"Now in first place, I don't support the team... that sounds faintly familiar, like an old Pink song that gets stuck in your head and makes you wonder if the woman is schizoid or just plain multi-personalitied. Anyway, so I'm trying to fit in to a place full of REJECTS. Me? Bitter? PUH-LEEZE. Rly nw ur soooooo dramtic. Oh, sorry about that... I've been txting my fellow REJECTS a lot in class with my cell phone. I love my ringtone... it's so high... teachers can't hear it. Heh. Well, that isn't entirely true... it rang when I walked by Inuyasha-sensei and he started howling. No, I'm drop-dead serious he was howling like some hound dog crying all the time and this girl screamed, 'Osuwari!' at him. And he fell through a crater that he made from the impact of smashing into the ground. So I changed my ringtone to 'Salamander' by Takeuchi Junko. I love that song, you know that? I can sing JUST like her. Wait... hmm... maybe that's why you sent me here...
See, you made me sad now. I'll wait just to add more to this again later before I send it... maybe... you know what? I need another time like that mishap. Remember when I went to put the cat litter in the garbage can and it was pouring? And how I got garbage juice all over my pants? Yeah. That rain was nice and refreshing - it made me feel like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Huh. That also sounds like a song... and... I am a virgin... this letter is getting weirder. I blame it on Riku because he keeps getting nosebleeds every time he looks at Sora lately (my fellow brunette friend Sora not your brother/brother-in-law Sora). "
He was sitting in class, as he had for the past week and some odd days. The teacher was droning on and on, and Takuya swore that if Raine Sage kept this up he'd go and talk to Genis sitting next to him. Silly Raine-sensei!!! He already knew all of this!!! "So class, tell me... why is there a Lloyd cosplayer replacing one of our students?" She asked, pointing at the brunette with an accusing glare. Takuya froze. They found him out!! NO! NOT AGAIN!!!!
"TAKUYA!! WAKE UP! I got wind that BHD is by the cafeteria!" Colette yelled, reaching over to shake him. No wait, that wasn't Colette (though she DID have blonde hair... another cosplayer?)... it was Izumi! And she was on him. Waking him up again.
Oh.
This all made that much more sense to him.
"You erased my Tales of Symphonia data!" Takuya whined, but the blonde only heard a gargled mess of, "Fewe niwjr aef ewtgowncda foe..." Choosing to not even try to understand what he said, she merely got off the brunette and literally dragged him out of bed.
"Hurry up and put something on!!" Izumi whined, yanking on his arm to rushedly wake up the ever-confused confused mass of brunetteness.
"Oww! Oww!! Okay okay..." Takuya whimpered, only to drop heavily on the floor when she released him. With a small growl, he moved to his dresser to retrieve clothing while the blonde shook her head. Grabbing his uniform (as today was a classday), he was ready to go get changed in the bathroom... only to notice Izumi beat him to it. Again. "Don't open the door, I'm changing in the room." He growled at him, with a slight pout at how not only impatient she was being but also rude. Honestly, if she was going to wake him up in a rushful manner then she best have already be set to go herself. What a meanie. Removing his pajamas and placing on his uniform (all of this was taking place off screen because certain anonymous persons refuse to promote nudity as a form of fanservice. While Takuya changes, we have in that scenes place put one of several men and women showering). Now that he was fully clothed (and we're back to him now. See? Nudity isn't required to please people) the brunette looked over to the bathroom. "Izumi, I'm dressed. Might we please go yet?" He requested politely in his most obnoxious voice. Then, slowly... everything finally caught up to him. BHD. Black-haired dude. Mister glaring at his own book. "HURRY YOUR BLONDE SELF UP OR ELSE I'LL MAKE A JOKE!"
"What kind of joke?" Izumi asked warily, who had actually been leaning against the bathroom door perfectly ready. Just to annoy him. She was ready before she even bothered to shake him up, and was mildly entertained at how he had failed to even notice this. She grinned.
"A blonde joke!" The brunette threatened, a diabolical expression on his face.
"DON'T YOU DARE!" Izumi snarled, immediately exiting the bathroom to whack him over the head (earning a loud, "Oww!" from him). "How could you even think of such a horrible thing? I thought you loved me! How could you do this to me! After all we went through together an-"
"Been through together?" Mimi repeated, having yet again entered the room at the wrong interval in time. She had that kind of luck.
"...he threatened me with a blonde joke, and I got a bit carried away reprimanding him." Izumi explained with a sheepish grin, stepping away from the lone male teen from having been hovering over him angrily a few seconds before. All angry-like too. Because she was angry. Yay for redundancy! Meanwhile, Takuya was somewhat traumatized such a simple... empty sentence could bring. Doom. Why did people always react to half the things he did and said with violence? Did he look masochistic? If so, someone should tell him so he could fix this because he most certainly did not enjoy any of the pain he had been receiving from these lunatics lately. But they were fun lunatics. The kind that weilded spoons instead of knives.
"It's all right, there there..." Mimi assured the blonde, pulling her into a hug while patting her very bright (as in her hair) head. "He won't anymore mean comments. Will he?" She sent him a glare, and Takuya could have sworn her voice turned demonic for a brief instant. Why were the women he surrounded himself with so scary? Realizing the question had indeed been directed at him (the low growl was the biggest hint), he quickly jumped up to respond.
"I swear on my memory card's life." Takuya promised, having taken care of two problems at once. If they ever wished to get vengeance on him for some crazy random stuff, they could not do it on his memory cards. Because they were what kept promises alive. And game files. Especially the game files. Waitaminute. He stared. Stared harder. "By the Buddha, Izumi!!! You'd make the best Elf Princess Rane cosplayer there ever was!" He exclaimed in shock. Immediately, he was thwacked by both girls.
"How dare you picture Izumi naked!" was apparently their excuse. He still thinks they did it because they just wanted to hit on him (LOL HE MADE A FUNNY).
---
Arriving at the cafeteria, Takuya found himself rather pleased. It wasn't because all the abuse he had received earlier enhanced his fluffy looking hair, nor because they were serving the most delightful of because items - ramen (one of the students, a male blue-eyed blonde, complained that they had none). It was because both Mimi and Izumi had been so lost in each other on the way there, that they ended up walking into a wall. He was glad they got a taste of their own medicine. Sort of. Okay, he was just glad someone was getting beaten up besides him. To further his mood, he was looking for the ever elusive BHD. He knew he caught sight of the guy, he just knew it. Because he was smart like that. Sneaking along, he made sure he was stealthy... quiet... cunning... and brunetteful. For as everyone knows, bishounen are ALL about their hair. Takuya was no exception. Surprised? You should be! "Walking along, caught up in his own self-narration... Takuya ensured no one knew he was there." As the brunette basically announed everything he did, those that he passed were unsure what to feel more - amused, or disturbed. There went another Dungeons and Dragons... DUNGEON MASTER. "He would make his prey suffer for elluding him all this time, by forcing him to - oww!" The self-proclaimed narrator yelped, jumping back after knocking into someone and resulting in, guess what, hot spilt ramen. "Oww, hot hot hot!" He yelped, fanning himself.
"I am so so sorry, I was busy keeping an eye out for some crazy dungeon master everyone's been warning me about and wasn't even paying attention to where I was going!" A rather considerate voice apologized, whipping out mystical tissues (for they absord liquids) and handing them over to the brunette who quickly used them to dab at all the wet spots. "Are you all right? Did it burn you? I really am sorry..."
"No no, it's okay..." Takuya sighed, cleaning himself off. "I wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was going either." Finishing up, he grinned. "Thanks for the... nap... kins..." He blinked, having no looked up at both his downfall and savior. "Uhm..."
"Yes?" The other teen blinked. Hmm, it appeared he came across a BHD look-alike. Except this one had short hair. And looked nicer. Err, scratch that... WAS nicer. BHD himself looked nicer in the sexy kind of way, and this guy looked nicer in the actually being nice kind of way. Did that make a lick of sense? Also, how exactly can one lick sense? Perhaps because licking involves the tongue which has taste sensory...? "Something wrong?"
"No, it's just that... you reminded me of someone." Takuya explained, still blinking rapidly. It was like strobe lights, only with his eyes! Could that give him an epileptic seizure? What a dangerous time we live in. "Say, what's your-"
"Oh, I gotta go!" The other suddenly piped up. "Still hungry, see you!" With a yelp, the BHD-doppleganger dashed off in what appeared to be fear.
Well. Takuya knew he had dashing good looks... but REALLY... were they that intimidating?
---
Sitting in class, the brunette contemplated his earlier run-in with that dude. That looked like BHD. Yeah, him. Anyway, it made him wonder. Did the two just happen to look almost identically alike? Or did BHD have a twin running around? If so, why didn't BHD tell him? He thought the guy trusted him! But no, it was all a lie! This entire time, was a lie! He thought they had something together... something special! Feeling quite depressed by all these (false) discoveries, the Takuya decided to busy himself with something far more interesting - the meaning to life. The answer to all questions. What was, what is, and what shall always be. The mystical, philosophical stuff that was actually too much for his easily boggled mind but he still attempted to find anyway. Wait. What was, is, and always will be...?
That was it. The answer to all the problems that were and ever would be. It was so simple. How had he not seen it before? It had always been there - right in front of him. Well, sometimes it wasn't and it was the very lack of it that made him reach this epiphany and realize this. Yes, the answer was right there on his television screen every time he played old school RPGs. But he never noticed. Standing up in the middle of class, Takuya held his hand high and proud with a set face that stared directly at his homeroom teacher. Sephiroth. Usually this teacher was quiet and well-mannered, but for some reason when 'mothers' were mentioned he would go on this deranged psychopathic rant that involved meteors. Then he'd calm down, give a creepy yet sexy smirk at all his students as though there was some devious plot toiling away in his head that revolved around their demise, and resume normalcy. But the brunette wasn't saying anything about mothers. He was saying something about the solution to all their troubles; the very meaning of life.
"Yes, Kanbara?" Sephiroth sighed, knowing full-well this freshmen would be the end of a regular class. Not that homeroom was really a class, it was just a filler kind of deal that happened every once in a while. He could kill Masq and Ginger for never mentioning spontaneous homeroom classes in the foreword at the start of every school year. Yes, he could kill them all...
"I know the answer!" Takuya proclaimed. Everyone slowly turned to look at this essence of brunette brunette, as most of them had him in other classes. He didn't know the answer to didly-squat. Their plantinum-silver haired biseinen of a teacher knew this also.
"To what, Kanbara?" If Sephiroth could choose to legally remove one source of all human stupidity in this world, he'd pick that brunette. Truly. See, he couldn't pick out one singular fangirl because they ALL really irked him... so he'd settle for the occasional fanboy, who at this moment was the confused uke who denied his uke-ness.
"EVERYTHING." Takuya whispered hoarsely, eyes slowly widening as he spoke these works in an odd tone. His teacher merely quirked a brow.
"And that is...?" It was to humor him. Honest to Jenova it was.
"WORLD. MAPS." All he received were blank stares. "Think about it! All the older RPGs have world maps, but in these newer... things... they don't. You have to walk everywhere. In these.. interactive enviroment. Things." If explaining this didn't help these poor simple-minded fools, Takuya was afraid they were beyond help.
"INVISIBLE WALLS!" A girl screamed, before dashing beneath her desk. She was never seen again. It was believed by school officials a week later when they bothered to look for her that the theory of nirvana ate her due to the girl actually coming close to entering it. Invisible walls are often extremely deep, and mind-bending subjects. Especially the wall half. At any rate, this is all taking place now and not a week later so someone just wasted time reading that but also gained useless knowledge for next month's test.
"And how did you discover this, Kanbara?" Sephiroth was still humoring him, and the ending to Akira was still boggling that kid in the far orange corner.
"You see, I was thinking about replaying Final Fantasy VII and-"
"Say one more word I'll rip your throat out." Sephiroth hissed, one eye twitching while the other remained perfectly still. That took talent. The brunette was silent, but his mouth was still open mid-sentence. Confused. Needing. To speak. But not. Wanting to die. "I'm getting sick and tired of hearing that game. Shit like, 'Oh, it is so wonderful! The plot is brilliant!' Or, 'That was the coolest villian ever!' THAT IS ALL FANGIRLISM! I've played Sonic games with more plot than that piece of crap! And Advent Children!? Don't even get me started on that! IT WAS NOTHING BUT EYE-CANDY! Then they turned the main character emo. EMO. Hear that? E-M-O! He wasn't in the game! Then they went and tried that Dirge of Cerebrus crap wanting to make an extra buck off of a popular HIDDEN character that was a pain to get in the first place! And it was a shooting game in the form of an RPG! Was it another attempt at a Parasite Eve? FAILURE! Understand me? FAILURE (Like the idiot who mentioned it)! Then there's Kingdom Hearts where they also pimped off their characters. PIMPED. THEM. OFF. Like whores. Only lower because they began as the ugliest three-dimentional chibi's based off of two-dimentional drawings I've ever seen. And I've seen some of the stuff they put on deviantArt. So please... for the safety of yourselves and others, do not mention that game. I will go Kefka on your ass. For those wondering how I know so much, yes I played it. If my friend didn't get me into Vinuffie, I never would have wasted my time with that game though." The classroom merely stared up at their teacher, Sephiroth straightening his collar after the entire rant he just performed in front of them. A few were ready to cry, dreams crushed into nothingness thanks to the horrendous slaughter of their favorite game. It was cruel. What made it crueler was that their homeroom teacher really reminded them of someone from the game... But still. He didn't have to say Cloud and them were lower than whores. Well, maybe Tifa. But it wasn't her fault she was designed to be fanservice. Much like Fran of Final Fantasy XII. Or the girls from Final Fantasy X-2. It just wasn't their fault.
"...but I'm right about the World Maps." Takuya decided to finally say after all this, figuring it to be safe to speak once more. His homeroom teacher sighed, wondering what he had to do to get anything through this kids head. He grinned, as the image of Masamune piercing the teen's skull entered his mind.
"Put that as the answer on one of your tests, and then tell me what your score on it was." Sephiroth said finally, figuring he might as well humor him for the time being so that when the brunette realized it was all a lie he'd suffer more. Oh yes, Sephiroth was a hawt diabolical bastard and he knew it.
"Thanks Sephiroth!" Takuya found it weird to say this, something about it just seemed wrong, but rather than question it he just sat down to enjoy the remainder of this empty space being filled in their schedule.
---
Exiting out of class, Takuya found himself stopped for two very important reasons. One, was that there was a guy slightly older than himself not too far away with brown hair. Brunettes fascinated Takuya, you see. They reminded him of... well, him. He found qualities like that in other people to be very impressive. The guy had light brown hair, blue eyes, a red headband, and wore a prodominately black outfit. Pinned to his sleeveless jacket (doesn't that defeat the purpose?) was a name tag with 'Lazlo' written on it. Lazlo? Razro? It sounded weird no matter how one looked at it. The second reason, was because...
"lol hi" A girl stated, randomly approaching him. She must've appreciated brunettes as well. And my, what a girl! She had perfect hair, eyes, body shape, teeth, and speech patterns. "lol hi im Mary-Sue" See? Simply marvelous... ideal even. Damn... if only he actually found her interesting. But he didn't, so thus there was no giving a two-gil about her... and it was senseless to cry over spilt milk. They really needed to clean that mess up. "lol by :D" Mary-Sue waved to Takuya, before running down the halls. Suddenly, a screen sprouted up next to him directly in front of Lazo. It said,
"Wait!" and beneath it was, "No running!" The gamer clicked the latter, and a cut-scene ensued. Lazlo reached out with his left hand while calling out to Mary-Sue, before a horrid scream and strange weirdlu coloured light erupted. After the flash cleared and the noise died down, Mary-Sue was no more. Apparently the Rune of Punishment keelled her. "lol epic win" were the last words issued by the girl.
Notes: Okay guys, everything in here... from start to finish... is a giant joke. It is meant to make you laugh, not feel bad. Sorry to those who did about the whole review thing. Anywho, my beta-reader just started college so I didn't bother her with this. See errors, just tell me and I'll correct them. xD -Lazy- Also, I only work on this when I'm in the mood. So... don't expect the updates to be often. Sorry. (...I wonder, does this even have a plot...? It's all random...) This chapter brought to you by encouragement from GemmaniGirl and Ukaisha.
Claimer & Disclaimer: Lazlo from Suikoden IV belongs to Konami; Izumi, Mimi, Takuya, and Kouichi belong to Toei Animation; Sora and Riku, however briefly mentioned, belong to Square Enix/Disney; Sephiroth, Cloud, Tifa, Kefka, and Final Fantasy series belongs to just Square Enix; Songs hinted at belong to their rightful owners however as the lyrics aren't officially there you can't kick this fanfic off, HAH!; Mary-Sue belongs to me as does the insanity of this 'wtf' fanfiction.