Dumbledore smiled, even though he was still rubbing his sore cheek. "At last it is my turn." He looked up at the ceiling and began to whistle. After three minutes, when he still didn't show signs of stopping, Mad-Eye Moody broke in.

"Albus? We're all waiting," he said.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled furiously as he said, "I was just waiting for the subject of my addition to this lovely Muggle custom to choose himself or herself. You have just elected to be that subject, Alastor!"

Moody looked very put out, but then pasted a resigned expression on his face. "Well, get on with it!"

"I've never…" Albus paused suspensefully, and took the time to look at each person at the table and blink three times, "locked Auror trainees," here he paused for another suspenseful moment, "in a broom cupboard on the second floor of the Ministry wearing nothing but long underwear because they had forgotten…" this time the pause was longest of all, "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" As he shouted the final two words, Albus leapt out of his seat with a sprightliness that he didn't look able to possess, and stomped on the table. Albus danced around for a few moments then stopped at the edge of the table. "It's a long way down," he said mournfully.

"Don' worry, P'fessor," said Hagrid, who by this time had about 20 empty glasses in front of him – not because he drank to many "I nevers" but because he drank a lot when he did drink -, "I'll lift you down." Hagrid proceeded to lift Albus up, and place him gently down on his seat, after which he promptly fell over.

"I suppose the turn passes to you, then, Filius," said Albus. Flitwick, who was looking a little unsteady on his feet by now (he was standing on his chair to be seen above the rim of the table) smiled.

"I've never done it," he said. Everyone waited for him to finish.

"Never done it with what, or who?" McGonagall prompted.

"I've never done it," he repeated.

"Yes, you said that already," said Pomphrey, "but what haven't you done it with?"

"I've never done it at all," he clarified.

"Oh." Everyone drank.

"You mean, I'm the only one?" Flitwick asked.

"I'm afraid so, my dear fellow, unless Hagrid is one too," said Albus.

"He isn't," Ron blurted.

"How do you know?" asked Harry, "Did you do it with him?" Ron's ears turned the tell-tale scarlet as he weakly protested that he hadn't. "Even I never had sex with Hagrid!" exclaimed Harry, half in horror, and half in admiration.

Moody broke into the conversation before it went any farther. "I've never fucked a Death Eater, or a former Death Eater," he stated sharply. Ginny drank. Her brothers looked at her in disbelief.

"What?" she snapped, "We already established that Snape and I had sex!" Snape drank.

"You really think I could have gotten through all those Death Eater meetings without doing at least one of the other Death Eaters?" he sneered.

"Same reason for me!" Draco drank. "It's not easy being a spy!"

Remus drank. "I didn't know Pettigrew was a traitor…"

Tonks drank. "You, Tonks?" asked Moody disappointedly, "I thought better of you!"

"Draco wasn't really a Death Eater," she replied uncomfortably, "just technically a Death Eater."

Hooch drank. "Draco wasn't a bad lay." She batted her eyes at him flirtatiously. "Harry was better though. So was Sirius."

Harry drank. "Draco was fine," he responded to Hooch, "but some of the other DE's were better."

"You mean me, don't you, Potter?" Snape phrased it as a question, but left no doubt that he thought he was good in bed.

"You slimy bastard, you fucked my godson?!" exclaimed Sirius after he drank.

"No, actually, Sirius," Harry interjected with a smirk on his face that looked disturbingly Slytherin, "We made passionate and violent love to one another." Sirius looked betrayed. "I'm just kidding, Sirius," he laughed. He turned to Snape, "You were good, but not that good."

"But Harry," whispered Hermione, "When?"

"You didn't really think that I'd be as bad as I was at Occlumency if he had actually taught me, do you? I mean, come on, "Remedial Potions"? Can you get more obvious?"

Snape glared at Harry. "You swore you wouldn't tell!" He turned viciously on Sirius, "And you! You're just jealous that I had your godson but haven't had sex with you since we were in school!"

Now it was Sirius' turn to smirk. "Hardly. I didn't meet you again because you were bad."