Last time on LGG:
Is it true, you bested Snape! Not even Potter's ever done that!" Hermione just watched with wide eyes as the scrawny boy pledged his undying worship to her.
"Yeah... erm... thanks," she offered, completely taken aback. The boy grinned.
"I've gotta go... Divination... I just had to come and see for sure. Wow..." he said, then backed away, making it about twenty feet before turning and dashing down a staircase.
"Alright," Hermione said, turning back to Draco. "So that thing with Snape is now the SECOND oddest thing that has ever happened." Draco laughed.
"Hey, you said people would never forget you."
"Yeah," Hermione said, but sounded put out, as if her foot itched to be stomped in disappointment. "But I wanted my own war... not a stupid fanclub." Draco shrugged.
"You can always work your way up."
~*~
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT: Waffles
After Pansy's little... attack, Hermione waited for Draco INSIDE the DADA room. He was much more prompt and generally attentive. Not to mention paranoid.
It had silently been decided to pretend that the picture incident had never happened, save the new found hatred of Pansy Parkinson. This agreement had been only mildly discussed, mostly lectured by Hermione, and Draco had had no choice but to agree. He did, after all, want her to be happy... and she pointed out the astute fact that, if they acted angry with each other, Pansy would assume she had beaten them. That wouldn't be good.
"I say we give Parkinson a taste of her own medicine," Draco suggested as they sat in the common room, backs against the couch and facing the fire. The whiners had drifted in and out, Morag at high speed, but they hadn't disturbed them. In fact, Mandy almost seemed pleased that her new friends had stopped staying cooped up together in their little loft and started becoming sociable.
"I say we take her medicine and give the school a taste," Hermione countered, twisting his idea, and he lifted an eyebrow. "Picture this," she said, holding up a snapshot from the folder and smirking at the look on Draco's face. "As six, ten foot tall, posters, replacing the Gryffindor flags which now hang from the ceiling of the great hall." Once Hermione brought the picture back down, Draco was able to focus on her words, and a slow smirk crept across his face.
"I like the way you think, my love." Hermione smiled as she moved closer, touching lips once more. As the kiss grew fevered and heated, however, Draco pushed her gently away. "We can't here; we're downstairs." Hermione looked severely put out, and pouted her bottom lip. Draco chuckled slightly, then lifted an eyebrow. "Revenge turns you on, doesn't it?" Hermione looked a bit taken aback, but pondered this for a moment, and ultimately agreed, nodding. Draco chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever works."
~*~*~
"Can you see anything?" Hermione whispered as she pressed her body to a wall, hiding behind a suit of armor.
"It's clear," Draco said from the other side of the tin man and Hermione stepped away from the wall, following him around a corner. Now just a lobby away from the great hall, Draco stopped cold. "Shh..." he instructed, and Hermione made no move to speak. They stood silently for a good minute, before Draco deemed it safe and pulled his accomplice toward the doors. Again, they didn't speak as he pressed his ear to the wood. "I think it's empty. Filch talks to that cat a lot." Hermione nodded.
"Let's go." Tentatively, Draco opened the door a few inches, and peered inside. When assured it was safe, he let the slab move a foot or so more, and allowed Hermione to enter first. "Okay," she said, still in a whisper, and marched up to one of the tables. Draco followed quickly, and watched as she poured the familiar photos from their envelope. "I like this one... what do you think?"
"I have no preference," Draco said without bothering to again look at the pictures, and Hermione giggled.
"Alright, then," she agreed, placing her wand to the picture she wanted. After a simple word, it glowed green, then grew to an immense size. Another Latin phrase, and the picture multiplied, flew up to the banners, and seemed to melt into them.
"Why can't you see them?" Draco asked, who had finally chanced a glance upward. Hermione smirked.
"They're voice activated. If I just left them, the teachers would come in and get rid of them before the students could even see. They won't show up until I say... w-a-f-f-l-e. All I have to do is say, pass the... or why aren't there any... and presto."
"Again, a stroke of genius." Hermione grinned and approached her amour, uncharacteristically wrapping him in her arms. Draco chuckled softly, but reciprocated her embrace. "Hermione... we've talked about this. We can't... not every time you avenge some debt. You'd grow bored with me." Hermione laughed.
"I doubt it... but I don't want to... not tonight. Just hold me," she requested. There was only a brief silence before Hermione lent herself to spout the inner workings of her heart once more, as she had nearly grown accustomed to doing. "I didn't really know how much I cared about you until we fought, Draco. Not since that first trip to Olympus have I had reason to ponder my future without you, and I did that this weekend. I honestly didn't expect to forgive you... it seems stupid now, but..." As her voice trailed off, Draco tightened his embrace.
"I love you," he reminded her. "I do." Hermione smiled into his chest.
"I know."
~*~*~*~
As planned, the trick in the great hall worked out perfectly. Hermione had asked Ron if he preferred blueberry waffles over cranberry, and the pictures had shown themselves. Pansy screamed, Ron smirked, and nearly everyone burst out laughing. Hermione sent Draco a wink, and he blew her a kiss, but it never made it to her lips. Harry, in fury, stood up so quickly the bench below them toppled over, sending Hermione and Neville onto the cold floor, allowing Draco's kiss to make a small "pfft" against the hard stone wall.
"You slept with a SLYTHERIN?" he accused Ron, who was sitting across the table, both ignoring Hermione, who glared, and Neville, who was being a gentleman and helping her up.
"You slept with a Hufflepuff... what's the difference?" Ron countered, and Hannah Abbot made a small squeal before falling flat into her pancakes.
"A SLYTHERIN, Ron!" Ron pouted.
"But Harry," he whined, "She's hott... and she wanted me."
"She's a slut, Ron. She just wanted a fix." As if Harry had just insulted him, which, in ways, he did, Ron stood up and glared.
"So are you, Harry. You think I'm that incredibly dense, that I don't know you're playing my sister? The only reason I didn't forbid her from seeing you is because you're my friend... and look at us now. You've embarrassed me in front of the whole school!" Harry opened his mouth to form a comeback, but no words came. He shook his head a moment later and turned, dashing out the doors. Ron sent a blazing glare around the room. "What are you all looking at?"
Hermione, after retaking her seat, lifted an eyebrow at Draco, but he was beside himself in silent laughter, and didn't so much as glance her way. With a small smirk, Hermione forgave him and started back in on her breakfast. Blueberry waffles.
~*~*~*~
The next few days were very busy for the dynamic duo. Hermione had Draco worked like fire to get through all the names on their list. For the most part, it wasn't difficult. It was all a question of finding a weakness.
As for the great hall incident, Ron and Pansy had been given a month of detentions, separately, for breaking the age old 'no sex in the classroom' rule, Harry had been reprimanded for interrupting breakfast, although it didn't make much sense, and both Slytherin and Gryffindor had lost fifty points. Hufflepuff would have as well, but Ron's accusation was just that; an accusation. There was no hard-core proof that Harry and Hannah had done anything obscene... but Hermione humored herself with believing there would be one in a few months.
~*~
Again, just a few days post waffle, Draco and Hermione found themselves sneaking about at night again. This time, in place of a folder, Hermione held a small sachet.
"You still haven't really told me what we're doing," Draco pointed out, and Hermione stifled a soft giggle.
"Filch," she explained, but it didn't do much for her boyfriend.
"Well I assumed that..."
"Actually," Hermione said. "Mrs. Norris." With a sigh, Draco gave up. They were nearing Filch's office, and needed to be quiet. As he was a Squib, there was no danger of magic wards or password portraits. The door with held shut with a simple master lock... broken by an elementary alomahora.
Draco followed Hermione into the office and watched her open her little purse and sprinkle some powdered green plant in the corner. In just moments, a large gray cat appeared, baring fangs.
"Hermione," Draco warned, as she had her back to the intruder, and Hermione turned around. With a smirk, she threw some of the powder at her assailant, and Mrs. Norris became the epitome of Hello Kitty. She made sure to rub up against Hermione's legs before retreating to the corner and rolling in the mess created there. "In which of the seven circles of hell did you happen upon that miracle dust?" Draco asked, eyes agape at the cat. Hermione laughed and stepped closer, giving her company a simple kiss on the lips as she weaved her fingers into his hair. Draco smirked. "Mya..." but his sentence was cut off. "Ah! Bloody hell!" he nearly shouted, but Hermione clamped a hand over his mouth.
"Shh..." she instructed before letting him go, and Draco savagely rubbed at his scalp.
"What the hell was that for?" he demanded in a hushed whisper, and Hermione, who held a handful of gorgeous platinum strands, smiled.
"You'll see," she said and unsheathed her wand. With a flick, the hairs sliced and diced themselves into tiny bits. "Watch this," Hermione instructed, and spoke a Latin word to her palm of hair. One by one, the minced pieces sprouted into newborn kittens. Hermione, after the first few, quickly brushed the hair onto the floor, near the catnip. It took a few minutes for the popping to cease, and when it did, about thirty kittens were cuddled into the corner. "Aw..." she cooed.
"I see what you're doing here," Draco stated, still rubbing his head. Hermione bent to gather a stray kitten into her hands, holding and cuddling it as if it were real. "And you're doing it wrong." At this, she looked up, lifting an eyebrow.
"Am I?" Draco nodded.
"Yes. You want them to look like Eglamour's, correct? How did he produce thirty blonde children?" Hermione looked from Draco's face to the corner, and then back again, seeming to be taken aback.
"Oh my... you're right," she said, then shook her head and brought her kitten back to the pile, gently placing him amongst his brothers and sisters.
"It's a piece of hair, love... not a real kitten." Hermione rolled her eyes.
"And if I'd simply thrown it across the room, you wouldn't have winced at the poor little thing's cry?" Draco sighed. "Alright," Hermione stated with a nod, as if she'd won, and lifted her wand. "Finite incantrum," she stated, before sending another spell, which caused Draco's disemboweled hair to burst into flames.
"So you ripped half my skull out for nothing... thank you. I'm already going to go bald, you don't have to help me. And distracting me with a kiss... how evil."
"Thank you," Hermione said, smiling, before lifting a hand into her own hair and pulling forth two strands without so much as a wince.
"Hey! Unfair!"
"My hair is longer... this'll make more kittens than yours did all put together." Draco looked irritated, but said nothing more. She did have a point... however an unfair point. Hermione preformed the same two spells on her hair as she had Draco's, this time brushing off the hairs before starting the kitten-popper, and was again able to look upon three-dozen kittens as they struggled to open their eyes. "Aw..."
"Yeah, yeah... aw... now come on, let's get out of here." With a sigh, Hermione followed a very irritated Draco out the door. As apology, she spent the night beside him.
~*~
"It's impossible!" Hermione shouted at Filch, who was glaring hard at her, and holding a very blissful Mrs. Norris. Hermione was beginning to subconsciously wonder if catnip was more like... cat-weed. She seemed very high. Filch blamed it on hormones... having just had about six litters.
"It was your mutt! It had to be! Oh, poor Mrs. Norris..." Hermione gave a frustrated growl and turned to Professor Dumbledore, who was seated at his desk and looking upon the situation.
"It couldn't have been Eglamour, Professor... he's too young, for one, and the feline gestation cycle places the time of conception somewhere in early August... and Eggy was with me, for summer. It's impossible."
"I'm afraid she has a point, Argus. Whatever happened to your cat was not inflicted by Miss Granger's. Now, if you would..." Hermione, looking very proud of herself, stuck her tongue out at Filch and left Dumbledore's office, marching straight back to the common room, where Draco was entertaining his subconscious with tales by Stephen King and Eglamour slept belly up on the sofa seat beside him. Draco looked up when she entered.
"I won," Hermione squealed, lifting her kitten from the cushion and occupying his spot. Eglamour seemed not to mind, as now he had Hermione's lap to rest upon.
"Congratulations," Draco offered, pecking her on the lips. "But, if I may... he had no case against you."
"I know," Hermione giggled, scratching behind Eglamour's ears. "Mummy's sorry she framed you, baby..." Draco laughed, but didn't comment as Hermione hugged her kitten.
"You know... that really shouldn't count as a play against Mrs. Norris. In fact, she seemed to like the catnip."
"Yes," Hermione agreed, "But she didn't so much enjoy the excruciating spade spell Filch had Pomfrey administer. I was there... not pretty." As promised, Hermione had been visiting Pomfrey quite frequently, whenever she had a spare moment Draco had occupied. He laughed.
"But still... Filch has to deal with the cats," he pointed out, and Hermione nodded.
"Alright," she agreed, and placed a finger to her chin, thinking on her task. "Remember the hair potion we made this morning in class?" Draco perked an eyebrow and nodded. "With the right ingredients... I can make an antidote, which I will combine with catnip and spread about the third floor. You saw how Mrs. Norris rolled in it... she'll be hairless in no time. I like to use the lessons we learn. It's like throwing it back in their face." Draco laughed.
"That's a way to look at it."
"Plus, Filch'll have to clean it up. That's two birds with one stone. And the last two birds... once we finish this, we're done. The list is over."
"What about Potter and Weasley?"
"Oh, they've long since known their fate. I'll just wait until they're least expecting it."
"I'll let you keep that one to yourself," Draco granted, deciding he really didn't want to know anyway.
"Thank you," Hermione praised, grinning, and pecked his lips.
~*~
Hermione was steaming as she walked with Draco to lunch. What must have been the thousandth first year had approached her, asking for an autograph. Her escapade with Snape hadn't died down as she'd expected. It was like a new craze. She'd be on the cover of witch weekly before she knew it.
"Hermione... are you..."
"Okay? Am I okay? Do I look okay, as I certainly don't feel that way," she spat back at Draco, who very wisely took a step to the left, putting some distance between himself and the girl who wore his ring. It was a corridor before the kitchens where she stopped cold, and he alongside her. Draco turned to his girlfriend with slight worry and she took an array of calming breaths before meeting eyes with him. "I'm sorry. I can't take this popularity." Draco laughed and brushed the backs of his fingers over her chin.
"You're a weird one, you are."
"It's odd, really..." she mused as she began walking again, and Draco kept his eyes on her as she continued. "When I was younger, it was all I ever wanted... to be looked at as something more than that girl who hangs around with Harry the Magnificent Potter. That's why I was such a stuck up bookworm brat all the time... it started out as fervor for learning something unique... something the people I was close to wouldn't know...but it turned into a power struggle. I soon found out it didn't matter what I did... everyone would always like Harry better. I gave up."
"I like you better. Always have," Draco said, just because it seemed to fit, and Hermione shook her head.
"I'm getting off topic. My point is, I don't want friends. What should I do?" Draco thought for a moment, turning his face to the ceiling. Suddenly, he stopped.
"I have the perfect idea. Come on..." he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down the hall.
"What? Now?"
"Yes, now. It's perfect. I saw it on TV... we have to get Brocklehurst and MacDougal, though... I wouldn't feel right about getting them too. They can be on the inside."
"Alright... I should probably let you get Mandy. Morag might faint... and that wouldn't be so inconspicuous." Draco laughed.
"Good idea."
~*~
"Hermione," Mandy called as she followed her fellow prefects across the grounds. "What's going on?"
"Wait until we get to the lake," she instructed, before taking the Ravenclaw's hand and pulling, jogging to catch up with the boys.
"Alright," Draco said. "We've saved you."
"Saved us?" Mandy asked, eyebrow perked. "From what?"
"From one of our pranks, of course."
"Your... pranks?" Hermione stepped in.
"Yep. The pictures in the great hall..." she said, beginning a list on her hand.
"Filch's cats," Draco added.
"That classic episode with Snape that got us suspended..."
"Glued two Gryffindor to chairs in Potions."
"Gave Lavender, Ginny, Hannah, Parvarti, and Padma acne. That was a good one... we were only aiming at three... got five."
"And we did some stuff while we were suspended, but you don't need to know about that. The point is, we've put you backstage on this show," Draco finished and the two prefects opposite stared blankly.
"Why?" Morag finally quipped, but took a step backward as Draco laid eyes upon him.
"Because," Hermione answered, "You're our friends... or the closest thing we've got to it." Mandy smiled.
"Of course we are. Right, love?" she asked, turning to her boyfriend, and he nodded nervously. Draco was still looking at him. Hermione slapped his arm.
"Not helping." Draco looked put out, but stopped glaring down his 'friend'. In the distance, a bell tolled.
"Showtime," Draco informed, smirking, and the four turned back to the school. There was a brief silence, before a disgruntled scream echoed across the grounds. Draco and Hermione smirked as this was accompanied by hundreds of others.
"Wow. A lot of bee fearers, hm?" Hermione mused, and Draco laughed.
"Those aren't normal bees, love." Her smile fell and she lifted an eyebrow at him. Meanwhile, Mandy and Morag glanced nervously at each other.
"What exactly did you guys do?" Mandy wondered out loud.
"Well..." Hermione started, but Draco cut her off.
"Sealed all the doors surrounding the lobby except the exit doors, charmed the great hall doors to seal once shut, and left an open crate of bees in the middle of the floor."
"...abnormal bees?" she prodded and he gave a nod.
"They're six times the size of normal bees." Three mouths dropped open. "Look, here they come..." Draco instructed, and everyone turned back toward the castle, where a mob of students filed out the doors, followed by, as Draco had described, gigantic bees.
"Ooh..." Morag breathed. "That was good."
~*~*~*~
Harry blinked his eyes open, but the world around him was blurry. It smelled like pine... and he had a tremendous headache. It was cold, wet, and he wasn't wearing his glasses. Harry tried to move, but found himself unable. A pained moan was heard, and he snapped his head to the side.
"Ron? Ron, is that you?"
"Harry? What's going on?" Harry sighed. At least he wasn't alone... wherever he was.
"I don't know, I can't see... wait... do you smell honey?"
"I more than smell it, Harry, I'm covered in it, naked, and upside-down. What about you?" he spat, as if just remembering his feud with Harry. Potter rolled his eyes.
"Ron, I don't think this is such a good time to be fighting."
"I'll be mad if I bloody well want to be mad, Harry." The two were lapsed in silence for a few moments, but it was broken by a far off giggle.
"Did you hear that?"
"Yes," Ron piped nervously, eyes scanning the dark expanse.
"Looking good, boys." With a simultaneous gasp, the boys turned in the direction of the voice. "Lumos."
"Hermione," Harry breathed as her face was doused in light from her wand. "Where are we?"
"Forest, of course."
"How the hell did we get here? Help me down, Hermione... I think my hair is turning darker," Ron pleaded and Hermione laughed, shaking her head.
"Now why would I do that, Ronnikins?" she wondered. "This was your idea, after all. I guess I'm a bit better at strategizing than you say I am, aren't I? Well... it's getting late. Have a good night, boys."
"What? Wait! Hermione!" Harry called after her, but Hermione wasn't planning on turning back. She'd much rather meet Draco at the forest entrance and retreat to the common room. Harry sighed. "Great job, Ron. What if McGonagall finds us? Do you want her to see you naked?"
"Ew..."
"I knew we should've sent her a letter..."
~*~
A/N: That's it, boys and girls. The last episode of The Legend of Guilly Granger. I plan to revise MPES... then I will work on this. You know... add stuff in that I've forgotten, take out stuff I've abandoned. Make it better. I doubt any of you will re-read, but I appreciate it anyway :oD Thanks for sticking with me.
Is it true, you bested Snape! Not even Potter's ever done that!" Hermione just watched with wide eyes as the scrawny boy pledged his undying worship to her.
"Yeah... erm... thanks," she offered, completely taken aback. The boy grinned.
"I've gotta go... Divination... I just had to come and see for sure. Wow..." he said, then backed away, making it about twenty feet before turning and dashing down a staircase.
"Alright," Hermione said, turning back to Draco. "So that thing with Snape is now the SECOND oddest thing that has ever happened." Draco laughed.
"Hey, you said people would never forget you."
"Yeah," Hermione said, but sounded put out, as if her foot itched to be stomped in disappointment. "But I wanted my own war... not a stupid fanclub." Draco shrugged.
"You can always work your way up."
~*~
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT: Waffles
After Pansy's little... attack, Hermione waited for Draco INSIDE the DADA room. He was much more prompt and generally attentive. Not to mention paranoid.
It had silently been decided to pretend that the picture incident had never happened, save the new found hatred of Pansy Parkinson. This agreement had been only mildly discussed, mostly lectured by Hermione, and Draco had had no choice but to agree. He did, after all, want her to be happy... and she pointed out the astute fact that, if they acted angry with each other, Pansy would assume she had beaten them. That wouldn't be good.
"I say we give Parkinson a taste of her own medicine," Draco suggested as they sat in the common room, backs against the couch and facing the fire. The whiners had drifted in and out, Morag at high speed, but they hadn't disturbed them. In fact, Mandy almost seemed pleased that her new friends had stopped staying cooped up together in their little loft and started becoming sociable.
"I say we take her medicine and give the school a taste," Hermione countered, twisting his idea, and he lifted an eyebrow. "Picture this," she said, holding up a snapshot from the folder and smirking at the look on Draco's face. "As six, ten foot tall, posters, replacing the Gryffindor flags which now hang from the ceiling of the great hall." Once Hermione brought the picture back down, Draco was able to focus on her words, and a slow smirk crept across his face.
"I like the way you think, my love." Hermione smiled as she moved closer, touching lips once more. As the kiss grew fevered and heated, however, Draco pushed her gently away. "We can't here; we're downstairs." Hermione looked severely put out, and pouted her bottom lip. Draco chuckled slightly, then lifted an eyebrow. "Revenge turns you on, doesn't it?" Hermione looked a bit taken aback, but pondered this for a moment, and ultimately agreed, nodding. Draco chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever works."
~*~*~
"Can you see anything?" Hermione whispered as she pressed her body to a wall, hiding behind a suit of armor.
"It's clear," Draco said from the other side of the tin man and Hermione stepped away from the wall, following him around a corner. Now just a lobby away from the great hall, Draco stopped cold. "Shh..." he instructed, and Hermione made no move to speak. They stood silently for a good minute, before Draco deemed it safe and pulled his accomplice toward the doors. Again, they didn't speak as he pressed his ear to the wood. "I think it's empty. Filch talks to that cat a lot." Hermione nodded.
"Let's go." Tentatively, Draco opened the door a few inches, and peered inside. When assured it was safe, he let the slab move a foot or so more, and allowed Hermione to enter first. "Okay," she said, still in a whisper, and marched up to one of the tables. Draco followed quickly, and watched as she poured the familiar photos from their envelope. "I like this one... what do you think?"
"I have no preference," Draco said without bothering to again look at the pictures, and Hermione giggled.
"Alright, then," she agreed, placing her wand to the picture she wanted. After a simple word, it glowed green, then grew to an immense size. Another Latin phrase, and the picture multiplied, flew up to the banners, and seemed to melt into them.
"Why can't you see them?" Draco asked, who had finally chanced a glance upward. Hermione smirked.
"They're voice activated. If I just left them, the teachers would come in and get rid of them before the students could even see. They won't show up until I say... w-a-f-f-l-e. All I have to do is say, pass the... or why aren't there any... and presto."
"Again, a stroke of genius." Hermione grinned and approached her amour, uncharacteristically wrapping him in her arms. Draco chuckled softly, but reciprocated her embrace. "Hermione... we've talked about this. We can't... not every time you avenge some debt. You'd grow bored with me." Hermione laughed.
"I doubt it... but I don't want to... not tonight. Just hold me," she requested. There was only a brief silence before Hermione lent herself to spout the inner workings of her heart once more, as she had nearly grown accustomed to doing. "I didn't really know how much I cared about you until we fought, Draco. Not since that first trip to Olympus have I had reason to ponder my future without you, and I did that this weekend. I honestly didn't expect to forgive you... it seems stupid now, but..." As her voice trailed off, Draco tightened his embrace.
"I love you," he reminded her. "I do." Hermione smiled into his chest.
"I know."
~*~*~*~
As planned, the trick in the great hall worked out perfectly. Hermione had asked Ron if he preferred blueberry waffles over cranberry, and the pictures had shown themselves. Pansy screamed, Ron smirked, and nearly everyone burst out laughing. Hermione sent Draco a wink, and he blew her a kiss, but it never made it to her lips. Harry, in fury, stood up so quickly the bench below them toppled over, sending Hermione and Neville onto the cold floor, allowing Draco's kiss to make a small "pfft" against the hard stone wall.
"You slept with a SLYTHERIN?" he accused Ron, who was sitting across the table, both ignoring Hermione, who glared, and Neville, who was being a gentleman and helping her up.
"You slept with a Hufflepuff... what's the difference?" Ron countered, and Hannah Abbot made a small squeal before falling flat into her pancakes.
"A SLYTHERIN, Ron!" Ron pouted.
"But Harry," he whined, "She's hott... and she wanted me."
"She's a slut, Ron. She just wanted a fix." As if Harry had just insulted him, which, in ways, he did, Ron stood up and glared.
"So are you, Harry. You think I'm that incredibly dense, that I don't know you're playing my sister? The only reason I didn't forbid her from seeing you is because you're my friend... and look at us now. You've embarrassed me in front of the whole school!" Harry opened his mouth to form a comeback, but no words came. He shook his head a moment later and turned, dashing out the doors. Ron sent a blazing glare around the room. "What are you all looking at?"
Hermione, after retaking her seat, lifted an eyebrow at Draco, but he was beside himself in silent laughter, and didn't so much as glance her way. With a small smirk, Hermione forgave him and started back in on her breakfast. Blueberry waffles.
~*~*~*~
The next few days were very busy for the dynamic duo. Hermione had Draco worked like fire to get through all the names on their list. For the most part, it wasn't difficult. It was all a question of finding a weakness.
As for the great hall incident, Ron and Pansy had been given a month of detentions, separately, for breaking the age old 'no sex in the classroom' rule, Harry had been reprimanded for interrupting breakfast, although it didn't make much sense, and both Slytherin and Gryffindor had lost fifty points. Hufflepuff would have as well, but Ron's accusation was just that; an accusation. There was no hard-core proof that Harry and Hannah had done anything obscene... but Hermione humored herself with believing there would be one in a few months.
~*~
Again, just a few days post waffle, Draco and Hermione found themselves sneaking about at night again. This time, in place of a folder, Hermione held a small sachet.
"You still haven't really told me what we're doing," Draco pointed out, and Hermione stifled a soft giggle.
"Filch," she explained, but it didn't do much for her boyfriend.
"Well I assumed that..."
"Actually," Hermione said. "Mrs. Norris." With a sigh, Draco gave up. They were nearing Filch's office, and needed to be quiet. As he was a Squib, there was no danger of magic wards or password portraits. The door with held shut with a simple master lock... broken by an elementary alomahora.
Draco followed Hermione into the office and watched her open her little purse and sprinkle some powdered green plant in the corner. In just moments, a large gray cat appeared, baring fangs.
"Hermione," Draco warned, as she had her back to the intruder, and Hermione turned around. With a smirk, she threw some of the powder at her assailant, and Mrs. Norris became the epitome of Hello Kitty. She made sure to rub up against Hermione's legs before retreating to the corner and rolling in the mess created there. "In which of the seven circles of hell did you happen upon that miracle dust?" Draco asked, eyes agape at the cat. Hermione laughed and stepped closer, giving her company a simple kiss on the lips as she weaved her fingers into his hair. Draco smirked. "Mya..." but his sentence was cut off. "Ah! Bloody hell!" he nearly shouted, but Hermione clamped a hand over his mouth.
"Shh..." she instructed before letting him go, and Draco savagely rubbed at his scalp.
"What the hell was that for?" he demanded in a hushed whisper, and Hermione, who held a handful of gorgeous platinum strands, smiled.
"You'll see," she said and unsheathed her wand. With a flick, the hairs sliced and diced themselves into tiny bits. "Watch this," Hermione instructed, and spoke a Latin word to her palm of hair. One by one, the minced pieces sprouted into newborn kittens. Hermione, after the first few, quickly brushed the hair onto the floor, near the catnip. It took a few minutes for the popping to cease, and when it did, about thirty kittens were cuddled into the corner. "Aw..." she cooed.
"I see what you're doing here," Draco stated, still rubbing his head. Hermione bent to gather a stray kitten into her hands, holding and cuddling it as if it were real. "And you're doing it wrong." At this, she looked up, lifting an eyebrow.
"Am I?" Draco nodded.
"Yes. You want them to look like Eglamour's, correct? How did he produce thirty blonde children?" Hermione looked from Draco's face to the corner, and then back again, seeming to be taken aback.
"Oh my... you're right," she said, then shook her head and brought her kitten back to the pile, gently placing him amongst his brothers and sisters.
"It's a piece of hair, love... not a real kitten." Hermione rolled her eyes.
"And if I'd simply thrown it across the room, you wouldn't have winced at the poor little thing's cry?" Draco sighed. "Alright," Hermione stated with a nod, as if she'd won, and lifted her wand. "Finite incantrum," she stated, before sending another spell, which caused Draco's disemboweled hair to burst into flames.
"So you ripped half my skull out for nothing... thank you. I'm already going to go bald, you don't have to help me. And distracting me with a kiss... how evil."
"Thank you," Hermione said, smiling, before lifting a hand into her own hair and pulling forth two strands without so much as a wince.
"Hey! Unfair!"
"My hair is longer... this'll make more kittens than yours did all put together." Draco looked irritated, but said nothing more. She did have a point... however an unfair point. Hermione preformed the same two spells on her hair as she had Draco's, this time brushing off the hairs before starting the kitten-popper, and was again able to look upon three-dozen kittens as they struggled to open their eyes. "Aw..."
"Yeah, yeah... aw... now come on, let's get out of here." With a sigh, Hermione followed a very irritated Draco out the door. As apology, she spent the night beside him.
~*~
"It's impossible!" Hermione shouted at Filch, who was glaring hard at her, and holding a very blissful Mrs. Norris. Hermione was beginning to subconsciously wonder if catnip was more like... cat-weed. She seemed very high. Filch blamed it on hormones... having just had about six litters.
"It was your mutt! It had to be! Oh, poor Mrs. Norris..." Hermione gave a frustrated growl and turned to Professor Dumbledore, who was seated at his desk and looking upon the situation.
"It couldn't have been Eglamour, Professor... he's too young, for one, and the feline gestation cycle places the time of conception somewhere in early August... and Eggy was with me, for summer. It's impossible."
"I'm afraid she has a point, Argus. Whatever happened to your cat was not inflicted by Miss Granger's. Now, if you would..." Hermione, looking very proud of herself, stuck her tongue out at Filch and left Dumbledore's office, marching straight back to the common room, where Draco was entertaining his subconscious with tales by Stephen King and Eglamour slept belly up on the sofa seat beside him. Draco looked up when she entered.
"I won," Hermione squealed, lifting her kitten from the cushion and occupying his spot. Eglamour seemed not to mind, as now he had Hermione's lap to rest upon.
"Congratulations," Draco offered, pecking her on the lips. "But, if I may... he had no case against you."
"I know," Hermione giggled, scratching behind Eglamour's ears. "Mummy's sorry she framed you, baby..." Draco laughed, but didn't comment as Hermione hugged her kitten.
"You know... that really shouldn't count as a play against Mrs. Norris. In fact, she seemed to like the catnip."
"Yes," Hermione agreed, "But she didn't so much enjoy the excruciating spade spell Filch had Pomfrey administer. I was there... not pretty." As promised, Hermione had been visiting Pomfrey quite frequently, whenever she had a spare moment Draco had occupied. He laughed.
"But still... Filch has to deal with the cats," he pointed out, and Hermione nodded.
"Alright," she agreed, and placed a finger to her chin, thinking on her task. "Remember the hair potion we made this morning in class?" Draco perked an eyebrow and nodded. "With the right ingredients... I can make an antidote, which I will combine with catnip and spread about the third floor. You saw how Mrs. Norris rolled in it... she'll be hairless in no time. I like to use the lessons we learn. It's like throwing it back in their face." Draco laughed.
"That's a way to look at it."
"Plus, Filch'll have to clean it up. That's two birds with one stone. And the last two birds... once we finish this, we're done. The list is over."
"What about Potter and Weasley?"
"Oh, they've long since known their fate. I'll just wait until they're least expecting it."
"I'll let you keep that one to yourself," Draco granted, deciding he really didn't want to know anyway.
"Thank you," Hermione praised, grinning, and pecked his lips.
~*~
Hermione was steaming as she walked with Draco to lunch. What must have been the thousandth first year had approached her, asking for an autograph. Her escapade with Snape hadn't died down as she'd expected. It was like a new craze. She'd be on the cover of witch weekly before she knew it.
"Hermione... are you..."
"Okay? Am I okay? Do I look okay, as I certainly don't feel that way," she spat back at Draco, who very wisely took a step to the left, putting some distance between himself and the girl who wore his ring. It was a corridor before the kitchens where she stopped cold, and he alongside her. Draco turned to his girlfriend with slight worry and she took an array of calming breaths before meeting eyes with him. "I'm sorry. I can't take this popularity." Draco laughed and brushed the backs of his fingers over her chin.
"You're a weird one, you are."
"It's odd, really..." she mused as she began walking again, and Draco kept his eyes on her as she continued. "When I was younger, it was all I ever wanted... to be looked at as something more than that girl who hangs around with Harry the Magnificent Potter. That's why I was such a stuck up bookworm brat all the time... it started out as fervor for learning something unique... something the people I was close to wouldn't know...but it turned into a power struggle. I soon found out it didn't matter what I did... everyone would always like Harry better. I gave up."
"I like you better. Always have," Draco said, just because it seemed to fit, and Hermione shook her head.
"I'm getting off topic. My point is, I don't want friends. What should I do?" Draco thought for a moment, turning his face to the ceiling. Suddenly, he stopped.
"I have the perfect idea. Come on..." he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down the hall.
"What? Now?"
"Yes, now. It's perfect. I saw it on TV... we have to get Brocklehurst and MacDougal, though... I wouldn't feel right about getting them too. They can be on the inside."
"Alright... I should probably let you get Mandy. Morag might faint... and that wouldn't be so inconspicuous." Draco laughed.
"Good idea."
~*~
"Hermione," Mandy called as she followed her fellow prefects across the grounds. "What's going on?"
"Wait until we get to the lake," she instructed, before taking the Ravenclaw's hand and pulling, jogging to catch up with the boys.
"Alright," Draco said. "We've saved you."
"Saved us?" Mandy asked, eyebrow perked. "From what?"
"From one of our pranks, of course."
"Your... pranks?" Hermione stepped in.
"Yep. The pictures in the great hall..." she said, beginning a list on her hand.
"Filch's cats," Draco added.
"That classic episode with Snape that got us suspended..."
"Glued two Gryffindor to chairs in Potions."
"Gave Lavender, Ginny, Hannah, Parvarti, and Padma acne. That was a good one... we were only aiming at three... got five."
"And we did some stuff while we were suspended, but you don't need to know about that. The point is, we've put you backstage on this show," Draco finished and the two prefects opposite stared blankly.
"Why?" Morag finally quipped, but took a step backward as Draco laid eyes upon him.
"Because," Hermione answered, "You're our friends... or the closest thing we've got to it." Mandy smiled.
"Of course we are. Right, love?" she asked, turning to her boyfriend, and he nodded nervously. Draco was still looking at him. Hermione slapped his arm.
"Not helping." Draco looked put out, but stopped glaring down his 'friend'. In the distance, a bell tolled.
"Showtime," Draco informed, smirking, and the four turned back to the school. There was a brief silence, before a disgruntled scream echoed across the grounds. Draco and Hermione smirked as this was accompanied by hundreds of others.
"Wow. A lot of bee fearers, hm?" Hermione mused, and Draco laughed.
"Those aren't normal bees, love." Her smile fell and she lifted an eyebrow at him. Meanwhile, Mandy and Morag glanced nervously at each other.
"What exactly did you guys do?" Mandy wondered out loud.
"Well..." Hermione started, but Draco cut her off.
"Sealed all the doors surrounding the lobby except the exit doors, charmed the great hall doors to seal once shut, and left an open crate of bees in the middle of the floor."
"...abnormal bees?" she prodded and he gave a nod.
"They're six times the size of normal bees." Three mouths dropped open. "Look, here they come..." Draco instructed, and everyone turned back toward the castle, where a mob of students filed out the doors, followed by, as Draco had described, gigantic bees.
"Ooh..." Morag breathed. "That was good."
~*~*~*~
Harry blinked his eyes open, but the world around him was blurry. It smelled like pine... and he had a tremendous headache. It was cold, wet, and he wasn't wearing his glasses. Harry tried to move, but found himself unable. A pained moan was heard, and he snapped his head to the side.
"Ron? Ron, is that you?"
"Harry? What's going on?" Harry sighed. At least he wasn't alone... wherever he was.
"I don't know, I can't see... wait... do you smell honey?"
"I more than smell it, Harry, I'm covered in it, naked, and upside-down. What about you?" he spat, as if just remembering his feud with Harry. Potter rolled his eyes.
"Ron, I don't think this is such a good time to be fighting."
"I'll be mad if I bloody well want to be mad, Harry." The two were lapsed in silence for a few moments, but it was broken by a far off giggle.
"Did you hear that?"
"Yes," Ron piped nervously, eyes scanning the dark expanse.
"Looking good, boys." With a simultaneous gasp, the boys turned in the direction of the voice. "Lumos."
"Hermione," Harry breathed as her face was doused in light from her wand. "Where are we?"
"Forest, of course."
"How the hell did we get here? Help me down, Hermione... I think my hair is turning darker," Ron pleaded and Hermione laughed, shaking her head.
"Now why would I do that, Ronnikins?" she wondered. "This was your idea, after all. I guess I'm a bit better at strategizing than you say I am, aren't I? Well... it's getting late. Have a good night, boys."
"What? Wait! Hermione!" Harry called after her, but Hermione wasn't planning on turning back. She'd much rather meet Draco at the forest entrance and retreat to the common room. Harry sighed. "Great job, Ron. What if McGonagall finds us? Do you want her to see you naked?"
"Ew..."
"I knew we should've sent her a letter..."
~*~
A/N: That's it, boys and girls. The last episode of The Legend of Guilly Granger. I plan to revise MPES... then I will work on this. You know... add stuff in that I've forgotten, take out stuff I've abandoned. Make it better. I doubt any of you will re-read, but I appreciate it anyway :oD Thanks for sticking with me.