Severus Snape nearly wet himself when he walked into Voldemort's dining room. This kind of shock had only happened a couple times before. Once, it was when Snape had the miserably bad luck of spotting Voldemort doing a dance of some sort. Snape had just apparated into Voldemort's house to tell him some "urgent news", which was no more than some misleading information about a pack of Werewolves. He sprinted into Voldemort's quarters to tell him, because Fred and George's joke shop was closing at 7, and Snape didn't think that he could bear another day without a Pygmy Puff! (There was a tragic accident with his first one that involved a curling iron and a little too much Firewhiskey.)
Snape had come in to Voldemort's room at a very wrong time, because he was dancing in front of a mirror, singing a song that Snape thought sounded familiar. The tune was the same, but the words seemed different.
"I'M, TO SEXY FOR MY NOSE, TO SEXY FOR MY NOSE…."
Voldemort sang while throwing his arms in the air and shaking his posterior. Snape was frozen. He had the strange feeling that he might vomit, or rather faint, he couldn't decide. Voldemort moved up a key and was about to belt it out once more, when Snape cleared his throat and made his presence known. Awkward silence followed, and then Voldemort apparated from the room, embarrassed beyond belief.
The only other time Snape felt truly, deeply, shocked to the extent of pants wetting or fainting was a time in Dumbledore's office. A scene involving numerous pairs of fuzzy socks, rap music, and a Mandrake. But as of now, Snape tried to focus his attention on the scene before him.
Dumbledore and Voldemort sat at the table before him laughing heartily and playing a game of wizard's chess.
"Severus!" Dumbledore's old crackly voice said, "join us!"
"Yes," Voldemort drawled, "sit down."
"W-wh-what's happ-pening?!" Snape sputtered, "I thought you two were sworn enemies!"
"Oh we are," Voldemort said casually.
"But that doesn't mean that we can't have some butterbeer and play a nice game of chess does it?"
"Yes it does," Snape said, glaring.
"Alright V, it looks as if I've won," Dumbledore smiled as his knight violently smashed Voldemort's queen into pieces.
"So you have, Big D, so you have," Voldemort sighed.
"But here," Dumbledore said, handing him a small round object, "take this as a consolation prize."
"Sure," Voldemort replied, taking the small gift, "and I actually have a present for you too!"
Oh no, Snape thought. They're doing the bloody "presents" thing.
"Thank you very much- toodles!" Dumbledore said as he vanished from the room.
Flashing an apologetic smile and mumbling something about potions exams Snape quickly apparated away, but not before he heard a big BANG erupt from the small object Voldemort was holding.
Back at Hogwarts, Snape saw Dumbledore once more.
Stopping him in the hallway, Dumbledore whispered, "That thing that Voldemort gave me, it was a love potion. I have no use for it, but don't worry- it didn't go to waste. I'll see you in the Great Hall for dinner tonight!"
Snape didn't understand what he was talking about, and quite frankly he didn't care. He had just seen Harry Potter down at the other end of the corridor, and felt that Gryfindor had far too many house points.
Later at dinner that night, Dumbledore kept giving Snape winks, which were very far from inconspicuous. Dumbledore would make a huge clatter with his silverware, would clear his throat in a very loud, annoying manner. Finally, once the whole staff table and most of the students sitting in the Great Hall were turned towards him, he would send Snape a large, exaggerated wink and a sly smile. Snape was sure that everyone was under the impression that they were going on a date or something. Snape nearly fell out of his chair at the thought. To Snape's left Minerva McGonagall took a sip of pumpkin juice from her goblet. She started to cough and choke, and this time it was she who nearly fell out of her seat. Snape reached his hands out to steady her, but immediately stiffened when McGonagall wrapped herself around him in a big hug.
"Oh Severus!" she gushed, "thank you for saving me! You're my hero! I don't know what I would have done without you. I- I think I- love you."
The entire student body of Hogwarts was gaping at this scene. Nervously glancing around the staff table Snape saw that they too were in complete shock. All except for Dumbledore. He actually looked quite… pleased.
"Minerva," Snape hissed, "what are you doing?!"
"Why, I'm confessing my undying love and affection for you Sevvy! I didn't realize I felt this way before, but now I know! We were meant to be together!" She squealed.
Many of the students in the Hall started snickering and whispering, while other's jaws simply dropped lower to the floor. Snape could stand this no longer. He stood up and flung his cloak around his shoulders, leaving the room as quickly as possible, leaving a love struck McGonagall, a chaotic Great Hall, and his half eaten plate of food, which Snape very much missed. The house elves had outdone themselves on the potatoes.
Later that evening, Snape sat in his office, brooding over the previous scene and trying to comfort his grumbling belly. Conjuring up some brownies, he sat back in his chair and relaxed. He was about to bite into one of the chocolate mounds of deliciosity, when he heard a knock at the door. Expecting Professor McGonagall, he dove under his desk, trying to be a quiet as possible, but knocking the plate of brownies over as well as some vials of potion he had collected from a class of third years earlier that day.
They're failing the day's class, Snape thought to himself. Someone entered the room.
"Severus?" He heard Dumbledore's voice ask.
For once Snape was actually glad to hear Dumbledore's voice, thankful that it wasn't McGonagall with some wedding plans or something.
"Yes, Headmaster," Snape answered, emerging from under his desk.
"What have you been up to?" Dumbledore asked casually, "any plans? With Minerva perhaps?" He gave Snape another one of those horrifyingly obvious winks.
"Albus, what in Salazar's name could possibly give you the idea to put a love potion in Minerva's pumpkin juice?!"
"Ahh, so you knew what happened?" Dumbledore asked.
"Of course I knew! I'm the potions master!" Snape retorted, "but furthermore, WHY?!"
"Oh, Severus! I see you staring at her. I know that you love her deep down inside. Stop denying it! Come out into the open!" Dumbledore said dramatically.
"I never stare at her!" Snape said angrily, "there was only that one time- but it was because she had a big ink smudge on her face all day and didn't notice! It was quite hilarious actually, but no romantic staring has ever gone on! Besides Gryfindor and Slytherin are enemies, there is absolutely NO CHANCE that I would ever, EVER, love McGonagall. I hardly even like her."
"Severus, none of that matters. Love can overcome the strongest of boundaries. It's the most powerful magic-"
"Yeah, yeah, I've heard this speech a million times." Snape rolled his eyes and walked away from Dumbledore, "I'm going to bed." He turned on his heal and stalked out towards his bedroom. Dumbledore smiled and picked up the brownies that were strewn across Snape's desk. Taking a bite out of one he strolled out of the office, humming to himself. It was a familiar tune, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. Remembering the words he sang-
"I'm too sexy for my nose, too sexy for my nose…" and continued ambling down the corridor.