Death takes the ADA - Final Chapter

Author's notes
Thank you so much to all readers and reviewers, it means really a lot.

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Prospect Point, Vancouver
A week later

She was wearing sunglasses, more to hide her blood shot eyes than block the setting sun.
Behind her, she felt a hand lay on her shoulder, squeezing softly, trying to comfort her. Turning around, she faced Captain Don Cragen who was looking at her with sorrow in his eyes.
He was the only one who didn't lash out at her, who didn't insult her after the death.

Judge Elizabeth Donnelly surely being the most vehement one.
She was grieving a close friend, an ADA she admired and at the same time coping with learning that the "mysterious date" Casey told her about was herself.
She didn't hold it against her though, she could barely stand herself.
She couldn't stand that her it was her behaviour that cost Casey her life.
She would never forgive herself.
She'd rather be dead than feel this excruciating pain.

Bowing her head, she attempted to smile but failed miserably.

-"You did nothing wrong Olivia, none of this is your fault", she heard him say.
-"Yes it is, I killed her", she whispered, looking down at her shaking hands "I might as well have stabbed her myself"
-"Olivia, please don't do this to yourself", he tried again although he knew it was useless.

The brown haired woman fought back her tears as she turned around.
Closing her leather jacked a little tighter around her body, she walked down the footpath until she stood beside the woman who surely hated her the most in this world.

-"I know you won't believe me … but I loved her. I loved Casey, she meant the world to me", she breathed.
-"How could you say that after the way you treated her?", Liz Donnelly growled, her eyes fixed on the horizon, her jaw set in a hard line.
-"I couldn't let her too close"
-"You sure as hell were when you invited yourself in her bed!", the grieving blond exclaimed.
-"Look, I don't expect you to understand but I loved her. But she deserved so much better than what I had to offer! I thought showing her this face from me would push her away", the detective sobbed, fresh tears running down her already soaked cheeks.
-"And what was that all about? Fucking her so she would realize how wrong you were for her? She loved you Detective, she loved you like I never saw her love anyone. All she wanted was for you to accept her", she said, her voice softening.
-"And I will live with it for the rest of my life", the tired cop breathed sadly.
-"Yes you will have to, and it's only fair", Liz breathed raggedly before walking a few feet away from the Detective. She couldn't stand being near her anymore.

Minutes later, they all stood facing the sea, all gathered a step behind Detective Benson: medical examiner Melinda Warner, the SVU squad, the TARU members, a couple judges, DA Branch, ADA Kibre and Gaffney, they were all here to pay their respect to the deceased woman.

Taking a step forward, Olivia opened the container and dipped it until the ashes got caught by the wind, spreading them over the sunny Vancouver Bay.

-"You would have loved it here Case", she breathed sadly.

She stood there a long time, long after they were gone before walking up to the road where Elliot waited for her in the car. When she got in, he laid a comforting hand on her knee.

-"I know it hurts Liv but it will get better", he whispered, trying to catch her eye.
-"I don't want it to, I sent her there", she answered honestly, her eyes fixed on the road ahead of them.

As he drove off, a song came back to her mind, one that had been following around lately:

"Kinda lose your sense of time, cause the days don't matter no more
All the feelings that you hide, are gonna tear you up inside
You hope she knows you've tried
Follows you around all day and you wake up soaking wet.
'Cause between this world and eternity there is a face you hope to see
You know where you've sent her, you sure know where you are
You're trying to ease off, but you know you won't get far
And now she's up there, sings like an angel,
But you can't hear those words
And now she's up there, sings like an angel
Unforgivable sinner
You've been walking around in tears no answers are there to get
You won't ever be the same, someone cries and you're to blame
Struggling with a fight inside, sorrow you'll defeat
The picture you'll see, it won't disappear, not unpleasant dreams or her voice you hear"

And she knew he was right, times would ease her pain even if she didn't want to.
But she'd still her beautiful face, her shining eyes, hear her laugh, wherever she went, hoping it was her, not some look alike.Hoping she didn't get the only woman she ever loved killed because she was too afraid to tell her about her feelings, too afraid to let her see her demons.

Those demons that had only seemed to rest when she was with the now dead ADA, the demons that were now free to eat her inside.

THE END