The Winter Wonderland Fiesta held at Malfoy Manor proved to be no better than Dumbledores staff parties. In fact, the Death Eaters seemed to be more trashed than the Hogwarts teachers were. Snape was Confined to a corner, partly because of Avery's slumped body blocking his exit from the couch, and partly because he was afraid to go out into the party. Some pretty whack things were happening.

For starters, Draco and Gabi were nearly having sex on the couch next to him. Not that it was anything new, really. He saw them plenty of times in the hallway. Luckily, they broke apart when Draco was called by his father.

"Draco!" Lucius slurred, "Take my pimp cane. I dont want to scratch it when I busta move to show Yaxley where the Dark Magic really is!"

Snape looked out onto the ballroom floor and realized that Lucius and Yaxley were having a dance off.

"Bring it, Looshy-poo!" Yaxley staggered over to the center of the dance floor.

The deejay put on some old school rap, and Lucius got the battle off to a good start. Spinning around and doing some intricate hand movements, Lucius shimmied and stuck his left arm out, flexing his Dark Mark, and receiving a lot of cheering from the crowd. Although his dancing was pretty terrible, it was quite good for a very drunk man. Severus was actually surprised that Lucius and Yaxley were standing.

Yaxley countered his chorographical attack by falling down. Most of the Death Eaters thought this was some sort of break dancing, and continued to whoop and yell while Yaxley spun around on the floor and wiggled his toes.

Lucius ripped his shirt off and began to do the Macarena.

"Ohh! Intense!" Avery said, staring wide eyed at the dancers in the heat of combat.

Severus hadnt even noticed that Avery had become conscious. He lumbered off towards the bar and Snape was free of the many pounds of fat that had been squishing him before.

Gazing back out at the dance floor once again, Snape saw that Yaxley had thrown a martini glass at Lucius, and Lucius was now dumping his beer bottle over Yaxleys head. After that act, Lucius maneuvered around Yaxley shaking his hands in his face and shaking his buttocks. This final act seemed to have won the drunken crowd over. They hoisted Lucius onto their shoulders and paraded around the room, stopping at the bar to refill their wine glasses and mugs of beer.

Snape sighed as he sipped his scotch. He really wished he wasn't here right now. The deejay had just put on Buy You a Drank and Bellatrix Lestrange was grinding with someone. It certainly wasn't her husband. Snape thought he saw Crabbe dirty dancing with Yaxley. He wasn't sure, and didn't want to be.

Just as Snape thought this party couldn't get anymore repulsive, he heard Bellatrix shouting at him from across the room.

"Hey, Severrruuuuuuussss," she slurred, still grinding with some random Death Eater. "Yo, why you be all alone in that corner?"

"I don't wish to partake in this rambunctious gathering. It's far from well mannered-frivolity, which I am partial to," Snape called back.

"Well, I think it's just because you aren't loyal to the Dark Lord!" She glared at him, her body swaying and beer bottle slipping in her hand.

"What?" Snape rolled his eyes. "That's preposterous."

"Your MOM is preposterous!" Bellatrix retorted.

A hush fell over the Death Eaters. This was clearly the ultimate diss.

Severus glowered at Bellatrix, almost at a loss for what to say. Almost.

"Well YOUR Mom..." Snape trailed off. "Was a half-blood," he finished quietly, a thin smile creeping over his lips. Snape knew perfectly well that Bellatrix was totally pure blood, but even the thought of being a half-blood made Bellatrix cringe. He knew he had hit her weak spot.

"AAAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!!" Bellatrix screeched, her expression turning into that of an enraged lemur. [Do you know what an enraged Lemur looks like? I don't. Put those brain cells to work and imagine something. Her fists clenched and unclenched as she nervously glanced around the room. She chugged the last of her beer and stomped over to Severus, who was still sitting innocently on his couch, a satisfied gleam in his eye.

"Oh, yeah?" She spluttered. "Well I challenge you to a RAP BATTLE!!"

"Oh yes," Snape said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "That's the perfect way to solve our problems."

"You heard me, Sev, a rap battle. Loser has to..." Bellatrix put her hands on her hips and thought. Snape could almost see the wheels in her brain spinning as fast as they could to pump out her next horrid idea.

"PUT ON THEIR BIRTHDAY SUIT AND GO TO THE GRYFFINDOR CHRISTMAS PARTY AND DO THE ELECTRIC SLIDE ON A TABLE!" She screamed victoriously.

"Thats ridiculous," Snape said, shaking his head, "I wont."

"Look at that, everyone!" Bellatrix addressed the Death Eaters, "Snapey-Wapey's afraid of a little rhyming!"

"I'm not afraid, but dancing on a table naked in front of a bunch of Gryffindors isn't my idea of fun. And how did you know that they were having a Christmas party?" he asked Bellatrix.

"Well, we have to know these things in case a situation like this comes up," Bellatrix said matter-of-factly. "So are you rapping or not?"

"Not!" Snape said indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Deejay!" Bellatrix bellowed. "Hit me with a beat!"

A hip hop drums and bass line started to play, and Bellatrix menacingly walked toward Snape, like a cheetah stalked its prey. [Whats up with these animal-Bellatrix comparisons?

"I said no!" Snape protested, but a second later, Bellatrix had started rapping.

"I'm the Dark Lords number one,
Hell yeah, you know it son!
Dont need a knife and I don't need a gun,
I'll AK yo ass, and I'll have fun,
Yeah, I'm mean,
I scare kiddies on Halloween,
Your mom was a Mandrake,
Yo daddy a Grindylow,
But you just a FAKE,
With a big ass nose.
Word."

The Death Eaters screamed with delight, stomping their feet, clapping their hands, and saying, 'Dayy-uuumm' or 'Oh Snap!' and 'Merlins pants!'.

Snape was thoroughly upset. The Mandrake comment started to gnaw at his nerves, but the nose part was too much for him to handle.

"Okay, Bellatripped-up, I accept your terms, and now its 'Officially On.' "

The Death Eaters gasped and oohed while the deejay put on another track.

Snape had always liked poetry. Now was the time to use what he knew.

"You think you're the Dark Lords most loyal slave,
Well, NEWSFLASH! You ain't nothing but a bloody knave.
The Dark Lord keeps you around because you're easy in the sack,
And you be doin' other Death Eaters behind your husband's back."

At this comment, Rodolphus Lestrange stood up with an angry roar while Bellatrix seethed with anger.

"You do not know anything about me!" She hissed, shooting a worried glance at her drunken husband, who was now screaming about how 'if any of these wankers tried to get with my wife, I'll Avada Kedavra their arse!'

"Really, Bellatrix?" Snape said with a smirk. "Au contraire." And, with that, Snape burst into a rhyming frenzy, sending all of the guests at the party into complete and utter madness as they stamped their feet and whistled. Severus Snape had clearly won this battle.

"To the Gryffindor party!" Lucius bellowed.

Snape didn't particularly want to go to the Gryffindor party, or see Bellatrix without any clothes on. However, the rest of the Death Eaters did, even though they'd all seen it before. Because Bellatrix is a ho. A big, big ho. Snape's arm was grasped by a Death Eater apparating away. A second later, Snape was at the Gryffindor Christmas party.

Surveying the scene, he saw Harry and Ginny making out, Ron and Hermione awkwardly staring at each other, and Dumbledore without any pants on. Yikes.

"Snnnnippittysnape!" Hagrid drawled. "Why are you here?"

"Not because I chose to, that's for sure," Snape grumbled.

"Snape!" Harry popped up out of nowhere, causing Snape to jump. "Why are all these Death Eaters here?"

"Bellatrix has to hold up her end of the bargain," Snape sniffed.

"Whaa?" Harry turned around and saw Bellatrix regretfully getting on top of a table and start to remove her clothing. The Gryffindors were all too trashed to realize what was going on, and none attempted to stun the enemy.

"You Death Eaters are all whores," Harry scoffed.

"300 points from Gryffindor," Snape snapped.

"What the hell?!" Harry yelled. "It's the holidays!"

"I dont give a damn. 20 more points." Snape snorted.

"Fuck your mother," Harry said angrily, stalking away.

"Thats another twenty million, Potter!" Snape called after him, and shook his head as he watched remove her final article of clothing. The pantsless Dumbledore cheered, obviously unaware of the situation.

Not wanting to see any more of this tomfoolery, Snape apparated back to his hovel, wishing he had never attended the Malfoy Winter Wonderland Fiesta.

[[A/N--- My friend wrote Snape's little rap. I wrote the Bellatrix rap and the rest of the story. Don't exept any updates any time soon. I Actually wrote this chapter in September and put it on my quzilla account, but I haven't had time to put it up here. School is CRAZY, so I won't be writing for a while. I'm moving on to band fics, so when I do write it might not be Harry Potter related. I don't know. Thanks for reading guys, I love you 3 R/R because you loovveee me. p.s. check out my quizilla. w w w . q u i z i l l a . c o m / u s e r s / p u r p l e m u f f i n