"Rigley's you coward! Now you show your face?" complained the thief, but followed his advice and headed towards the stables. "I can't believe you left me there with---AHHHHH!!!"
Inside the Darnas stable was a large beast the size of a man, covered with mangy white fur and two horns sticking out of its forehead. In its hoofed hand was a pitchfork covered in blood.
"Shovel Attack!" shrieked the girl, hurtling the nearest piece of farm equipment at the monster's head.
"Hmm? Is someone ther—ACK!" the creature said as it tumbled to the floor from Kitchel's direct hit.
Kitchel and Rigley's looked at the monster and then each other in confusion.
"Did that thing just…"
"…Talk?"
"Ow, ow, ow!" complained the beast on the floor. "You have quite an arm, little miss!"
"You're a Human?!" Kitchel asked in disbelief.
"Of course, I am!" the injured monster said rather cheerily, taking his mask off to reveal a semi-normal looking middle-aged man. "Although I guess I can see why this costume gave you a start. I'm the new stable hand!"
"The new stable hand? I thought you were a Demon or something!"
"Yeah!" Rigleys chimed in.
"Oho, ho, ho! You children are quite amusing!" the man laughed. "My name is Moca Coleman. You might remember me from other Neko crackfic's such as—"
"No one cares!" Kitchel yelled, kicking his already cracked cranium. "Why are you wearing your Halloween costume to work, anyway?"
"Oh, this isn't a Halloween costume," blinked Moca. "This is my traditional hunting uniform."
"What are you trying to catch dressed up like that?"
"El Chupacabra…" Moca responded in a serious tone.
"That's nice. Come on, Rigleys," Kitchel said to her Faerie companion.
"W-Wait! Aren't you even going to listen to my story?!" Moca exclaimed, blocking their exit.
"No way, dude. Now move."
"But we promised each other under the setting sun to catch the chupacabra or die together trying!
"I don't recall promising you any of that!"
"But I could really use the help of such a strong human and Faerie!"
"I don't care! I'm busy!" growled the pink-haired thief, storming past the poorly disguised man.
"But then I won't have anyone to split the million dollar reward with…" Moca sighed sadly.
Kitchel twitched.
"So let's go find this chupa-thing already, Mocha! We can't let any of the other hunters beat us to it!"
"Here we go again…" Rigley's sweatdropped at his friend's sudden change of heart.
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As for our three favorite Knights…
"It's Demon-Hunting-Killing-Time! Demon-Hunting-Killing-Time! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Yeah, there ya, go! There ya, go! There ya, go! There ya, go!" Rath sang/screamed roughly to the tune of Peanut-Butter Jelly Time.
Needless to say, Rath was entertaining himself with Nadil's first line of defense. Or at least he was ten minutes ago. By that point, Rath was slaughtering the sixth line of defense. As strategically thought out as Nadil's army's positions were, none of it seemed to matter if every demon was killed off before they could warn the others.
"Do the Demon-Hunting-Killing! Demon-Hunting-Killing! Demon-Hunting-Killing with a sawed off bat!"
"Has it been two hours, yet?" Rune groaned.
"Cheer up, Runey!" the Dragon Knight of Earth patted his back. "The fun's just getting started!"
"I believe repeatedly stabbing you in the head shall convey my emotions accurately," the Elf snarled, summoning his sword.
"Whoa, whoa! Save it for the demons, buddy!" Thatz sweatdropped. "Or at least the half-dead ones. I don't think Rath would appreciate us killing any of his 'prey.'"
"Well let's not fall behind, then," sighed the Water Dragon Knight. "Who knows what kind of trouble he'll get into by himself…"
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:A/N:
Neko: I've done it!!
Rath: What? Finished another long overdue torture session for us?
Neko: No! I found my pulse! (fingers to wrist) It's so much easier to find on my wrist!
Rath: (sweatdrops)
Neko: Thanks for reading!
--------Translation Corner-------
Here's the English translation of the foreign words I used. Let me know if anything's off.
Youkai (Jap.) "Demon"
Chupacabra (Sp.) "Goat-sucker" Hahaha…where to even begin? They're considered an urban legend of sorts, that attacks and drinks the blood of livestock. Its territory ranges from Puerto Rico, Mexico, and the U.S.
Moca Coleman (Various) "Moca" is the name of the village in Puerto Rico that first reported chupacabras and "Coleman" is a town in Texas where one was apparently captured. This guy appears from time to time in crackfics I write, although none of the others are up on yet.