Chapter Title: Abnormally Long Rant of DOOM
Warnings: WAFF, Violence, Grammatically Correct Crack, Ego-stabbing, AU, OCs, LANGUAGE!
A/N: sorry about not writing...i'm a procrastinator...no...i am the PROCRASTINATOR AMONG PROCRASTINATORS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHA!
Previously…
"Take that, the Lexa!" crowed Elemia, "I have finally beaten you!" Quietly, she added, "But you're still as cute as before…" but it was wasted, because everyone heard her.
Randomly enraged, the Lexa cried, "I'll ignore the second half of the sentence in order to rant about how I am far superior!" But Elemia ignored him. Now, how often does that happen?
"Isn't the whole removal of eyes more your thing, Elemia?" asked Ralmal.
"You're right, you know…unfortunately, I think Su's still busy, and that means no electric screwdriver for me."
Suddenly, Paulina shouted, "There's something stuck where my eye used to be!"
"How fortunate," said the Lexa, "it appears to look like a sharp screwdriver!"
"Now what are the odds of that?" asked Elemia.
"Pi squared to the googleplex power to one," said Alex and the Lexa, without using calculators.
"What is that?" asked the Celia.
"It's a really big number," deadpanned Ralmal.
Grabbing the screwdriver from Paulina's eye socket, Elemia exclaimed, "Well what in the heck is this?" So saying, she pointed to a little grayish thing stuck to one end of it.
"You…pulled out her brain," Ralmal said, her eyes filled with awe…and disgust.
Elemia stared at the gray thing for a little while longer. "Well, it was only about the size of a microchip, anyway…without the cool technology, of course."
"Indeed," concurred the Lexa. And thus, the two began to converse on modern technology.
"You know," commented Elemia, "my dad should hire him."
"Your dad has a company?" asked Ralmal.
"Yeah, it's called Polyubergeek." In reality, said company is still under development. If I find you stealing this name, you are DEAD!
"Say WHAT?" asked the Celia, confused.
"Poly means many, and uber means super, so…Many Super Geeks!"
"What is that?"
"And now for some shameless advertising!" shouted Elemia, holding up a sign.
POLYUBERGEEK! Currently Developing: POLYNMAT! A program created to calculate the roots of polynomials!
POLYUBERGEEK! For all your symbolic-numeric/symbolic-algebraic computing needs!
"What is that?" asked Ralmal…
"Say What?" asked the Celia…
"Sounds intriguing…" muttered the Lexa. Secretly, he was scrawling the name of the company on his arm…but everyone saw him.
"You are way too smart for your own good," squealed Elemia, her eyes turning to creepy anime-style heart eyes.
"Now you gotta…oh, no, wait…the rule doesn't apply to you…" the Celia said. By the time she finished, she sounded a little disappointed.
"That's right!" said Elemia cheerfully.
The Principal, feeling forgotten, asked, "Anyone paying attention to me?"
Everyone whirled around and exclaimed, "Oh, hi! We thought you left." And then, everybody laughed. Poor Ms. Noto.
Larie then commenced slapping the Principal whilst Ralmal pulled the Principal's eyes out of her pocket.
"I got them, I got them, I…" but then, Ralmal was tripped by the Principal.
Matrix-style Bullet-time…
"Nnnnnnnooooooooooooooooo!" drawled out Ralmal, falling to the floor slowly whilst dropping the eyes.
Real-Time…
The eyes flew over everyone's heads, but Danny caught them before they hit the ground. Even though he could not see. Or was it the latent psychic powers again? You decide.
"I got 'em! Even though I can't see! In your faces!" cheered Danny, who was obviously high on something…it was probably sugar. Or Nyquil.
I just said that, but nobody cares about me, I'm just the narrator…Boohoo…poor me.
"MY HERO!" cried Sam, hugging him…again.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW!" squealed Ralmal, lost, once again, in the fluffly WAFF of the moment.
Behind her back, Larie gagged on the fluffly WAFF of the moment.
"Why are you so anti-fluff?" demanded Ralmal.
"Fluff?" asked the clueless non-fanfic-addicted Larie.
"Yeah, fluff!"
"Hey, I got the best idea for my email address: fluffykat." said Elemia.
"Why don't you make it FLUFFLYkat instead?" asked the Lexa.
"Great idea, Lexa!" squealed Elemia, looking…down…adoringly at her idol.
"Um," began Danny, "Can we focus on me? I caught the eyes."
"Oh, right," said Ralmal, "and it says here in the fine print…" On the EYES, I might add. "…that anyone that says the password will break into the eyes' power and anyone who has no eyes will get their eyes back!"
"YES!" cried all the eyeless people.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Elemia.
"What's the password?" asked Sam. "I want my eyes already!"
"I think Danny knows," announced Ralmal.
Everyone turned to stare at said halfa, who was still floating in midair.
"Uh…paulinafenton."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the Principal.
"You betrayed me!" sobbed Sam sadly. Alliteration!
"No," corrected Elemia, pushing her glasses up again, "but the Principal supports such a pairing."
"Right, and…" Ralmal began, but Elemia interrupted her.
"…andthegeekyglassesthingiscopyrightedbymeandIshidaUryuuanywhostealitwillthavetheireyespermanentlyremoved," said Elemia in one breath. My translation for you all is: 'and the geeky glasses thing in copyrighted by me and Ishida Uryuu (Bleach Reference) and any who steal it will have their eyes permanently removed.'
The Celia started to do the glasses thing, but then she realized SHE HAS NO GLASSES…"But I thought…"
"The eye thing works only once, fool!"
All eyeless people who now had eyes said, "Dang…"
"By the way," said the Lexa, "how is Paulina functioning without her brain?"
"Genetic anomaly," guessed Elemia.
"But I thought…"
"JUST SHUT UP, SMARTY!" shouted Elemia, visibly restraining herself from swearing. That is to say, if you could see into her mind, you would see a chibi-Elemia being beaten over the head by another chibi-Elemia who screamed 'No SWEARING' in a Ralmal-ish voice.
"Good call," said Ralmal.
"Okay," Ralmal said lazily, "on with it…"
"I caught the eyes!" cried Danny, ever the drama…queen.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" shrieked the Principal.
"Dejavu!" shouted Elemia.
"Is that how you spell it?" asked Larie…breaking the metaphor. EXPLODING HER HEAD…but not really.
"Who cares?" asked Paulina, "I want to find out if Danny and Lexa live!"
Everyone sat still in the deafening silence, but nobody cared, because they were pondering this new insight into Paulina's character.
"Did Paulina actually care about someone other than herself?" asked Ralmal dazedly.
"What?" rebutted Paulina, "It's possible, you know."
"Yeah," said the Celia, supporting Paulina.
"DOES ANYONE CARE THAT I GOT THE EYES?" shouted Danny, obviously angry.
"Stop!" whimpered Sam, "I don't like it when you get mad…"
Danny suddenly dropped the eyes and they broke on the floor.
"OHEAVENSMYLIFEFORCE!" cried the Principal.
Elemia sighed, because that was rather anti-climatic.
"I'm MELTING! WHAT A WOORLD…what a world…" shrieked the Principal, melting into a puddle…a horrible smoking puddle of DOOM!
"Hey, that was in the Wizard of Oz" said Elemia. WHICH I DO NOT OWN.
"Damn straight," muttered the puddle.
"A…talking…puddle…" said Ralmal, who had never seen the Wizard of Oz.
"A talking EVIL puddle," added the Celia.
"A talking EVIL puddle…" began Elemia, "of DOOOM! DOOM! DOOMY DOOMY DOOM!" I am unaware of who said that first, but I own it not.
"I love you Danny," said Sam.
"I love you too," said Danny.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWW!" squealed Ralmal (obviously), and Elemia, who was currently very sugarhigh.
And the Lexa was calmly ignoring this all.
"I love you, Tucker," called out Da Dash.
Suddenly, Annie, Elemia's best friend (and a koREan), appeared from nowhere and said, "That ain't right…"
"Bit late, don't you think?" asked Elemia.
"Too bad, Dash, I love Sam," mourned Tucker.
"It's ok," said Paulina, trying to comfort Dash, "I hate you, Dash…it'll all be alright."
"Thank you!" said Dash, brightening up. "Oh, wait…"
"Is it over yet?" asked the Lexa, still oblivious.
"Just tell him," suggested Ralmal, elbowing Elemia in the side painfully. OW!
"NO, AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
"Wanna bet?"
Five minutes later…
"DOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" shouted Ralmal, all out of patience.
"Do what?" asked Weasel, a friend of Elemia, Ralmal, and Annie, appearing out of thin air.
"None of your business," replied Ralmal brusquely.
Crying pitifully, Weasel said, "I came here to confess my feelings for Danny Fenton/Phantom."
"You're tooooooo late," everyone said with little to no pity.
"Aw man…"
Randomly, thirty seconds later…
"I want your eyes, Lexa," said Elemia, "Can I poke them out?"
"Uh, not really."
"You're so mean to me!" sniffled Elemia, tears beginning to run down her cheeks.
"But…uh…um…uh…"
Crying harder, Elemia ran away, sobbing "Idiot!" as she ran.
"Nice," muttered Ralmal, with much sarcasm.
"What did I do wrong?"
"Can't you see it? You have two eyes."
"But I wear glasses." And this is true, but he doesn't have to wear them always.
"Stop crushing my ego!" shouted Ralmal.
"You crushed mine a looooooooooooooong time ago," complained the Lexa.
"Oh, yeah, right…" Ralmal said, laughing.
Some random student passing in the hallway asked, "Did someone choke on the cafeteria meatloaf?"
"No," replied Ralmal. "That was me laughing."
"I don't get it," muttered the Lexa.
A little bit later…
"Can't you see that Elemia loves you?" asked Danny dramatically. "Using my observations, I hypothesized that Elemia loved you, and it was proved…"
"Supported," corrected Ms. G, who appeared behind them…creepy.
"…supported, by my observations."
There was a collective silence as every watched the Lexa ponder this.
"Since when were you so smart?" asked a rather bewildered Sam.
"I'm not," Danny replied, "I got that from a greeting card."
In a corner of the room, Elemia was sitting and crying…and she was ignored. Poor Elemia.
"I'm intaligint," declared Danny.
"IDIOT!" shouted Elemia, as she threw a screwdriver…which got stuck in Danny's head.
"There's a screwdriver in my head," said Danny.
"Well, no shit, Sherlock," said Ralmal.
"Can I leave now?" asked Annie…but she was ignored. "I'll take that as a yes then?" And so she left.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sobbed the Weasel, "DAAAAAAAAANNY!" This was random, no?
"Your true love's an idiot," Ralmal said to Elemia.
"Karma's a bitch…" muttered Elemia.
Three tons of Angst Later…
"Can we get on with the plot?" screamed Ralmal.
"NEVER!" retorted Elemia, still in her corner.
"I would leave this story," said the Lexa, "but I want to find my true love first."
"No one knows anything about your love life," said the Celia.
"Lexa," began Elemia, "we'd reveal who your true love is…"
"...If we had ANY idea who your true love is," finished Ralmal.
"Duh!" exclaimed the Celia.
"But aren't you supposed to decide for me?" he asked.
"In reality, I have never actually met you. I just think the back of your head is adorable," said the Celia.
"I sit on the other side of the biology classroom," said Ralmal. Elemia was about to say something about her sitting next to the Lexa in English, but Ralmal jabbed her with her elbow. OW.
"Well, let's see…" he said. "I like running. I hate all anime besides Gundam Wing. I also hate MMORPGS and all other massively multiplayer games."
"Why do I like this guy?" asked Elemia. "He's like my total opposite."
"What?" asked the Lexa, confused.
"Because you do," said Ralmal. To the Lexa, she added, "and she was saying nothing, of course."
"Right!" cried the Celia enthusiastically.
Small time skip!
"Can we introduce some plot now?" asked Ralmal desperately.
Confused, the Celia asked, "Wasn't the above a plot?"
"We can't finish this story yet!" cried Elemia. "That would kill it!"
"Lexa," interrupted the Puddle, "I'll be your true love."
"Well, let's see…" began the Lexa, "1. You are a puddle. 2. Over the course of this story, you have been nothing but evil to me…so the answer is NO."
"Aw man! I almost had him too…" said the Puddle.
"Not EVEN going to go into the implications," muttered Elemia, shivering at the mental image. What mental image? Think on it.
"I will!" said Olivia, running in. Once everyone became accustomed to the dark-skinned girl, she continued. "How does one go about having :coughcough: with a puddle, anyway?"
An awkward situation later…
"I want to marry Jake Long," said the Celia randomly.
There was more silence as people took time to get their minds out of the gutter and back into the conversation.
"Woooooow…" said Ralmal, amused.
"Talk about random," said the Lexa.
"Can we focus on me?" asked Elemia.
"No," said Ralmal.
"WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?" she whined.
"Eh," the Celia…ehed.
Suddenly, Jake Long (WHO I DON'T OWN) appeared out of thin air.
"I'm the American Dragon," he said.
Upon seeing him, the Celia almost used the heart eyes, but her love for her eyes currently exceeded her love for the Asian boy standing in front of her.
"I'm the American Dragon," he repeated, wondering why nobody was flocking to him to tell him how cool or 'ghetto' he was, or whatever form of praise he was looking for.
Elemia thought this through and exclaimed, "He's like a halfa, but he isn't.
"Who is my true love?" asked the Lexa. But everyone ignored him. Poor the Lexa.
The Celia's POV…With Narration by…The CELIA!
There is an Asian boy standing in front of me…Ooh, he's cute! And he's about as tall as I am…Bonus!
Eh? What's he doing…Oh…He's standing strategically so that the light reflects off his hair…Ooh…reflecty…
Back to the Normal Point of View…With Narration by…the NARRATOR!
"So, ANYWAY…" said Elemia, trying to fill up the silence with chatter.
Ralmal sighed and said, "She's been standing there for about ten minutes…just staring."
"No," said Elemia, "she'll be ok, I stare throughout English AND Bio…"
"Woooow…."
"Did I say that out loud?"
"Now what were you staring at?" asked the Lexa.
"None of your business, Anime-Hater!" shrieked Elemia, blushing furiously (because she was staring at him, hahaha…) as she smacked him with her binder. OW.
"…" Ralmal just kind of stood there, watching the scene unfold…
"Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" asked Elemia, going all bipolar again.
"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal. "In English, I hope you're not staring at me." Remember, folks! Ralmal sits right next to the Lexa in English…take this as you please.
"What is THAT?" asked Elemia.
"Okay," said Ralmal, a bit peeved, "anyone who says 'What is that' in any of its forms is going to have their brains taken out…by themselves."
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew…" thought everyone.
"Myself excluded," added Ralmal, before anyone had recovered from the mental image…
"Just kidding…" cackled Ralmal, but then she whispered, "for now…" but it was wasted, because everybody heard her.
"What was that?" asked the Lexa.
"Hey," snapped Ralmal, "remember what I said?"
"I thought you were kidding," he whined.
"Oh, right…dang." Obviously, Ralmal wanted his brain. And for good reason! He's a genius…most days.
The Celia was still staring at Jake Long.
"Danny," Jake began, "can I talk to you for a second?"
"Eh," he replied.
Together, they walked to a corner.
In the corner…
"Hey, is the Celia still available?"
"Why are you asking me?" asked Danny, choking on something.
"Because I'm your evil twin," replied Jake, "I need some brotherly advice."
"Ook…" replied Danny, still a bit confused.
And then they walked back.
The Jake began staring at the Celia.
And they stared…
Erstwhile…
There was a very deep silence.
Ralmal, sick of this, asked, "Why is it so quiet?"
"Maybe because the convos die when Danny's not here?" guessed Elemia.
"No, that can't be it. Let me try something." And so saying, Ralmal walked away.
Suddenly, everyone began talking.
"Hey!" cried Ralmal, miffed.
"What?" asked everyone, unless they were ignoring her.
Five minutes of endless chatter later…
Randomly, the Lexa said, "I need a nap…" and this was true, because surely they had spent more than 24 hours in the worlds. It was just one heck of a long day…
And so, the Lexa napped.
"Aw…" said Elemia with a fangirly squeal, "he looks so cute when he's sleeping…not like a malevolent little genius and anime-hater at all…"
"What is that?" asked Ralmal.
And Jake and the Celia continued to stare…
"Time for an experiment!" exclaimed Elemia, "Celia, do you love Jake?"
"Yeees…" she said in a robotic-monotone voice.
"Jake do you love the Celia?"
"Yeees…" he said in a similarly robotic-monotone voice.
Ralmal asked, "And the point of that was…?"
"Nope," Elemia replied, "just thought it would be fun."
The Lexa, who was awake now, asked, "Are they done staring yet?"
But lo, they were not.
"Well, for heaven's sake…" muttered Elemia, "And Ralmal, didn't you say the phrase? That means you have to take your brain out, neh?"
Everyone except Jake and the Celia D'OHed at Elemia's stupidity, for did not Ralmal specifically state that she was exempt? Was not Elemia the first to create such a rule?
And the Celia and Jake continued to stare…it was starting to get creepy.
"I just said that I was kidding about the phrase. Plus, it was MY phrase anyway, just like your heart eyes were yours to begin with…and I haven't used those, before you start accusing," Ralmal ranted. In doing so, she repeated the words of the Narrator almost word for word. That's plagiarism! Plagiarism BAD!
"Can we get to a plot please?" whined the Lexa, "this is boooooooooooooring."
"Hmm…let me think…" Thus, Elemia pondered.
A good two minutes later…
"WE ARE GOING TO SEE WICKED!" cried Elemia hyperly.
"YAY!" cheered Ralmal.
"Huh?" asked the Lexa. Not being in Orchestra (He's in band), he didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about.
Suddenly, the Andrew Lee (was mentioned previously) appeared out of nowhere. Said tall, Asian, glasses-less boy proceeded to vent…about the unfairness of the orchestra going to see Wicked. He was allowed to do so because he's in BAND. "The band did not get the not get the notes because we are going on tour to San Diego that week…blablahblah…one thousand dollars…blah…nobody's going anyways…blahblah…I want to GO!" He did, by the way, end with a very the-Lexa-style whine.
"You already told me this," muttered Elemia, and it was true, because he sat next to her in Math. "GIVE ME PONG!"
"I will!...Maybe…"
"Hi, Andrew," greeted the Lexa.
"Bit late, eh?" asked Andrew.
"I've been ignored for a very long time!" cried Larie.
The Andrew then began staring…
"This is NOT going to end well," Elemia murmered.
"Hey, I'm smarter than you," said Andrew.
:Collective Silence:
Suddenly, Larie shouted, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! DISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
"Oh," said the Lexa, "yeah…well…" but then he fell asleep again, so nobody will ever know what he was going to say.
"What was THAT?" asked Danny, earning him a half-heartedly malicious glare from Ralmal. She was just kidding, remember?
"Shut up! Can't you see that he doesn't meet my standERDS?" asked the Persian girl (Ralmal).
"Uh, not really."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Are you blind?"
"Maybe…" said Dany.
"…Maybe not," continued Larie, her eyes suddenly turning into hearts.
"Ack!" cried Sam, "not you too!" and then she stabbed out Larie's eyes. With a spork.
"AAAAAAH! MY EYES! BEHIND MY HAZEL EYES!"
"Hey," whined Elemia, "I was supposed to do that. For taking away my gleeful gratuitous violence, I will now remove your eyes!" And so, she did.
"Now," began Sam, "why do I feel like we've done this before?"
"Because she already did take out your eyes," replied Larie intelligently, "they grew back…so now they should be stuck like that forever!"
"Oh em gee! YOU TOOK MY EYES, YOU BITCH!"
"Damn straight…" said bitch…uh…said.
"AND ITS IRREVERSIBLE!"
"For the record," remarked Ralmal, "Larie already said that."
"Believe it!" shouted Larie (Dubbed-Naruto reference)
"Aaww…" cooed Elemia, still staring, he's so cute when he's asleep…"
"You know," said the Celia, "you already established that…"
"But it's true…Oh em gee! You stopped staring!"
"Wow…what is that?" asked Ralmal.
But then, the Celia and Jake started staring. Again.
But soon, everyone's attention was drawn elsewhere.
"She's hot," muttered Andrew, staring at Paulina.
"Oh my gosh," said Paulina, "I think I'm becoming less shallow! Is it just me or is Andrw glowing?"
Everyone took a little while to ponder this one…
"NOOO!" cried Annie, running in from some direction or other, "Who dares to steal my future husband?" This was way out of character, however, because Annie never liked Andrew, does not like Andrew, and will never like Andrew…Curse you, Ralmal!
"Who's Annie?" asked Andrew, but he was only pretending to not know her. After all, can you forget the person who tried to pop the pimple on the back of your neck with a sharp mechanical pencil? I didn't think so.
"Behind his pimply face I see the smart…uh, dude. Yeah," said Paulina.
"She's so flawless," squealed Andrew.
"Almost flawless," said…everyone, rushing to correct him.
"Eh?"
"She has a mole," said Sam, "you didn't notice?"
"I love moles…" he sighed, his eyes turning into the currently overused anime-style heart-eyes.
Paulina responded with a similar pair of eyes.
And so did the Lexa. "Wait, no…" he said, "I don't know where that came from. Everyone else was doing it, and I just wanted to try it."
"I will NEVER do those eyes. NEVER!" cried Ralmal dramatically.
The Celia and Jake looked at each other with creepy anime-style heart-eyes. But at this point, they were past caring.
"Hey, Cely," he said, "I love ya, yo."
"Actually, it's Celia," she said.
"Uh, right, I knew that, yo."
Return of the Mid-fic Omake!
We Interrupt this Fanfic to bring You: The Dictionary of Fathomless Intelligence and Sarcasm… (Omake)
Who can tell how long I spent thinking of a title? Anyone? Anyone?
Today, we will be looking up 'Jake Long.'
Elemia: Jake Long acts like an Asian guy who's trying to act like a White guy who's trying to act like a Black guy. See: wangsta, wannabe, poser, loser, character-created-by-Disney-to-steal-viewers-from-Danny-Phantom.
Ralmal: Ooohh….DIISS!
The Celia: But I looooooooooove him:sob:
But back to the story…
"This mush has to DIE!" shouted Ralmal.
Danny and Sam then looked at eachother with more creepy anime-style heart-eyes.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!" cried Ralmal. "I mean, noooooooooooo!"
Larie, having no clear pairing yet, glanced about the room, anime-style heart-eyes aglow.
"I don't know what I'm doing," muttered Tucker, as he too, used the eyes.
Here, Ralmal slapped (her own) forehead.
"Oh, yes, the number of hearts means the number of eyes I get to poke out," cackled Elemia evilly.
"Tucker," murmured Dash, staring at him with the eyes.
"Aaaand…one more makes ten. A full set, that is.
"I hate this," whispered Ralmal, even though nobody was listening, as she backed into a corner.
"Aaw…" said Elemia, "I don't want to take out the Lexa's eyes…"
"Why?" he asked.
"Ok, just for that, I'm taking them out anyways…"
"MAN!"
Random Omake Scene Break!
Because there's already too much violence in this fic, I will be doing another mid-fic omake… Enjoy!
Elemia: :enters in weird renaissance garb:
Two households, both alike in dignity
In fair Verona where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes,
A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life.
And with their misadventured piteous overthrows,
Doth with their death bury their parent's strife.
The fearful passage of their death-marked love
And the continuance of their parent's rage,
Which, but their children's end, naught could remove,
Is now the two hour's traffic of our stage;
The which, if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to end
Ralmal: What is that?
Elemia: I'm trying to write a sonnet.
Everyone except Ralmal, Elemia, and Annie, now eyeless, shrieked, "GAAAAH! I CANNOT SEE THE ONE I LOVE!" Yes, even the people with no pairings…
"Serves you right," gloated Ralmal, "that mush was getting disgusting."
"AND you took the heart eyes!" added the screw-driver wielding Asian. Okay, three guesses as to who that is. Hm…it's a toughie, eh?
"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal.
"THAT," Elemia (Screw-driver girl) replied, "is copyright infringement.
"She got you there," muttered Annie.
"I didn't do it, don't take my eyes!" begged Larie, crawling out of the corner. But she was lying, because she had done it. AND the point was moot because she had already lost her eyes.
"Fair enough," said Elemia, but she knew it was too late for Larie, so that was moot too.
Suddenly, the puddle became the Principal again. "AHAHA! I LIIIIIIIIIVE!"
…but Nobody cared. See, Ms. Noto? Nobody cares about you, right Nobody? Everyone else was too wrapped up in the drama.
"Now you will care!" shouted the Principal as she stole all the eyes, which were in a convenient jar.
"THE EYES!" shrieked Elemia.
"Maybe if we get them back, we can put their eyes back in," said Annie.
"What is WRONG with you?" asked Ralmal.
"Well," said Larie, "we DID need a plot."
"Couldn't agree more."
"Eh," began Elemia, "this one's good enough."
Read the following bolded type in an announcer's voice. I even highlighted the stressed syllables for you.
WILL they ever find the eyes? WILL the Principal wreak havoc upon the group once more? WILL the Celia and Jake be able to take not being able to stare? WILL Annie succeed in stealing Andrew from Paulina?
"I DO NOT LIKE HIM!" shouted Annie. And this was true.
RIIIIGHT! Find out in the continuation of this story! Just look underneath the next line! I repeat, just under the next line!
That was probably more messed up than was necessary, neh?
"I DO NOT LIKE HIM!" cried Annie.
"You said that already," said Ralmal.
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight…" said Annie embarrassedly.
"The 'i's burn my eyes!" cried Larie…who didn't have any eyes…it's a pun, and a breaking of the metaphor. Why are no heads exploding? 'Splodi! 'Splodi! Narrator want 'Splodi!
"I HAVE YOUR EYES AND NOW I WILL SQUISHMES THEM UNDER MEH FEET," shouted the Principal.
"Okay, ew, gross," said Paulina.
"I'm with you on that one," agreed Ralmal.
"Actually, wait a minute," said the non-Elemia villain, thinking. "Here, everyone can have their eyes back…except Paulina. I will squishmeh her eyes."
"But WHYYYY?"
Everyone else cheered, "YES!"
"This makes no difference to me whatsoever, so I don't care," said Ralmal indifferently. Heehee…lookie, I used a big word.
The Principal then began throwing the eyes to their respective people.
While everyone else cheered, Paulina sat in the corner, weeping.
"It's okay, Paulina," said Andrew, trying to be comforting, "I'll sacrifice my eyes for you."
"Thank :sniff: you…but I want my greenish-aqua :sniff: eyes!" sobbed Paulina…sniffily.
"Paulina," said the Principal, "I don't like your eyes. Green is not my color."
"Hey!" shouted Paulina, angry, "What are you trying to say?"
"I need eyes that are…oh my gosh…" the Principal stopped mid-sentence to grab Danny's eyes.
"Hey! I was using those!"
"OH YES! THESE EYES ARE THE BEST!"
"Again," said Paulina, now confused, "what are you trying to say?"
"What's so special about Danny's eyes?" asked the Lexa, "And what's wrong with mine?"
Sam said, "Because Danny's eyes are blue like the fathomless ocean as the sun reflects upon it…it's like falling into a perfect blue sapphire forever and ever…" she ended with a very sappy sigh. Heck, the whole thing was sappy.
"Besides," added Ralmal, "Yours are EVIL and TOO SMART."
Everyone else stared at them in silence. Andrew was weeping at the sap Sam was producing…so was Tucker. Dash was weeping because Tucker was weeping, and he didn't want Tucker to feel alone. It didn't work well, anyway.
"WHAT?" cried Sam, very embarrassed, as she flushed a shade of pink so dark it was more like maroon…
"ANYWAYS, after that annoying and ODDLY DISTURBING interruption, I have devised a new plot!" declared the Principal, "I will steal one special thing from everyone."
"Oh," sobbed Danny, "so my powers aren't special?" he asked, crying, "What's THAT supposed to mean? All you want are my stupid eyes!"
"I find nothing wrong with your eyes," said Sam, still lost in a daydream.
"THE MUSH CONTINUES," screeched Ralmal, "AAAH! MY Eyes!"
"That was so appropriate for the story line," said Larie.
"And Ralmal is next," the Principal said as malevolently as she could, which was, in comparison to Elemia, very, very pathetic.
Ralmal gasped. "What do you want from me?