Once Upon a Time During SEX:
"Draco, I haven't even looked twice at a boy since we fell apart -- I haven't kissed, I haven't touched, and I refuse to let them sit next to me! I'm waiting for you to figure out what was wrong... you said that when you did, we could be together again. You promised."
"Pansy... I don't know what to tell you," he said, sounding truthfully shocked. "I... well, let's say I definitely wasn't expecting this. You've got to move on, Pans. We're the problem. We can't just be spell-o-taped and expected to work properly again. I'm sorry that you've been rationing yourself all this time- I swear I didn't know." Draco scratched his head. "All right," he decided. "This is ridiculous. Get back to class," he said and gently shoved her back into the transfiguration room. Pansy looked near tears.
"I'm not a lesbian!" she called to him as he closed the door and Draco leaned himself exhaustedly against it. Eventually, he remembered that Hermione had witnessed the entire exchange.
"Did you hear that?" he asked, meaning to talk some sense into the situation. Hermione straightened at being addressed and shook her head.
"No," she stated shortly. "No, I didn't hear a word."
Chapter Twelve:SteamySnog SessionsAre Not Accidents
A myriad of lady-like shoes lined the wall outside Hermione's bedroom doorway on Thursday night, pointing toward the doorframe as if waiting in queue to gain entrance. Hermione entered the common room portrait and allowed her bag to collapse on the floor as a heavy sigh rang through her lungs.
"Oh, I'm so trucking tired," she complained in a glorious lament, reaching toward the heavens as if asking the gods to grant her the gift of deep unconsciousness.
"I hate when you make unnecessary alliterations," came the voice of the infamous Draco Malfoy, and Hermione stopped her stretch to see him hanging upside down on the couch again, reading a new novel.
"I hate when you hang upside down and put your god-awfully dirty feet where my head may potentially, at some point, rest. We're even." Draco chuckled and shook his head, beginning to take off his socks with his toes. "Ew! Stop!" He laughed again and complied, crossing his legs so that his feet touched only the back cushions of the settee.
"The girls are here," he said, flipping a page, and Hermione lifted an eyebrow, looking around. She was envisioning a line of dancing girls doing the can-can, pouches of one-pound coins dripping from their scantily-clad waists. She then imagined the stupid look that would be on Draco's face in the presence of such girls, waving his galleons above his head while he drooled into a cup.
"So, 'The girls are here', and you're out here wearing dirty clothes and wiping your disgusting feet all over our furniture... instead of entertaining them in your room?" Hermione asked and Draco choked on his own laughter, needing to sit up slightly to regain himself.
"Well, Granger," he said, sputtering. "I'm sure that if they were in my room, I'd love to entertain them. Make sure you tell them that when you see them. My door'll be open all night." Sure that before he had been jesting, Hermione was now deeply confused.
"What are you talking about? Who's here?" she asked and he sighed, setting his book down and dropping his head again to the floor. He began ticking off his fingers.
"Weasley, Staar, Abbot, Brown, Lovegood, Patil-- the pretty one..."
"Draco, they're identical twins."
"So says you. Anyway, there might be a few others. I told them to go to your room," he said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking up at her. Hermione set her jaw; she didn't like people in her room when she wasn't there. It wasn't that she didn't trust the girls, quite the opposite; it was just an unsettling thing.
"Oh, and MacDougal was here, but the other girls scared her off. Said some nasty things about Sunday," Draco added and Hermione turned to him, forgetting momentarily about her dislike of room occupants that were not invited by her. She glared.
"There are a myriad of reasons why that isn't true," she noted tartly. "Morag doesn't like us, so she wouldn't come to congregate even if we asked her to. If she did, the girls would never turn her away. Pansy could come and ask to join us and we would let her. Make sure you tell her that when you see her. My door will be open all night." Hermione turned away in a huff and started for her room.
"Okay, okay, I was kidding-- don't go off all mad. You did that thing you do when you're almost mad, and I can't stand to leave you almost anything," Draco said, peering over the couch at her and Hermione paused just long enough to glare back at him.
When she reached the door of her room, Hermione stopped dead. Her eyes followed the line of shoes that were so neatly placed there and her feet followed soon after, placing her modest mary-janes behind a set of decorated thong sandals. She eye Draco as she made the way back to her door, but he had resumed his reading and all she could see of him from behind the couch was his stocking feet sticking up halfway above the back of the couch, wedged between the cushions as they had been when she arrived. She rolled her eyes and opened her bedroom door.
"Hermione!" was the greeting she received from the half-dozen girls that littered her room. They had moved her bed to the side and arranged themselves on the floor in a circle of sleeping rolls, lying on their stomachs with heads coming together at a common point. A game of exploding snap was brewing in the center and Hermione smiled widely, all anger at Malfoy forgotten.
"Hi, girls. What are you doing here?"
"We thought we'd surprise you," Ginny said, smiling at Aly. "You said we could sleepover, but we knew you'd never get around to organizing it."
"That, and we figured that your weekends were pretty booked with that class, and there aren't any classes until after lunch tomorrow. We promise not to wake you in the morning," Aly added. She held up a bowl. "Chocolate frog?" Hermione smiled and shook her head, stepping over girls to find her bureau.
"So, what's with the shoes?" she asked as she undressed and the girls shared looks.
"That's the thing," Parvarti (the prettier Patil) said. "When we came in, Malfoy was very adamant about it. He made sure we'd taken them off before he let us in here. And I saw him straighten them into a row after he left."
"He's getting really weird," Luna said, and the rest of the congregation laughed.
"Hark who's speaking!" Mandy Brocklehurst (the only girl Draco hadn't identified) jested, earning herself a pillow to the face. She was lying beside a bolster-armed Luna, who was kneeling in the circle.
"So what is with the shoes, Hermione?" Lavender asked. Hermione at first had not noticed her, as she was sitting on the bed, leaning against the wall and painting her nails while the other girls played cards.
"I don't know," Hermione said, pulling a graying black t-shirt over her head and fishing her hair from the neckline. "Clint must have told him." All the girls stared at her as she took a spot at the head of Lavender's vacated sleeping roll. She helped herself to a bowl of deliciously buttered popcorn and munched happily for a moment, before noticing the eyes on her.
"Clint Zimmerman?" Ginny asked, mouth open, and Hermione smiled sadly at the thought of him, nodding.
"Who's Clint Zimmerman?" Hannah asked through a mouthful of chocolate frog. A foot stuck through her lips, kicking wildly, and she slurped it like spaghetti.
"Slytherin seventh year, French decent, leaving over Christmas to partake in De l'enfant a l'homme, an ancient French tradition that guides a child into adulthood. Also, Draco's best friend," Luna said as if reading from a biography, and the girls gave her an incredulous look. "He was in one of my flyers last year. I try to get to know my celebrities before I give them cameos."
"Yeah," Hermione said, drawing the attention back to herself. "He came asking for Draco last week, but he was asleep so I helped him with his French. And..." She blushed furiously. "He kissed me." Seven jaws dropped simultaneously.
"What?" Aly exclaimed. "But I thought you-" She was stopped by Ginny's elbow and the look of her face which clearly said "ix-nay on the raco-day".
"She means, spill, Hermione! Tell us what happened!" Lavender prodded, nails abandoned for talk of the opposite sex. Her suggestion was seconded by most of the other girls.
"I don't really know," Hermione said, pulling her knees to her chest and playing with the hem of her t-shirt. "I thought he liked me... but now I don't know. He said a bunch of things that didn't make sense, and I haven't really spoken to him since."
"He just snogged you and scarpered?" Hannah asked.
"Sort of," Hermione said. "He kissed me, and everything was all right for a while... but he took me off guard, I was trying to figure out what happened. Just when I got around to kissing back he stopped me and said he had to go. He forgot his shoes in the commons."
"Ugh," Lavender said. "What a git. You deserve better than Slytherin, Hermione."
"You always say that. From what you esteem of me, Lav, I deserve better than everyone."
"Yeah, well. Maybe you do," Lavender continued. "You haven't gotten involved with any good men yet. You should look harder."
"Or not quite so hard," Luna interjected. "It seems to me that you have a perfectly good man practically OCD-ing for you."
"What in Merlin's name are you talking about?" Ginny asked.
"And more importantly," Hermione said, trying to hide the severe interest in her voice. "Who in Merlin's name are you talking about?"
"Isn't it obvious, Hermione?" Hannah asked, drawing attention. "Draco Malfoy is desperate to be your shuttlecock." Hannah, Hermione and Luna laughed, as they were the only ones to understand the joke. Luna had been provided a full transcript of Games conversation by her boyfriend Colin and his prized Quick-notes Quill.
"You can't be serious!" Mandy exclaimed, jaw dropping nearly into the bowl of every-flavor beans she held on her pillow. "Malfoy?"
"Of course," Parvarti said, slapping her forehead. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"What do you mean 'Why didn't you think of that'? You didn't think of it because it's the most inane thing you've ever heard," Hermione said. "I agree with Mandy. You lot must be plastered or something."
"All right, we'll have a survey," Parvarti announced, straightening and raising her hand. "Raise your hand if you have evidence that Draco fancies Hermione. We'll go 'round and see who's inane." Immediately Luna, Hannah and Lavender raised their hands. Ginny and Aly shared a look, before following afterward. Mandy made a restrained and disgruntled sound.
"Why am I always the last one to know anything!" she moaned. Hermione ignored her and stared at her two best friends.
"Ginny? Aly? You too?"
"Well, Princess," Ginny stressed. "It's not our fault we're not as blind as Mandy." Mandy stuck her tongue out at Ginny and stuffed some beans into her mouth.
"What's this Princess?" Parvarti, unofficial moderator of the Dramione Survey, pushed in attempt to get the girls to give more specifics to their evidence.
"Last week-- Saturday, I think. Harry and Ron were all in a huff because they had this elaborate plan to make Hermione like them better and I blew their cover, so we all came to chat," Aly provided. "After Hermione gave a brilliant performance in shrinking their egos to a proper size, she asked that we leave and sometime in the future host this sleepover. She said "You don't mind, do you Draco?" and he said 'I'll give you absolutely anything in the world that you could ever want, Princess my love.'" Hermione threw a pillow directly at Aly's smirking face.
"He said no such thing!" she exclaimed, face a crimson red. The rest of the girls were now in fits of hysterics.
"Okay, okay--" Ginny saved. "But he did call you princess. That's my evidence. Aly, there has to be something else for you."
"Of course there is," Aly said, pulling on her cheeks down to illustrate the incredible load of evidence that she held in confidence within her brain. "There's all the flirting you do in SEX ed. What I don't overhear myself, Ron tells me over and over until I slap him or threaten to go to my room if he doesn't stop talking about you. If Draco even looks at you in class, I'll hear about it." Hermione spluttered.
"That's not flirting, it's just... talking!"
"He's tried to kiss you, or said he's going to kiss you about fifteen times!" Aly countered and Hermione's mouth dropped open.
"He's just joking! He wouldn't ever... he's never really tried," she defended, but it didn't seem to deter the girls, who were all shaking their heads at her denial.
"Well, Hermione? Have you kissed him?" Parvarti asked, and immediately all eyes were on Hermione.
"No! No, no, no, no, no!"
"You did!" Hannah butted in. "I know you did!" Hermione looked horror-struck.
"How do you know? You don't have evidence! You can't prove anything!"
The girls laughed.
"Hermione, the look on your face and your beautiful blush are enough evidence to convince everyone here," Lavender said, sighing dreamily. Then she looked irritated. "Except maybe Mandy, who is a thick-headed bint."
"Shut up, Lavender, or I'll spill your nail polish," Mandy threatened with narrowed eyes. Lavender looked as if she had threatened to kill her one true love.
"You most certainly will not! It costs fifteen galleons a bottle, and I have to have it flown in from the continent!"
"Belt up both of you. There will be no name-calling or polish-spilling here. I want to hear about this lip-lock that I've never been told about," Ginny said, giving Hermione a look that suggested she tell them about her kiss or she would pay dearly for it later.
"All right, I kissed him! But it was an accident," Hermione admitted, hiding her head in her arms. There was a great squeal from the congregation of girls, including quite a few I knew it!-s.
"Hermione, I hate to break it to you, but steamy snog sessions are not accidents," Hannah said, unable to hold in her excitement at the thought.
"It was, I swear it was! That night, after the first sex class, we were reading the essays... and he found one, and he said 'Will you help me with an experiment? All in the sake of science'. I was suspicious, but I agreed and oh God it was amazing. It was sort of like a massage... he started with my shoulders, and went down my back... I swear his hands are angel-send. Then he was just... in front of me. I don't know exactly, it was all feeling at that point. And he was touching my collarbones and my neck... and my jaw... and I..."
"You kissed him!" Mandy exclaimed, seeming to be crumbling at the influence of her girlfriends and perhaps even agreeing with them. Hermione covered her red face and nodded in shame.
"Well?" Parvarti urged. "What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Liar!" the other girls chorused and Hermione jumped at the unexpected jolt of sound.
"All right! He kissed me back. He was amazing. It was my first kiss."
"And?" Aly prodded and the other girls leaned in in anticipation.
"That was it. When we broke apart, it was awkward... and I went to my room. To bed. We haven't spoken of it since."
There was another wave of screaming and the girls fell into fits of giggles.
"Hermione, why didn't you ever tell us?" Ginny asked honestly, pushing Aly with her shoulder to indicate that she too was entitled to have known. Hermione shrugged.
"It wasn't like we had decided to kiss, or it was some proclamation of love or anything. Like I said. It was an accident... I was caught up in the 'experiment'. I didn't think it was worth mentioning."
"Wrong!" Parvarti chimed lyrically and pretended to ring a buzzer. "Next player! Who else has evidence?" The girls raised their hands, and she decided to pick Hannah.
"I feel that this shuttlecock thing is worthy of explanation," she said, and most of the girls nodded in agreement. "During games a while back, Draco was kicked out of fencing because he was being mean to Harry and Ron, and we let him play badminton with us. If I remember correctly, he said a few things like 'I couldn't keep my eyes off of you' and even you yourself said he'd been flirting with you! And I called it! I called it, I said he fancied you!"
"That's not fair. He said he couldn't stop watching me because I was horrid at badminton!"
"So? About half of our Games class is incapable of playing properly. What makes you so special? Except that he's in love with you!" Hannah rebutted. Hermione frowned and looked toward her grey plaid boxer-shorts.
"Hermione," Parvarti said. "Do you have anything to say in your own defense?" Hermione shook her head and started to smile.
"Girls, do you want to know a secret?" she asked, and they all nodded ardently. "These are Draco's clothes." That familiar wave of scream washed over her ears again and she grinned as she felt herself grow slightly red again.
"Hermione!" Aly exclaimed, but many of the other girls were yelling more obscene things.
"Wore them out of his room, did you? Hot night?" Lavender asked.
"One's clothes aren't usually switched when only kissing, Hermione!" Mandy added. "Unless you have really odd snog-customs."
"Would you stop please so I can explain?" Hermione complained half-heartedly, laughing at herself as they had been. "I stole them from his laundry to make him mad... but he never said anything. I wear them all the time now... I'm not sure why. He always puts them with my things when he sorts the laundry. Again, I'm not sure why."
"Hermione," Luna said. "You stole his underwear. I don't think he's the only one with a fancy. Even I don't steal underwear."
"They were freshly laundered!" Hermione defended, but Luna shook her head.
"Doesn't matter. You like him." Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I? He's nice to me, he's intelligent, he respects most of my freaky-habits like the shoe-removal. And he's very cute, that doesn't hurt. Again I ask, why wouldn't I like him?"
"Hermione," Parvarti said diplomatically. "I believe we've made an incredible breakthrough this evening."
"Wait!" Luna said. "I still get to present my evidence, don't I? It's relevant, I swear it is!"
"Of course, Luna. We're eager to hear," Parvarti granted.
"Well. The lot of us came to the door in our knickers, and he didn't even watch us cross the common room. He made sure the door was closed properly, then went straight back to the couch. That is-- before his obsessive-compulsive nature set in and he went mad about our shoes."
"Good observation, Luna!" Hannah said. "We couldn't pass anyone in the hall and Malfoy didn't even glance up!"
"That doesn't prove he likes me," Hermione said. "It just means he doesn't like any of you."
"But then he went all crazy about our shoes. He must have been thinking of you. It's the simple one-track of the masculine mind," Luna said and Hermione fell backward on Lavender's sleeping bag with a groan. A second later, she sprang back up.
"Wait a second. You all went parading through the halls like that? In your nightclothes?" she asked. Looking around, Hermione noted that most of them were not very clothed at all. They nodded sporadically.
"Sure," Mandy said, focusing on her beans again. "It's more practical that way. We don't have to bring anything, or change here. We'll just go back to our dorms in the morning and get ready for classes there."
"You girls," Hermione said, shaking her head. Parvarti cleared her throat.
"Does anyone else have any more evidence?"
"I do!" Lavender said. "Luna's flyers. I always read them when there are 'Hot Heads' articles. You guys banter like a married couple! It's adorable!"
"Luna, could I ask you a favor?" Hermione said, sarcastic sweetness dripping from her lips. "Stop making flyers!"
"Oh, don't be such a poor sport, Hermione. Everyone loves them," Lavender defended and Luna grinned and thanked her. Hermione sighed and visibly gave up her argument.
"Anyone else?" she asked, hoping that no one would volunteer and the parade of her social life would end.
"I've got something to say," Parvarti noted, giving up her position as moderator for a moment. "It's not quite evidence, but it's definitely something. You said that Clint Zimmerman seemed quite into your little session, but then caught himself and stopped, right? Now, usually I would assume that there is another woman involved. This time, I think it's another man."
"I've wondered myself if he might be a butthole brigadier," Ginny said, and the other girls burst out laughing. Hermione, who felt the need to defend Clint, glared half-heartedly.
"No, no!" Parvarti said through her laughter. "Clint is Draco's best mate. I think he knows that Draco likes you and he didn't want to backstab Draco by taking you from him. It's quite admirable, really."
"Well," Hermione said. "He said that he was under oath not to be with me. That would make sense, except that Draco said that he was under oath too."
"Oh," Parvarti said, frowning. "Maybe there's a third party entirely who has commissioned them to keep hands-off. Any way you look at it, you're a wonted woman, Hermione! Consider yourself lucky!"
"Well, assuming that's true, I wish whoever really does like me would fucking make a move already! What good is being wonted if everybody's too scared to tell you?" Hermione exclaimed in semi-serious frustration and the girls all gave to waves of laughter.
"Well," Parvarti admitted. "That's everyone. Except Mandy. Think really hard, girl! There has to be something in your recollection!" Mandy glared.
"Well, I might not have evidence, but I have something just as good," she said, and everyone, including Hermione, seemed intrigued. "I know how you can find out for sure."
"How?" Hermione asked in a way suggesting that she didn't believe it true.
"Kiss him again. Just go out in the common room right now and say 'Draco, I love pineapple' and just start snogging. If he doesn't like you, he'll be distracted by the pineapple and he'll ask you about it when you break apart. If he's in head-over-heels-one-true-fairy-tale-prince-and-princess love with you, he'll forget about it entirely."
"No!"
"We dare you!" Luna said, and the other girls seconded her. Hermione groaned.
"Do I have to?"
"You want to know, don't you?" Mandy urged, and Hermione sighed.
"Fine," she said. "Solemn oath of girls not to break dares and everything. But you lot have to promise not to tell anyone. Especially Harry and Ron. They'd kill me." Seven hands lifted to the ceiling and the girls promised in unison. Hermione heaved herself off the floor and tiptoed over her friends until she made it to the door. She paused. "What if he's not out there?"
"It's eight-thirty. I'll bet you anything that he is," Aly said. "Boys don't sleep. Not at night, anyway."
Hermione sighed and opened her door a fraction. As Aly had predicted, Draco was still hanging from the couch, feet reaching for the sky. Hermione took a deep breath and stepped outside the door, leaving it open on purpose so that the other girls could see.
"Draco?" she asked and he sprang up immediately. He seemed to be panicked.
"Look, if you're that worried about the head-foot thing, I'll stop, all right?" he said, spinning to sit properly, and Hermione smiled at the redness of his forehead.
"No, that's fine. I was just trying to annoy you," she said and he smiled, setting his book down. Hermione sat down next to him.
"Me too," he admitted. She smiled.
"Draco, are you familiar with 'Truth or Dare'?" she asked and he looked entirely confused.
"No. Should I be?"
Hermione shook her head and moved slightly closer, licking her lips.
"Remind me to tell you later," she said and, in a second's flash her hands were holding his jawbones. "Draco. I absolutely love pineapple," she said, as instructed, and pressed her lips to his in a searing, burning kiss. Draco was taken aback for a moment, but almost immediately realized the opportunity that had graced him and in not time was holding her own jaw and a large clump of her hair. Hermione's hands moved to his shoulders and down to his chest as he begged for entrance to her mouth and was allowed it. His tongue battled with hers as two lions over a mate. A million thoughts ran through Hermione's head as she kissed him, including how wonderful the warmth of his lips were against hers, and the incredible feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Behind all of this was a very Hermione-like self-consciousness about the taste of her breath.
When they pulled apart, both the head boy and girl were breathing heavily and holding on to one another tightly. Hermione marked a timid kiss on the corner of Draco's mouth, and it enticed an infinity of small marked kisses to come from Draco's own lips. His little kisses were placed everywhere south of nose and north of her chin.
"Draco," she whispered softly, kissing him once more on the lips. "Good night." He swallowed and trusted himself to open his eyes.
"Good night." His hands melted from her and she dashed away from the couch, running into her room and closing the door quickly behind her.
Another wave of screams met her ears.
"Oh Hermione that was beautiful!" Lavender said, holding her hands clasped over her heart and looking almost to be ready to cry. Hermione slid down the door to the floor, restraining her hand from coming to touch her throbbing lips.
"Well, Hermione?" Mandy prodded. "Did he say anything about the pineapple?" Hermione turned to her dreamily.
"What pineapple?"
A/N: I know. No excuse. I'm sorry, and I'm not dead. That's all. I liked this... I hope you did too!