Chapter Title: The Plot is GONNED!
Warnings: Grammatically-Correct Crack, Violence, Language, Ego-Stabbing, OCs, AU, References to Things I Do Not Own
A/N: Sorry I
haven't updated recently…when you've read the same script 15
times, trying to figure out the right words to use and how to make
the story better, you get bored. And when I get bored, I get VERY
easily amused. In short, I spent most of my 'editing time'
playing games on my computer. Gomen! (Please don't kill me, Ralmal)
There's reference to
VGCats strip number 115 in here.30pages in here. I
expect thanks. :sniff:
"Oh…my…freakin…god…" whispered Elemia, her eyes wide with awe…and FEAR.
The Lexa looked at it with a similar facial expression. "Hoooooooly…crap."
Ralmal turned to the others (who couldn't see because Ralmal, Elemia, and the Lexa were in the way) and shouted, "A GIANT PAIR OF UGGS!"
Everyone ran about screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
The Uggs…hopped (?) over to them and…said (WTF?), "Hello, we have taken your precious Paulina."
Everyone except Andrew and Tucker was like… 'Precious? So not…'
The Ugg on the…left said, "She is in this shoe!" The Ugg on the right then cackled, and the left one joined in after a while.
"What is your point? Why did you come here?" asked Ralmal.
"Uhh…because the Juniors wanted to rub it in your faces…so…HA!"
They then…walked…away.
From the midst of the Ugg-ness, the group heard, "HELP!" from a Paulina-ish voice.
"Okay," said Ralmal. "We need to go and save her. I'll go now…to the other side…"
"WE WANT TO COME!" shouted…everyone else.
"Fine, but I get the glory."
And everyone insisted that this was a fine deal.
The Principal appeared out of nowhere. "I have a car that we can use…"
Everyone stared at her in silence.
"You're helping us?" asked a bewildered Elemia.
"Duh. Paulina has the hair that I want to steal from her…Oh – and she owes me 5 bucks."
Everyone climbed into the car – oooh, spacious.
In the car…
The Celia looked around for a bit before remarking, "This is cool and very ghetto!"
"Word," said Jake. "But not as ghetto a you."
"Thanks…I think…"
The Jake/Celia fans went like, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWW.'
Everyone else went like 'gag.'
Some time later…
Tucker, still in the car, ran about screaming "OHMYGOSH THIS IS THE JUNIOR HEADQUARTERS!" mm…spacious car.
"Oh my gosh," said the Celia, "they're playing with penguins!"
Ralmal gasped. "And look who's their queen.
Everyone turned around and saw…
PAULINA!
"I am Paulina. I am the Queen of the Juniors," she said in monotone. "Ma…ha…ha. Ma…ha…ha."
Elemia pushed her glasses up on her nose like the geek he is inside and declared, "It must be one of those mind control crowns like in FFIII and FFVI!" (VI was the same as III right? Anyway, I own none of it! It's just that I love Final Fantasy!)
Nekohime-Kitsuya-style Naruto Reference! (I OWNETH NARUTO NOT)
Suddenly, Rock Lee from Naruto appeared. "YOSH!" he yelled, circular eyes twinkling, "Elemia! THE FLAMES OF YOUTH BURN BRIGHTLY WITHIN YOU!" He then smiled and gave a thumbs up (good guy pose!) and his teeth pinged, the light that came forth proceeded to blind everyone around him.
"LEE!" shouted Elemia, running towards him.
"ELEMIA!" he shouted.
"LEE!"
"ELEMIA!"
A background of a sunset in front of the sea appeared behind them as they hugged, tears streaming down Lee's face.
Looking at the scene, and laughing at Elemia taking the place of Gai, Annie began counting. "3…2…1…Now."
Elemia's eye twitched as her OOCness faded and she threw Lee into the sea.
"I winneth," said Annie, as she, Elemia, and Olivia, laughed uproariously. Everyone else just stared at them, not getting the reference.
Ralmal mulled over recent events, including the unexpected arrival of the boy with the shiny black bowl cut. "What was THAT?"
"Why do I feel like I've heard this before..?" asked the Celia.
"What was THAT?"
"There we go."
Everyone else was like, '?'
"WHAT?" asked Ralmal and the Celia, in UNISON!
"OHMYGOSH, Elemia," shouted Lee, swimming toward them, "You must introduce me! Right after I get out of this sea!"
"Okay!" and so she introduced him. But then she forgot her meds. "I'm glad I threw you in the water!" she snarled viciously.
"What?"
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"
Ralmal looked at Elemia, who was trying to fish Lee out of the water. With a fishing pole. "Talk about bipolar!"
Erstwhile, Elemia had finished getting Lee out, and he disappeared after saying a few more speeches about youthfulness.
Danny looked at Ralmal inquisitively. "Bye-poh-lahr? What's that?"
"WHY must you be so STUPID?" screeched Sam.
Ralmal looked at the bickering couple in horror. "NOOOOOOOOO! There is supposed to be FLUFF!"
"Fluff is good," said Elemia.
After about five minutes of silence, Ralmal said, "You are so weird."
Sam stuck herself into the conversation. "And bipolar!"
"Seriously," said Danny, "What IS that?"
Jake turned to look at him quizzically. "Dude, it's 'what is THAT?'"
"It's a cake."
Elemia ran over. "CAKE!" she then ate it. Quickly.
"Can we please focus of the superiorly intelligent one now?" asked Paulina in her monotonical voice.
Everyone turned to look at Andrew.
"What?" he asked.
"The other one…" said Paulina.
Everyone turned to look at the Lexa.
"WHAAT?" he screeched.
"I meant me…" she said, still using her monotone voice.
"Ohhhh…" everyone said.
"I will now pick my king," Paulina continued, surveying the room. "You." She pointed to the Lexa.
"What? Me?"
Elemia looked horrified. "HIM?" Snapping her fingers in a triangle-thingy, she cried, "Oh no you di-dn't!"
Paulina looked up, and said somewhat monotonically, "Oh yes I di-id."
Julia strolled in, wearing a toga. "My parent's called me Salty Jim…but I like to be called Odysseus." This was mentioned in 'First Love on a CTA Train,' one of Nekohime Kitsuya's earlier fanfics (and one about the Odyssey, no less) which was deleted.
"Bit late there, Julia," said Ralmal, eager to mock.
Erstwhile…
Elemia was in an intense battle with Paulina.
"I hate you!"
"I hate you more!"
Elemia pulled out Paulina's eyes…with her fingers…like in Kill Bill! Which I do not own. "I hate you the most!"
"Why are we fighting?" asked the Lexa, confused.
Elemia knocked him out with a giant mallet, anime style. "You are just so DENSE!"
Ralmal whispered to the others, "Elemia is mad because Paulina stole her man."
"RALMAL!" shouted Elemia angrily…and somewhat embarrassedly.
"What?" asked Ralmal innocently, even though everyone could she was LYING!
"What?" asked the Lexa. "I couldn't hear anything. I was too busy feeding Paulina grapes!"
Paulina sniffed haughtily. "You need to skin each one separately…SLAVE!"
"I thought I was your husband."
"Exactly."
Everyone was like, '?'
Ralmal said, "I get it."
Everyone was like, "?"
Randomly, Ralmal's sister walked it.
"Hey, Adne!" greeted Ralmal
"HEY!" replied Adne. "I am going to punch everyone!"
Everyone backed away slowly.
"YAY!" squealed Adne, as she punched Paulina.
Elemia looked on approvingly. "I like her."
"Who are you?"
Paulina was freed from the spell by Adne's punch. "I'm free!"
"Thanks, Adne!" said Ralmal.
"No prob," said Adne over her shoulder as she walked away.
That done, Ralmal turned to Paulina. "Paulina, are you dead?"
"I don't think so…"
"What about the grapes?" asked the Lexa.
"What grapes?"
Everybody went 'XP.'
Ralmal decided to reiterate herself. "Valentine's day is tomorrow."
The Lexa went to go ponder the mysteries of a Valentine's Day in June.
"Let's have a party at junior town," said Elemia. "Paulina, can you get us in?"
"Sure."
There was a loooooong silence.
Sam was shocked. "Did Paulina do something nice? Maybe she's not that shallow after all!"
Paulina looked at her for about five minutes. "I hate your outfit."
"Nevermind, still shallow."
"Trust me, Lexa, this is for your own good," said Elemia, trying to be reassuring. It would have made a genius worry a little, though.
"What is?"
"This is." And so, she smacked him with a large mallet, anime style.
Ten minutes later…
The Lexa woke up. "I don't remember a thing. What happened?"
"Is that even possible?" asked Ralmal in disbelief.
Elemia chimed in knowledgably, "It WAS for his own good, you know."
"Actually," said Paulina, "I don't think…"
Elemia hefted the mallet a bit higher over her head. "What's that?"
"Nothing…nothing…ohmygodpleasedon'tkillme…"
"See, that's what I thought."
Ralmal looked at Elemia with something akin to disgust. "What IS it with you and the violence? You're such a weasel."
Elemia pouted. "I still got this mallet, you know."
"Backing away now…" and so, Ralmal turned tail and RAN.
"Lexa, thank you for saving me!" squealed Paulina.
"You're…welcome?"
Ralmal butted in indignantly. "Hey, I get all the glory. That was our deal."
The Lexa raised his hand, a confused look on his face. When called upon, he said, "I don't remember anything. Who was I paired with again?"
Everyone shouted, "HOW DENSE CAN YOU GET?"
"You're so hurtful!" sobbed Elemia.
The Lexa's face lit up and he announced, "I think I was paired with Danny!"
"Wuzzit?" asked Danny.
"No, he's too stupid…"
"Hey!" exclaimed Danny. "Can you people stop calling me stupid?"
"It must have been Tucker!"
Tucker protested heartfeltedly. "Hey, I'm with the Paulina!"
"Back off, the Lexa! He's MINE!" shouted Da Dash, running in.
There was a loooong silence before he added "Uh…pretend you didn't hear that."
Danny mused for a second before saying, "Wasn't Paulina with Andrew? Before Tucker?"
"FINALLY! SOMETHING SMART!" squealed Sam as she hugged him.
Danny blushed. "Uhh…."
"YES!" shouted Ralmal. "THE FLUFF LIVES!"
"Oh yes…" muttered Paulina, remembering things. "Andrew." Suddenly, she became Indian. "I'm Indian!"
"WHAT?" gasped Ralmal.
"I am just trying to connect to my heritage."
Andrew looked at her confusedly. "Aren't you Hispanic?"
"I forgot…"
The Celia announced, "I know I'm Asian!"
"Me too!" chimed in Jake.
"We have so much in common! Let's get married!"
"Cool wit me, yo."
Ralmal looked at them oddly, but inside she was laughing. "Where's the ring, Mackdaddy Jake?"
"I got it!" shouted Olivia.
"Where did you come from?" asked Elemia.
"Did you miss that day in Health Class?"
Needless to say, everyone was rather disturbed.
"Let's get married now!" ordered the Celia.
At the wedding…
The minister, also known as TUCKER, was talking. A lot. "Holy matrimony…blah blah blah blah…if anyone has any objections, please address them now or forever hold your peace."
A hooded figure in the back stood up and yelled, "I OBJECT!"
Who is the hooded figure?
"Who are you to ruin my wedding day?" demanded the Celia, imperiously. Then, she started sobbing. "Jake, this isn't fair!"
"DRAGON UP!" And thus, Jake became a dragon. "Don't mess with my girl, freak!"
The hooded figure removed the hood.
:Collective gasp:
The Celia looked more than slightly shocked. "What are YOU doing here, Elemia?"
"I'm here to tell you how freakishly wrong this is."
Jake lost his dragony form. "What?"
"But I'm so happy…" said the Celia, "why must you ruin it?"
Elemia did her geeky glasses thing. "NEITHER of you are of legal age to be married."
"But…"
"You DON'T have a marriage license."
"But…"
"YOU," Elemia said, pointing to Tucker, "hold no power over holy matrimony."
"I wish I did…" muttered Tucker.
"Did not need to know that…" said the Celia.
"AND," continued Elemia, "Jake is a full two years younger than you, Celia."
"It doesn't matter in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!"
"Blame my values, but I still think it's along the lines of cradle-snatching."
Jake looked confused. "Whaa?"
"But it's so cool!" gushed the Celia.
Elemia looked at her sternly. "Plus, he's an asian guy who's trying to be a white guy who's trying to be a lack guy."
"A whatnow?"
"He may need therapy…POSER!"
"I'M NOT A POSER!"
"Sure…" Elemia then began coughing loudly, and it sounded strangely like the word 'poser' was in there.
"I'm ghetto, yo," said Jake.
Elemia was like, '…'
Ralmal struck a dramatic pose. "…Poser!"
"WHY MUST YOU BE SO MEAN TO ME?"
The Celia looked at him sadly. "You're a poser…I don't think this is going to work out, Jake…"
:Collective Gasp:
Two whole seconds later…
"I mean, of course it will!" said the Celia, changing her mind.
Elemia slammed her head against a wall.
Ralmal mocked Elemia. "You didn't see that coming, now did you?"
"SHUT UP!" then she went all bipolar and started crying. "You're so hurtful!"
"…CRAZY…" commented Larie.
Randomly, Elemia said, "My chicken is on fire."
"Say what now?" asked Danny.
"Even I didn't get that…" murmured Sam.
Suddenly, Tucker struck a dramatic pose. "Don't mess with da minister!" but everyone ignored him.
"I wanna get married NOW!" whined the Celia like a spoiled little girl.
Jake sighed heavily. "Celia, it's too soon. Da Elemia is right, yo."
"WHAT?" What a loser!" the Celia showed her frustration by throwing wedding cake on Jake. Hehe…that rhymed.
"Hey, that ain't cool, yo! This cake is good! Uh, YO…"
Guy Moon started singing with a cheesy theme song in the background. "Danny Fenton he was just fourteen when his parents…"
"SHUT UP!" shrieked…just about everyone.
"Wrong show…" said Ralmal.
"Hey!" cried Danny. "I object! That's my favorite song."
"Figures…"
Larie tried for the heck of it. "Snow white hair and glowing green eyes?"
There was a buzzer somewhere: EEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….
"Leave it alone," said Ralmal. "This is the random show. NOT Danny Phantom."
Danny stalked away, affronted. "I'm not getting paid enough for this."
"You know your career is going to DIE in 15 episodes, right?" asked Ralmal.
"It cannot be! I will not believe it!"
"Oh yeah? Well…" but she was cut off.
"Guys!" called Elemia, "we need to focus on the Celia and Jake."
"I'm sorry, it's all my fault…" sobbed Guy Moon. "I can't do ANYTHING right!" he ran away, crying, leaving only an awkward silence behind.
"Um…okay…" said Elemia.
Ralmal looked at the rest imperiously. "Jake and the Celia, tomorrow is Valentine's Day; you need to make your decision."
"I do," said the Celia.
Jake thought for a minute. "I don't."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!
"You DON'T!" shrieked the Celia.
There was a collective gasp…everyone was getting rather tired of doing it, but nobody really cared.
"Have you no brains?" asked Annie.
"I agree with Annie!" declared Elemia. "Just a few minutes ago you were about to be married!"
The Celia became infuriated. "Which YOU ruined!"
"BECAUSE THAT'S JUST WRONG!" shouted Elemia and Annie, in unison.
The next day…
"I am so MAD!" screamed the Celia. "Oh, and a Happy Valentine's Day to everyone ELSE."
There was a silence as everyone slowly drew away from her wrath.
"Happy Heart Day to you too," said Ralmal. "I'm glad it's almost over."
"So it's not happy."
"Exactly."
It was around that time that everyone told them to shut the heck up.
Ralmal and Celia stared off-screen.
The camera moved to reveal: JAKE! "Yo, cel."
"EAAAGH!"
There was silence for a while.
Then Jake broke it. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight."
Larie assumed the fetal position on the floor. "The I's burn my perfect little eyes," she whined.
"Hey," protested Paulina, "that was MY line."
Jake looked at the Celia soulfully. Or at least as soulfully as he could manage. "Da Elemia is right, we are too young. But I love you, and in about eight years we will be married."
"But what if there's someone else?" asked the Celia.
Everyone was like, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! DIIIIIIISS!"
"Sizzle sizzle…" said Ralmal.
Larie looked at her oddly. "Stop sizzling."
Danny said, "How can you do the sizzle at a time like THIS?"
"SHUT UP YOU!" shouted Ralmal, as she punched him.
Omake-ish truth…
Chibi-Elemia fell over coughing. "Dammit, I'm sick."
"Hey," protested chibi-Ralmal, "no swearing!"
"Shut up…" muttered chibi-Elemia, slapping chibi-Ralmal away.
Chibi-Arri poked chibi-Elemia's forehead. "Dang, you got a high fever…"
"I could have told you that," said chibi-Elemia, falling off the bed.
"You are such a weasel – why were you sick?" asked Ralmal.
"I caught the Andrew bug."
Da da da duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun…
Everyone shouted, "Lexa, STOP DOING THAT!"
"IT WASN'T ME!" he squeaked, his eyes darting about suspiciously.
Elemia pointed an accusing finger at Andrew. "It's all part of his plan to get rid of everyone so he can be the smartest person in the world!"
"It's not true!" he protested, eyes darting about suspiciously.
Ralmal also pointed an accusatory finger at Andrew. "You idiots! Yes it its! Look at the shifty eyes!"
Suddenly, Andrew said, "It's not fair!" He pointed dramatically to the Lexa. "He is always so superior! I can't take it!" he then broke down sobbing.
"This is unnerving…" muttered Elemia. "I may need intensive therapy now…"
The Lexa looked Andrew over cautiously. "There must be an imbalance between the testosterone and estrogen levels in his body, leading to his over-emotionalness."
"See?" cried Andrew.
"I am so proad of you…" said Elemia, a heart appearing over her head.
"You spelled proud wrong…" murmured the Lexa. "Well, at least she won't have to worry about Andrew stealing her brain."
"I heard that!"
Ralmal looked at them confusedly. "Wasn't she sick because of Andrew's bug?"
"No…" said the Lexa. "It's called the flu."
"No, it's called PMS," Ralmal retorted.
Elemia looked at them VERY oddly. "The say WHAT now?"
Random mid-fic Omakes…
(These were written…a while ago.)
Salad+Elemia: WE ARE THE CO-CONCERT MASTERS!
Ralmal: okaaaaaay then.
Elemia: I am pure geek.
Ralmal: I am pure nerd.
Paulina: I am pink.
Weasel: I am a weasel.
Grace: I am a self-proclaimed giraffe.
Lexa: I AM A JELLYFISH!
Elemia: o.0
Ralmal: SHUT UP ABOUT THE COCONCERT MASTER THING ALREADY. It''s bad enough i have to be in the back with Celia.
Celia: It's okay. . . :thinks on it for a while: HEY!
Paulina: I'm a prep! PINK IS SO ZESTY!
Lexa: What is that?
Ralmal: That was MY line genius
Elemia: OMG Lent has started!
Ralmal: What is THAT?
Elemia: ...just saying...
Ralmal: Give up saying words with more than one syllable for 40 days, Elemia...
Elemia: Make me!
Lexa: Dang, she's good.
Elemia: He is too, right?
Ralmal:not participating: Indeed.
Elemia: That was more than one.
Lexa: I say! You're right!
Elemia: Duh.
Ralmal: Elemia, stop being asian!
Elemia: I can't.
Ralmal: You're lying.
Elemia: You're right. I will be AZN! AZN PRIDE, BAD WORDS CUT OUT!
Ralmal: 'Bad words cut out'?
Elemia: I stick to the rules.
Ralmal: RIght...biznatches is three syllables.
Elemia: See?
Lexa: She IS good. she even got past the stop being asian thing.
Elemia: You broke the rules!
Lexa: WHAT? one...twoo...NOOOOOOO!
Ralmal: Some genius now.
:lengthy silence:
Ralmal: breaking the ice, as usual that. . . was . . . uh, very. .
Larie: stupid.
Paulina: and lame.
Ralmal: thanks for the bluntness guys.
Larie: sure
Paulina: no problem. I love insultance
Lexa; technically, that's not a word
Larie: what 'technically'. there's nothing technical about it!
Elemia: you're just mad cuz he is more best than j00!
Andrew: shut up! you are so annoying!
:silence:
Andrew: what?
Celia: that was uncalled for.
Jake: word.
Elemia: 'Word'? What word?
Lexa: Silly songs aside, she still IS only saying monosyllabic words.
Annie: STOP RUBBING IN YOUR INTELLIGENCE! My GOD you're annoying!
Elemia: She is mad. Run.
Lexa: Running awaaaaay! :does so:
Elemia: Smart guy.
Ralmal: Hey, you're being asian you know.
Elemia: Am NOT!
Ralma: What is THAT?
-
And now, Silly Songs with Elemia. A part of the fic where Elemia comes out and sings...a silly song.
Annie: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow...
Annie's Brother: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow...
Annie+Annie's Brother: I LOVE CHICKEN I LOVE LIVER...MEOW MIX MEOW MIX PLEASE DELIVER!
Elemia: walks out wearing a catgirl costume M3()W, b1zn47(h35. (Translation: Meow, biznatches.)
Annie's Brother: lol she said 'biznatch'
Annie: in 1337.
Elemia: 1337 (47g1r. Ph34r /3. (Translation: 1337 Catgirl. Fear me.)
Ralmal: You. Are. So. WEIRD! RUN!
:Everyone runs away:
Elemia: Lex, come back! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ralmal: :still there: Shut up! You are so annoying!
:everyone returns:
Elemia: :happy: You came back for me! I love you guys! :hugs everyone:
Paulina: Not really.
Larie: The door was locked.
Elemia: XP
Ralmal turned to Paulina angrily. "PAULINA! STOP BEING ASIAN!"
"She's not Asian!" shouted Elemia, who was a bit of a purist at heart.
"Yeah!" shouted Andrew. But he wasn't in the conversation. He'd just beaten the Lexa in Dance Dance Revolution. I want that game so bad, it's scary.
Annie was enraged. "She's not good enough to be Asian!"
"Heh…" chuckled the Celia, "…wannabe."
Paulina started to tear up. "STOP IT! I WISH I WAS ASIAN!"
"You just keep ooooon wishing," said Annie maliciously.
Paulina's tears began flowing down her almost-flawless face. "You'll see. One day, I will be Asian…"
"OH HELL NO!" shrieked Elemia.
"Oh hell YES!" shouted Andrew.
Everyone gave Andrew weird stares.
"What? An Asian Paulina would be TOTALLY sexy."
Annie gave him a scathing look. "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew…pervert."
Elemia nodded in complete agreement. "Eeew…he's like that guy.
"Yeah! That guy!"
"With the hair and the face, right?"
"Yeah, the one with the book?"
The two laughed together for a very long time.
Finally, Elemia turned to the others. "You know what we mean?"
"No," said Ralmal.
"I was, but you haven't used a proper noun in five minutes of conversation," Ralmal deadpanned.
Elemia was like: --"
Annie was like: --;;
Andrew was like:D
The Lexa was like: o.0
"STOP IT ALREADY!" screamed Ralmal, clearly not getting it.
"Didn't I say no swearing, Elemia?" asked Ralmal.
Elemia laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of her head.
"That's right. And Elemia, you broke the lent by saying 'asian.'"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
The Celia looked at Elemia haughtily. "Wannabe lenty…"
"I am NO!"
"OH YES YOU ARE!"
"NO I'M NOT!"
Ralmal covered her ears. "Shut up! You two are so annoying!"
They proceeded to argue for a lengthy period of time.
Suddenly, the Lexa noticed something on his desk. "WHOA! It's a button! And it says 'Do Not Press This. That means YOU, the Lexa.' HEY!"
Ralmal, the Celia, and Elemia shut up. FINALLY.
"You better listen to it, Lexa!" warned Ralmal.
Andrew ambled over. "Me wanna press the button!" And so, he did.
Ralmal looked at him, infuriated. "You IDIOT! You're worse than Danny!"
"I object!" called Danny.
"I rest my case! Even THAT sounded idiotic!"
Suddenly, a genie appeared out of nowhere. "I am Ima Geney."
Ralmal was like, '?'
"I get it!" squealed Elemia, evidently very pleased with herself.
There was silence for a while…
…which was broken by Ima. "Who pressed the button?"
"I did!" announced Andrew, holding his hand high above his head. I love alliteration, don't you?
Ima Geney snapped her fingers once, and Andrew was fried…no seriously, he was! "What was that?"
"Hey," admonished Ralmal, "that's my line!"
"I'm burnt to a crisp."
Ralmal snickered. "I love that line."
"And the word 'crisp,'" added Elemia…but Ralmal ignored her.
"How will Paulina like me now?" mourned Andrew.
The Celia looked at him pityingly. "It's okay."
The Genie looked at them all dramatically. "I will grant you all wishes!"
Andrew looked hopeful.
"Not you…" said Ima as she fried him, again.
"AAAH! My eyes! My perfect little Asian eyes! How will I ever be able to charm Paulina without my eyes?"
Paulina spared a passing glance toward Andrew, who was in a FIRE, and remarked, "What? I missed what just happened."
Ima Geney announced, "I will ask the little Latina princess what she wishes for first."
"Okay, I want…" began Tucker.
Paulina interrupted Tucker. "She was talking ot me."
"Right, I knew that…" he replied, eyes darting about.
"I WISH I WAS ASIAN!"
Elemia looked horrified. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Andrew looked gleeful. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
"Granted," said Ima Geney, looking somewhat mechanical.
"Ni hao, everyone," greeted Paulina as the smoke cleared.
Annie turned to look at Elemia. "Not only is she Asian, but she's Chinese."
Andrew was drooling.
"YOU!" shrieked Elemia, pointing to Paulina, "YOU ARE A BLEMISH UPON THE NAME OF MY RACE!"
Paulina shrank away, seeing the screwdriver Elemia held in her right hand. Elemia is right handed.
"AND YOU!" Elemia continued, pointing to Andrew, "YOU ARE A BLEMISH ON THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS ASIAN IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM!"
"Harsh…" commented Annie, without actually disagreeing.
Andrew looked like he was going to cry.
Ralmal looked at Elemia cautiously. "El, calm down."
"Yeah, no need to be jealous," added Annie.
Elemia was flabbergasted.
"Four point vocab word!" called Ralmal.
"Shut up!" shouted the Lexa.
In the silence that followed, Larie yelled, "Did the Lexa just tell RALMAL to SHUT up?"
"Stop accenting random words," Annie criticized.
Ralmal was REALLY infuriated this time. "Lexa, I'm going to slap you! No one tells ME to shut up!"
"Shut up, Ralmal!" yelled Danny.
Sam looked horrified. And angry. Horrifry? Angorrified? "You idiot, now she's going to kill you! And I'll never see you again!" she started crying.
Ralmal still looked angry, but she softened to the fluff.
"Can we get back to me?" asked Elemia.
A less angry Ralmal asaid, "Sure…BUT I AM STILL TIKED OFF AT THE LEXA!"
"Why only me?" he asked.
"Because there's no fluff to protect you!"
Suddenly Paulina yelled, "LET'S GET BACK TO ME AND THE LESS POPULAR ASIAN GEEK OVER THERE!"
There was a long silence…which was broken by Larie. Again. "Dude, Paulina!"
"Woohoo!" shouted Ralmal, as he and Paulina exchanged high fives.
Paulina blushed. "I've been wanting to do that my whole life!"
"Well, I…"
"SHUT UP!" shouted Elemia.
"I hope you weren't talking to me," said Ralmal, eyes flashing, "because I haven't seen any fluff from you." Her eyes continued to flash even brighter than before.
"Ele," said Paulina, appealing to Elemia, "I tried to shut them up, but…"
"You too, Paulina!" said an ANGRY Ralmal.
"But I have fluff…" Paulina whined.
"Yes, but it's very disturbing fluff," said Ralmal, gack-ing.
Elemia's eyes lit up. "I like it!"
"You crazy."
"Word," added Jake.
"You're killing me!" squealed the Celia.
Elemia's face contorted into an evil grin. "Kill?" a screwdriver popped out of nowhere and fell into her hand. Her left hand. She was already holding one in her right hand. OH! Mad double-wielding skillz!
"Everyone, SHUT UP!" shouted Ralmal, scaring the others into silence.
"She's still got it…" commented Tucker.
"You're still here?"
Elemia sighed and turned to her bestest Asian friend. "Annie, I am not jealous of Paulina. She is just a disgrace to my race."
"Suuure…" said Larie.
Erstwhile…
Andrew looked rather jubilant. Creepy. "Paulina, you rock! You are finally Asian! My life is complete!"
"Let's be a pairing again!" shouted Paulina, equally jubilant.
Ralmal was horror-struck. "NO! I tried to kill it but failed!"
"YES!" cried Elemia, "it's hilarious again!"
Tucker looked just about as sorrowful as a certain boy who returned to his lunch table only to find that his backpack was gone. What kind of face is this? I will tell you what kind of face it is. It is the face of a hairless puppy who has been kicked into the snow. "NOOO! I have no one again!" he cried, all alone now.
"It's okay," said the Celia.
"No, it's not!" he mourned.
"I know. I just wanted to say my line."
Poor Tucker.
Herein lies the VGCats (which I do not own) reference…In an Omake:
Tucker: I"M GOING TO DiE ALONE AND NAKEDS!
Elemia: BAD IMAGES!
Ralmal: EEEEEeeeewwwwww...
Ralmal gave Tucker an apathetic look. "Tucker, you are so stupid. Shut up."
"I am not. I wish Paulina was a squirrel!"
Ima looked slightly confused, but still said "Granted," in a rather monotonous voice.
Poof!
Paulina looked up confuzzeledly. "I'm a squirrel."
"An ASIAN squirrel," added Andrew.
Jake shook his head. "Dang, that's messed up."
Tucker's face lit up in a somewhat evil smile. "Now I have the love of my life…as a furry little squirrel!"
"Back off, she's mine!" shouted Andrew overprotectively, as he grabbed her…stop thinking that way, you bastards…NOT THAT WAY!
Paulina cheered…ever seen a squirrel cheer? "Yay! Andrew!"
At this point, Tucker grabbed Paulina too…for the LAST TIME, people, GET THAT IMAGE OUT OF YOUR HEADS!...perverts…I mean, she's a SQUIRREL!
"AAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!" shrieked Paulina, as she fell down a conveniently placed vent.
Andrew was crushed…figuratively speaking. "Paulina! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
In the background…
Paulina shrieked, "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
But back to the grieving guy…
"We have to save her!"
Everyone else looked at him apathetically. "Uh…"
"I'll give each of you five bucks."
"DONE!"
Sometime later…
Elemia looked up at the sky…er…ceiling. "Why am I doing this again?"
"Andrew gave us five bucks each," said the Lexa intelligently.
Elemia's face broke out into a smile…which looked rather evil… "SWEET! No, wait…"
Ralmal started laughing hysterically.
"WHY am I risking my life for a SQUIRREL WHO WISHES SHE WERE ASIAN!"
"Calm down…" said the Celia.
"WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS?" Elemia cried.
Annie walked over, affronted. "Hey, that's my phrase.
"Give me this one. I'll give you 'yo' back."
Annie shrugged. "Fair enough."
Behind the scenes…sort of…
Ralmal looked up from her thinking. "That was SUCH a filler."
"I have a feeling there will be plot," said the Celia faithfully.
Elemia scoffed. "I bet my five bucks that will not happen."
"Deal."
Jake looked horrified. "NO! Celia! That money is going into our wedding fun!"
"Don't worry…I know what I'm doing."
Random Omake (relating to Mulan II, which I do not own)…
The Celia walks out in a traditional Chinese dress. "Betting against Elemia is not gambling…it's an investment."
Suddenly, Ralmal shouted, "PIZZA!"
Elemia shook her head sadly. "Dude, that happened in November…"
"No it didn't!" declared Ralmal, her eyes darting around suspiciously.
"Oh my gosh, Ralmal…" Elemia admonished. "Should I get out the screwdriver?"
"No, you can't," countered Ralmal, "because I can take out your brain for telling me to shut up." So saying, she glared.
"Let's just forget that happened…" muttered Elemia, backing away slooooowly.
"Agreed."
Meanwhile…
Andrew tapped his foot angrily. "Can we focus here? We need to get Paulina! I uh…" he trailed off upon seeing Elemia. "I need to ask her something. Jake, I need to talk to you."
"What are you up to?" asked Ralmal.
"Nothing…" Andrew replied, as he pulled Jake away from the group.
In Andrew's huddle thing…
Andrew turned to Jake, which wasn't hard, since Jake was standing right in front of him. "I want to ask Paulina to marry me…even if she is Asian…and a squirrel…"
"But don't you want her to be a HUMAN Asian squirrel?" asked Jake.
"That makes no sense!"
"I get it," said Ralmal, butting into their conversation.
Andrew looked at her quizzically. "Ralmal, were you listening?"
"Possibly."
Jake sighed. "Oh, she's good…"
Andrew sighed as well, and turned to face Ralmal. "I'll give you a rock if you don't tell Elemia. She might try to break up my wedding…just like she did with Jake's."
"Don't remind me," said Jake angrily.
"But she didn't…" commented Ralmal.
"Oh right…my bad…"
"Are all boys dumb, or is it just the ones in our group?" asked Ralmal as she walked away."
Andrew was truly mad now. "Oh, she did NOT just call me dumb."
"I'll give you 15 bucks if you let it go and help me," offered Jake.
"Help you what? This is about me, and ONLY me."
"Someone loves himself too much…" murmured Jake.
"Oh yeah? Who?"
"See what I mean?" asked Ralmal.
With Andrew's huddle over, we return to the main group…
"Let's get in the hover car!" announced Andrew abruptly.
"Laaaame…" said Larie.
"Like you have anything better!"
"As a matter of fact, I do. I have my bike!"
"Laaame…"
"Like you have anything better!"
"I do…a hover car."
Larie face-faulted anime-style as she realized how stupid she sounded.
And thus, our protagonists fly to Macedonia…
"What a RANDOM country!" complained Elemia.
"I know," agreed Ralmal.
Suddenly, a mirage of Paulina came towards them, but only Andrew could see it.
"Paulina!" he cried, running towards it. But alas, he ran into a tree…
…and everybody laughed at him.
THEN, the REAL Paulina came.
"Paulina!" shouted everyone, as they hugged her…before asking themselves WHY they were hugging.
Andrew cheered, jubilant again. "YAY! The Asian is back!"
"I'm not Asian anymore. I wished myself back to almost-normal. Fur was not my color."
"Boys plus Paulina," said Ralmal, correcting her previous statements.
"Why aren't you Asian anymore?" asked Andrew.
"Not to worry sweety!"
Elemia looked aghast. "Sweety?" she asked, as Ralmal gagged.
"I'm HALF Asian," announced Paulina. "I couldn't handle the burden."
"Yeah," agreed Elemia, "it's SO HARD to be Asian." Was there sarcasm there? I don't know, what do you think?
Paulina nodded her head enthusiastically. "I KNOW right? You have to be skilled! You have to be smart! And I am neither!"
Ralmal laughed.
"Paulina just dissed herself," said the Celia.
"That is SO the highlight," added the Lexa.
Everyone turned to him. "You're still HERE?"
"YES!" he replied, obviously hurt.
"I didn't think you left…" whispered Elemia.
"What?"
"Nothing…nothing…" said Elemia in a nonchalant manner.
Andrew stood up dramatically. "Here, Elemia, here's a tip." He then proceeded to do a karate chop kick move, but he really wasn't doing anything…
…Jake did everything!
About five seconds later…
Elemia was tied to a chair. "What is the meaning of this?"
"Come on, Paulina," said Andrew, "We're getting hitched!"
"That was so smart of you, Andrew," said Paulina, looking up at him with heart eyes.
"Dang," said Elemia, "I can't take out her eyes!"
Everyone who had had their eyes taken out by Elemia's bloody screwdriver cheered.
Ralmal looked somewhat guilty. "Um…I didn't…know about this? Ehehe…" She chuckled nervously.
So, everyone left to the wedding…Elemia was left tied to a chair, which was tied to a TREE.
"HELP!"
The return of the creepy announcer's voice! You know what to do for the bolded type…please don't make me explain it again…
WHO will come save Elemia?
The Celia: Hey Narrator, we're not done yet. Elemia, you owe my five bucks! :leaves:
Elemia: Ok!
THANKS FOR THAT ANNOYING INTERRUPTION, THE CELIA!
The Celia: You're welcome!
UNTIL NEXT TIME!
The Celia: Until next time what?
SHUSH! JUST LEAVE!