Chapter Title: It Beginneth!
Warnings: Grammatically-correct Crack, OCs, AU, Language, Ego-stabbing, Violence, Threats
A/N: 26 pages. You heard me right, TWENTY-SIX PAGES! MY FINGERS! THEY BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

"My foot huuuurts…" whined the Lexa…but Ralmal ignored him. Poor the Lexa.

The Principal looked at Elemia and the Lexa and cackled, "I hope you enjoy your five minutes of freedom, because that's all you're gonna get…" She then laughed evilly.

"Dude," said Ralmal in an annoyed tone of voice, "we went through this already. Only I can do the evil laugh."

"Me too!" chirped Elemia.

"Aw maaaaan…"

"And only Jake Long can say that line…"

"Word," said the asain…boy…dragon…what is he?

"Okay," shouted Ralmal, "Elemia, Lexa, get out of here!" so saying, she pushed them out the door.

Faaaaaalling…

The Lexa looked over at Elemia and asked/shouted, "Why the hell are we falling?"

Elemia replied, "You're the genius, you tell me!"

"You're in my body!"

"Then I still don't know!"

From above they heard Ralmal's voice calling, "This is your freedom! Falling forever!"

"It is scientifically impossible to fall forever…" the Lexa yelled back.

"Exactly," said the voice of Ralmal, "that's why you're only falling for five minutes!"

"But you just said…"

"Forget about what I said…okay, that's the only five minutes you get."

ZAP!

Elemia and the Lexa fell on top of the podium in the English classroom.

"Back so soon?" asked Ralmal.

Elemia immediately ran to a corner and sat there shivering…height-o-phobia (in truth, yes, she is height-o-phobic). "I think I'm gonna throw up that pie…"

"Wasn't it cake?" asked Julia, walking towards her.

Elemia threw up on Julia's nice-looking combat boots.

"Yup, that was cake alright…" muttered Julia.

Everyone else was like, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"Clean up on aisle 4!" shouted Ralmal.

"Aisle 3!" corrected the Principal.

'Ignore!'

Randomly, the Principal turned to the others and said, "This is the beginning of Freshman Survivor."

"WHAAAAAAAT?"

"See? This was a plot inside a plot."

"Eh?" asked Elemia.

"And the people who placed bets are in it too," continued the Principal.

"NOOOOOOOO! NOT FAAAAAAAAIIIIIR!" screamed the people who had placed bets.

Ralmal, definitely enraged now, shouted, "ME TOO? WHAT is WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Yeah, Ralmal," gloated the Principal, "I tricked you too."

"That is so stupid! Why I oughta…" Most of the cast then decided to hold Ralmal back, because the switchblade she stole from Elemia was sharp…very sharp.

"Okay," continued the Principal, ignoring the minor scuffle occurring behind her, get plenty of rest… Tomorrow, somebody dies."

Return of the bolded Creepy Announcer's voice, people!

Oh my! What will the first challenge be? Who will die first? Will the pairings be split up? Has the Principal REALLY betrayed Ralmal? Or is it just another trick? Well, stop staring at the screen, people! Keep reading!

And now, Silly Songs with Elemia. The OMAKE where Elemia comes out and sings...part of a silly song.

TODAY IS OPENING MADNESS DAY! (which means, since this is the first 'silly songs', WE WILL DO MANY SONGS!)

Elemia: Du...

Elemia+Dana: Du hast...

Elemia+Dana+Olivia: DU HAST MICH!

:pause:

Elemia+Dana+Olivia: DU HAST MICH!

Olivia: And then Santa said, with a twinkle in his eye...

Olivia+Dana+Elemia: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, NOW YOU"RE ALL GONNA DIE!

Olivia; I see a little silhouette of a man

Olivia+Elemia: Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fan-DANGO!

Olivia+Elemia+Dana: SEND A BOLT OF LIGHTNING, VERYVERY FRIGHTNING...ME!

Elemia: Galileo!

Olivia: Galileo!

Elemia: Galileo!

Olivia: Galileo!

Elemia+Olivia: Galileo figaro!

Dana: Magnifico-

Olivia: o-

Lexa: o-

Elemia: 0- (lol 'tis a zero...1337!)

Lexa: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me!

Elemia+Dana+Olivia: HE'S JUST A POOR BOY, FROM A POOR FAMILY! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY!

Annie: :plays piano interlude:

Lexa: Easy come, easy go...willl you let me go?

Olivia+Dana: Bismillah! NO! We will not let you go -

Elemia: LET HIM GO!

Olivia+Dana: Bismiillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!

Elemia: LET HIM GO!

Olivia+Dana: Bismiillah! WE WILL NOT LET YOU GO!

Elemia: LET HIM GO!

Olivia+Dana: Will not let you go

Elemia+Lexa: LET ME GO!

Olivia+Dana: Will not let you go

Elemia+Lexa: LET ME Go-

Lexa: o-

Elemia: o-

Olivia: o-

Dana: o-

Olivia+Dana: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Andrew: Mamma mia! Mamma mia!

Lexa+Elemia+Andrew: MAMMA MIA LET ME GO!

Everyone except Elemia (that would be: Olivia, Dana, Annie, Andrew, Lexa, Weasel); Beezelbub has a devil set aside for MEEE

FOr MEEEEEE for

Elemia: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

:rock interlude in which there is much headbanging:

Lexa: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME AND SPIT IN MY EYEEEE!

Andrew: SO YOU THINK YOU CAN LOVE ME AND LEAVE ME TO DIEEE!

Lexa+Andrew: OOOOOOH BABY!

Ralmal: o.0

Lexa+Andrew: CAN'T DO THIS TO ME BABY!

Ralmal: Okay, time to stop. :rips stereo from wall:

Elemia; aw MAAAAN!

Songs Used in the Above Omake:

Du Hast – Rammstein

The Night Santa Went Crazy – Weird Al (I think…)

Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

The Next Day…

Su ran amok about the room shouting, "ANDRE'S DEEAAAAAD!"

Elemia tried to console her, patting her back (as she ran by) and saying, "It was just a motorcycle, Su."

"NO, it was an ILLEGALLY MODIFIED FATBOY!"

Ayah, Su's truly Persian aunt appeared from thin air to say, "Damn straight."

"'Twas still a motorcycle…" muttered Elemia.

"IT WAS AN ILLEGALLY MODIFIED FATBOY!" screeched Su and Ayah in unison.

"What I'm tring to get at is…"

But the Lexa interrupted her. "Just put some gas in it…it will be fine."

"Oh…"

"I should know that!" shouted Ayah, "I've got a degree in physics!"

"Well, actually, you should know it because…blahblah…blah…logic…blah…blah…"

Elemia sighed, bored, and asked, "Are you done yet?"

"No," he replied, before launching back into his rant.

"hEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEll no!" screamed Su, "Just shut up already."

Ignoring them, Ayah argued, "Yes, but…blah…blah…logic…stabbing…blahblah…"

"Are you done yet?" asked an even-more-bored Elemia, were it possible.

The Lexa announced, "I have found an intellectual equal!"

"Problem is," said Elemia, "she is WAY older than you…and widowed."

"Plus," added Su, "she's my aunt…"

"Plus," added Elemia, "she's a motorcycle freak. Motorcycle freak plus white prep equals NO."

"I'm a motorcycle freak!" declared Soney.

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal.

"Elemia," said Elemia, randomly.

Ralmal, puzzled, asked, "Why did you say your own name?"

"I felt like it…"

The Principal stabbed a metal butter knife in the electric socket…

BBBBBBBBBBbbbbbbbbbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

And everyone woke to find themselves in their own bodies.

The Principal announced, "To everyone who placed a bet, here are your refunds…"

The betting people were all like, "Aw MAN!"

Jake Long ran over and shouted, "HeY! My line!"

The Lexa and Danny danced about in their joy, crying, "NOT IN A SKIRT! WoOT!" They then ran toward each other to exchange…a high five…what? What were you waiting for?

"How many plot twists are there?" asked Paulina, "It's so ANNOYING!"

Ralmal shook her head solemnly, muttering, "I know, Paulina, I know…"

"You're creeping me out," said Paulina, eyes wide as she backed away sloooooooowly.

Ralmal shook her head solemnly, muttering, "I know, Paulina, I know."

"All of you! Line up against the wall!" ordered the Principal, doing her best imitation of a drill sergeant. It was pretty good, actually. As everyone went, she continued. "You stupid freshmen, you must all compete in this game if you want to live! And…"

But she was interrupted by Jazz, who whined, "Um, Ma'am, I'm not a freshman. I'm a junior."

"Dang…one less person to kill…I mean EXPELL. Alright, you can be my new assistant."

"I thought I was your assistant!" protested Ralmal.

"Ralmal, you're fired."

Ralmal broke down sobbing in the middle of the line…Poor Ralmal.

"Okay, now everyone has to participate in a swimming contest. To the pool!"

ZAP!

At the pool…

"But," whimpered the Lexa, going into shock, "it's not scientifically possible!"

"Shut up!" hissed everyone else, "No one cares!"

The Principal then ordered, "Split up into boys and girls. Whichever team loses then has to vote someone off…to the PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!" pulling out a karaoke microphone out of her pocket, she added, "DA DA DA DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN…."

The geeks and nerds screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The slackers stood aloofly off to the side and murmured something along the lines of, "Been there, done that."

The pairings clutched each other (excluding the Lexa and Elemia, because the Lexa is dense like brick.) and wailed, "NO! I don't want to leave the one I love!"

"Who cares?" asked the pairing-less Ralmal.

But then they all split up. Why? No quisieron morir. (They did not want to die.)

Jazz raised her arm and shouted, "Ready……set……"

GO!

"Shut up smarty!" shouted Ralmal, before diving in.

And THUS, the contest raged on.

The Principal stood on her Portable Podium™ and announced, "The winners are…the BOYS!"

"YES!" shouted the boys.

"NO!" wailed the girls.

"Now, girls, you must vote a girl off. Who will it be? Step into this voting booth (separately, of course), and we will announce the winner…I mean, the loser next." Pulling out her microphone again, she raised it to her mouth and added, "DA DA DA DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Ralmal gave her a flat look and asked, "Can you stop doing that?"

"Oh, sorry."

WHOOOOOOOOOOO will be voted off?

Elemia strode up to the platform and announced, "We vote off…the Celia…"

"But WHY?" asked the Celia.

"Because you were too busy staring at the Jake to swim, idiot!"

"Oh yeah…"

"I love you, Celia!" shouted Jake from the stands.

"YAAAAY!"

"Now I will expel you…" said the Principal evilly.

"MAAAAN!" whined the Celia and Jake…in UNISON.

The Principal ripped a hole in time and space and threw the Celia into it. The Rift then disappeared.

"Where'd she go?" asked a depressed Jake.

"A random dimension," replied the Principal airily.

Later…

Jake sat in one of the four corners, crying his eyes out. Like seriously, he could have drowned them, were it not for the open windows.

Everyone, ignoring their almost imminent peril, squealed, "AAAAAAAAWWWWW!" at his devotion.

"Shut up, all of you!" ordered the Principal, striding into their circle imperiously, Jazz at her heels. "The next challenge is a treasure hunt. You must find a squirrel and a ferret. Again, girls vs. boys."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" shouted the pairings melodramatically.

"Seriously," said Ralmal, "who cares?"

The Jake, having discovered his inner emo, added, "You got that right…"

Random Mid-scene Omake

It is now time for the Inner-Emo-Jake Rant.

"My world is a downward spiral of death and despair. The pain inflicted upon my body is naught compared to the endless abyss created by her departure. My heart is empty…my soul is worthless…THE CELIA! I WILL WAIT FOR YOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!"

While that was deeply touching, we should return to the story now.

"Okay," declared the Principal, "GO!"

Elemia stood up and announced, "I found an onion." And lo! She held an object up, and it was indeed an onion.

"Five extra points!" shouted the Principal.

"YES!" cheered the girls.

A while later…

"And the winner is…the GIRLS!"

"YES!"

The boys pouted sulkily (causing many a fangirl to squeal) and announced, "We're voting off Tucker."

"WHY?" screeched Annie, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU?" She then ran to a spare corner, sobbing.

"Bye Tucker," said the Principal before summoning the Rift and pushing him into it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" sobbed Annie, whilst everyone sighed in relief.

"How can you be so heartless?" asked an indignant Annie. Everyone took a minute or two to ask, 'I have a heart?'

"Well, Annie," said Ralmal, trying to be tactful, "he was a great person and all, but…"

Weasel strolled by arm-in-arm with the Tele and deadpanned, "No, he wasn't. He was a complete and total loser."

Hearing this, Annie's sobs redoubled in fervor. Elemia started laughing uproariously.

"Count on her to make it blunt," said Ralmal, sighing at her wasted efforts.

"Yes, I am very blunt."

"Okay, no need to say it again…EVER."

"My heart will NEVER go on!" sobbed Annie.

"You knew him for two days," said Ralmal, "Get over it."

"I think I've moved on," said Annie, jumping up with a huge smile on her face, "isn't Jake Long available since the Celia's gone?"

"Who are you? Yo, I can't cheat on the Celia. I want to get voted off so I can join her, you see…"

"Stop saying 'yo' and being all EMO!" shouted an angry Ralmal, unaware that she was rhyming.

The Lexa spoke up suddenly. "Why have I had few to no lines in this part?"

"No one likes you…" said Ralmal callously.

"Not true," whispered Elemia.

"What is THAT?"

Chitmas in May… (yeah, Christmas without an s and r…inside joke…)

"Rudolf the red nose reindeer…" (Dana)

"Reindeer…" (Olivia)

"Had a very shiny nose…and if you ever saw it"

"Saw it…"

"You would even say it glows…"

"Like a light bulb!"

"All of the other reindeer…"

"Reindeer…"

"Used to laugh and call him names…"

"Like Pinocchio!"

Suddenly, Elemia's eyes glow red as she stabbed out their eyes.

"What was THAT for?" wailed her two hapless victims.

"I hate that song. After spending something like two hours watching the people from Annie's church try to get it right, I am officially going to be prejudiced against it for the rest of my life."

"Yeah," added Annie, "that was preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty stupid…I was making a complete fool of myself."

"Indeed you were," replied Elemia.

Ralmal tapped the Principal on the shoulder and said, "We vote Dana and Olivia off because they have no eyes."

"Dang…" were the last words they heard from the two as they hurtled into the Rift.

"Hey, it is CHRISTMAS!" announced Ralmal.

Everyone went all googly-eyed and squealed "AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW…"

"Calm down people…"

"Hey," demanded the Principal, "aren't we getting back to the game?"

"Come on, Noto, get into the Christmas spirit!"

Larie sniffed and declared, "I'm Jewish!"

"Oops," said Ralmal, twitching a little.

The Principal suddenly started crying... "you finally called me Noto…:sniff: I am so touched…THANK YOU!"

"Whatever," replied Ralmal, already walking away.

End Chitmas!

Ms. Jackson once again stood in front of her 7th period Freshman Honors English class, deciding to discuss their writing prompts.

"And today, we will be defining the word 'apple.'

From one side of the room, Julia shouted, "'Tis a fruit that grows upon trees!"

"Indeed," agreed Olivia, "'tis!"

"'Tis?" asked Ralmal

""Tis!" chorused Julia and Olivia together.

Elemia just sighed in the corner at the idiocy of it all.

The Lexa raised his hand…

"Yes, Lexa?" asked Ms. Jackson.

"An apple is a roughly spherical fruit that grows upon apple trees…" he then continued in his own geeky fashion.

Elemia just kind of went like: -.-;;

Suddenly, Ms. Jackson leaped upon her desk and announced, "Now we will take a field trip! To the MOOOON!"

The Lexa punched a few buttons on his calculator and said, "The moon is 5,000 miles away from Paulina's mole."

"My mole is .00005 miles in diameter," said Paulina. (That's about three inches…)

"Right…" said the Lexa.

And thus, they go…

Ralmal glanced about her once or twice, and then sulked a bit. "This is so lame…the moon looks like cheese!"

"What is THAT?" screamed the Celia.

"Stop screaming!" whined the Lexa, putting in some earplugs.

Ms. Jackson turned to her class and said, "This is the perfect place to declare your love for anyone!"

A bit of elbowing later…

Elemia stood up and said, "I DECLARE MY LOVE FOR…:whisper:whisper:"

"Whooooooooooo?" teased Ralmal, confident in her guess.

"Yeah, whoooooooooo?" asked the Lexa, truly oblivious.

Elemia cleared her throat and shouted, "I DECLARE MY LOVE FOR CAKE!"

"Figures…" muttered Ralmal as a large anime-style sweat-drop slid down her head.

A bit later…

Elemia passed around some cake she had bought from the cafeteria. Yes, she did have fifty-two pieces of cake, all packaged separately in little boxes. Just don't ask me why.

"I did not like the cake," said Larie.

Ralmal chewed thoughtfully and added, "It was too spongy."

Paulina stood on the rock (that Elemia had stood on before…I guess) and announced, "I declare my love for Danny Fenton."

In the silence that followed, she added, "Uh…I mean…Phantom. Yeah, that's it," she then giggled nervously…for a long time.

"Right…" said Ralmal skeptically.

Cluelessly, Elemia asked, "What's the difference?" as the Lexa nodded his head in agreement.

"Hey, hey, hey…" muttered Sam jealously, "wanna take this outside?"

"We're on the moon…" said Paulina.

"Yea, but we're not outside."

Tucker looked on anxiously before happily crying, "Oooooh…catfight!"

In the midst of the fighting (see: biting, scratching, hair-pulling), Odysseus appeared. "I declare my love for Ms. Jackson!" he announced, striking a pose atop the rock.

Ms. Jackson's eyes darted around frantically as she looked for an escape route. Erstwhile, she stalled. Sort of. "Uh…you need to leave…because…because…because we're done with the Odyssey!" Aside to her students, she whispered, "Isn't he married?"

Elemia replied, "Isn't he dead?"

The Lexa added, "Wasn't he a mythical character anyway?"

"Aw man…" sighed Odysseus sadly…But then, a maniac light shone in his eyes and he grabbed Ms. Jackson. Then, they disappeared.

"Oh, my gosh!" cried Ralmal, "we need to save her!"

"Why?" asked…just about everyone else.

"She's our ride home…" she deadpanned, as everyone else sweat-dropped.

The shepherd-less herd looked to Ralmal for guidance. "What should we do, boss?"

"I wonder where they went…" Ralmal mused aloud.

Danny held up a filthy piece of animal hide. "Perhaps this note that was left behind will explain it all." Suddenly, his eyes turned to hearts. "It's lemon scented."

"Shut up," snapped Sam. "I mean…well, yeah, it does smell lemony-fresh…"

Elemia smacked them all before reading the note aloud.

The Note:

I have taken Ms. Jackson to Mars.

The Lexa reread it, to make sure he wasn't hallucinating before commenting, "Well, that as surprisingly easy. Who will drive the shuttle?"

Everyone else was like, '?'

Ten minutes later…

Whilst everyone else pondered in silence, Elemia had devised a way to make this whole thing work to her advantage.

"You didn't like the cake?" she asked, tears running down her face.

"No, we didn't!" yelled Larie and Ralmal.

Elemia stood there, eyes wide, sniffling pitifully as tears continued to flow.

Ralmal suddenly felt all guilty and tried to console her. "Well…I mean…"

Tears still running (Elemia has mad fake-crying skillz. So mad, that in fact, she actually is crying), Elemia shouted, "IN ORDER TO MAKE IT UP TO ME, YOU MUST LET ME PILOT THE SHUTTLE!"

"Yeah…okay…" Ralmal, you pushover!

"WHAT?" shouted Larie in disbelief.

"I feel so much better now!" squealed Elemia, no longer crying, as she did a happy-dance.

The Lexa entered their little circle to ask, "Why do I suddenly feel a sense of impending doom?"

"Wanna dumb that down for me?" asked Sam.

Andrew interrupted the Lexa's response with a show-offy, "He means that he felt a strong sense of foreboding."

"Smaller words, honey…" mumbled Paulina.

"Did she just call him honey?" whispered Elemia to Ralmal.

"WHAT the weasel…" muttered Ralmal, before she gagged at the thought.

"Indeed," agreed Elemia.

Julia swept into the room (from whence she left, eh?), struck a pose, and said in a loud, commanding voice, "'Tis of much importance that thou dost thy homework!"

"Uh…" murmured Larie.

Elemia fixed Julia with a haughty glare and said, equally dramatically, "'Tis not the realm, nor the time, to dabble in such language. Forsooth, myself, thee, and our people do stand upon the moon!"

"You lost me," said Ralmal.

Weasel popped her head into the conversational circle and said, "Thou speaketh like Snagglepuss."

"She was almost done!" whined Julia. "Don't interrupt."

Elemia cleared her throat imperiously and continued. "'Tis no fault of thine own, but the use of such antiquated language upon so glorious a land is an insult to thy intelligence, my intelligence, the intelligence of thy contemporaries, an the sock puppet named Bob. Ms. Jackson would be horrified at thy announcement, for lo, it hath transformed this meager chapter into a Ren Faire! Get thee gone, wench, and take thine language with thee, that I may pilot the shuttle in peace!"

"Such a beautiful speech…" sighed Julia.

"She called you a wench," the Lexa pointed out helpfully.

Julia gave him a flat look and replied, "I called you a lady."

"Touché," Ralmal called out.

"I called Swanson a girl…" continued the Lexa. But lo, Swanson appeareth not here.

Elemia poked the Lexa and added, "Jessica said you frolicked through a field of flowers." Jessica, too, appeareth not.

Julia stared off into space, a dreamy look on her face. (RHYMING!) "It takes a REAL man to frolic through flowers…"

"…" (the Lexa)

"…" (Elemia)

"…What is THAT?" cried Ralmal, breaking the silence.

"What IS that?" asked Elemia.

"What is WRONG with you?" yelled the Celia.

Ralmal and Elemia turned to the Celia, coughed meaningfully once or twice, and said (in unison), "Wrong phrase…"

"Oops…"

"Hey," said Ralmal, "look at this sign."

Hearing her, everyone else crowded around.

"Hey, I need my space!" she yelled, "So BACK OFF!"

Ignoring her, everyone crowded around closer.

Elemia shoved her way to the front, pushed everyone away from the angry Ralmal, and announced, "It says, 'Come to the International Fest. And…don't bring Tucker.'"

"Hey!" whined Tucker.

Da da da duuuuun…

Elemia turned and asked, "Lexa, was that you?"

"No…" he replied, eyes darting around suspiciously.

Elemia randomly stood up and announced, "IF WE DON'T GO, I WILL THROW UP ON THE CELIA!"

The Celia backed away slowly before hiding behind Jake Long.

"Don't worry, baby…" he…cooed? "I'll protect you form any puke that comes your way."

Ralmal, drawing the whole group away from Elemia, whispered, "She gets mad when there is no cake…"

"I'll give you my meat pie if I get to come!" Tucker shouted to Elemia.

"Okay!"

And so, they go to International Fest…

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal. "That transition sucked." As Narrator, we must ask Ralmal to put a sock in it. Yes…we mussssst…then we mussssst find the precioussss… No! Narrator is good! (ehe…Lord of the Rings NOT OWNINGno idea where that came from…)

The Celia was still hiding behind…a dragon. Guess who? "Nothing happened yet! And I'm still on the bubble!"

Da da da duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun….

Elemia turned and said, "Lex, if you keep doing that, I will have to stab your eyes out."

"Did you just call me Lex?"

"No…" replied Elemia, eyes darting about.

Danny stood up and announced, "I'm going ghost!"

There was a lot of silence…

"Nice…" muttered Ralmal.

Sam suddenly became livid. "YOU IDIOT, you just told everyone your secret! I don't know WHAT I saw in you…"

"Oh Em Gee!" squealed Paulina, causing everyone to stare at her. "It's Invisobill, my love!" she ran towards him and glomped him. No, she Amazon-glomped him. Yes, there's a difference.

"Shallowness…too…much…to…bear!" gasped Danny, his voice growing quieter as the shallowness (and the glomp) squeezed away his available air.

Andrew turned to Paulina jealously… "Hey, I thought you were with me!"

Paulina sniffed snottily and said, "You were so 10 seconds ago."

"Actually," corrected the Lexa, "he's 10.6 seconds ago."

Paulina stood there and…blinked a few times.

"I will do an Interpretive Chinese Dance onstage! Watch me!" announced Danny, dashing backstage.

"He's probably going to put on a kimono…" Ralmal remarked.

"He's not THAT stupid," said Sam defensively.

Danny walked out in a kimono.

"Shutting up now…" muttered Sam, hiding her face in shame.

The lights dimmed and the fest began!

Creepy Announcer Voice Alert!

What is the girly Danny going to do? Who else is going to perform?

Randomly Placed Random Omake…

Danny stood on his bed, looking out the window at the city beyond. "Tucker…" he whispered.

His family walked in.

"Family, I have an announcement to make…"

He ripped off his shirt, revealing a heart tattoo with the word 'Tucker' on it.

"I'm going GAY!"

(meh! Don't shoot me! …yeah, this was randomly written a while ago…)

Danny stood atop the stage in a green kimono that had pretty silver butterflies on it. "I will now do an interpretive dance to a traditional Chinese song. The song, which is known as the Butterfly Song…" he paused for a little bit, apparently lost in thought. "Ah…I forgot my lines."

Elemia pushed up her glasses like the little geek she is inside and said, "I have a synopsis. The song is a story about a girl who pretends to be a boy to go to school. There, she falls in love with her roommate, who is a REAL guy."

Andrew interrupted her, saying "So…then…" he coughed a little.

"NO, NOT THAT WAY!" Elemia then muttered something that sounded surprisingly like 'pervert.' "Anywho, eventually her family called her home so she could marry some rich doctor guy they wanted her to marry. He walks her home and she tries to tell him that she loves him, but he is TOO DAMNEDLY DENSE to figure it out. She then tells him that she has a sister that he was perfect for…but she was an only child. However, he did not know this and, since he thought she was actually a boy, he believed her. Later, he visits the house again and asks for his friend, by the name she went by at school. The servant told him that that person did not exist. The servant then told him of the only child of the house, a girl... Only then did he figure it out that she loved him and wanted to marry him, and he becomes sad, refuses to eat, and eventually pines away and dies. In her marriage procession, she passes his grave (it was on the side of the road), does so voodooy fate crap, and jumps into the grave. They then turned into butterflies and flew away, to be together forever."

"Aaaaw…" squealed Ralmal.

"Yeah, what she said," murmured Danny, pointing to Elemia.

Elemia turned away from slapping the perverted Andrew to give Danny a flat look, saying, "Baka gaijin…"

"What…?" asked the Lexa.

"It means 'stupid foreigner in Japanese…"

Ralmal interrupted their conversation to ask, "Aren't you Chinese?"

Elemia nodded, but added, "I wish I was Japanese..."

"SO BE IT!" shouted Danny, startling just about everyone else. He then proceeded to do a random interpretive dance that ended in him falling of a six-inch-wide bench and off the stage, crashing into a lit candle on the way there.

"Weren't those props for the Filipino Club?"

Arri walked in from backstage. "So be it."

Elemia tilted her head to the side to contemplate her friend's entrance. "Since when are you here?"

The shorter-than-the-Lexa-by-about-one-foot Viet girl drew herself to her full height and announced, "I come to declare my love for Andrew!"

There was a bit of an awkward silence…

"I thought I loved Paulina…" mused Andrew.

"I already explained this to you! You are, like, so ten seconds ago!" cried an exasperated Paulina.

"10.6," corrected the Lexa.

"Whatever."

Andrew ran away, saying, "I think I will cower in a corner now…" and thus, he cowered.

Suddenly, Arri forgot about Andrew and sad, "I have cake!"

"MINE!" shouted Elemia, devouring it whilst Arri sweat-dropped.

Randomly, Larie walked in. "Hi!"

"Well," said Ralmal, "we haven't seen you around…"

"I was in the little girl's room."

Elemia interrupted her. "For THREE HOURS?"

"Yes, there was this piece of hair that just WOUL NOT stay in place even after I dunked it in hair spray!"

"Since when do you care about your looks?" asked Ralmal.

"Since I found the pairing of my dreams!"

Everyone crowded around to listen.

"It's…a piece of chicken!"

Everyone face-faulted.

"Haha…April Fool's joke…"

"Um, it's February 13th…" said Ralmal.

"OH MY GOSH!" shouted the Celia. "ONE DAY 'TIL VALENTINE'S DAY!"

Everyone was all like 'OMG!'

"But…" whined the Lexa, "it's May…"

"Shh…" whispered Elemia, "humor them…"

Aeris (FROM FFVII WHICH I DO NOT OWN) walked in, carrying a basket of flowers. "Hi, everyone. I am selling flowers for 2 gil! Come an buy to give to your valentine."

"Haha," said Danny. "That rhymed. See, Sam, I'm not an idiot…Please take me back!"

Sam looked at him and asked, "What's your IQ?"

Danny, unfortunately for him, had no idea what an IQ was. "Uh…I don't have one…"

"Figures…" muttered Sam.

Ralmal stood aside from everyone else and said, "I don't believe in valentines when we are only in High School. It is brainwashing. It is stupid. Aeris is stupid. Everyone who buys a flower is stupid." Gasp! Not Aeris!

Everyone ran to buy a flower.

"Figures…" muttered Ralmal and Sam IN UNISON.

"Hey," shouted Ralmal, "stop saying 'figures!'"

"Why?' asked Sam.

"It was my line a couple chapters ago! That line made me what I am today!"

"A wise and noble girl who hates when high school students act all weird and stupid on Valentine's Day, but goes "Aw…" whenever there is fluff, and loves cheese pizza but hates the cake that Elemia loves and wishes that my Career would not end in ONLY 16 EPISODES! ONLY SIXTEEN! WHY!"

"Exactly."

Elemia was like… 'OMGWTFBBQ2'

"I wish you would stop with that…" commented Ralmal.

Elemia grabbed the quarterstaff (that would be a long pole, people) from the Chinese Club props and began whirling it menacingly. "Anyone wanna try to stop me?"

Everyone ran away…

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"ANDREW I LOVE YOU!" shouted Arri.

"Have you no respect for yourself?" demanded Elemia whilst shaking Arri.

Annie nodded in agreement. "Andrés tiene un 'pizza face.'"

"And he's too smart for his own good," added Elemia.

Annie's face contorted into a hate-filled look. "I swear to God he is going to become rich and then lose half his brain cells in a car accident and be a moron for the rest of his life."

"What is THAT?" asked Ralmal.

The Lexa said, "It would be rather ironic."

"Especially if you consider the fact that he is obsessed with cars and that's about all he can draw," said Elemia, in complete agreement.

"Yes," said Andrew, "just keep talking like I'm not here."

"OKAY!" shouted Elemia, jubilant.

Andrew sighed. "I feel so alone…"

"I'LL STAY WITH YOU!" shouted Arri, running over to him.

A very annoyed Elemia held her back and yelled, "HAVE YOU NO SELF-RESPECT?"

"Aa…um…didn't you say that already?"

Elemia sighed exasperatedly. "Arri?"

"Yes?"

"I need you to take a gun and shoot yourself."

"WHAAAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Why?"

"Because, if you don't, I'll do it myself. Andrew/Paulina has been a pairing for a long time now, and I will not have you messing with it…because it's hilarious."

"BUT..."

Some time later…

"But…" Arri broke down sobbing at Paulina's feet. "I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" she then continued to cry."

Paulina kneeled and patted her on the back. "It's okay…I don't care. As long as you're not after the ghost boy, it's ok if you love anyone I used to love."

Silence…

Ralmal was first to shatter the silence. With a sledgehammer. "Did Paulina just say something nice AGAIN?"

"Oh my gosh, it's like falling in love again!" cried Tucker, his eyes turning to hearts.

Paulina batted her eyelashes at him…it just looked like she was blinking a lot. "Tucker, just so you know, I'm playing hard to get!"

"YES!" he shouted, jubilant.

"Hey," muttered a VERY jealous Andrew, "Why are you hitting on my Paulina?"

But Tucker was all like, 'ignore!'

"I need a new pairing…" whined Andrew.

In Nekohime Kitsuya's world…

"I need a new pairing…" whined Andrew.

Suddenly, a singing hamster appeared.

"Lonelyyyyy…he's Mr. Lonelyyyyy…he's got nobodyyyyy….for his ooooOOOOOWN…"

In reality…

…or as close to reality as this fic goes…

"I need a new pairing…" whined Andrew.

Elemia, turned a horrified look on her face as she screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOO! It's OVER!"

Jazz looked at the soap opera that was the scene and said, "It is over. You need to move on. My GOSH! Freshmen…" She then walked away to the junior side of the world.

"Which reminds me…" said Elemia, calming down immediately, "what do they do over there?"

"We should find out…" said Ralmal, her eyes darting around whilst she grinned weirdly."

The Lexa backed away slowly, a horrified look on his face. "Never make that face again…"

"Yeah," agreed Elemia. "it's scary."

Ralmal gave her a flat look. "Stop agreeing with everything he says!"

Suddenly, a hooded figure came and took Paulina away to the Junior side of the world.

"HEEEEELLLP!" she screamed…Paulina, not the figure.

Silence…

"That was REALLY unexpected," said the Lexa, breaking the silence AGAIN…my gosh…what is WITH him?

"Word…" said Elemia randomly.

Ralmal shouted, "STOP! We have to save her!"

Everyone was like, 'Why?'

"Because she has my keys."

Elemia said, "We need someone to disguise as a junior."

On cue, everyone turned to look at Ralmal.

"WHAT?"

"…is THAT?" said the Celia.

"Uh…no." After thinking for a while, Ralmal said, "Fine, I'll disguise myself as a junior and OH MY GOSH!"

Everyone was like, "what?"

"It's a…"

CLIFFLIE!