Scene 4: Need
The Great Hall was more impressive than Snape had ever imagined. The candles suspended magically along the walls gave off a warm glow that was welcoming each of them, yet remained unfamiliar to a boy who had grown up in a world of darkness. Lily stood close to him, shivering still from their boat ride. He caught sight of James' messy black hair and bristled uncomfortably. Everyone but him seemed to know what they were doing, where they were going. He recalled Sirius asking James where he wanted to go, and James, brimming with confidence, had obviously stated that Gryffindor was his true home. Home of the brave… Severus knew where he wanted to go, too, of course. But he was not half as sure as any of those boys that he would even end up in a house, let alone the prestigious home of Slytherin. Maybe they would decide he was too small, too stringy, to belong anywhere at Hogwarts, and send him straight home. He glanced up at Professor McGonagall, tall and stern, who seemed to be the one running the Sorting.
"Black, Sirius." The witch pronounced in a brisk voice, commanding everyone's attention. Snape watched the boy take his place on the stool, cocky grin in place as the hat slipped right down his perfectly straight nose. It was quite a bit of time before the hat announced "GRYFFINDOR!"
The first-years waited almost patiently as more students were sorted, but Severus' breath caught in his throat when a crisp voice called "Evans, Lily," to the stand.
His pupils dilated and his hands nearly shook with anxiety. She had to be in Slytherin. She had to be. He could not live without her by his side, knowing she was there in the castle and not with him. He simply couldn't. He listened hard.
The hat rested on her head for the barest of moments before shouting "GRYFFINDOR!" once again.
Severus closed his eyes. His lip trembled, and his knees wobbled a bit under his new school robes. He opened them again to gaze at Lily as she walked uncertainly toward the red and gold draped table. His groan was barely audible.
She turned to him with that same searching look from the train as she looked past the bodies of so many students, seeking reassurance in his far away eyes.
Am I okay? Are you?
He gave the tiniest of nods and a painful little smile.
Yes, Lily. Everything is how it is supposed to be.
She smiled back at him, relief and sorrow mixing prettily upon her rosy lips.
The rest of the ceremony was a hazy dream around him. It was the first step in losing her, he knew. She was slipping away, right through his fingers. As he took his place beside the pretentious, ridiculously blond Lucius Malfoy, making all his greetings and fitting right into the conversation, he snuck another glance at her. She shone. Happily making conversation with another first year, some girl named Alice, and studiously ignoring the four boys from the train. That gave Severus an inkling of satisfaction, but he brushed those thoughts away quickly, returning to conversation with Avery, another fascinating youth he had just met.
How much had he had wanted to tell her that it was not okay? How much had he wanted to tell her that he needed her and she had to stay? But he couldn't. He was not one of the brave. He was a Slytherin, far away from her.
No, Lily. It's not okay. Nothing is okay without you. I need you.
He would never say it. He couldn't.
So instead, he would pretend.