Once upon a time during SEX:
"...You brought me breakfast and proclaimed, in a very romantic and philosophical way, that we are soul-mates. An outsider might think you fancy me." Draco didn't miss a beat.
"I told you Granger," he reminded. "I would if you weren't a Gryffindor." Leaving Hermione open mouthed and staring, Draco took to his room to finish what he had started and return to his comfortably unmade bed. Hermione sat slack-jawed in the common room for many minutes more, running the conversation over in her mind. Draco was definitely acting strangely. On any given day, she'd have expected him to storm out of the room on such a comment as she had offered, but Draco had taken it like truth and agreed. He had implied that the only thing standing between them was her friends.
Was he serious?
Bastard.
-----------------------------------
Chapter Four: Fiber Therapy
"Granger, are you mad at me?" Draco asked as he trialed her quick paced steps down the hallway, and Hermione kept her books close to her chest and her nose stuck straight in the air.
"Whatever gave you that idea, Malfoy?" she asked him, turning around a corner. Draco followed.
"Well, there is the fact that you've ignored me practically all day, refused to acknowledge my presence when I tried to get you to come out of your room to work on our lesson plans, and this is the first sentence I've squeezed out of you in the ten minute, one sided conversation I've been having since we left the common room. Somehow, I get the feeling something's cocked. I want to know what."
"Forget it, Malfoy, just forget it. I don't want to talk about it. Least of all to you," she grumbled, lengthening her steps. Draco sighed and quickened his pace as well.
"Oh, woman stuff, eh? Can't rightly say I can help you there."
"You can't help me anywhere," she corrected, and Draco mocked hurt, placing a hand over his chest.
"Aw, that's cold. I don't believe you're giving me the benefit of the doubt," he said, looking for a rise, but Hermione gave an unenthusiastic 'ha'.
"I don't have any doubt. Come on, Malfoy, stop badgering me. I just want to go in there, yell at them, and go back to the dorm, where I hope to find a quiet place to die for a while," Hermione stated, waving her hand at him to assure she wanted nothing more to do with whatever he had to say, but Draco was not one to stop a tangent just because it was requested.
"You see, Granger, I don't like your attitude. And furthermore, I have something to say of much interest to you, if only you would allow me to speak," he stated, eyes narrowing slightly. Hermione stopped in front of the transfiguration classroom and spun to glare heatedly at him.
"What?" she spat and Draco held up his hands in defense.
"Hell, Granger. That time of the month rot really hits you all at once, doesn't it? I'd ask what's stuck up your arse, but I've a feeling I already know. Trust me, that's not the way to get your daily dose of fiber," he said smartly, an award winning smirk gracing the pink flesh of his lips. Hermione was pushed over the edge; with a frustrated growl, she arched her arm to slap that pretty little smirk from his aristocratic face with such force she hoped he'd fall down. Draco saw her advance and frowned, losing for Hermione the motive to release her weapon. She hesitated, and it was obvious that Draco knew exactly what was about to happen, but he did nothing to impede her release. He did not duck, nor flinch, nor attempt to catch her wrist; Draco merely waited, anxiously, as if he too believed he deserved it.
She couldn't do it. Not with him frowning in that disappointed manner and losing all the smugness she longed to beat out of him. Instead, she let her hand grow limp and fall to her side, shaking her head and mumbling to herself as she spun to open the classroom door, slamming it behind her and gaining the attention of all those students chattering wildly in their seats. She stalked to the front of the room in a Snape-like manner and dropped her bag on the floor, plopping into the rolling seat behind McGonagall's desk. With a sigh, she began role call, ignoring Draco as he snuck in through the door and closed it quietly behind himself.
The room was abnormally full, for all of the seventh year students were crammed into it and not just two houses, as per the case in transfiguration. For the first few names, the students were stunned into silence by Hermione's sudden entrance, but they grew talkative and rowdy soon afterward. Draco ignored them and made his way to the front of the room, careful not to disturb Hermione in any way. She was still perpetually livid; he could tell- it was the look he thought suited her face so flatteringly.
"Aly Staar?" Hermione called, tone never ceasing, and even if the girl had responded, the roar of the other students smothered her voice. "Aly Staar?" Hermione called again, this time looking up from her roll of names, eyes piercing the crowd. Again, she could hear nothing. "Aly Staar!" she called a third and final time, yelling tersely over the other students, and scaring them once again into silence.
"I'm here! I'm here! Please don't hurt me!" called a skinny blonde girl in the corner. She looked quite scared and was hiding behind fellow Ravenclaw Terry Boot; Hermione assumed the girl was Aly. She calmly marked a check next to the name and stood from her chair, sending a blazing glare across the room.
"Listen to me, you," she demanded, pointing an accusing finger at no one in particular. "I am not having a good day, I do not want joke around with you, and I most certainly do not want to be teaching this class. Unfortunately, I have no choice in the matter, and therefore, I make it clear to the lot of you now, that I will not tolerate any misbehaving, out of turn speaking, or stupid questions this evening. Is that understood?" For a moment, the whole room was silent, afraid to speak a word. Even the Slytherin, who contained themselves in the corner, were wide eyed and attentive. Hermione, somewhat spent from her lecture, fell down in her seat again, resuming her journey down the list.
"Blimey, Hermione," came Harry's voice from the front row, where he had just gotten over the shock of her harangue. Hermione snapped her head toward him, eyes fiery. "Are you all right?"
"Did you not hear what I just said, Harry? I don't see why you should be exempt," she reminded coarsely, and Harry gulped, sharing a nervous look with Ron. "First warning," Hermione finished, somewhat softer. "Now... Dean Thomas?"
"Here!"
She concluded role call without another glitch; the room silent save the anxious 'here's from students afraid to swallow for fear of too long a hesitation in their answer. Once the call was completely finished, she sighed and stood again, casting a glare across the room.
"Now," Hermione stated, and there was silence as every head turned toward her. "Everyone, I want you to take out a sheet of parchment and write down, in your own words, everything you know about the human reproductive system, and any forms of contraception, spells, or theories you may have heard. This includes everything to do with the Third Moon. I am not about to tell you if the Third Moon Theory is accurate or not, as of right now, and I want you to be truthful in your explanation. If you, up until the creation of this class caused doubt, believed in the Third Moon, take no shame in writing it down," Hermione directed, keeping eye contact with key members of the crowd. "Does everyone understand the assignment?" she bellowed abnormally loudly, causing those in the room to jump. Choruses of 'Yes, Ma'am' rippled through the crowd, and Hermione gave a concise nod. "Good. Get to work." Simultaneously, the forty some odd seventh years moved to take out parchment and quills, or whisper to neighbors for a loan. Hermione sat down again in her chair and sighed, running through the list of names to find those who were not present.
After a moment of silent scribbling from the students, Draco made his presence known. He was not about to stop Hermione in the middle of her lecture and tell her to calm down, so it was only then did he feel his interruption was warranted.
"Granger," he said softly as he knelt beside her chair, almost as if he were afraid of her reaction. Hermione turned to him, face passive and eyebrows slightly lifted. "I know you're mad at me, but you didn't have to take it out on them. Look at them, they're shaking; you may have caused serious emotional damage. Any suicides are on your head." To Draco's surprise, Hermione laughed. Her face grew into a smile halfway through his speech, and by the end she was right cheery. She shook her head.
"You're such a hypocrite. First you say you want me to scare them, and then you practically ask me to apologize. What is it you want, exactly?" she asked calmly, face still twisted in a smile. Draco looked honestly confused and Hermione sighed, slouching in her chair. "I'll admit I was mad at you and I used it to our advantage. I wasn't that angry, but I told myself I was and got a bit worked up. Then, I used it to radiate my presence just now, and look how proper it worked. They're like angels," she said, smiling out at the nervous crowd. Draco gave a dry laugh.
"Hell, Hermione," he said, massaging his temples. "Could you warn me next time you're going to do that? I was bloody scared of you." A little frown marked her lips and Hermione crossed her arms.
"I was going to, but I was mad at you. Still am for that matter. Bastard," she mumbled, again giving him a somewhat cold shoulder. Annoyed with his squatting, Draco transfigured his shoe into a chair (as he dared not disturb anything that might be important to McGonagall) and sat down beside her.
"Well," he said softly as he settled. "Might I ask what I did to piss you off?" A slight blush lit her cheeks and Hermione shook her head, turning her chair more than slightly away.
"No," she stated sharply, neglecting to elaborate. He placed a hand on her forearm and spun her toward him, plastering a charming look on his countenance.
"Well," he teased. "If you don't tell me what I did, how do I know what to apologize for?" Hermione's eyebrow strayed high.
"Why would you want to apologize?" she asked honestly, eyeing him warily and recounting their entire lifetime in her head to look for any one instance in which he might have admitted defeat. She found none... except the day that they had met with Dumbledore. Suddenly, it clicked. "Oh, right... this new, balmy Draco would apologize. Hell, he'd probably write charming poetry and mail it to me on the foot of a dove. Seriously, Malfoy, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"Hey," he said, mocking hurt. "That wasn't at all nice."
"Yes, I agree. I apologize," she granted, giving a tiny nod, and stared at him expectantly. When Draco did nothing to return her gesture, Hermione again lifted an eyebrow. "Well," she said. "Your turn." Draco shook his head.
"You still haven't told me what I did," he said. "I'm not about to say that I'm sorry for breathing, or something else as preposterous." Hermione blushed again, and tried to turn away, but Draco held a firm grip to her arm. "Tell me," he demanded persistently. Hermione sighed and crossed her arms.
"Well," she said, not knowing quite how to start. "You said that the only reason you wouldn't want a relationship with me is because I'm in Gryffindor; because of my friends. Now, that is not to say that I want a relationship or ever particularly care that you don't think highly of me... it is the principle of the matter. I am not about to take kindly to someone who judges me by my acquaintances, especially when I wouldn't have choice in the matter anyway. It isn't my fault. I didn't ask for any of it." She ended her explanation with a frustrated sigh, standing from her chair. Immediately, all eyes were set on her. "Back to work," she demanded of the class, and forty heads bowed over tightly packed parchment. "Just forget it," Hermione said then to Draco, who was still seated. "I have to go check on the whereabouts of the three students missing. For their sake, I hope they're in the sanitarium." She started away quickly, though Draco attempted to stop her.
"Hermione, wait," he said, reaching for her arm, but she anticipated him and pulled away.
"Watch the class. I'll be back within a quarter hour," Hermione said and disappeared from the room, closing the wooden slab behind her. The class watched her go, taking a break from their scribbling.
"I don't believe she said to stop working," Draco reminded them, imitating Hermione's tone, and to great success, as the little puppets immediately resumed their task.
-x- -x- -x-
Hermione snuck back into the classroom quietly, amongst the students who still sat writing, though now with much less fervor. Draco was amusing himself in the front of the room, leaning back in his chair and attempting to balance his wand on the bridge of his nose. On a normal day, he'd have been jeered by the Gryffindor, but today none were watching.
With a peek at the wall mounted clock, it was agonizingly obvious to all in the room that the class had only been in session for twenty minutes. The students, sure they were in store for at least another hour, went about their grueling task with drooping lids and guttural groans.
"Hey," Hermione whispered as not to disturb the few people still conscious enough to acknowledge her speech. Draco jumped when she touched his arm, setting his chair again on all fours and letting his wand drop into his outstretched hands. "How were they?"
"You've only been gone ten minutes," Draco reminded, good natured though he looked somewhat troubled. "I'd imagine they're still in shock." Hermione laughed softly and cast a soft look about the room. From the look of things, even the slowest of students had completed half a scroll.
"All right, everyone," she called out to them, though in a much more amiable manner than her previous lecture. Her new mood seemed to do little to ease the students; it more likely made them wary. "I think that's enough for this lesson. Please remember to put your name at the top of your scroll, and to put it up here on the desk before you leave. You will be graded on effort, not accuracy, and if you do not hand in the assignment, you will not receive credit. Do expect our next lesson to be a bit longer; today was just a chance to get the feel of the atmosphere, and for us, as your teachers, to analyze exactly what needs to be focused upon in our curriculum. Have a good evening, and do enjoy the rest of your weekend. I might suggest a bit of studying in select cases. I'll see you all next week, if not at some point in between." Her speech finished, Hermione sat back down in her chair, spinning around once in a carefree manner as the students began to file toward the desk and deposit their parchment rolls on the growing pile.
"Are you absolutely sure there's no feminine-like mood swings affecting you, Granger? You're all happy and carefree again, like this morning. I'd like to ask you to remember how that turned out. 'Nothing to get you down' my arse," Draco voiced and Hermione laughed softly, shaking her head.
"Again, Malfoy, you try to dishearten me. Give up on it, won't you? I've told you how I made myself angry and why I took it out on the class. Now that that's over and done with, I can be happy if I want to. And I might as well have a bit of fun now; Merlin knows I won't be having any when I begin to read these essays and deduce exactly how scarred these fragile minds are in their naivety."
Harry, who was just walking past the desk to deposit his roll of parchment on the slowly growing pile, caught the tail end of their conversation and he didn't like it. Hermione had been looking at him as she mentioned the falsely influenced children and it made Harry uncomfortable, as if she was specifically singling him out as one of those warped. She spoke in a very condescending manner, and it was unlike her to be so patronizing. It was common knowledge that Hermione was three times as intelligent as both he and Ron on a good day, but she had never made it seem so. She had always treated them like equals; her large brain had never posed a problem in their friendship. Now, it seemed all that had changed. She was sitting with Malfoy, inviting him to be privy to a conversation that deemed Harry underdeveloped, and it made him feel small and surprisingly left out.
"Harry, go on, you're holding up the line. I'll see you tomorrow," Hermione said softly, shooing him away. Harry was one presence she did not want to be within vicinity of that evening; the essays would provide enough frustration and discontent. It had been a long and grueling day, and at this point, a warm bath and upturned duvet were all she was dreaming of.
Harry did as he was told, but not without a look behind him as he passed through the rows of tables and made his way toward the door. She had done it specifically that time; for the first statement, it could be deduced that it was coincidence that she spoke such things as Harry was walking by, but this time she had addressed him. Holding that look on her face as if he had a speck of sauce on his nose and she couldn't bear to inflict the embarrassment of pointing in out, she bid him leave. Pushed him away from her affairs. It wasn't like Hermione at all.
Ron didn't seem to notice anything. He grumbled as he walked away from the front desk, complaining about such a stupid excuse for a class, and grabbed his bag before joining Harry in the hallway.
"That was a ruddy waste of time, if you ask me," Ron cursed, looking aggravated. "No fun at all."
"Yeah," Harry agreed distractedly, watching as Hermione picked up her conversation with their enemy, looking happy to be doing so. He felt his heart drop as she threw her head back in laughter, placing her hand on Malfoy's knee as she took humor in whatever he had said. Draco himself was smirking in satisfaction at his joke, looking content and happy in his situation. Harry wanted to curse him; he was trying to steal Hermione. "Ron, did you notice anything different about Hermione today?" Ron gave a great laugh.
"I'm not blind, Harry! Blimey, Malfoy must have done a job on Herms before; I've not seen her like that since we forgot her birthday."
"Well, she doesn't seem to be too upset with him now," Harry pointed out, giving a nod in her direction. Ron turned around to see Hermione leaned close to Malfoy's ear, whispering something that gave a devilish look to his impish face. Ron's eyebrows narrowed.
"No, she doesn't. Who does she think she is, consorting with Malfoy?"
"It's not who it is that bothers me so much as the fact that it's happening at all," Harry proclaimed, shaking his head. "We have to do something, Ron. She's leaving us."
"But what, Harry?" Ron asked, relying on the-boy-who-lived to be the creatively constructive of the two of them. Harry thought for a moment, then sighed.
"We can start by paying abnormal amounts of attention to her. I'll talk to Ginny, so she doesn't get suspicious. I suggest you do the same thing with Aly. I know you're not exactly dating yet, but it won't exactly help you to win her over."
"All right," Ron agreed with a nod, as he had no other plan already fabricated. "It's a start."
-x-
"So," Hermione said as she began collecting the papers on the desk, just after Aly Staar had deposited hers and scrambled out the door to meet Ron, who was still waiting though Harry had left to find Ginny. "What was that oh-so-important bit of information you had for me?" Draco, standing and changing his shoe back into a shoe, looked mildly confused.
"What are you on about?" he asked honestly and Hermione beaned him over the head with a scroll.
"Just before we came in? You tried to bribe me into speaking civilly with you. I couldn't, because of course I couldn't risk losing my edge, but now my moment has passed and I am ready and willing to listen to you. Speak now or forever hold your bloody peace. Do remember that the latter is a most prestigious option."
"Oh, that," Draco said, smiling at the rest of her statement but otherwise ignoring it. "I wanted to tell you that the spell is ready. Seems though you don't need it after all."
"Oh, but I do. How did you get it down so quickly? I've not even begun to practice yet. Are you trying to show me up? How tactless of you."
"Perhaps slightly," Draco admitted, attempting to look innocent. "But it was more that I wanted not to fall behind you. I knew it'd take a bit of work for me, I didn't anticipate you needing practice." Hermione shrugged.
"Well, I don't rightly know. I've not tried it. What was the incantation again?"
"Pario Prodigium," Draco replied reflexively, and Hermione nodded once.
"All right," she said, producing her wand from her cloak pocket. "Pario Prodigum." As anticipated by Hermione, but not by Draco, absolutely nothing happened. She shrugged. "I'll get it later. I think I pronounced it wrong." He nodded slowly. "So," she continued, slipping her wand away again. "You've managed? Let's see it then." Draco nodded determinedly and lifted his ebony stick, pointing it toward a desk in the center of the room.
"Pario Prodigium," he chanted with a quick turn of his wrist and the desk instantly became a great hulk of an ogre, wearing full body armor and carrying a large metal axe. Hermione unconsciously took a step behind Draco, peeking around his arm to see the monstrosity he had created.
"Bejesus, you weren't kidding. I didn't know it was supposed to be that big," Hermione exclaimed, hiding herself behind him and holding tightly to his upper arms. Draco chuckled softly.
"It's supposed to be however you envision it. See? Finite incantrum." At Draco's word, the monster disappeared, being replaced again by the desk. Hermione's grip slackened slightly. "Pario Prodigium," he repeated and, in place of the desk, was now a giant, saber-toothed rose-colored rabbit. The rabbit twitched its nose and Hermione laughed as she watched it sit down and lift a leg to scratch at the fleas living inside its furry ear.
"Well, that won't really intimidate the students, will it? Aw, it's so cute," she cooed, stepping out from behind her human shield. Draco smirked.
"Oh, you'd be surprised. On guard!" he shouted to the rabbit, and it immediately abandoned its digging to sit perfectly upright, bearing its long teeth and beginning to growl, causing its upper lip to tremble. Hermione regained her post, using Draco as her protector.
"All right, all right! Note warranted!" she said, shaking him. "Make it stop, it's going to eat us!"
"She wouldn't do that unless I told her to," Draco said, but flicked his wand and stopped the spell. The bunny became again a desk, which wobbled momentarily before resting again on all four legs. Hermione relaxed and released him, stepping away to gather the papers.
"Well, at least we can use the spell now. Try not to make them so vicious next time, won't you? I can't very well teach if I'm paranoid and looking over my shoulder at every other word."
"Why should we bother? You've brought up quite a stir with your performance today."
"Well, yes," Hermione agreed after swinging her bag over her shoulder and collecting as many of the essays as could fit in her arms, leaving a manageable pile on the desk for Draco to pick up. "But I can't possibly do that all the time, and it's bound to become less intimidating. They just weren't expecting it tonight. We have to have a more permanent plan; this seems perfect, I just don't want to put the poor things in rehabilitation post graduation, is all. Can't we agree in that respect?" Draco laughed at her expense, picking up the scrolls and leading her into the hallway. "If you say so, Hermione. If you say so."
-x- -x- -x-
"Ha, listen to this one," Draco said from his place against the couch, holding open a rolled parchment to view the sloppy text inside. "'A girl can go blind if she swallows too much spunk." Hermione, who was lying down on the floor in front of the fireplace amongst a littering of scrolls snorted softly in laughter at his quotation. It was nearly eleven in the evening, three hours after the start of their class, and Draco and Hermione were comfortably set up in the common room, reading through the amusingly uneducated declarations about sex that marked the lines of text crammed into three foot scrolls of yellowed paper. What had started as a quiet affair had grown into comedy hour once Draco found a comment about the length of fingernails mirroring the length of penises that he simply could not keep to himself and was forced to share with her. Hermione responded with a line concerning the increase of fertility if sex was preformed on a beige carpet as opposed to a darkly colored one.
"How about 'Using silverware to off oneself may result in lead poisoning,'" Hermione countered without hesitation, crossing her ankles above her. Draco chuckled heartily and Hermione smiled at the sound, turning to look at him as she rolled up another scroll and placed a check next to a name on the long list of students. She reached for another from the pile and began reading, but Draco simply watched her, eyes alight with curiosity. It didn't take Hermione long to notice his stare, and she turned to him quickly, catching him red handed before he could avert his eyes.
"What?" she asked, smile illuminated in the light from the fire. Draco shook his head, bowing down to read the next essay. Hermione was persistent. "Really; what?"
"It's nothing," Draco assured, tilting his head back up again. "I was just thinking; you're more confident now." Hermione's eyebrow remained raised.
"How do you mean?"
"Well," Draco began. "Last week you couldn't even say the word 'sex' in front of Dumbledore, and you were anything but collected when we were going over notes and strategies the next day. Now you're laughing about it and having no trouble whatsoever in joining my search for the most idiotic rumor to cross the threshold of Hogwarts Academy. What's up, Granger?" She shrugged, looking almost disappointed that it hadn't been something more interesting.
"Nothing, really. I'm nervous mostly around professors and the like; people who are watching me and waiting to correct any little thing I say, analyzing and hanging on my every word. I just don't want to make a fool of myself. My reputation around the school is pretty much that I have no experience and am completely naïve to the sexual world. Off topic, I find my position as teacher of this class somewhat ironic in that respect, but frankly I don't care what the students think of me. I have nothing to lose; no popularity, no high ranking reputation, nothing."
"What about your friends?" Draco asked before he could stop himself and smiled sheepishly as if in apology. Hermione, however, grinned at him.
"If they abandoned me because I misspelled 'epididymis' on my note sheet, they wouldn't really be my friends, would they?" she pointed out wittily with an arch smile, and Draco returned it.
"Well," he said, shifting slightly. "That still doesn't explain why you were so nervous around me last week. You had no problem recruiting me to help you explain things to Dumbledore, and I wasn't 'hanging on your every word'."
"That was different," Hermione said, shaking her head. "I was trying to impress you."
"Impress me? Why?" he asked honestly, then calculated in is mind her words and a smirk spurt forth on his lips. "You fancy me. I know you do; admit it- starting is the only way to see what can progress."
"Ugh, belt up. I just don't like being second best. I wanted to for the same reason you wanted to perfect that spell; I don't like having people know more than I do about anything. I wanted to prove to myself that I knew more than even you, who has quite a promiscuous reputation, about the workings of the human phenomenon known as sex."
"Wow Granger," Draco said mockingly, faking a trance over her declaration. "That's deep."
"I thought I told you to shut your mouth?"
"I thought I told you to admit that you fancy me."
"I can't do this anymore," Hermione said, shaking her head and pushing herself off the carpet. She clambered to her feet and stepped in front of the fire place, kicking the little rolls of paper a safe distance from the flames. "I'm going to bed. See you in hell." Draco said not a word until Hermione had opened the door to her room. Just before she could step inside, she was startled back by his voice.
"I didn't mean it, Hermione," he said, sounding suddenly serious. "I didn't mean to offend you."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, turning back to face him. Draco stood from his spot and moved toward her, sighing.
"What I said about the Gryffindor. I didn't mean it, really. I didn't expect you to get upset," he explained and Hermione smiled, shrugging slightly.
"It's okay, Draco. I told you, I wasn't that upset. I overreacted on purpose, so we wouldn't need the spell tonight. It worked out all right, I'm not mad at you," she told him, and Draco gave a nod.
"Good, then. Sweet dreams," he said and, spinning on his heel, made his way to his bedroom and closed the door. Well, Hermione thought. That was odd.
Hell, that boy altogether was one rook short of Wizard's Chess.
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A/N: I don't really have much to say for this chapter. My apologies for that; I'm so tired right now I can barely see straight. I got my learner's permit and my braces off all in one day, and I really need a nap.
Let me know what you think. I say this in fake optimism that you will review, though usually that does not occur. Evidently, people can't make out this button: