Part IV - Posthumous

I was beautiful. As I'd hoped I would be.

My hair was long and glossier than I thought possible, and perhaps a richer, darker brown. And so much silkier than any mortal's. My lips were full, tempting, and richly red. My skin was flat and chalk-white but now completely blemish free; any acne troubles I ever had were totally forgotten. I also had the most beautifully defined cheekbones – sharp, elegant – and my nose was arrow-straight. My jaw and chin were strong and distinct and tilted at a proud angle that seemed intrinsic with being a vampire. I even had a cute beauty spot on my left cheekbone that I was sure hadn't been there before. Becoming a vampire was the best beautifier in the world.

But my beauty also disturbed me in a strange way that I'd never dreamed possible. I've always been a hypocrite, and obviously becoming a vampire wasn't going to change that. My features were stunning, defined, graceful - and it was exactly this that disturbed me. My new features were now beautiful and flawless and perfect, but part of Bella had been the softness, the imperfections, the flaws. I felt as if I was looking at my beautiful twin; a twin who looked like me, but still wasn't me. I now understood where Edward's trepidation had come from when he'd looked at me before, because I now felt it too. Those imperfections that had come together to make me Bella had disappeared like the wind, and I felt lost in my new loveliness; I had become a beautiful, cold stranger, with a haughty set to her chin and a look of death in her red eyes.

Oh yes, my eyes. They were no longer the warm brown they had been. They were wide, slanting cherry red, glittering in the dark and far too near the colour of blood for my liking. A lancing fear shot through me and with that, a sudden aching hunger. I would need to go hunting soon. And what would I be able to limit myself to then? Chipmunks, cave bears, or humans? Come to think of it, I didn't really like the idea of killing innocent squirrels for my bloodlust, either.

Edward's hand pulled the mirror down and his face was solemn. "Would you rather Jacob?" He asked softly. Sadly.

It took me a moment to catch up. What was he talking about? And then I remembered, during the transformation, my vocal threats about taking the werewolf over Edward any day. I blushed as much as a vampire could, and offered a lop-sided, pitiful shrug by way of apologising. "I was in pain, Edward, lots of it … anyway, I wasn't serious." I looked away. "Well, not anymore."

My thoughts strayed back to my new look, and I pulled the mirror out of Edward's restraining hand to look at myself again. I winced at the image that met my eyes. My red eyes. I just looked so foreign, so beautiful and cold. It worried me. I wasn't even sure I was me anymore, I felt so empty and different. For the second time I wanted to cry, but my vampire body still wouldn't let me.

Edward was gazing at me with pity and remorse in his eyes. And something else, although I couldn't quite decipher it. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, I'm sorry I put you through it. I can see you regret it now, Bella…" His eyes were great golden pools of regret, and then he looked down and hid them from me under his long lashes.

To be honest, I couldn't quite alleviate his fears. I sighed, still churning with confusion at this regret I had at becoming a vampire. It was so contradictory of me. I'd said for years "make me a vampire, NOW, Edward!" and he'd always replied, "no, Bella, give it some thought, not yet, wait a while longer, think…" I'd never really considered that I'd actually regret this decision. Then I realised what had happened. This was the Vampire Bella, She was the one who reigned now. Human Bella's days were over and she was dead. I wasn't Human Bella anymore, and I'd just have to get used to it, and adjust to the beautiful outsider in the mirror. I felt a strange homesickness for humanity, a feeling not unlike school, when you find yourself out of favour with your group of friends and they kick you out. You try to pretend you don't care, but really you're longing for them to take you back. That's how I felt with humanity right now. Only I knew I could never be accepted by them again. I was a vampire now.

I supposed it was something like Buyer's Remorse. Just the early stages of teething problems, then I'd be fine. And besides, it wasn't like every buyer resold their house after their initial remorse. Most got used to it and came to like it, in the end.

Edward was watching me, waiting for a reply. "Oh, Edward. I asked for it, remember. I begged, for months, years. I'm just taking a moment to get used to it. It's so strange..." I looked away, not able to look him in the eye while I voiced my worst fear, "I just don't really feel like Bella anymore."

"I'll still let you go, you know, if you are unhappy." Edward said earnestly, his face tight with barely suppressed emotion. "It would kill me, now that you're a vampire too, but even so… I can see you're not happy. I blame myself. If you want … Jacob after all, I'll let you go."

There was no going back for me anymore. Edward surely knew that by now. I was a vampire, I'd just expended my last option. No more choices lay open for me. Besides, Jacob wouldn't want me back even if I wanted him, which I didn't.

"I'll get used to it," I said softly, reassuringly. I took his hand in mine and was surprised to feel my own strength rather than his usually iron grip. "I just feel different. Don't worry," I said wryly, reaching over to ruffle his hair, "I still want you, Edward. Though I don't really have a choice anymore – I'm stuck with you!" I winked at him, and, though hesitantly, he grinned back.

"And you're sure?" he asked softly.

I chose to brush off Edward's words with a complimentary roll of my eyes (that felt more like me) and asked him a question that had been gnawing at me for the last few minutes. "Do you find me incredibility beautiful, or frightening, Edward?"

His lip quirked. "Both," he breathed.

I frowned. "You're scared of me? Scared? Edward, I'm like the least scary vampire in the history of the world." I even laughed at myself, a sweet, melodic laugh that charmed us both.

"Not quite," he said softy, his eyes dancing now, and I could tell that he was getting used to Vampire Bella, and liking her, what's more. I was getting there myself. "But you're only a little scary because you look different, smell different, even act different. I can't call you clumsy Bella anymore. You're faster than me."

I smiled. I liked that.

"And," Edward continued, "you're just so beautiful. Bella, you're almost too beautiful. I can hardly look at you. I've just… I've never seen…"

I couldn't believe it. Edward was struggling for words. He wasstruggling, and I'd brought it on. My beauty had brought it on! What a laugh! Maybe I'd get used to this vampire business quicker than I'd thought.

"You're incredible, Bella. Just so beautiful," Edward finally got out, his face almost blank with his own amazement. I was sure mine looked pretty similar. "You are still Bella. Just… possibly even more incredible."

I smiled, drew him closer. "I think we'll get used to this vampire thing after all, Edward." I moved my hands up to curl them in his hair and pulled him close to kiss his lips. It was a strange kiss; rigid and cold and totally devoid of that delicious clash of hardness and softness I used to love so much when I was human. I wasn't sure that I liked this new kissing as much as the old. But my body was still aching, I wasn't fully recovered, and when I pulled away, Edward was panting. Panting. His eyes were half closed and his lips still parted. He made a strangled moan as I moved away, and I couldn't quite manage to stifle a giggle of delight and shock.

This was new. I had a power over Edward! For once it wasn't me moaning and pleading for more and not being able to do a thing about it. Maybe I could turn the tables and have Edward feel the way I'd always felt when he kissed me, back when I was human. As I watched him attempt to recover, his tongue practically hanging out, I knew it was true. We were equal now, and suddenly my glee was limitless.

Edward saw my reaction, and with a resentful narrowing of his eyes said, "Yes, that's… really something to… celebrate, Bella." But his words had no impact since his face was tense with embarrassment and he was completely breathless. He was irritated, mainly with himself, but there were also traces of a smirk on his lips, and on mine too, and we both knew what fun we'd later have with this new talent of mine.

"Did I mention I'm also stronger, Edward?" I asked him sweetly, reaching out to drag his broad shoulders closer with my iron strength, but he pulled himself away from me before I could further assault his virtue.

"Come on Bella, let's go see the others before… well, let's show them the new, improved Bella Swan."

I glared at him, and he hastily checked himself, stuttering slightly under my accusing look. I bit my lip in delight. "Cullen, sorry," Edward corrected, and then his eyes lifted to mine and they were suddenly full of that love, the beautiful Edward-and-Bella love, that I hadn't seen since I woke up. I felt my new vampire body shudder in response. Edward's lip quirked again and he said softly, "Bella Cullen, I meant."

A/N: Okay everyone, this is technically the end of Noctem Aeternus: A Twilight Fanfiction. It was only ever going to be a short piece on Bella's transformation, and subsequent waking up / getting used to her new self. If you want, we'll think about writing more ;). But more importantly, thanks are due to everyone who has read and reviewed our work! It means a lot to get feedback, so thank you to everyone! Rosara