Chapter Title: For the LOVE OF GOD, WHY?
A/N: I
apologize, but our usual announcer is on his vacation this week.
Thus, we had our intern do the announcements this week…we apologize
for any offense you may take.
---------------------------------------------
Previously…
"RALMAL WAKE UP! THIS JOB IS TOO HARD!" Elemia cried while
shaking the green Persian sleeping girl.
"Pepperoni….sausage…."
was all Ralmal said.
---------------------------------------------
Now, all of you SHUT UP and listen to the story…
This was too much for Elemia. This is where she proceeded to get down on her knees. "PLEASE GET UP!"
"Yo Ele," rapped Jake Long. "You gots ta calm down yo."
"Yeah, what he said!" said the Celia.
"People-you NEED to CALM doWN," replied the Lex. "Why don't we all take a nap…….and we can figure out a way to dispose the body-I mean, wake up Ralmal."
"Where shall we sleep yo?" the Jake Long asked. About half the group laughed stupidly. Those stupid imbalanced hormonal teens.
Paulina glared and shouted "Girls on one side and boys on the other!" Since when was she the leader?
"Sickos…" muttered Elemia.
"She bosses me around everyday" commented Andrew.
"That's not true," said Paulina. "Now, massage my feet please."
"Okay!" said the lovesick Andrew.
Everyone set up their tents and set a campfire. Elemia, Celia, and Salad dragged Ralmal inside the girl tent.
"Mushrooms…….Peppers……..Ugh……I'll skip the anchovies, Frank," muttered Ralmal. The Asian trio looked at each other and shrugged, and continued dragging Ralmal into the tent. From a distance it would look like they were trying to kidnap her, but they weren't. So it was okay.
---------------------------------------------
Late…like the wee hours of the night…alright, WHO wrote this line?
Ralmal tossed and turned. She had just finished her pizza dream, so she woke up, groggy and sleepy. (RA/N: Brushstroke!) She heard Paulina snore and checked to make sure her ears weren't bleeding. Ralmal walked out of the tent. She pulled out the blueprints to her new invention and got to work.
---------------------------------------------
Around dawn…
Ralmal was done. She hid her machine behind a conveniently-placed rock and slipped back into the girl's tent and collapsed. She only got 2 minutes of sleep before being waken up to Danny's trumpet playing. "Stupid Danny…." Ralmal muttered. She covered the pillow over her head while the other girls gossiped and slipped into their best outfits. For what? Well, it was Andrew and Paulina's wedding of course! SURPRISE, SURPRISE!
"Let me borrow your tights Celia," asked Elemia.
"Um…..NO," said the Celia, giving her a weird look. "Borrow tights from the Lexa."
Yes, this gave me a disturbing image also.
"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" All the girls cried. What sissies. The trumpet played again. The girls ran out screaming. They were too excited to notice that Ralmal was staring at them the whole time. Creepy….
---------------------------------------------
Outside…
The birds were singing. The flowers were blooming. The-
"Hey, this is a sucky description. We need a new narrator. You're fired!" screamed Elemia. The narrator broke down and ran from the room. (EA/N: The narrator is not to be confused with the announcer.) "You're welcome!" cried Elemia.
The wedding was about to start. Andrew's best man, Jake Long, was standing next to him, giving him a high five. Lord knows what they're talking about.
The maid of honor, the Celia, stood gracefully in her PINK dress that Glinda had made……imagine what it looked like. The Jake Long was going to make a puddle of DROOL if he didn't close his mouth soon.
The wedding music started. Everyone stood up. Paulina was walking down the aisle, smiling along the way. She then tripped on her shoes. Hah.
At the altar, the Celia was holding Paulina's train. Jake Long, looking Asian as ever, was nodding with the minister, who was the Fiyerio. Jake and the Celia exchanged glances and blushed.
"AWWWWWWWWW….." said the JakexCelia fans.
Meanwhile, the Fiyerio rambled on, and on, and on. "Do you, Paulina…uh…..Does anyone know her last name?"
The sound of crickets filled the room. It was a tape recording of the crickets, since Elemia had killed them all.
"I think it's Kim," said Paulina. She doesn't know her last name. Sad.
Andrew gasped. "You're KOREAN?" Paulina shrugged. She didn't know what her last name was. WHY would she know where she was from!
"Whatever, on with it!"
The
Fiyerio continued. "Do you, Paulina KIM take Andrew LEE to be your
lawfully wedded……" blah blah blah you know the rest.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The audience clapped and
whistled.
Before Paulina and Andrew could have their…….tenth kiss, some one shouted, "WAIT! HOLD EVERYTHING!" Everyone looked to the back of the room…..it was RALMAL!
---------------------------------------------
A few buzzes later…wait…what was buzzing? PLOT HOOOOLE!
"What is the meaning of this?" cried Andrew.
"Andrew…" Paulina sniffed. "She crashed our wedding….." Again, Andrew failed to comfort her. Idiot.
Ralmal held up her machine. It was shiny.
Elemia's eyes turned as big as doughnuts. No, not the holes, the BIG doughnuts. "Ohhhhh….shiny……" she said.
Ralmal continued. "I will now blast everyone with this TRUTH MACHINE!"
Collective gasp!
---------------------------------------------
During the blastings…
"I like ballet! And tutus!" (The Larie)
"I love the Lexa!" (The Elemia)
"I actually hate everyone!" (The Salad)
"I wish Jake Long was blue!" (The Celia)
"I love hamburgers!" (The Sam)
"I'm thinking of becoming goth!" (The Paulina)
"Toss toss!" (The Galinda)
"I sometimes wear pink when no one's looking!" (The Wicked)
"Stuff grows under my bed…!" (The Danny)
"I sleep with pink teddy bears!" (The Dash)
"I got a B on my math test!" (The Andrew)
"One-ee-and-ah Two-ee-and-ah Three-ee-and-ah Four-ee-and-ah" (The Cats)
"I own twenty pairs of uggs! And I failed my math final at the end of Freshman year and still got a B in the class!" (The Lexa)
"I wish I was black!" (Jake Long)
"I am still perfecting my 'toss toss!' because I don't have a life!" (The Tucker)
"I am NOT deeply shallow!" (The Fiyerio)
"I am more in love with myself than I am with Annie! And I'm not Asian! I'm from Canada!" (The Guan)
---------------------------------------------
That was freaking retarded.
I agree.
I mean like totally and completely fucked up.
Language, man. But I agree with the sentiment.
Duude…it's like something I see when I've gone out and gotten completely shitfaced…
You two better shut the :bleeeeeeep: up before I :bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep: and :bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep: and somebody better turn that :bleeeeep: the :bleeeeeep: off before somebody dies.
Elemia is scary.
Shhh…she'll hear you…
---------------------------------------------
Silence. Silence. Silence………..
Everyone was looking at each other suspiciously and weirdly. Apparently, the Lexa was too busy napping to realize that the Elemia had declared her love for him for about the MILLIONTH time but THAT'S JUST FINE AND DANDY…
The tape recording of the crickets was playing. This was because Ralmal pressed 'Play' on the boom box.
Everyone collapsed.
I don't know why. Use your imagination. I just put that there because I didn't know what to write after the truthness. It was too awkward and so not necessary.
---------------------------------------------
A few minutes of silence later…
Everyone started to wake up. Ralmal was writing down what everyone had said a few silent minutes before. She was laughing while scribbling down information that she could use to blackmail her peers later. Typical Ralmal.
No one could remember anything. This was good because then they would rip the notepad from Ralmal's hands. And then Ralmal would be unhappy. But enough with that! On with the storay! -
---------------------------------------------
Randomly…
"ZOMG! Let's have a karaoke party!" cried the Elemia. (EA/N: Can anyone else pronounce 'ZOMG' or is it just me?)
"Hurray!" everyone else cried. And so, they go to the Lexa's house. Why? Because...if he has a purple ghost portal, then he HAS to have a karaoke machine.
"I'll gozeth firstly!" Sam cried. Random I say RANDOM!
The music of "My Valentine" by Martina McBride WHICH I DO NOT OWN (RA/N: AND DO NOT KNOW OF) started playing.
"If there were no words No way to speak
I would still hear you If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my valentine All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And showed me how to love unselfishly I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time...
You're all I need, my love, my valentine And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
'cause all I need is you, my valentine
You're all I need, my love, my valentine"
"AWWWWWWWWWWW…" cried the Ralmal, a strong supporter of fluffay songs.
"SAAAAAPPPYYYYYY!" cried Elemia.
"Then YOU sing one..."
"MAYBE I
WILL!"
And thus, she proceeded to sing "Every Season"
by Nichole Nordeman.
"Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children's games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter And everything that's new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring"
The Ralmal twitched. "But he's not dead."
"Who's not dead?" cut in the Lexa.
Ralmal sighed.
Elemia sighed.
"I know, right?" said Elemia.
---------------------------------------------
The Elemia poked the Lexa.
"Sing a song…" she said.
"In order to combine my love of cross-country and music, i will sing country music!" the Lexa declared.
The Elemia shuddered "Oh god no…."
Against her wishes, the Lexa continued to sing "Rollin'" by Big and Rich. WHICH WE DO NOT OWN
"Brother and sisters
We are here for one reason and one reason alone
To share our love of music
I present to you Country music without prejudice, hey
Country boys don't rock and roll
Yeah, the record man told me so
Yeah you'll never get it on the radio
Why they trying to complicate
The simple music that we make
Oh cause if it moves my soul
I'm gonna keep on rollin, rollin
Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')
At the top of your lungs till the windows break (rollin', rollin')
Say hey, hey, hey I ain't gonna shut my mouth
Don't mind if I stand out in a crowd
Just wanna live out loud
Well I know there's got to be
A few hundred million more like me
Just trying to keep it free, yeah
Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')
At the top of your lungs till the windows break (rollin', rollin')
Say hey, hey, hey
Charlie Pride was the man in black
Rock and roll use to be about Johnny Cash
Yeah whatcha think about that
Well I'm a crazy son-of -a-(bad word)
But I know I'm gonna make it big and rich
Yeah im gonna let it rip
Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')
At the top of your lungs till the windows brake (rollin', rollin')
Say hey, cowboy Jake"
"(I'm not a cowboy,
you idiot!)
Dum-diggity-dum, diggity-diggity-dum dig this
Slicker than the grease from a BBQ Briskit
Got more chunk than a fresh potato salad
You thought you had your answer
But your answer was invalid
Your looking at me crazy cause you think I'm loco
The big black cowboy, with the crazy vocal
Todas las personas gritando arriva
Now you heard it, now I know you a believer
Esta cancion es para toda la gente
Es muy importante a usar su mente
So let go of all your preconcieved notions
Get up on your feet and put your body in motion
Cause back home we love to dance
We could be two-stepin, or ravin' to trance
And when the party is crunk, the girls back it up
We got the systems in the cars and the 20's on the trucks
6 foot four with a cowboy hat
I dont mess around, yo what's up with that
I'm cowboy troy, a texas hick
And I'm rollin with the brothers
Big and Rich
Go cowboy go cowboy go
Go cowboy go cowboy go
Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')
At the top of your lungs till the windows break (rollin', rollin')
Say hey, hey, hey
Hey, just wanna hear everybody say (rollin', rollin')
At the top of your lungs till the windows break(rollin', rollin')
Say hey, hey, hey
Elemia started twitching.
Annie started twitching.
"That SUCKED!" they both yelled.
---------------------------------------------
ANYWAYS…
"I won't sing...so who next?" said the Ralmal.
"I'll go again..." volunteered the Elemia.
"Por qué?" asked the Ralmal.
"I like to sing!" Elemia then proceeded to make a anime-style happy-face.
The Ralmal scoffed. "WhatEVER…"
The Elemia jumped onto the stage. "I give you…..TEH EMO LOVE SONG!"
"You mean 'Breathing' by Yellowcard?" clarified the Ralmal. (EA/N: WHICH I DO NOT OWN BUT LOVE LIKE MY CURLY FRIES)
The Elemia shrugged. "Same difference."
"An oxymoron!" cried the Lexa.
The Ralmal glanced in his general direction. "Yes, you are."
"Eyes are feeling heavy
But they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin
But the air is never cold
And even though you're next to me
I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything
For you to call your own And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping
Locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free
With each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you
But it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of
They have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart
It's always beating
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel
About the things I've done
I don't know if I should stay
Or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you
Things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew
I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a weight And I can feel you breathing
And its keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart
It's always beating
Sinking like a weight
"Eeeeeeemooooooh..." declared the Ralmal.
"Indeed" supplied the Elemia.
Lexa chose this moment to butt in. "For the life of me, i can't figure out who she's singing about."
Idiot.
"Hey," noticed the Ralmal. "With 'each and every kiss'..."
The Elemia looked shocked. "WHAT? no..."
The Ralmal, not very much in favor of the implied pairing said "eeeeh..."
The Elemia blushed.
"eeeeh..." the Ralmal continued.
The Elemia blushed deeper.
"You look like a tomato!" cried the Salad.
"Me gustan los tomates!" screamed the Elemia.
"Hey…..that was MY line." Said the Larie, who was feeling left out. Poor Larie.
---------------------------------------------
"Weren't we supposed to get married?" asked the Paulina.
"Whoah, even I didn't remember that," commented the Andrew. He then proceeded to make the heart eyes. Elemia stabbed his eyes out AGAIN.
"AHHH! MY EYES!" screamed the Andrew.
Paulina looked at him with disgust.
"You're getting blood all over my beautiful white dress!" she whined.
"Get over it," said the Cats.
"Toss toss!" said the Galinda.
"We need to sell the daises!" said the Ralmal, who had appointed herself leader once again.
Cats handed Ralmal a box, paper, and daises.
"Take them and sell," he said robotically. "If you do not, you will be punished…"
Collective gasp!
Ralmal rolled her eyes. She IS the best eye roller. (She was voted in by her friends.) "Who wants to come with me?"
Everyone raised their hands. The idiots raised their legs.
"Lexa, put your leg down. You are NOT coming with me…..without that Yzma hat."
"I have a hat just like that!" said the Wicked.
The Fiyerio was drooling. "Wicked…….." he muttered.
The Ralmal continued. "Fiyerio, put down BOTH your legs. (EA/N: OH GOD THE IMAGES WHY CAN'T I BURN OUT MY EYES?) You are SO not coming with me! I'd rather have the LEXA come with me!"
"Wait…" butted in the Andrew Lee. "How can he have BOTH his legs up…it's technically and scientifically impossible..it's.." He rambled. On. And on. And on.
In the end, she picked Elemia and the Lexa.
Da da da dun…….
"LEXA STOP DOING THAT!" cried the two girls.
---------------------------------------------
In front of the Lexa's house…
No one was
buying anything. A couple of security guards walked by but they were
too CHEAP to
buy anything.
"Come on Frank, don't be lazy, buy a daisy!" persuaded the Lexa.
"No thanks," said the Frank. He then walked away.
"JUST BUY THE FLIPPIN' DAISY!" cried the Ralmal. "I'll give you two bucks if you buy a one-dollar daisy"
"Nice," commented the Lexa.
"Hey…..don't mess with me," started the Ralmal. She stopped when she saw Elemia staring at something. The Lexa, it looked like.
And the Lexa was too DENSE to figure this out.
"Hey Ele, stop staring!" snapped the Ralmal.
The Ele snapped from her girlish stare at the Lexa and turned pink.
"PINK!" cried Paulina from inside.
"Paulina-go back inside." Said the Elemia "Leave us be."
"I'm leaving," said the Ralmal. She ran inside the house, leaving Elemia and Lexa alone.
---------------------------------------------
"Lexa, don't trip." Said Elemia.
"Cheese" he replied.
That is all the convo the two teens shared as they walked into the house of the Lezalexa. Pathetic.
---------------------------------------------
Inside…
There was a PARTAY! There was the Karaoke! People were singing! Why does this seem familiar!
"Did you sell any?" said the Cats.
Silence.
"NOTHING!" he yelled.
"Deal with it," said the Ralmal.
"Okay," he said, curling into the fetal position.
---------------------------------------------
There was a singing contest which I was not allowed to join! Bastards…
"The singers today are…." The announcer, who was the Fiyerio, said. "Danny, Lexa, and the Ralmal."
"What!" Ralmal and Danny screamed.
"YESSSS!" cried the Lexa.
"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT…………………………" said the freaky talking scarecrow.
"Hey, that's MY line," said the Ralmal.
The Fiyerio continued. "And if anyone knows who the idiot is that turned me into a scarecrow, PLEASE tell me! I will hunt them down and KILL them. Have a great day."
"Umm……." said the Wicked, a guilty smile on her face.
Danny jumped up randomly. "I'll go first!"
He ran to the stage. It was very queer for him to be very excited but oh well. Whatev.
"When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel like you can't face the day
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
'Cause there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again
When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
The screaming fangirls could be heard all over the partay floor. But yet-they could not be seen.
"That was too long……" commented the Elemia. "What do you think Ralmal?"
"OH MY GOSH! I LUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVED IT!" the Ralmal cried.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She then fainted. (RA/N: No-she is NOT a fangirl. She just luuuuuuuuves the song-"Crash and Burn" by Savage Garden. (EA/N: WHICH WE DO NOT OWN) She would scream like that if Tucker was singing…….then again, maybe not. Anyways, ON WITH THE SINGINNESS OF THE STORAY!)
She then woke up again.
"I wonder who that was for," wondered the DENSE Lexa out loud.
Sam giggled and blushed. Not very gothly of her, don't you think?
"Next up-we have the Ralmal."
Ralmal ran up on the conveniently placed stage. "Hit it Tucker!" she cried to the techno geek behind the stage.
The music from "Unwritten" (by Natasha Bedingfield) (EA/N: WHICH WE DO NOT OWN!) played.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried the Elemia.
The
Ralmal gave her a full-on glare. "Deal with it."
The Elemia shrank from her. "Okay….." she whispered.
Ralmal scares her, doesn't she?
"I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
Everyone cheered. Yay! The Ralmal is appreciated for her non-fluffy song! "They love me, they really love me!" Ralmal cried with tears streaming down her face. Whoah…..who knew Ralmal was so emotional.
"Talk about repetitiveness!" said the Lexa.
Ralmal's happiness evaporated. "Oh yeah….." she challenged. "Let's hear YOUR song……"
"I need a partner…..Elemia, since you are conviently placed right next to me, will you be my partner?"
The Elemia blushed PINK. "Okay…" she said.
The two teens walked up to the stage. Elemia's heart thudded. Would they do a fluffay duet? Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohymgoshohymygosh……
The music to "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira and some other guy I do not know the name of played. (EA/N: WE ALSO DON'T OWN THE SONG)
The Elemia stared at the Lexa.
"What?" he asked innocently.
Unfortunately, Elemia was forced to start singing.
"People up in here tonight
No fightin', no fightin'
We got the refugees up in here
No fightin', no fightin'
The Lexa, The Lexa"
"What is she ON!" everyone cried.
Elemia continued singing.
"I never really knew that he could dance like this
He makes a girl want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, bonito, mi casa, su casa
The Lexa, The Lexa"
The Lexa ripped off his shirt to reveal-a disturbing spandex suit! He then proceeded to start dancing and singing like Shakira.
"What is HE on?" everyone cried.
"Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a man go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body"
"We don't want to!" cried the audience.
"Deal with it…" shouted the Lexa, obviously having too much…well, no, I won't start on the Lexa's kinkiness.
"I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection"
The Elemia had a deer-in-the-headlights look on her face. But yet, she continued to sing. She was hypnotized by the Lexa. Well, maybe it was just the colors.
"Hey Boy, I can see your body movin'
And it's driving me crazy
And I didn't have the slightest idea
Until I saw you dancin'
And when you walk up on the dance floor
Nobody cannot ignore the way you move your body, man
And everything so unexpected - the way you right and left it
So you can keep on shaking it"
"Seriously, I can't ignore it!" cried Elemia. "It's so wrong!"
"I never really knew that he could dance like this
He makes a geek want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, bonito, mi casa, su casa
The Lexa, The Lexa"
"No really, I DIDN'T KNOW!" she cried.
"Riiiiiiiiiiight." Said the Ralmal.
"No more 'i's!" cried the Larie.
The Lexa was leaping in the air and then proceeded to dance queerly some more.
"Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a man go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body And I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel you girl
Come on lets go, real slow
Don't you see baby asi es perfecto"
The Elemia was very disturbed at this point. Ralmal was on the floor laughing. Everyone else was silent.
"Oh I won't deny my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection"
"The Lexa, the Lexa"
The Lexa went to the Elemia was started showing off his not-so-great-and-oddly-disturbing dance moves for her.
"Oh girl, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half geek"
Elemia was like 'WTF?'
"I don't, don't really know what I'm doing
But you seem to have a plan
My will and self restraint
Have come to fail now, fail now
See, I am doing what I can, but I can't so you know
That's a bit too hard to explain"
"Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle del dia"
"Baila en la calle de noche
Baila en la calle del dia"
The Elemia kept singing. She KNEW these weren't the right words. (EA/N: I have this whole song memorized...and now Ralmal's gone and ruined it for me.)
"I never really knew that he could dance like this
He makes a girl want to speak Spanish
Como se llama, bonito, mi casa, su casa
The Lexa, the Lexa"
"OH YES!" Cried the Lexa. "Say my name Say my name!" (EA/N: This scene brought to you by Ralmal, who wrote this whole part. If you, too, are suffering from mental scars due to mental images caused by this chapter, PM me and I'll go make her stop…no, actually, I won't. We'll be sitting and laughing.)
"Oh baby when you talk like that
You know you got me hypnotized
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body"
"O Senor, feel the conga, let me see you move like you come from Colombia"
"Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi, say it!"
"Mira en Barranquilla se baila asi"
The Elemia started rapping. Badly. (EA/N: I was never much of a rapper, anyway.)
"Yeah
He's so sexy every girl's fantasy a refugee like me back with the Fugees from a 3rd world country
I go back like when 'pac carried crates for Humpty Humpty
I need a whole club dizzy"
"Why the CIA wanna
watch us?"
Ralmal shouted "BECAUSE IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, THEY WOULD BE FUCKTARDED!" (EA/N: Sorry for making you swear, Ralmal, but I couldn't resist the line.)
"Colombians and Haitians
I ain't guilty, it's a musical transaction
No more do we snatch ropes
Refugees run the seas 'cause we own our own boats"
The Lexa started swinging, singing, sadly. (It may not be grammatically correct but who cares!)
"I'm on tonight, my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel you girl
Come on let's go, real slow
Baby, like this is perfecto
Oh, you know I won't deny and my hips don't lie
And I am starting to feel it's right
The attraction, the tension
Baby, like this is perfection
No fightin'
No fightin'"
There was silence. Ralmal was almost passing out from laughter. Everyone was staring with their mouths hanging open. The Lexa proceeded to bow.
Everyone booed. They threw tomatoes. They threw eggs. They threw UGGS.
"Lexa, you changed the words on the screen!" cried Elemia, trying to dodge the fruit, yolk, and skin that was coming her way.
The Lexa did the shifty eyes. "No I didn't……" he said. Liar. A tomato hit him in the eye.
"My eye!" he cried. He fell off the stage. Danny caught him...God knows why.
The Lexa stared at the Danny. "Oh thank you….." he said mischievously.
The Danny was shocked. He dropped the Lexa and ran off to file a restraining order on the Lexa.
"Come back!" the Lexa cried. "I lost my love!"
"You idiot!" cried the Elemia. She was whipping egg off her gray shirt.
"Seriously, what IS that?" cried the Celia.
"Your mom," said the Elemia.
The Celia blinked twice. She didn't get it.
"Seriously, you look like Paulina……when she's having a good day!"
"Thanks guys!" Paulina said smiling. Obviously, the previous statement was proven to be true based on the scientific data.
"Date?" said the Celia smiling.
"No," the Ralmal said. "DATA."
"I don't want to wait. I want to date!" the Celia cried.
"Fo sho!" said the Jake Long, putting his arm around the Celia.
"Not today." Said the Celia. "Weekends are with the goat."
"HuH?"
"I'll think of something for all the pairings." Said the Ralmal, the usual organizer. "Maybe we can have a bonfire and…."
"FIRE?" screamed the Fiyerio, who was (da da dun) made out of straw.
"Deal with it." Said the Ralmal.
"Whoah" said the Celia.
Silence.
"Celia, the "whoah" was not necessary." Said the straw guy.
"Hey, that's MY line you airhead." Said the Ralmal.
"I'm not an airhead. I'm a strawhead!"
Silence.
"Let's have the bonfire at MY house!" cried the Salad. "I have a GRILL"
---------------------------------------------
(EA/N: That last line conjured up this random image in my head.)
Tucker: Smile for me, Salad…
Salad: Watcha lookin
at?
Tucker: Let me see yo grill…
Salad: You wanna see my WHAT?
(EA/N: This image brought to you by Elemia and her random taste in hip-hop.)
---------------------------------------------
At the Salad's house…
"You live next to the Olive Garden!" cried the Ralmal and the Celia.
"BREADSTICKS!" they cried.
"Don't you mean, sticks of bread?" asked the Larie.
Ignoring her, the Ralmal and Celia hugged the Olive Garden. They went inside and hugged the waiters. They hugged the chefs. Most of all, they hugged the breadsticks. They ordered 50 packages and walked out of the restaurant with many bags FILLED with bread.
"Whoah…." Everyone else said.
"Follow myyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lead…" sang the Salad.
"Uh, hello?" said the Glinda. "MY line."
"…………to my house!" They walked in the house.
"Wipe your feet and take off your gloves and uggs…..Lexa."
"What?" he asked.
The Salad flicked on the lights.
---------------------------------------------
"It's…….."
"…so……"
"……..green."
These
lines were said by Ralmal, Elemia, and The Celia, respectively. The
wallpaper was green, the furniture was green, the DOG was green. His
name was Pink.
The Wicked proceeded to make the heart eyes. "Greeeeeeeen…."
The Fiyerio was entranced by the GREEN heart eyes. "Wicked…….." he muttered, leaving a trail of drool on the floor.
"Seriously Salad, you have GOT to stop with the…hey Ralmal, what was the green girl's name again?"
The Ralmal sighed. "I told you a million times already!" She and the Celia proceeded to have a queer sword fight. They were trying to be men who were trying to be gay. But it didn't work.
"What the Celia is trying to say is……you have GOT to stop with the Elphabaismness," said the Elemia.
"THAT'S what it was!" cried the Celia.
"You'll probably forget in a couple of minutes!" cried the Ralmal.
---------------------------------------------
A few minutes later…
"I forgot!" said the Celia.
---------------------------------------------
"You need to convert to the Galindaism!" cried the Elemia.
"NEVER!" said the Salad.
"Okay!" Elemia said. What a pushover.
Paulina, a proud member of Galindaism, fainted randomly. "The green is making me dizzy…." She said.
"Deal with it," said the Salad and the Wicked, wickedly.
"I can't….it BURNS!" The Andrew held one of Da Dash's pink teddy bears up her nose.
"Breathe….." he said. "That's it, inhale the pinkness."
---------------------------------------------
Erstwhile…
(EA/N: Simply because I love that word.)
A flash of lightening turned the Ralmal back to her normal color.
"Yes!" she cried. She was sick of the green. She blended too much with Salad's dog.
"NOO!" cried the Wicked. "I'm the only one whose green again!"
"I like it……" said the creepy talking pile of straw. PILE…….
"Maybe I should paint myself green…." Said the Cats.
"Please don't…" said the Fiyerio. "That would disturb me in
so many different ways."
---------------------------------------------
Elemia's Gift of Omakes:
Annie: points to
Jake who is he?
Jake: J to the A to the K to the E...i'm
the mack daddy dragon of NYC...ya heard?
Elemia: o.0 wtf?
---------------------------------------------
Elemia: HIS NECK IS GLOWING!
:Principal zaps her for checking out the Lexa's neck.:
Principal: Back off, he's mine!
Elemia: Wha?
---------------------------------------------