Yes! My first update! Woot! (I'm a newbie at this, can you tell?)
To Luna-Lunak and Jimmy Cricket: Thank you so much for reviewing! It was the first reviews I've ever gotten. You totally made my day. Rock on! I really don't know how the Twins got in. Maybe they just had some false mustaches. This fic doesn't have a lot of background. And the Slytherins liked the vase because…uh…well….'cause it was a horcrux. Yes. There's your answer.
Also, does anyone read Artemis Fowl? Did anyone catch the reference in the first chapter?
Um, anyway…
I don't own the Harry Potter series. Let's just accept that depressing fact and move on, okay, Warner Bros./J.K. Rowling? Of course I don't. The entire world would know if did. Mwa ha ha. Ha.
On with the show! (Story, fic, same difference.)
Oct. 25, Saturday
6:25 pm
I am writing very quickly, as our time is ticking and we need a running diary-expedition journal of the events. Fred is currently installing a remote activated Swamp In A Box, to be remotely activated. With glee, of course. The bad thing is that mud does not shatter expensive three-dimensional works of art. Shame. Next thing we're making, if we survive, is a remote activated Sheer Cliff In A Box. Or quite possibly Meteorite Shower In A Box.
Destructive boxes aside, Fred is done, and he retreats to our hide-out with our audio recorder. And now we shall wait. Best of luck for the debut of our mission. Most likely, if we had something to drink, we'd toast our current success, but seeing as our supply of pumpkin juice is contaminated by arsenic, we will merely high five each other and say "Cheers!" very quietly.
This is George, signing off.
This is George, signing back in, because Fred was attempting to draw a picture of "Fox Stalker" and waste our precious paper. The diary-expedition journal will remain in my hands for the rest of the pranking session.
Ahem. Yes, the pen too.
This is George signing off. Again.
Oct. 25, Saturday
7:28 pm
Mission "Swamp Up" success. Minor draw back of mud actually protecting pottery. Note to self: adjust solidity of Swamp. However, it equals out, because the new heron (recently added), pooped repeatedly on the one-of-a-kind, imported unicorn silk tapestry, the only complete record of Salazar Slytherin's life. Shame. Not even Tide could get those stains out. Now Slytherin is sealing the Chamber of Poop. Somehow, that's even more frightening.
And because Malfoy was too busy running from a boa constrictor, Fred had a chance to install another Swamp in his room. This'll be interesting because we've never had a life size alligator in a box before. In a way, this expedition is like our experiments. Malfoy is our guinea pig. Well, technically ferret.
Now my partner returns,
This is George, signing off.
Oct. 25, Saturday
10:15 pm
Audio recording
Click. Shuffling noise in background.
Fred: Gary and I lie in wait, much like the genetically altered gator, for Malfoy to return to his room. Apparently he stays up very late. No wonder he's so pale.
George: I dunno, Frank. He's nowhere. Maybe the boa did eat him.
Fred: It's no use getting our hopes up. He's probably off bowling in the Room of Requirement.
George: Shame. I bet he's enjoying himself.
Fred: Well, life can't always be perfect.
Silence follows, then a door closes somewhere down a hallway and footsteps near the recorder.
George: whispering Here he comes. It's ready, right?
Fred: whispering Of course. What else have we been doing for the past three hours?
George: Fine! No need to use a tone with me, Mister!
Fred: I - There he goes! Get the remote!
George: Got it! Ready Fred?
Fred: Ready George.
Fred/George: 5…4…3…2…
Pause
Fred/George: 1 ¾…1 ½………0!
Muffled boom, then a scratching noise. High-pitched scream, and running footsteps.
Fred: Wow, look at that gator go! She's really ticked!
George: Great seats. Right behind the portrait. The cut out holes to look through are especially handy.
Fred: Why thank you. Pass the popcorn.
George: Here you are, Frank.
Slight pause that suggests Fred is giving George a very dirty and upset look.
Fred: It's "Fox Stalker"!
Click.