Part III – Awakening, Deceased

The pain continued to ebb with the retreating sea of blackness and so did my warmth, or at least the illusion of warmth and I found that I was suddenly cold. No blood ran through me. I could tell that now. It was such a strange feeling … like when you step from a busy mall into a dark narrow side street with newspaper blowing in the wind, and you know that there's no one there, just silence.

I was not uncomfortably freezing though, just cool. And my chest felt fine, just strangely empty and still. It was as though I'd died and was just waiting to be taken to heaven. But this was how it was now, I was still alive but my heart would never beat again. I tried to reassure myself that I would be all right, that it was no big deal that I was now an immortal vampire with no heart. That it was just a heart, for god's sake. But this thought freaked me out a little. I reached a hesitant hand towards my breast and touched the skin there. Cold, hard and silent. No movements, no flow of blood, nothing. I tapped the skin with my fingernails. Solid. I tapped the skin with a clenched fist. Solid as a rock.

I wanted to cry, but tears wouldn't come anymore. My heart, I nearly sobbed, ridiculously enough. But my heart was gone. It was a sad instant to realise that, and it deserved a moment of sombre silence to be remembered. It had been a good heart.

But after a few minutes of lying there mentally wallowing in my own self-pity, I realised that I'd done it. I was a vampire now; I had outlasted the agony of transformation and could never go back. The pain was still there, in the pit of my stomach; a slow, dull ache that lapped at my conscience like the tide, but it was finishing, my metamorphosis was over. I opened my eyes properly for the first time. Slowly at first, then I found that I could deal with the outside world because it was dark. Beautifully dark, gloriously dark! I looked out the window and felt a great yearning for what was beyond it. I could smell the bark on the trees, the wet, green ferns, and the moist, cool soil. It looked beautiful, all draped in silver moonlight and shrouded in secrets. Then I came back to myself; I heard a soft laugh, one that was filled with relief and amusement and love.

"When you've finished playing with your new body, you can show me what it looks like – I've been waiting for this moment for a hundred years."

I turned then, quickly. It was like a flash. My eyes swiftly adjusted, and there he was; my beautiful Edward. I tilted my head to one side, only slightly. My clarity of vision was impeccable. If he'd had any flaws to speak of, I'd have zoned in on them in an instant. I could see everything so clearly and quickly, the texture of his wavy bronze hair, the flecks of deep red in his gold eyes, the sharp lines of his perfect features. I could see faded freckles scattered beneath his alabaster skin that I'd never noticed before, and his skin glowed slightly to me now, even in the dark. I just had to drink in the sight of him. His beauty still made my heart beat faster. Well, truth be told, I don't actually know what this feeling was, seeing as I no longer had possession of a beating heart, but this new sensation - a shuddering vampiric thrill in my chest - was almost as good.

I smiled at him then, my first vampire smile. And then his mouth opened slightly, his eyes widened and his body stilled. I didn't let him get out the first word before I exclaimed quickly "I'm a vampire, Edward! I'm one of you." And we both jumped at the sound of my voice. It had changed. It wasn't normal anymore. It was huskier, sexier, with a melodic ring that brought to mind Alice's musical tones. 'Yes,' I smiled to myself.

"You don't smell like Bella anymore," Edward said quietly. His body had tensed and for a moment I wondered if he was afraid of me. His eyes flickered concernedly over my new body. A frown marred his features, and I knew he was battling with his own indecision – whether he actually liked me this way or not.

"I'm still her, Edward. I'm still your Bella." I reassured him, reaching out to take his hand and seeing him recoil a little. Resentment welled up inside me. He'd made me like this. He'd better like me like this.

"What's wrong?" I demanded. He wouldn't look me in the eye; his gaze slid away from me guiltily. This certainly was not the reaction I'd anticipated from my eternal husband.

"Maybe you'd better take a look at yourself, Bella." Edward murmured uncomfortably, and quickly passed me a hand mirror.

I ignored the mirror. "Where is everyone?" I asked angrily, more than a little upset by my one-person reception into the vampire kingdom. I felt my body tighten and coil with tension, and wondered dimly if that was a new kind of vampire emotion. "Aren't they excited about the fact that I'm a vampire now? It's not as though it happens every day." I winced, before adding in concession, "well, not for me, anyway."

"Of course they're all excited, Bella. But I asked them to give us some time alone when you first woke up."

I relented somewhat, and my body uncoiled a little.

Edward noticed and tilted his head to one side. Sympathetically. He held out the mirror to me again. "Bella, don't worry about them for now, just look at yourself."

With a sigh, I grabbed the mirror from him but stopped for a second to marvel at the speed in which I'd done it. I'd never done anything that fast before, and I'd grabbed the mirror from him so easily, like it weighed nothing at all. I looked at my hands then. They were paler than before, considerably so. I never thought that it would be possible for me to get any whiter. My hands were almost bluish; I spread one out like a pale spider in front of me in the gloom, and it nearly glowed.

But the greater shock was the reflection that stared back at me when I finally held the mirror up to my face. It was me, but it was not me. If I had a heart, it would have stopped then, anyway. From sheer shock.